Zero Punctuation: The Conduit

Browncoatone

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Perhaps you'll have mercy upon us Yahtzee and in the future omit political references in your reviews. Living in Sydney I'm sure you're not aware that here in America there is no respite from the day-in-day-out anti-Republican/anti-Palin drumbeat from the major media outlets. It would be nice to escape it for a couple of minutes once in a while. And if you're feeling exceptionally generous, perhaps you'll consider omitting anti-American references too.

An American Viewer
 

jak1165

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Browncoatone said:
Perhaps you'll have mercy upon us Yahtzee and in the future omit political references in your reviews. Living in Sydney I'm sure you're not aware that here in America there is no respite from the day-in-day-out anti-Republican/anti-Palin drumbeat from the major media outlets. It would be nice to escape it for a couple of minutes once in a while. And if you're feeling exceptionally generous, perhaps you'll consider omitting anti-American references too.

An American Viewer
Well, it exists for a reason. She should shut her mouth and stop being such a colossal dumbass. I mean....she actually thought she could be a politician. Ahahahaha....seriously, its bad.
 

Lord_Seth

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Autocracy said:
Armored Prayer said:
Good review as always. Too much Palin bashing but still good.
Seriously. You people care that much about Palin? She's a waste of space that utters the ridiculous with frequency. More importantly, she has no relevance to the common gamer. Why do you people suddenly care about her feelings? What makes her more deserving of mercy? Did she just have a miscarriage? Did she get into a horrible accident? Did someone in her family die? Terrible disease? HANG NAIL?
I don't think the complaints about Palin bashing were because they cared about her. The complaints were because it was overdone and felt out of place--as you said, "she has no relevance to the common gamer." And quite frankly, she's been made fun of so much that by now making fun of her is like asking why the chicken crossed the road and expecting people to laugh when you tell them it was to get to the other side.
 

bugashi

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Long time viewer, first time poster, and I just had to post some thoughts given how I felt the video was incomplete. This might be due to limited time given to "review" the game, if not Yhatzee's potential homophobia skewing his views on the Wii. Then again, what do you expect from a self styled manly man's man who takes his name from a game of chance.

Yeah, sure, The Conduit has it's flaws, in which the biggest one (I'm almost shocked how it was barely hit) was how much the game is the Wii's version of Halo. There's the total lackluster story, an online multiplayer mode that showed more development than the single player campaign, and let's not forget the auto-regen power armor (of course, that's standard with just about any FPS game).

Anyway, let's knock on the story. You play hero-of-the-day who's blindly drafted into secret organization after saving the president's life. Given how blindly they follow orders, they're ether bloody lucky, or the president was a retard. Never the less, you're sent on a mission against a terrorist who stole the over glorified flashlight. Once you get it back, you're sent on another mission and left for dead, only to be saved (and being taken in) by the terrorist. From there, you suddenly flip from trusting git who follows blindly to being an untrusting stubborn mule, in perhaps one of the quickest character changes ever in a game.

The graphics are a mix of wickedly sweet and ungodly dated. There's areas that are almost on the level of a 360 launch title, while there's various points that make you feel like you're playing an N64 game. I know I'm not alone in this, given how many are going as far back as comparing this to Perfect Dark. Still, given how it all uses a unique graphics engine built from the ground up, that should mean the next (if there's a next) will have a better look and feel to it.

As for the controls, why the heck is there all sorts of bellyaching over point and shoot? Sure the Wii remote's pointer isn't exactly 1:1 to screen position, but it does deliver a slightly more accurate experience than pushing two analog nobs, or moving a mouse while using ASDW. Aiming to the sides of the screen is very much like turning your body around if you had to shoot something to your side, which adds more to the accuracy of the experience. While the whole "you not turning while not pointing at the screen" deal was noted, it wasn't noted that there was an option to keep turning while moving the cursor off the screen.

In fact, just about all of the controls can be tweaked in the options. At least, they were in the US release. Don't know about the international releases, because I'm just another stupid yank with an opinion. After all, the default mapping of grenade throw to nunchuck flick has sparked a number of "HOSHI-!" moments. The thrust motion for melee attacks also throws off your aim, but let's face facts. You brain anything with your firearm, you're gonna lose your aim regardless.

Overall, if you compare The Conduit to serious hardcore FPS titles on other systems, it's a bloody toy that's sub-par at best. Hold it up to other FPS games on the Wii, and the only thing that really beats it is Metroid Prime 3. The online play is novel at the least, and so-far I've had no luck in getting Wii Speak to work. Still, if you're starved for FPS action and you only have a Wii, it might be worth checking out. Then again, if you're starved for FPS action, you only have a Wii and you're reading this on a PC, what's wrong with you?
 

Knight Templar

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jak1165 said:
Knight Templar said:
jak1165 said:
Knight Templar said:
jak1165 said:
Agreed. I make fun of PS3 fanboys all the time. Lulz no gud gaemz
Thats not exactly true anymore is it?

MGS4, LBP and all the games that are also on 360 give the PS3 a very good lineup. I only mention MGS4 and LBP because I have not, or have only briefly played the other flagship PS3 titles and can't say if they are good or not.

But don't troll, its not accepted in these froums.
The fact that the PS3 and 360 share like 90% of their library is not a good thing, at least for the PS3.
That doesn't make sense, exclusives are a bad thing, I want to play Heavy Rain when it comes out but can't, I bet somebody wishes they had L4D but couldn't buy it because they didn't own the right console. As a consumer exclusives are very bad, I like that they give a console identity but I'd rather be able to play any game.



But you can find ALL of them on the 360.
I can't play LBP on my 360 now can I? Unless you have played all PS3 exclusives you're being stupid to say such a thing.
Then its ironic that the flagship exclusive to the PS3 is nothing more than a lolcasualfag game, isn't it?

Aside from MGS4. But silly old me here likes to play games, not watch gigantic cutscenes
Don't be stupid, none of what you just said was true.
 

CmdrGoob

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This episode really dropped the ball on the comedy front - Palin bashing? You're months late and everyone's done all the Palin jokes to death already already, so it was completely unoriginal and unfunny.

Jesus Yahtzee, what's next, you going to discover how 'funny' Chuck Norris jokes are in the next review?

Urgh, I though you were better than this.
 

Danny Skonez

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Aug 13, 2009
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Does this mean I can no longer make love to my Palin cut out? Oh and doesn't look like Im renting this for my wii anymore.
 

Satarack

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An enjoyable review, and I agree with a lot of it, but there is some, namely issues with the controls, that I feel were not adequately explored. Let's start with what I agree on:

First, the level design. It's very unimaginative repeating corridors, leading to a big room where you'll duke it out for a bit, then more corridors, then another room, then corridors, etc. until you reach the end of the level. There may, occasionally be some side rooms to explore, but they're mostly there to hide hidden text and data disks, and to allow enemies to jump out at you. Next, the enemies lack variety. There are some new ones added as you play, but you'll mostly be seeing the same faces throughout the game. The story: Oh, it's a conspiracy story, with a secret government agency, and aliens, who are working with the agency. How quaint. It's not that the story is bad; it plays it safe, and as a result feels rather lackluster. Finally graphics, they did make a powerful engine for the Wii (again, by the Wii's standards), and they did manage to incorporate graphical techniques developed on and for more graphically powerful systems, but you totally won't notice it. The problem is that, while the character models are particularly good, the environments didn't receive the same treatment. I wouldn't go so far as to place it with PS2 games, it's atleast on the level of the Xbox, but they honestly needed to spend more time implementing their graphics engine capabilities.

Now I did like the voice acting, what little of it there was. I particularly liked William Sheppard's acting as the villain. It was very convincing. The main character was voiced by Mark Sheppard (son of William Sheppard), who also did a good job. Then there's Kevin Sorbo. Kevin Sorbo is one of those actors who can only play one character, himself. That's not to say he's a bad actor, he does have a very nice voice, but he certainly pales in comparison to the like of William Sheppard. There are no awkward, or corny lines in the script, it's well acted an flows well, but the story itself is average, at best, nothing to make it stand out from the crowd.

Before moving on, I'd like to point out that, contrary to Yahtzee's review, there is a backstory to the game, which can be found in THE GAME MANUAL. Yes, they took a page out of the NES days, and put the story in THE GAME MANUAL. Major news events of the past 6 (if I remember correctly) days can be found at the beginning of the manual. Here, it also explains why YOU ARE THE ONE (I understand it's cliched, but at least they do explain it). Apparently, you where a member of the President's bodyguard, and single-handedly saved his life when all the other bodyguards attempted to kill the President, I guess you didn't get the memo. You were apparently selected for your exemplary performance.

My last beef with this review, is the controls. Yahtzee's complaints are real. If the cursor goes off screen, then the screen gets stuck until you have the cursor back on screen. But, and this is the important point, these complaints are only true with the default settings. The other major plus for this game, which went completely unmentioned, was that literally every variable for the controls is open to modification (with limits on the values of course). You can adjust the turning radius speed, your running speed (not online though, it's set universally to 80 online), wii-mote and nunchuck sensitivities, viewing angle radius (so when Yahtzee complains of not seeing a demon spawning Alaskan governor on the ceiling, he can go into the menu, set the vertical look to max, and then he can actually look up to see the monstrosity). By playing with the settings, you can iron out almost all of the complaints he made.

Last, there is at least one original weapon that deserves note, the shrieker. It's essentially an alien grenade launcher, which allows you to guide the grenade through the air. In concept, this is very cool, but in practice, it's very finicky. The weapon has amazing potential, but would take hours of practice to master.
 

Ignignokt

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Lord_Seth said:
I don't think the complaints about Palin bashing were because they cared about her. The complaints were because it was overdone and felt out of place--as you said, "she has no relevance to the common gamer." And quite frankly, she's been made fun of so much that by now making fun of her is like asking why the chicken crossed the road and expecting people to laugh when you tell them it was to get to the other side.
I agree, and it seems like a non-American bashing American politicians is just doing it to be popular.
 

N-Sef

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Damn he shredded this one to pieces. I think the game looks really good, then again I don't own a Wii so I can't play it for myself.
 

LarsWestergren

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Nov 28, 2007
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Eh... another bloody Wii review? Is it because their fans are easiest to troll, or?


How about one of your bi-annual PC reviews for once?

For instance, an "adventure gaming resurgence on the PC" episode? Like the re-release of Lucasarts classics on Steam, VS the Telltale episodic army of Tales of Monkey Island, Wallace & Gromit, VS indie titles like "Time Gentlemen, Please!".

Or a review of Alpha Protocol once is shows up. I'd be happy with that.
 

Pegghead

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Finally a review of this game I agree with. My wii-loving friend was eagerly counting down to the conduits release, wouldn't shut up about it, constantly showed me trailers and gameplay vids (And he always mentioned how great it was going to look, I thought it looked worse than the last gen). Plus on Good Game they were praising it but you could tell they were playing it with huge heaps of salt. Great review man.
 

the1ultimate

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I was actually going to get this game, but now I probably won't. The Wii has a unique control system, and you could theoretically make a good fame by taking a good game concept, like say Fallout 3 or Saints Row 2 and putting some effort into integrating the Wii control system.
It would be a unique experience to point the Wiimote at the screen and shoot. But I'm not playing through what looks like a pretentious secret agent game probably developed with only Americans in mind just for the opportunity to try an FPS with the Wii.

Apparently the controls are customisable, so maybe not all Yahtzee's complaints in that area are justified.

I did look at some screenshots though and I think he's right about the graphics :(.
And to think I actually believed them when they said that they made the game look as good on the Wii as it would on the other consoles.
In fact I would go so far as to say that if there were a point when I came to understand the true evil of marketing hype it's now. I feel so disillusioned.

I don't even know if I hate Yahtzee for sharing his somewhat unhappy world-view or consider myself wiser.
 

Abengoshis

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Aug 12, 2009
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Trust me, get the game or maybe rent it first.

The graphics effects are good, however the textures are bad, unlike MP3 or Legend of Zelda TP where the graphics effects were bad but the textures were decent.

The online is amazing and NO ZP is NOT right about the controls because you can change them to whatever feels right to you.

I'm in the UK and I thoroughly enjoyed it (and as I have never been to America I had a chance to research some of the places in it (which add to the conspiracy story).

Also, it ISN'T an alien shooter, you can find out why on your own if you want.

At least try the game first. You might find it good.

I was doubting the game before I bought it. It seemed like there was too much hype, something didn't seem right about it whenever I watched videos on ign. I thought to myself "if this game sucks I'm getting rid of my Wii" because I was sick of the lack of good 3rd party games. I got the game, and immediately enjoyed it.

HOWEVER, the player does move pretty slowly online, but you get used to that.
 

Dogmeat T Dingo

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Ignignokt said:
Lord_Seth said:
I don't think the complaints about Palin bashing were because they cared about her. The complaints were because it was overdone and felt out of place--as you said, "she has no relevance to the common gamer." And quite frankly, she's been made fun of so much that by now making fun of her is like asking why the chicken crossed the road and expecting people to laugh when you tell them it was to get to the other side.
I agree, and it seems like a non-American bashing American politicians is just doing it to be popular.
As opposed to when members of the yank media do it, then it's serious political commentary? Don't get me wrong, I think it's overdone too and people need to just drop it and let her fade into obscurity where she belongs. But there are those of us outside the US that still comment on your politics, partly because of the US's relevance to us as an international superpower, and also because Australian politicians are so bloody boring...

Incidentally, I like how so many of the Wii fanboys are still pulling the "It was good for the Wii!" line, even though that line of reasoning was debunked in this very video. Nintendo apparently wants to compete with FPS games on other consoles, so why shouldn't they be compared as equals?
 

Beza 117

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Aug 13, 2009
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First time replying to one of your vids,
Just want to say its the funniest thing on the net!!!

From what you've said, the game look like another piece of crap the Wii has spewed out.
We should all (normal and/or sane people) agree that the Wii will never make a decent game, and leave the rest to be attracted by the next shiny object.

Anyhow, awsome job Yahtzee, and keep em comming.
 

Knight Templar

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Ignignokt said:
Lord_Seth said:
I don't think the complaints about Palin bashing were because they cared about her. The complaints were because it was overdone and felt out of place--as you said, "she has no relevance to the common gamer." And quite frankly, she's been made fun of so much that by now making fun of her is like asking why the chicken crossed the road and expecting people to laugh when you tell them it was to get to the other side.
I agree, and it seems like a non-American bashing American politicians is just doing it to be popular.
The US has a lot of affect on the world, some non-americans derserve a vote more than born-americans.