Zero Punctuation: Lightning Returns: Final Fantasy XIII

[KingdomFantasyXIII]

So it seems the Lightning Defense Force is already here. I swear it has to be guys from SE, no one can like this character (if you can even call her that anymore and not just "set piece"). Unsurprisingly, this game was horrible but it did make for one of the better ZP reviews in awhile. Can we please put Lightning and the rest of her broody band out to pasture now...and shoot them? Please?

apparently square likes lightning so much they are going to have her show up in every final fantasy now, as opposed to Gilgamesh who was my favorite character

Prepare yourself... it's only the beginning...

She and her aesthetics have appeared in no less than NINE games in the past FIVE years.

Actually, they don't do that with number titles. That right there was a crossover special with FF14 ARR and even then they had an explanation that tied back to the Lightning Returns. SHe's not going to be in FF number titles the same way that Cloud and Squall were never in XIII-2 or LR: FF13. What they are going to do is put her in spinoff games like Dissidia, Theaterythem. KH, Crystal Chronicles, Tactics, etc. The company stated that they do not put characters from other games into major console releases like FF15 onwards.

 

[MrHide-Patten]

Why did 13 get two sequels?? I just do not understand. Literally every title in the series was more worthy than that pile of crap.

Because Lightnings creator has a huge stiffy fo her, and I mean that in the most visceral way possible. His affection boarders on creepy fanboy levers.

 

[The Enquirer]

"The enemies were too hard so I gave up."

Good review.

To be fair his review before this one was Dark Souls, a game renowned for being head-smashing-into-wall difficult. I think the issue, from what I gathered from the critiques is that due to an in game time limit there is very little time to simply grind for levels, making some enemies game breakingly difficult to fight.

 

[sky14kemea]

heh, I'm surprised those posts are still up.

cause it's warn-able for criticizing the website in any way shape or form

So warn-able in fact they wait four days so your post is buried.


but yea, someone threatens the lives of users? nah, just suspend him.


I mean, it's not like that would be a threat or anything.

Constructive criticism of articles and content is allowed. However, simply saying it's awful without backing it up with facts or a way to improve it is not.

Again, if you have any problems with the way Moderation is handled on this site, you're welcome to use any of the methods listed in my previous post [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/6.843434-Zero-Punctuation-Lightning-Returns-Final-Fantasy-XIII?page=4#20763445].

 

[Trishbot]

Why did 13 get two sequels?? I just do not understand. Literally every title in the series was more worthy than that pile of crap.

Because Lightnings creator has a huge stiffy fo her, and I mean that in the most visceral way possible. His affection boarders on creepy fanboy levers.

You are the second person to tell me this, I thought the first guy was just joking! She is so bland and emotionless, granted I only have the first 2 discs of 13 to base that on as going beyond that point qualified to me as a form of self harm. Although all the main leads in final fantasy tend to be brooding stone faces. Except Tidus but I don't want to go down that road. Zidane all the way wool

Sadly, we're dead serious. Just watch this and try not to cringe:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cj66f6Pvyuk

He's made such absurd statements as "she is the FIRST strong female protagonist in a Final Fantasy game", and "she is the face of Final Fantasy and an icon of Japanese game development", and "she is the most powerful being in the Final Fantasy series", and "she is extremely popular, even among other Final Fantasy characters", and "we knew we HAD to make more Lightning games because she deserved more than just one game".

Hell, this guy printed off a giant huge poster of Lightning and hung it over the office with the phrase "she must not be forgotten" and claimed, quote, "it's like she's there supporting us".

Just... yeah. This guy is on the Final Fantasy Quality Assurance Team. Somehow.

 

[Sticky]

Why did 13 get two sequels?? I just do not understand. Literally every title in the series was more worthy than that pile of crap.

Because Lightnings creator has a huge stiffy fo her, and I mean that in the most visceral way possible. His affection boarders on creepy fanboy levers.

You are the second person to tell me this, I thought the first guy was just joking! She is so bland and emotionless, granted I only have the first 2 discs of 13 to base that on as going beyond that point qualified to me as a form of self harm. Although all the main leads in final fantasy tend to be brooding stone faces. Except Tidus but I don't want to go down that road. Zidane all the way wool

Try to track down the Toriyama interviews around the time Lightning Returns was announced(EDIT: Beaten to it, look above). I can't seem to find it right now.

Those interviews were surreal. The man has SHRINES to Lightning surrounding his desk. He has a picture of Lightning over his monitor that he claims to gaze at to calm his thoughts. He genuinely believes Lightning is the strongest FF heroine made to date.

 

[Epidemic Magick]

I still can't wrap my head around the fact that FF is still going and that there are people actually liking it. The only 3D game in the series that had at least some semblance of a story and some decent characters was FF9. It was by no means perfect, but at least it had a story that wasn't made out of plotholes and vague philosophical ramblings and didn't have to add zeroes in it's combat numbers to seem more impressive.

I simply don't see a single thing worth of a person's time and money in these games, especially from FFX onwards...

 

[mike1921]

Wow, Square-Enix really dropped the ball on this one: they could have named the game, "Lightning Strikes Twice" and it would have been a way cooler way to title a sequel.

[Basically the combat system revolves around an excuse to dress your characters in more and more skimpy undergarments.]

SOLD! I'll go out and buy a Playstation 4 immediately just to play this ga- oh, what? The Playstation 4 isn't reverse compatible? Well, I don't feel comfortable buying a Playstation 3 knowing it's already obsolete. Nevermind, then.

That sounds like an odd viewpoint to take. The playstation 3 is cheaper than ever, and games will still be coming out for it for a few years. Who cares if it's technologically inferior if overall its a superior product and will remain as such for along time?

 

[Thanatos2k]

The thing that strikes me the most about Lightning Returns is that it's a story-driven game in a story-driven series with zero emotional attachment to any of the characters.

If the game hadn't flat-out told me that Lightning had lost her emotions and instead buried that factoid inside of the nested menus the game loves so much, then I would have never known, ever. She doesn't behave any differently, at all. I find it appalling that something that should be so central to a character, something that should define every interaction they have with a world to be so nonexistent for a character who was supposed to be the focal point of the series. The entire story just falls apart because we're supposed to sympathize with Lightning and her attempt to get back those oh-so-valuable emotions of hers, except it's clear that she never really used them anyway.

I find it hilarious that they tried to justify Lightning's nonexistent character as part of the plot of the third game. What's her excuse in FF13 and FF13-2 I wonder?

Why did 13 get two sequels?? I just do not understand. Literally every title in the series was more worthy than that pile of crap.

Because Lightnings creator has a huge stiffy fo her, and I mean that in the most visceral way possible. His affection boarders on creepy fanboy levers.

You are the second person to tell me this, I thought the first guy was just joking! She is so bland and emotionless, granted I only have the first 2 discs of 13 to base that on as going beyond that point qualified to me as a form of self harm. Although all the main leads in final fantasy tend to be brooding stone faces. Except Tidus but I don't want to go down that road. Zidane all the way wool

It's not a joke, it's seriously pathetic.

http://www.dualshockers.com/2013/07/27/more-information-on-lightnings-boob-job-in-lightning-returns-ffxiii-emerge-yes-theyll-jiggle/

These people are making games at Square Enix. Unbelievable.

 

[Aiddon_v1legacy]

What . . . the . . . . fuck . . .

That guy is insane. Someone needs to tell him that the western world thinks Lightning sucks. And to say she is an icon of Japanese gaming? I'm not Japanese so I don't know for sure but I really really doubt it. Tifa was way better and I could name a few more!

Typical ramblings of your run-of-the-mill hack. The guy could probably qualify for Japan's answer to idiots like David Cage, David Cox, and Antoniades. All them of being wannabe auteurs who think they're revolutionaries in story-telling but aren't really doing anything that hasn't been done before and BETTER. What's really funny is that it seems that all the designers going on about the story-telling are the least qualified to talk about it. Heck, the best stories seem to come from guys who treat it like their job instead of some pet project (like Yasumi Matsuno)

 

[Vivi22]

Why did 13 get two sequels?? I just do not understand. Literally every title in the series was more worthy than that pile of crap.

The answer is actually quite simple. They spent an ungodly number of years and who knows how much money building the engine and assets that went into making FFXIII. So to make as much of that money back as possible they just kept reusing everything they could in FFXIII sequels, rather than at least making a cursory attempt to make a new game using some of that stuff.

But I agree with you; that game did not deserve two sequels. FFXIII is, quite literally, one of the worst RPG's I've ever played and has almost no redeeming qualities. Certainly none of any significance.

 

[Ryan Hughes]

Well, firstly there's a list of Moderators and Community Managers in the Code of Conduct [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/codeofconduct]. It's right at the bottom, so just scroll down. Each username in that list also links directly to that Moderator or Managers profile, which has a "Send Message" option on already.

There is also a Moderation Team [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/groups/view/Moderation-Team] user group that is Open To All, which means you do not need prior permission to join. This allows you to join straight away in order to post about a problem with Moderation that you've encountered.

Alternatively, there is the Contact [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/contact/] form that's available directly on the front page that sends an Email directly to the Escapist Staff. On this form there is a drop down menu for the Subject. The options you could use for this situation would be: Forum Posting/Moderation Issues. Which I believe is the 4th option from the top.

Well, just checked again, and he was fully banned, so I guess that more or less settles things. I am not angry, and it is really not in my character to be melodramatic, but I think you will agree that this is certainly for the best, as many people could be much more sensitive than me.

Anyway, thanks for pointing me in the right direction. Now I know in case something like this happens again.

 

[ExtraDebit]

There's so many other franchise square holds that they can fucked up, but they choose to fucked up FF year after year. Let's see some Crono Trigger/cross, Tobal, parasite eve, bushido blade and front mission for a change..........oh wait, they did fucked up front mission, ok 2 down 20 more to go.

 

[Atmos Duality]

You really shouldn't bother with this guy, like at all. He is blatantly not here for proper discussion, if he's not trolling, he's legitimately not worth wasting the words on.

I think he's a repeat offender, actually. His mannerism is identical to another charming bloke who did the same thing back in early January. He even has the same modus operandi: flaming others in a Final Fantasy 13 topic.
(sent private death threat IMs and everything; myself included).

OT: It's Final Fantasy 13. Ludo-narrative dissonance and plot holes are standard fare.
But even among bad FF games, this is what you get when you let the director base the game on his Waifu Mary Sue (no, I am not joking. Toriyama is in love with his creation).

Hey it's not the first time Toriyama ruined a great name of a franchise that isn't final fantasy...

http://pspmedia.ign.com/psp/image/object/143/14353960/front_mission_evolved_pc_t.jpg

Toriyama penned the story for a great game that was great by itself. But he ruined it with his horrible storywriting.

I almost forgot Toriyama was responsible for the writing in that shitstain of a game...
WIZARD!! NOOOOO!!!
And the sad thing, is that I could tell that Front Mission Evolved was trying SO DAMNED HARD to be a 3D modern version of Front Mission: Gun Hazard. Pity it wasn't all that good, because that's not a bad game to ape.

 

[geldonyetich]

[That sounds like an odd viewpoint to take. The playstation 3 is cheaper than ever, and games will still be coming out for it for a few years. Who cares if it's technologically inferior if overall its a superior product and will remain as such for along time?

Personally, I think it's an odd viewpoint that a product has a long lifetime ahead of it when its parent company has released what is intended to be a straight up replacement to it.

 

[siveon]

Lame? Got it. Somebody call me when they make another Final Fantasy Tactics that's not on the freaking iOS.

In the mean-time, I got Bravely Default and a good load of backlog to cover.

 

[KingdomFantasyXIII]

I still can't wrap my head around the fact that FF is still going and that there are people actually liking it. The only 3D game in the series that had at least some semblance of a story and some decent characters was FF9. It was by no means perfect, but at least it had a story that wasn't made out of plotholes and vague philosophical ramblings and didn't have to add zeroes in it's combat numbers to seem more impressive.

I simply don't see a single thing worth of a person's time and money in these games, especially from FFX onwards...

Apperenly Bioware thinks otherwise. Check this out:
http://www.biowarestore.com/ladies-n7-armour-stripe-angl-hoody.html

Look who won as runner up in the little "N7 ladies sweatshirt" contest. An Asian chick who is wearing nothing but the N7 sweatshirt and a Lightning Farron wig. Even the good companies see that Lightning = Good promotion. =P

 

[blackrave]

Was Lightning THAT popular that we needed sequel?

 

[KingdomFantasyXIII]

Was Lightning THAT popular that we needed sequel?

Oh yes she was. If you have seen polls from Japan, she's always in the top 3. Hell, even Bioware sees her as an opportunity to promote their products:
http://www.biowarestore.com/ladies-n7-armour-stripe-angl-hoody.html

 

[arkblazer]

Why the fuck does yahtzee always reviews the shittiest JRPG's around, when we all know what he thinks of them? So he can validate his narrow-minded position? he should review good JRPG's like Xenoblade, or the latest fire emblem on the 3DS.

Or better yet, why the fuck has he not bothered with the banner saga, yet?