Zero Punctuation: Painkiller

[kallenator]

Now, which idiot thought it was a good idea to change the design of the site and leave the (insert random awesome word) Zero Punctuation reviews in a 4 by 5 picture pattern with really small text under to explain what it contains plus date, when all the screen shots of the videos are yellow with minor variations (of course) and you can only tell them apart if your name is Yahtzee?!

Excellent video btw.

 

[Grunj]

This review was his best in a while, considering mailbag showdown wasn't really a review. I enjoy his videos a lot more when he's reviewing something he likes; I wish he would stop reviewing overhyped mainstream games that everyone already knows everything about, even before they're out of development.

I've never heard of painkiller, and this review actually made me want to try it out. It was the same story with his psychonauts review, and I loved that game. So please Yahtzee, continue to review more overlooked and underrated gems; Mainstream games don't need any more fucking attention!

Nuts to that. Half the fun of Yahtzee's reviews is knowing what he's talking about and getting all the references he makes because you've played the game. Clearly, he realizes a lot of us haven't played Painkiller and so he tailors his review appropriately, but I miss nodding my head in agreement. I'm not saying he should NEVER review "overlooked or underrated gems" but I think he's got the mix about right. This whole discussion is moot though, because this is Yahtzee we're talking about and he's going to review whatever the fuck grabs his fancy and strokes it up and down at an increasing pace until there's a sort of extremely pleasurable sneeze.

 

[Blind0bserver]

When I logged onto "Steam" this morning I noticed a banner in the Steam Store advertising "Painkiller Gold Edition". On the banner it said "Includes guns that shoot shurikens and lightning!" Hmm....

 

[Blandotaco]

I played a demo of this game once, my weaponry consisted of: painkiller, a shotgun with a barrel the size of a howitzer, a chain gun hooked up to a rocket launcher, and a crossbow with a grenade launcher... it was fun.

Edit: who hooks a grenade launcher up to a crossbow anyway?

 

[Kason8002]

i didnt have any trouble with the video loading.

anyway...i might go out and get Painkiller now. it looked like mindless fun.

 

[aiusepsi]

As well as the ad on the Steam store, it's also now the 6th best selling game, behind the usual favourites (two kinds of Counter-Strike, CoD4, TF2, and the Orange Box) but that's quite a sales bump.

Also makes me wonder why people are bothering buying it on Amazon, sure, it's $5.50 cheaper, but delivery time is such a pain.

 

[ElArabDeMagnifico]

And I'm fucking proud!

Well at least that's who you are and you aren't just being a **** for the sake of overcompensation. It just really sounded like you misunderstood me, I was trying to do good, not evil! Then people popped up and was like "OMG YOU ASSHOLE WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!" - it was a mere suggestion and nothing more.

 

[ElArabDeMagnifico]

As well as the ad on the Steam store, it's also now the 6th best selling game, behind the usual favourites (two kinds of Counter-Strike, CoD4, TF2, and the Orange Box) but that's quite a sales bump.

Also makes me wonder why people are bothering buying it on Amazon, sure, it's $5.50 cheaper, but delivery time is such a pain.

It's gotta be shipped over to you anyway, what's the point?

 

[leonbev]

Great review as always... now about you stop whining about the new Mario Cart and review the damn thing! It's not like you have anything better to do this summer while you're waiting for the next batch of blockbuster games to come out in October and November.

 

[rwstiles]

Good to hear your views as always. But could you speak more slowly and enunciate more clearly?

 

[Smokescreen]

Thought it was funny, enjoyed it, but I won't be able to put it to the test, since I don't have a PC. Oh well.

 

[Dr Pussymagnet]

Huh, and here I was looking forward to a "The World Ends With You" review.

Eh. In any case, at least we could get to see reviews of games that came to be, before he started reviewing.

I've never played Painkiller, though from your explanation it sounds a bit simple. I'm left wondering if the main character doesn't at least shoot out one-liners a la Duke Nukem.

fortunately no he doesnt but he has less personality than cardboard

 

[ElArabDeMagnifico]

Thought it was funny, enjoyed it, but I won't be able to put it to the test, since I don't have a PC. Oh well.

Are you typing through a Wii or an an iPhone or something (or a PS3 with Linux on it?) ...or a Laptop? I bet a somewhat old laptop could run it, don't know about processor speed though.

I've never played Painkiller, though from your explanation it sounds a bit simple. I'm left wondering if the main character doesn't at least shoot out one-liners a la Duke Nukem.

fortunately no he doesnt but he has less personality than cardboard

...but he's still got baaallls oof steeell

 

[rwstiles]

Great, as always, to hear your view. Could you please talk more slowly and enunciate more clearly? HAhaha.

 

[rwstiles]

Great, as always, to hear your view. Could you please talk more slowly and enunciate more clearly? HAhaha.

 

[ElArabDeMagnifico]

Great, as always, to hear your view. Could you please talk more slowly and enunciate more clearly? HAhaha.

First time I've seen a "double post triple quote".

 

[Cynopt]

Absolutely on the mark; and I was actually a bit worried going in, considering the last couple of FPS reviews of vaguely similar titles. I was forgetting that unlike Turok or the other one, Painkiller is actually really good. Nothing fancy, no lame gimmicks, just a great little shooting game with some ideas that have seen depressingly little imitation.
Giant bosses may be the in thing right now, but how many other games have a gun that lets you nail your targets to the floor by shooting a giant spike through their crotch?

The title weapon alone was so ingenious it's almost a shame players weren't forced to be more reliant on it; it took me until my second play through to notice you could set this clanky little gem to the basic face-chopper mode, then LAUNCH it, reducing whole columns of golems to so many gibs.
That is boyish fantasy violence at it's best, m'friend.

 

[ElArabDeMagnifico]

[snip] but how many other games have a gun that lets you nail your targets to the floor by shooting a giant spike through their crotch?

[snip]

Quite a bit actually, Painkiller started that though, especially with the fact that you could nail them to the walls, and also, Painkiller is more than just a spike, it was a nice little crucifix/wooden stake that we all know does horrible things to demons.

 

[ElArabDeMagnifico]

Quite a bit actually, Painkiller started that though, especially with the fact that you could nail them to the walls, and also, Painkiller is more than just a spike, it was a nice little crucifix/wooden steak that we all know does horrible things to demons.

Whereas shooting a giant wooden Crucifix/wooden stake through a normal person is completely inneffective.[/quote]

LOL Oh man, I usually catch myself on that but the one time I slip, it's on a god damn internet forum...

no it isn't inneffective, it's just extra horrible towards the undead and such.

 

[guyy]

I heard about that song at the end in some Dave Barry column several years ago, and thought that he had to be making it up for once. I guess he wasn't.

As for the actual review...hilarious as usual, but I have to say that I'm getting a little disturbed by most gamers' love of violence for the sake of violence. When did that start, anyway?