Zero Punctuation: Final Fantasy XIII

[WhiteTiger225]

I only liked Crystal Chronicles and X-2.

I hated CC only because its like they were trying to use the MUCH better Secret of Mana system to try and con us mana fans into playing the FF series (And the fact it had a game ending glitch... which I got...)

BTW., you have some hot second lips that you play instruments with

 

[Baron_BJ]

If I were Yahtzee and I could only tolerate 5 hours of the game then I'd have chosen not to review it, however the Escapist pays him to review and play them so he doesn't really have much of a choice.

Though regardless of the message of the review I'll say that at least Yahtzee was honest when he said that he had only played the game for 5 hours, if I were in his shoes I'd have lied through my teeth and claimed I'd played for at least 20 hours, it would appear as though I attempted to tolerate more.

Regardless, I bought my copy of FF-XIII a bit over a week ago along with BFBC2 (BFBC2 is like MW if it was shit) and DA:O, and having played DA:O every hour since then you can understand why I've not touched it yet, almost 200 hours logged, all the DLC purchased and I'm still loving the game just as much as ever! Though the more I looked at FF-XIII the less keen I was on my purchase, it seems so daunting, especially since the few JRPG's I've dealt with so far have been quite shit (especially that dreadful DMC4). Yahtzee has to keep people entertained with laughs whilst critiquing a game, so he obviously takes the piss out of it more than necessary, meaning that one needs to take anything he says with a grain of salt. Therefor since I already have the game I'll be wading into it very soon, but not before I finish LOVING DA:O (Yeah, I'm late to the DA:O party, but shit it's awesome!).

I'd also like to congratulate this particular review for having the most responses in ZP history and needless to say the highest first day response rate of any ZP video as well.

 

[DylanGoat]

I,m surprised at you Yahtzee playing a Final fantasy game and a new one at that. well hope you never have to play a game lake it again its not worth 10 minutes let alone the 60 hours that it takes to beat.

 

[Choppaduel]

mother of god..... (see Super Troopers)

thanks once again Yachtzee for only being charitable when its due. (13th time's not the charm)

I salute you.

 

[Syllvenwood]

i love how all the "bad" points in this end up being "good" points in other games simply because the person likes that genre. Like how he talked about the graphics, lets look at GoW3, Massive epic looking stuff...wait no you just run along this path and mash the x button basically, then it pulls back and you see this wait no its another path more skeletons mash the x button. But this is gods gift to creation. Now FF does it and it stinks its rotten and shouldn't be in games, if you wanna talk about consistency then apply things to a game equally.
I think the linear focus of the game was awesome it provided a clear path through the story which is the point of an rpg and the story was decently done in my opinion but it wasn't spelled out for you like a Dr Seuss book and i liked that, you got to see an event from 3 different perspectives and got to see how they reacted to a similar event and were all changed in different ways, its the 1st time i have actually seen real character growth in a FF fantasy, was it perfect, NO, was it good, yes. I like Yahtzee he is funny but he is NOT a video game reviewer he is a critic and there is a distinct difference.
I have been playing the game for going on 30 hours now and i thought myself that the story got good about 2 hours in when............and each character interpreted the event differently and set about trying to either fulfill or find meaning from it in their own way.

 

[Eleo]

The only two things that bum me about this game are the inability to micromanage all party members and the linearity of the areas. Other than that it's a great game. The battle system in particular is addictive and strategic.

 

[SturmDolch]

Well that was a return to form after the pretty lame Bad Company 2 review. Maybe that was also because of the bar thing or whatever.

Yeah, I have to say, this is exactly why I could care less about JRPGs and Final Fantasy. I may sound like a Yahtzee-dog, that does whatever my glorious master Yahtzee tells me to do as he drags me along on my chain, but I'm really not. I do find him funny, though, and like in this review, he makes good points.

Thanks for not only putting what I was thinking into words where I was too lazy to, but also reaffirming my assumptions about JRPGs without having actually played many of them.

 

[emradrig]

I'm quite surprised that he (or you, depending on who is reading this) actually reviewed the game at all. I say bravo for even giving it a shot.

Even if Yahtzee knew from the very beginning that he would hate it thoroughly it's obvious that his negativity is what makes us all love him. He deliberately inflicted pain upon himself for our enjoyment.

Most of the people that hates final fantasy X-2, and claim that they have played final fantasy X-2 have actually never played X-2 because for some odd reason they see the game as being about dancing and singing because of the intro 5 minutes into the game.

I played X2 and didn't care for it.
In the final boss fight in FFX, anytime anyone died some weird creature shaped like the Yevon symbol would hover above the character and revive them. When a sequel was announced I thought that would be addressed, perhaps Yevon wasn't actually killed and the conspiracy was deeper than they knew. Nope. Nothing at all like that. Instead Yuna chases after the memory of a guy who kinda looked like Tidus.
What bothered me most was that they made Brother a creepy pervert who was obsessed with his cousin!

 

[Serge A. Storms]

I find myself in the camp that thinks a game should be fun 5 hours in regardless of genre. Ideally it's fun the entire time you play it, I remember that being the expectation for video games once upon a time.

 

[FallenJellyDoughnut]

Guys, seriously its a good game 10 HOURS INTO THE FUCKING THING! Stuff that, I'll just get some fanboy to complete the first half then I'll murder him and continue on from there. CHOCOBO GET!

 

[Shadowsole]

What bothered me most was that they made Brother a creepy pervert who was obsessed with his cousin!

Oh Dear god i Felt the same way



As For Me I love FFXIII And I Love this Review Though It Would have been better if he Could have played more oof the game first

 

[jakeshredz]

Yahtzee is spot on with this review, and five hours of this game is five more than it deserved.

I don't care how much you hate FF7 and it's legion of crazed OMGZ BEST GAME EVARRR fans, compared to this corridor crawl mess it may as well be. Hopelessly convoluted story, hideous, unlikeable characters (Vanille's and Fang's accents are like fingernails down a blackboard, some pseudo Australian/New Zealander concoction) and a combat system, while being the high point (not much competition admittedly), still finds a way to become mind numbing.

I honestly don't know how anyone could subject themselves to this game and come out pretending it wasn't repeated blunt force trauma to the testicals in the form of a JRPG.

 

[Cogzwell]

a review like this only comes once is a long while, the best and most staple review since SSBB

 

[daxterx2005]

I hope Yahtzee plays FFXIII Versus :V

Then we can hear more JRPG hatred

 

[signingupforgames]

This comment is so far back that no one will ever read it.


I think he hates the kooky chick. Just a feeling.

 

[Knight Templar]

Playing a final fantasy game for 5 hours and saying that you don't understand the story as yet is like watching the god father for 5 minutes and complaining about the story not making sense..literally.

Surely five hours is a bit long to keep players in the dark? You are arguing in FFIIX's favor with that point.

After about 2 hours into the game i understood the central element, "Pulse Fal'Cie are assholes that need to be destroyed." It's so funny that the average person that plays RPGS like this minds are so thick that they need everything to be spelled out for them.

I'd like to point out that everything you had after this was more-or-less unrelated to my point, next time put all the unrealted stuff above the quote. Unless all of what you said was directed at me, which is a diffrent issue.
Orientation should not take hours, you are clearly a fan, somebody who would pay attention, and it took you two hours to get the basics. That is a problem.

 

[Chunko]

Final Fantasy XIII

This week, Zero Punctuation reviews Final Fantasy XIII.

Be sure to join the Zero Punctuation Facebook Fan Page [http://www.facebook.com/pages/Zero-Punctuation/7546255825].

Watch Video

More like Banal Fantasy 13.

 

[xmido]

agree with yahtzee with this one, final fantasy now is all flash no substance

 

[HotPotatoXD]

I saw FF13 i thought "this is going to be a good episode"...i was right like always

 

[spacebug]

WOAH! Finally someone else who actually noticed the aweful camera work of Bourne Ultimatum. I don't know how, but most other people I know who saw the movie didn't even notice.

It made me wonder whether there was an experimental down-under version which I saw, and another version for the rest of the world which was actually good.