Zero Punctuation: The Conduit

[Doug]

Hes already reviewed it.

And to all the wii fans defending the wii, don't bother. There's a giant army of people who blindly follow Yahtzee and will start typing scary cuss words at you.

Same as there is a giant army of people who blindly follow the Wii and will start typing swear words at you.

 

[Boaal]

Well... that was biased.

Seriously, must have not set the control up right, cause not once did I run into any of the turning issues he mentioned. Nor the aliens on the ceiling I couldn't see. The levels aren't amazing, the graphics aren't amazing. The gameplay was, as the developers claimed, not that far advanced - it was a very basic first person shooter, think Goldeneye and Timesplitters.

I'm not a Nintendo Fan Boy and I'm not saying the conduit was groundbreaking, no one has said that and if they did they were spastics, but that was such a see through excuse for an attack on the wii that I amazingly gained precognition and figured out exactly what he was going to ***** at before he'd even started talking!

Great job...

 

[A Pious Cultist]

I think that's Tom York (or whatever you call him), he was (is?) the front man for Radiohead (<Muse).

That would be Thom Yorke and no, he isn't. The photo was part of an art exhibition where the photographer got his friends and family together and took photos of them with blank expressions.

 

[aishadracogryph]

Zelda: TP was not a good wii game, it was a good game cube game, you see it was ported over from the game cube, they delayed it's CG release to put it on the wii, but it's still a CG game.

so if a CG game looks better then games trying to look good on the wii, that's saying something.

 

[Timeforunleash]

I love it how people actually NOT buy a game because Croshaw thinks it's shit. That man can just make any game shit. Even Halo 3, which was a great game, and he thinks of Painkiller and Portal to be great games? God.

 

[elpresidente]

To everyone here who played this game - I don't understand how can you waste your time with such drivel? Or spending money for it (which is worse)

 

[bodyklok]

Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

You've got to be kidding me. I've been further even more decided to use even go need to do look more as anyone can. Can you really be far even as decided half as much to use go wish for that? My guess is that when one really been far even as decided once to use even go want, it is then that he has really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like.

 

[PhiMed]

As always good review I'm glad you reviewed this game. After all the praise it got I'm glad it got curb stomped into the ground. My prediction for Yahtzee's next 3 reviews.

Next Week: Madden NFL 10 (Let's face it he's never reviewed a sports game and this would be the perfect one for him to try)

In 2 weeks: Wolfenstein (need I say anything)

In 3 Weeks: Batman Arkham Asylum (If my memory serves me right this game will have stealth in it. If it does its a shoe in for a review.)

If Yahtzee ever does another old game I hope he does Psi-Ops for the PS2. That game was pure fun and ways you can kill people=priceless.

I find it highly unlikely that a British expatriot living in Australia would be interested in Madden 10. He usually only reviews games that meet one of two requirements. 1) He's interested in it, or 2) There's enough buzz internationally that it merits his comment.

Madden's sales are driven almost entirely by the American market, so...

FIFA would be a much more likely candidate for his first sports review. That or Undisputed, if you can count that as "sports".

 

[eels05]

Shit its another trashed Wii game is it then.Oh well.

I'm personally starting to wonder if I'd be better off jumping off the console wagon all together,and just investing money in a decent computer with some grunt.

 

[PhiMed]

Well... that was biased.

Seriously, must have not set the control up right, cause not once did I run into any of the turning issues he mentioned. Nor the aliens on the ceiling I couldn't see. The levels aren't amazing, the graphics aren't amazing. The gameplay was, as the developers claimed, not that far advanced - it was a very basic first person shooter, think Goldeneye and Timesplitters.

I'm not a Nintendo Fan Boy and I'm not saying the conduit was groundbreaking, no one has said that and if they did they were spastics, but that was such a see through excuse for an attack on the wii that I amazingly gained precognition and figured out exactly what he was going to ***** at before he'd even started talking!

Great job...

Who's biased? If Goldeneye was released today, it would be ripped apart. No one wants to play games with cumbersome, outdated control schemes.

If you feel the need to state that you're not a Nintendo fanboy, there's a good chance that you are.

 

[GamingAwesome1]

I love it how people actually NOT buy a game because Croshaw thinks it's shit. That man can just make any game shit. Even Halo 3, which was a great game, and he thinks of Painkiller and Portal to be great games? God.

I'm resisting the urge to club you around the head for the Portal comment. I'm not adding anymore fuel to the Halo thing becuase people should know my stance on that.

 

[SkylerRock]

I think that's Tom York (or whatever you call him), he was (is?) the front man for Radiohead (<Muse).

That would be Thom Yorke and no, he isn't. The photo was part of an art exhibition where the photographer got his friends and family together and took photos of them with blank expressions.

Ah, fair enough then. I stand duly corrected.

 

[SkylerRock]

Shit its another trashed Wii game is it then.Oh well.

I'm personally starting to wonder if I'd be better off jumping off the console wagon all together,and just investing money in a decent computer with some grunt.

Mightn't be a bad idea. Came across this article a while back...

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/3358187/The-end-of-the-games-console-era.html

It's a bit old but it does offer an interesting view on the possible future of the console market.

 

[Ristoril]

fair and completly correct review as always

 

[Tiakinz]

Hey, all you guys going on about how you can adjust the controls and all that?

Let's put it this way, I shouldn't /have/ to adjust them just so I can look up, down or what have you. It's just good game design to make that the /default/ rather than a customization.

Kthx.

PS. Wii fanwhores: Hush now, no one's really listening to you anyway. <3

It's true, for the most part, that adjusting controls should really be for slight tweaking, and shouldn't be something that make the difference between being able to and not being able to turn or look up. But the sheer number of posts in response to the defending of the wii shows that those defending are, obviously, being listened to. It also leads me to believe that Yahtzee is enough in the minority in his dislike of the wii that it's really more of a bias on his part than an impartial observation. I wonder, though, whether Yahtzee's opinion of the wii would have changed if the conduit was good...

A few things - The Wii *isn't* a good system. It has a few games that are good(oh oh, FOR THE WII), and a few that are faintly amusing at best when you're shitfaced off your knackers and don't know any better anyway.

Second- Most of what I saw in regards to wiiwhores was either open mockery of them, or telling them they're wrong. If they were being /listened/ to, opinion would shift to match their own.

Call it semantics if you will, don't bother me none. <3

I'm surprised you're so quick to be such an obvious troll after only two posts. I wonder if you've been banned for something? Not that you'd admit it if it were true, so you'd be hard pressed to convince me to believe otherwise.

Your steadfast hatred of the Wii implies that you probably don't know enough about it to really have a decent trustworthy opinion, in much the same way I haven't ever played halo, and can therefore say nothing as to its merits or faults. However, what I can say is what statistics say, and statistics say that more people have a wii. What I can also say is that the Wii does not have a very strong lineup of games for someone who plays them quickly and constantly. For someone with a life outside of gaming, say, a person with a job (me in the summer) or a person in college (me otherwise) this generally isn't the case. For us, there are enough genuinely amazing games (not just my own opinion, but the shared opinion of friends, acquaintances, and, more importantly, many critics alike) to last plenty long enough, and they're piling up even, waiting to be played, and I want to play them all. Furthermore, graphics aren't entirely controlled by a system. As was shown by a variety of games on all systems, it's really the developers that have the most control of how the graphics on any given console can be made to look their best. And graphics are really generally not enough of an issue to be bothered by, unless they're particularly noticeably bad. And no, the good wii games are not that.

I will now take a moment to pick apart your statement and find all the things that are wrong with it.

You say that the wii isn't a good system, but I think that given the amount of people saying otherwise and the enjoyment my friends and I get playing it prove that not to be the case. Yes, there are games that are "good for the wii," but there are also games that are "good". It has genuinely good games. Even Yahtzee's admitted that, and on multiple occasions, usually in areas other than Zero Punctuation, but occasionally there too. Your use of the word "amusing" implies that you think you're somehow more intelligent than, and above people who, own a wii, which is a very egotistical and shallow thing to think. It implies that you've viewed from a distance, but never actually attempted to enjoy the wii, because of that formerly mentioned state of mind. Plenty of us play all the consoles, especially in a college environment (I know that's the second time I've brought that up - I'm not trying to shield behind that fact, it's just that it makes a good example and statistic sample), and have therefore had enough experience to formulate a good opinion on all consoles. Naturally, this becomes biased based on your closer friends, so if all your friends like the PS3 and make fun of the Wii, you probably will too, much like how in high school for me everyone had the same console and everyone who didn't was wrong for some reason. You keep saying things like "wiiwhores," which gives me pause to wonder if you didn't notice that not everyone defending the wii made an invalid argument, in much the same way that most of the people who attack it do. It also supports my theory of your opinion I got from the word amuse. And, as a good segway from that, those attacking the wii, "open mockery/telling them they're wrong" is a poor argument, and one that is generally formed when the attacker can't think of any other reasons to support his own view, much the same way politicians attack each others' credibility when there's nothing wrong with their opponents' policies. Next, you seem to be confusing the meanings of "listen" and "becoming convinced." I listen to the ideas my friends have about studying. They're all different. I don't agree with all of them. But I listened to them. After hearing them, I decided, based on my listening, that I would disagree with most of them and only agree with my friend who got good grades all the time.

Finally, to say that it doesn't "bother you none" is quite an apparent hypocritical and commonly used argumentative shield, that is used to make the poster feel as though he isn't taking the argument as seriously as a fanboy, when he most definitely is, otherwise the comment would be unnecessary. If it doesn't bother you, you wouldn't have posted that in a REPLY to your previous post. Clearly, something bothered you a bit.

And another thing: the first thing I said in my quote of your post was in agreement to something you said - that you shouldn't have to adjust default settings to make a game playable. I agreed with you, and then you called people who defend the wii idiots (or implied it, anyway). What's that say about you? Hmm?

Maybe you should have done more listening. And also, don't do this: <3. It makes it hard to take you seriously if you're trying to make a point.

Sweetheart, the very fact that you went into such a long winded diatribe about your beliefs upon my experiences with the Wii and, /personal/ opinion on the system indicates you care far too much.

And, if I so choose, I shall use a <3 when and where I please.

I have played the Wii, point of fact. I have a lot of experience with the Wii, and the systems competing with it. I don't think it's that great of a system, fin. Calling me a troll and heading into a paragraphs long explanation of why my opinion is wrong and how I clearly believe i'm far above the rest of you just means you have more time on your hands than one is led to believe in your diatribe, and that perchance you have nothing better to do than make personality judgements based off what is essentially, nothing.

Essentially, one can view all your superfluous extrapolations upon what i'm saying as you in turn trolling me and being a hypocrite. The fact remains, you're taking some text on a forum, from a random comment to heart more than I, and perhaps the majority of people who've commented on this thread - however I won't pretend I know how they think and feel, just as you've decided to pretend you know how I do.

Meanwhile, I shall keep to my particular writing style and giggle about how much it seems to matter to you.

Alas, the internet is such a wonderful thing, non?

 

[eels05]

Shit its another trashed Wii game is it then.Oh well.

I'm personally starting to wonder if I'd be better off jumping off the console wagon all together,and just investing money in a decent computer with some grunt.

Mightn't be a bad idea. Came across this article a while back...

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/3358187/The-end-of-the-games-console-era.html

It's a bit old but it does offer an interesting view on the possible future of the console market.

Interesting article.
Some of the rebuffs were equally as interesting.
Got me thinking that there are advantages,at the moment at least,that consoles hold over PC's.

But knowing that an inevitable redundancy is on the cards for my 360 just makes me tired for some reason.

 

[Boaal]

Well... that was biased.

Seriously, must have not set the control up right, cause not once did I run into any of the turning issues he mentioned. Nor the aliens on the ceiling I couldn't see. The levels aren't amazing, the graphics aren't amazing. The gameplay was, as the developers claimed, not that far advanced - it was a very basic first person shooter, think Goldeneye and Timesplitters.

I'm not a Nintendo Fan Boy and I'm not saying the conduit was groundbreaking, no one has said that and if they did they were spastics, but that was such a see through excuse for an attack on the wii that I amazingly gained precognition and figured out exactly what he was going to ***** at before he'd even started talking!

Great job...

Who's biased? If Goldeneye was released today, it would be ripped apart. No one wants to play games with cumbersome, outdated control schemes.

If you feel the need to state that you're not a Nintendo fanboy, there's a good chance that you are.

I Didn't find the controls cumbersome, just had to set them right.
I felt the need to tate I wasn't a nintendo fanboy because usually if you defend anything by Nintendo you're instantly tarred and feathered for it with a "omigodz fantard", and I feel a need to distance myself from an admittedly blind following of people who willingly smile as salt is rubbed into a very open wound: aka the state of nintendo's 'hardcore' gaming since the later days of the gamecube.

Also, people are always reffering to goldeneye as a pinnacle in gaming and humping it's outdated leg like some strange nymphomaniac with a fetish, I don't believe it was an epicly brilliant game but I did have fun with it, same as with timesplitters. it seemed to be the Closest thing to what The Conduit is, so I do find the outpouring of hatred at the game, despite it's obvious flaws, to be somewhat two-faced.

 

[PurpleCheddar]

Way to lay into the controls without mentioning the fact that you can change every single aspect of said controls to suit your own needs, Yahtzee! I hated the default configuration too, but you CAN edit everything you know!

Good review, yes, The Conduit isn't the greatest of FPS's, but it's certainly not terrible.

 

[TheGreenManalishi]

I like ZP better when there's nothing but pure contempt bordering on active hatred for the game in question. Good job.

 

[personaman]

who care about conduit, do a review of devil survivor.