Zero Punctuation: Painkiller

[Xaositect]

Wow, Ill admit I was a little sceptical about a review reaching back a few years (despite the very good reasoning of the approaching gaming drought), but this review did great on two accounts. It delivered the same good jokes I watch ZP for (eg. only better with tits and on fire) and it also inspired that foaming-at-the-mouth desire for carnage I usually only get with RTS games, but this time to go back and play a mindless FPS killfest. (like, I dunno, maybe painkiller?). Instead of wanting to see two armies crush eachother under waves of weapons fire and explosions, I wanted to crush an army with a gun that fires shurikens and lightning. Curious.

*cough*wahay man utd champions*cough*

 

[Leo Sasquatch]

Hopefully they've sorted out the truly egregious bug in Painkiller that meant you couldn't leave the docks area as the exit button wasn't present on the level. I bought the commercial Gold version, played it through to the docks, and got completely stuck. I wandered around for an hour trying to find the way out before going online for a walkthrough to find the only solution was to download a 330MB patch to go from v1.6 to v1.64. On dialup, this took a while...

The rest of it was pretty decent, but after a while I just had to go play Galaxians or something to remind me that video games did once have actual colours in them aside from thirty seven shades of brown and grey.

 

[Muphin_Mann]

I also can't get it to run.

Since Escapist have decided to host their videos on their own site, which was already shockingly slow at loading even webpages, now that thousands of people are trying to access the Yahtzee video simultaneously it is causing massive slowdown on the site and it is not possible to see the Yahtzee video.

Why would they host a very popular video on an already slow site? It doesn't make sense.

Perhaps, good fellow, they dont have much of an alternative. I just wait until its been up for several hours, as you can see by my post being on like page five.

 

[Axel Ryman]

That was fantastic. I enjoyed the review and hope that he goes back to review older titles instead of giving in to the massive outcry of Mario Kart fans and other such popular games...

I dont think that Yatzee will review Mario Kart on wii. Why?

1st Because we will have the argument "Nintendo tends to wack their own franchise too much" (Nothing personnal just using deduction).

2nd Just watch the Brawl review and you will have something quite similar for Mario Kart...

3rd When there's a review about a game that fanboys cried about, after the review, we will see the "OMG YOU SUCK, THAT GAME IS SO GOOD YOU HAVE NO TALENT, bla bla bla" argument...oh wait I mean the idiotic ranting.

(Sorry if I made some grammar errors in this)

In other words, Team Retard will return.


I WANT A GUN THAT SHOOTS SHURIKEN AND LIGHTNING.

Time to find this game.

 

[Odjin]

Huh, and here I was looking forward to a "The World Ends With You" review.

You must be new here.

Not really. But your concern is touching.

I mean that.

Well... Yathzee reviewing TWEWY would be fun... I mean this game offers a couple of serious flaws as mentioned here ( http://www.moddb.com/forum/thread/so-the-world-ends-with-you-eh#481869 ) . Although he hates JRPG... that said... this game doesn't deserve the name RPG since it's more like a failed attempt at RP :O

 

[Cowabungaa]

I've played the demo and already loved it to bits. Really, spiking things against walls is just f*cking A when you just had a really really bad day at school, and this game is an anger-vent like no other. Now pass me the full version and my family will notice I start swearing a lot less.
By the way, on a side note, I wonder what Yathzee will do with Spore when it comes out (I can only imagine 1 thing: Giant Walking Communist Penises of DooOOOOoom, I mean c'mon it's Yathzee, woohoo).

 

[Johnmcl7]

Interesting choice of review especially if people go seek out Painkiller, I've always thought this was an underrated game. I really enjoyed the all out violence which all works smoothly and is quite satisfying.

The replay value is surprisingly good as well, obviously there's the initial challenge to get all the tarot cards but the difficulty levels aren't just that the bad guys get tougher...instead on the top difficulty level you no longer get your health back on checkpoints and you don't get souls either which forces a different style of gameplay. Rather than go straight into the mobs and cut them all up with the painkiller as you can on lower difficulties you need a somewhat more strategic approach and good use of the Tarot cards can really make a difference.

Have to say though I though the expansion pack wasn't that good, tried to complete it twice but just got bored of it...it all looks much the same but it just didn't seem to have the same flow which made the original so enjoyable.

John

 

[TuxedoZombie]

We get it Yahtzee! You like old-ish computer games... that doesn't mean you have to review them.

 

[ProjectileVomit]

Huh, and here I was looking forward to a "The World Ends With You" review.

Don't count on Yahtzee reviewing though. Didnt he said in one of the review that he hates J-RPGs?

 

[The Rogue Wolf]

We get it Yahtzee! You like old-ish computer games... that doesn't mean you have to review them.

That doesn't mean he can't, either.

 

[blacknar ragmane]

lol the closing song, priceless

 

[ElArabDeMagnifico]

i have to ask ElArabDeMagnifico: how do you know what Yahtzee likes/dislikes? I mean it just seems odd that you apparently know whats best for him and yet dont explain how you may know these things. Do you actually know him? or is this simply something that you are assuming/personally believe?
I mean he made a whole film on peoples criticisms so i cant see him hating that, and to have people who genuinely admire what he says and simply want to state that without the need to back it up, then why not? If someone says to me "what you did there was great" i wouldnt say "hmm i wish you deconstructed what was great about it". Also i was under the impression he is a critic/writer not an "artist".

p.s. dont take this as a slight against you, im simply stating my opinion, just as you stated yours.

www.fullyrambolamtic.com

All of that was pretty much from one entry, copy pasted, and then i added "don't do it because Yahtzee doesn't want you to" - how else do you get yahtzee fanboys to stop blabbering? Tell them Yahtzee says shut up!

 

[ElArabDeMagnifico]

I'm not going to lie, that was a good review. Made me laugh more than ususal. Also, I have been having some loading problems. Has the Escapist had an update or change?

As one of the first few to post in this thread, I would like to establish some "implied yet unwritten" rules/guidelines, because I'm not a mod and I don't expect everyone to follow these, but for the greater good of this thread, PLEASE follow them as best as you can! -and Remember, I am condemning out of love, not hate (sort of)

[li]NO ASS KISSING! Yahtzee hates it when people call flawed work flawless, so give the guy some criticism, it's the best thing an artist can get.
[/li]


[li]No flaming either! If you disagree with Yahtzee, say why, and then criticize him, preferably constructively.
[/li]

[li] NO ONE POST WONDERS! IF YOU ARE GOING TO REGISTER JUST TO SAY 'LOL YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD, GOOD JOB! BEST ONE YET! LOLOLOOLLOLOLOLOL OR ANYTHING OF THAT NATURE....DON'T! If you register, make your post worthwhile, because one post wonders have an opinion that is worth practically NOTHING, if you make an account, browse the other forums, or just do something other than kiss Yahtzee's ass![/li]

[li]SERIOUSLY! NO ASS KISSING![/li] The Ass kissers are worse than the flamers, the flamers still actually contribute by giving (whether it be good or bad) criticism, ass kissers just make the thread grow until it bursts with bile! DON'T DO IT!


Thanks for listening! Chances are this will be completely ignored anyway! Happy posting!

You can go suck a dick. It is not your place to enforce these rules, allow the stupids to have their fun; that way you don't send them into a spiral of depression and have law suites shoved up your ass. I really hate it when people take it upon their self to enforce the supposed rules. Contact a mod if you want a message put out, that way you'll only sound a dick in front of him.

Fuck it at least I got some attention, it was worth a try, what's a mod gonna do anyway? Tell me the exact same thing? I wasn't even an asshole to you guys, I didn't "enforce them" I said "it would probably be best if----" - so you can kiss my ass you insult spurting ****.

 

[ElArabDeMagnifico]

Well, here's hoping that 2 weeks from now we can enjoy Solid Snakes last foray, and see what Yahtzee thinks of Hideo Kojima's supposed attempt to bring save the artistic games from those tailored to casual gamers. On second thought, make it three weeks.

Wait you didn't hear?! The game was totally casualized [http://www.gametrailers.com/player/33989.html].

OK so it's just a little extra that I think comes with the game, probably to kill time while it's installing or something - but I couldn't resist.

 

[BBSooner]

I spit up some of my drink when he said "It would only be better if it had tits and was on fire". Great review, very funny.

 

[Slingback78]

I like the retro reviews. I miss a lot of games and then forget about them; this helps with the catchup. Even for stuff I have played, I like hearing another perspective.

It also allows for one to obnoxiously request any old game. MEAT PUPPET! TWINSEN'S ODYSSEY!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

 

[Fire Daemon]

Is this game some how linked to the Painkiller short at the end of The Whitcher review?

Anyway, good video.

 

[The_Harlequin]

5 o clock came and i couldn't even get on the server. then did other stuff for a while. worth the wait though. i watched it twice over it was so funny. i'm gonna have to try and find this game now. when i have money, and time to spare. *sigh*

 

[ElArabDeMagnifico]

After skimming through the thread, I'm surprised how many people I pissed off - wow, sensitive users in here, first of all, I'd like to apollogize for coming off as rude/mean/whatever - I tried to do this just for the betterment of these threads, and not just make it mindless praise, I wasn't forcing anyone to do anything, it was more of a suggestion, chill the fuck out!

Second, don't take me that seriously for one little thing I posted, people picked up their pitchforks and lit their torches when they read that, I was trying to do good, not evil!

Sorry to draw your ire...you maniacs!

I'd say its to amuse people while we sit in for what will most likely be a long install time.

I doubt it will actually be that long, GTA IV's wasn't bad, less than DMC3's time >_>

 

[Tatter]

I went out and bought Psychonauts off of XBox Live after seeing Yahtzee's review for it, and I have enjoyed it immensely. "Now setting things on fire with your mind is a mighty power, sonny boy, so I expect you to use it responsibly, or when it'll be REALLY cool."

Ah well, maybe they'll put Painkiller:Hell Wars on XBox Live. It'd be nice if they'd release all the levels to go with it.