in after you stopped giving a rats ass.Deletemyhappyass said:So many people defending lazy reviewing with straw-man accusations and little to no basic sense.
Reminds me of why I usually don't post in places like this. Well, whatever, someone's going to take this as an assurance of their overwhelmingly large e-peen, or flag me for moderation because I didn't give them the time or dignity necessary to bother explaining to them that they have the attention span of a gnat on PCP. The game runs its' ecology on basic, logical standards. That means no magic spells, no whipping a sword the size of a car about like a baton, and it taking more than two minutes to take down anything larger than a bus without enough firepower to level a small mountain.
I've made my account, posted my message, and if someone out there watches the videos and realizes that there's more to games than having abilities and kills handed to you on a silver platter, then I've accomplished what I set out to do. As is, I got quoted by someone whose sole complaint was one of the most common ones I've heard from anyone who finds games the likes of Halo and God of War to be the epitome of gaming: 'Durp hur why I not swing big weapon with one hand like twig?' It's a complaint that ranks right up there with 'Why can't I see the enemy's health' and 'why can't I lock on' in the 'absolutely fucking retarded' pantheon of questions and statements. Y'know, the one that includes 'How I shot web' and 'Well, the barcode isn't scanning, guess it's free'. (And for the record, when you're fighting something the size of a small house, a weapon that you can swing around fast usually isn't a good idea, what with the whole 'not worth shit' kind of way. There is the Sword and Shield class of weapons, which are relatively fast, but I guess if you can't hit more than twelve times in the time it takes to press the button twice, it's clearly not the right weapon for you. Might I suggest a game more your speed, like Sonic the Hedgehog? Press right, occasionally hit A? Oh, that's right, that sucks too, because it's not like the original, unless it is like the original, in which it sucks because it's not different from the original.
Although I do find it absolutely hilarious that Yahtzee reviewed this, a game about people who are almost word for word the 'manly' type of character he posits in the Extra Punctuation that half of you don't bother to read because it's more than ten sentences long.
I weep for the future of games, in between realization that not everyone is absolutely witless.
Whomsoever moderator unlucky to receive the task of reading this post after someone gets severely butthurt over the presumed accusation that they have the intelligence of a ten-year-old wedge of unprocessed cheese, don't bother putting forth the effort of a mere probation of my account. I don't plan on posting again after this, so just suspend the account for both our sakes. I'd rather not get any more stupid on me than absolutely necessary, and I swear I hear my brain cells writing suicide pacts as I type this. If I wanted to argue with someone who has no intention of using basic common sense, I'd either go to 4chan or put a hat on a fence post and start pounding my head on it.
Actually, fuck that, I'm going to just go cancel it if possible. G'night, peeps. I hope that some of you realize how stupid you are to bother trying to argue the point, but hey, this is the internet. Everyone's just gonna tl;dr the post anyway.
tl;dr DICK JOKE.
inb4someone replies to this and honestly believes I give a rat's ass.
I fail to see how the review is lazy, he did not complain about the combat, ecology, or not having any sort of magic. He complained about how the game was structured, how the item collection was annoying, how you had to be careful of how you upgraded (as I personally missed out on the hammer I wanted because I upgraded something else) and if you're going to do a LONG rant on how bored or annoyed you are, and insult the Escapist, please create your own froum/comment box, so that we don't have to put up with it here.