Zero Punctuation: Final Fantasy XIII

[Gladi]

I also find JRPGs to be cheesy and cocky. Nice review ,same opinion about the game

 

[Gustertote]

he's so right, with regards to linearity and such. It just felt like going down endless coridoors designed by Laurence Llewelyn Bowen.

 

[Henriksen]

The best thing about this review is reading all the whining from the fanboys on here. I hope he does a mailbag showdown for this one too.

 

[Zepren]

Couldn't care less about final fantasy, nice to see it get a good ripping.

I was hoping for Pokemon HeartGold/SoulSilver. So far when I've really wanted you to say nice things about a game, the 2 i've hoped for, one you bent over for (saints row 2, yay) and the other you hated (Red faction.

So maybe, it being the third one i've really wanted you to review and be nice about, you'll be praise it and then i can throw your review at my mates who think i'm a kid for being nostalgic and buying it?

Go on, for me. I have an "I'm an assassin hoodie". Don't you just love that i'm actually contributing to your pocket unlike these sponges on here lol.

Pretty please.

Love

Zepren

Ps. I'm not a fanboy, just a general fan

 

[Atomic Skull]

FFXI didn't have the same plot, it was an MMO it didn't *have* a plot.

 

[UnSeEn60]

Erm...seems pretty clear to me that if you only play the first 5 hours of a 50+ hour game, it is A) not going to make much sense story-wise and B) not going to introduce the finer points of combat/gameplay/etc.

I always take Yahtzee's reviews with a grain of salt - ie. I don't believe they have any significance other than a good laugh. BUT, must say that for this review, he was lazy. Then again, I didn't expect him to like it anyway - I'm beginning to wonder if he has ADD, aka, the attention span of a goldfish.

 

[Wounded Melody]

No comment on the Australian accents? XD

 

[tomvw]

You know, I was enjoying FF13, untill my favorite character shot himself... I didn't take it as a good sign.

 

[SirPumpkinLongshanks]

Erm...seems pretty clear to me that if you only play the first 5 hours of a 50+ hour game, it is A) not going to make much sense story-wise and B) not going to introduce the finer points of combat/gameplay/etc.

I always take Yahtzee's reviews with a grain of salt - ie. I don't believe they have any significance other than a good laugh. BUT, must say that for this review, he was lazy. Then again, I didn't expect him to like it anyway - I'm beginning to wonder if he has ADD, aka, the attention span of a goldfish.

As it's been said many times before, if there's nothing compelling within the first few hours it's not worthy playing.

Take a look at old JRPGs on the SNES. Chrono Trigger had some interesting twists right at the start and the battle system was nice and brisk for a turn based affair. Yes, it got more complex as the game wore on, but the basic system was enjoyable even when your only option was "Attack."

If it takes 20 hours for a game to get good then it has taken a huge step back from its predecessors, flash be damned. A step back from the 16-bit era on our modern consoles isn't worth my time or money and a review of the first five hours is all I need because I wouldn't make it any further than that in a game like this.

 

[Ardna Xela]

I watched this one with mixed feelings. On the one hand I knew that Yahtzee was completely gonna destroy the game and I was looking forward to a funny negative review, but on the other hand my inner fangirl screamed "NOOOOOO! The game may have some flaws but it's still awesome! SHADDUPIH8UALL!"

Hah, I still enjoyed the video nonetheless.

 

[sumguitardude]

if it`S one thing i got to say about this game, is that it`s fucking HARD!
right now im at a point where i can`t get through becouse all the fucking monsters are so powerful even a glare form them kills me right away.
So im stuck trying to level up my characters witch also takes a shit load of time!

Aside from that the game is deff better then fucking FF12, the biggist shit in the series.
And i have enjoyed it so far^_^
btw great review Yahtzee, im sorry u didn`t like the game^_^

ps CHEERS EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[maninahat]

That wasn't even a review. If he was a hooker he didn't even get to bend over. Hey let's play 5 hours of a story based game and rag on it. If a book critic was told to review a book and quite 20 pages in and wrote a review they'd be fired.

Not true. You know what a publisher does when he is given a brand new manuscript? He reads only the first ten pages. He will not touch that manuscript if the first 10 pages fail to sell the book. If those 10 pages are good, he will only then read through the rest of it. Professionals don't have to commit time to something which has already clearly failed to impress them. If something doesn't create a good first impression with them, it is unlikely to create a good first impression on the reader. And a reader has no obligation to finish anything.

There's a big difference between reviewers and publishers.

Not all that different. A publisher's opinion on a manuscript could result in a massive financial gain or loss. Because of this, they really have to have to know what is good, what is bad, what people like, and what people are willing to read. Their opinion is extremely important in this respect.

A publisher models their tastes on what the public seem to enjoy - they aim to like what you like and dislike what you dislike. It is their preferances which dictate what you will end up reading - which is sort of what a good critic does: their opinion is valuable enough to decide whether someone will buy this new book.

 

[Theron Julius]

Meh... this is a pretty unfair review. He really should have waited a bit longer and reviewed it after getting to the open world part. I usually am not bothered by his reviews, but this one is a little bit too much. I admit the first 5-10 hours aren't all too great. It wasn't until the minute I tore off the shackles of linear corridors and went into the wide open world did the game get really fun.

 

[Lord Krunk]

As much as I hate to say it... I actually agree with him. Spectacle over Fun from 7 onwards? Unlikable archetypal characters? Yeah, I can see that.

Although I loved FFVIII, and if it's of a similar vein to why Yahtzee hated then I'm gonna love 13 too. We'll see, anyway.

 

[adafuns]

FF7 was a great game, my favorite game in the series in fact, but despite it being my favorite it started the decline of the series. FF7 was the first to weave cut scenes into its story and this is what it was known for, and because of that someone at square had the brilliant idea to make FF8 a shallow piece of shit with some amazing action scenes thrown in as if they hired Micheal bay to make the game.

FF9 redeemed itself I'm my opinion but I don't know what happened, if it was the main final fantasy creator leaving square or did square fired all of their writers, because FFx, while still a great game nonetheless had some of the worst dialogue and voice acting Ive ever seen. I'll play FF13, mostly because I'm admiringly a bit of a fan boy, but I'm starting to dislike square enix and I hope FF14, or maybe versus13 is good.

Ohh and ppl who are saying that you cant get a good review of a long game with just playing 5 hours of it, you have a bit of a point. The game for all I know is awesome later on, but really in making any kind of story you NEED a good beginning. A hook to catch your interest. I haven't played FF13 yet so I cant judge but if its true that it is boring then yes, it is a fault, and a big one at that from a story telling point of view.

 

[yanipheonu]

Y'know what. There have been 13 Final Fantasies, and many are favourites of many people. We complain about linearity and all this crap, but really, people are still buying it, and for every guy whining, there are more who love it.

I doubt Square will ever be able to fully satsify the fans. There will always be people wishing it was more like 7 or 6 or 10. But it won't. And people will complain, meanwhile many people will love the game. People complained about 10 and 12 when it came out, and people will continue to complain about FF 15 and on.

But personally, everyone I've talked to outside the internet has loved it. Any reviewer I respect has rated it highly. People will love FF13, despite what anyone says. Square will do it's own thing, and won't cater completely to the fans.

Yahtzee should know why that is.

 

[Rayansaki]

I can't say anything about Fang because I haven't acquired her yet. Sorry for the extremely long post, but I felt like I had to say this and even though I know most of the people who are viewing this thread are here to make fun of EVERY aspect of this game, I just wanted to get my two cents in.

If you haven't reached the point where you get Fang you don't even know 10% of the character's motivations and progression curve (some of them are significantly different towards the end), so what you wrote is completely inaccurate.

I'm only writing what I know as a first impression. If I was someone who had never played FF before or was skeptical about it, the characters alone in the first few hours would completely turn me off, and that's what matters the most.

I had never played Final Fantasy before and wasn't turned off by them, with the tiny exception of Sazh. Actually, I liked Lightning and Vanille both from the first second, and although Hope is unlikeable in the beginning, he actually makes a huge turn.

I certainly like FFXIII more than most western RPG's from the last few years like ME1/2, DA:O, etc. with the exception of Fallout 3.

 

[jefelopolis]

It's not like I hate this game. In fact I actually found the story engaging and the characters somewhat developed after about 30 hours. But then again, I'm a fan boy. I'm totally biased.

Yahtzee made me laugh because even though this game was a JRPG and he would totally hate on it, he still managed to find the parts that I also hated. I think he did a good job at finding the major flaws in this game. That's what a critic does. Loved the spice bit.

 

[Dr_Steve_Brule]

Meh... this is a pretty unfair review. He really should have waited a bit longer and reviewed it after getting to the open world part. I usually am not bothered by his reviews, but this one is a little bit too much. I admit the first 5-10 hours aren't all too great. It wasn't until the minute I tore off the shackles of linear corridors and went into the wide open world did the game get really fun.

The first 5-10 HOURS?
God dammit man, how can you grind through that shit?
If a game isn't good for 1 hour, I can forgive.
3 hours, If it looks nice.
BUT 10 FUCKING HOURS? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? There is no WAY in the world I would sit in my living room and force myself to play a shitty game for 10 hours.

 

[Rayansaki]

Meh... this is a pretty unfair review. He really should have waited a bit longer and reviewed it after getting to the open world part. I usually am not bothered by his reviews, but this one is a little bit too much. I admit the first 5-10 hours aren't all too great. It wasn't until the minute I tore off the shackles of linear corridors and went into the wide open world did the game get really fun.

The first 5-10 HOURS?
God dammit man, how can you grind through that shit?
If a game isn't good for 1 hour, I can forgive.
3 hours, If it looks nice.
BUT 10 FUCKING HOURS? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? There is no WAY in the world I would sit in my living room and force myself to play a shitty game for 10 hours.

Just because it isn't as good as after those 10 hours, doesn't mean it is bad. It's just average, and it gets better and better every hour you go in, as new gameplay mechanics are unlocked. DA:O certainly took a longer game time for me to get interested in it.