Zero Punctuation: The Orange Box

[SenatorPalpatine]

I just registered, and let me tell you Yahtzee: All your reviews have been great. I'm really happy you reviewed The Orange Box favorably, and yet you managed to get all of the critique absolutely right. Ep. 3 should be very different though, since it's going to be set (SPOILERWARNING??MAYBE??YEAHPROBABLY!MAYBE.) in a ship in the arctic.

Jon Coulton=da best.


Merlynn: Play this mod, it's a HL single player mod, better then Episode 1 in my opinion. Definitely more difficult on hard then HL. Great plot and such. (Needs ep 1 to run)
http://www.hylobatidae.org/minerva/phosphenes.shtml It's name is Minerva: Metastasis. Metastasis being the chapter, there'll be more.

 

[splitsticks [deprecated]]

My god, another brilliant review! And you can tell it goes against every fiber of his being to genuinely love a game; even when he's praising portal he sounds disgusted, lol.

 

[splitsticks [deprecated]]

Apologize for the double post, but...

Maybe that's the problem. You're all stupid. Congratulations, Valve, you succeeded in making a game stupid enough that your average consumer thinks it's brilliant, just like "Crash" and "The Heartbreak Kid". Go watch some more Dane Cook, you idiots.

Did you just bash the motion picture of the year award winning movie, Crash?! That was an astouding film. You've just confirmed your own ignorance and incompetence. Go play Gears and continue rolling in your own filth.

 

[ZippyDSMlee]

newage_lightbulb

all in all the orange box is a 8 (halow 3 6,bioshrock a 7)

HL2:good for its time but not great.
Hl2 eps:lack of refinement and polish on HL2 leading to maybe a extra 8-15 hours on the same game.

TF2:limited OOTB(out of the box) and slightly nerfed but has great potential.

Portal:great for what it is a mini game.

if steam didnt rob it 5 points I might try and get myself a copy.

splitsticks
hes got a point the slightly above average stuff being passed off and or received as the next best thing is a problem.

 

[Katana314]

Give me a break! He runs down all the reasons HL:E2 sucks (short, took too long to deliver, doesn't tell any real story, linear, repetitive, boring) and then says it's amazing? Talk about biased. After I killed my 1000th green bug I was done. And the story is so clunky - you can't open this door, but you can get in through the roof! You can't get out through the door, but you can get out through this convenient floor hole! Now the door is open!!!!

And Portal is so fucking lame. So lame. Boring, empty rooms with simple puzzles that a halfwit could solve. The 'humor' is transparent, repetitive, and boring.

Maybe that's the problem. You're all stupid. Congratulations, Valve, you succeeded in making a game stupid enough that your average consumer thinks it's brilliant, just like "Crash" and "The Heartbreak Kid". Go watch some more Dane Cook, you idiots.

Every game will have reasons that it's not perfect. That's why everyone says 10/10 scores are retarded.

I love how you base the story on doors. It's called game design; it's why you can take 15 bullets and stand, or hold a gravity gun that never runs out of power. Compare the performance of Merle Dandbridge (Alyx) to almost any other virtual actor, and I bet 99 times out of 100, Alyx will come on top.

Portal was a bit easy, especially since we all saw videos of solutions before it came out. But I'm betting you haven't done the Advanced or bonus versions of rooms. That's when the game gets tackled by speedrunners and total freaking pros.

I'm a bit surprised you didn't like the humor; so far everyone I know has loved the credits song, and some lines are just unforgettable.
"You think you're doing some damage? 2 + 2 is.............10.




IN BASE 4.
I'M FINE."

If the Valve fans are so stupid, how do they know what Base is, and why the joke is funny?

 

[UnSub]

Give me a break! He runs down all the reasons HL:E2 sucks (short, took too long to deliver, doesn't tell any real story, linear, repetitive, boring) and then says it's amazing? Talk about biased. After I killed my 1000th green bug I was done. And the story is so clunky - you can't open this door, but you can get in through the roof! You can't get out through the door, but you can get out through this convenient floor hole! Now the door is open!!!!

And Portal is so fucking lame. So lame. Boring, empty rooms with simple puzzles that a halfwit could solve. The 'humor' is transparent, repetitive, and boring.

Maybe that's the problem. You're all stupid. Congratulations, Valve, you succeeded in making a game stupid enough that your average consumer thinks it's brilliant, just like "Crash" and "The Heartbreak Kid". Go watch some more Dane Cook, you idiots.

Dear Ken Levine,

Yahtzee liked BioShock too.

Regards,

- UnSub

 

[Razzle Bathbone]

And Portal is so fucking lame. So lame. Boring, empty rooms with simple puzzles that a halfwit could solve. The 'humor' is transparent, repetitive, and boring.

Portal's great, and if you don't think so you must be stupid.

newage_lightbulb is an excellent test subject.

 

[ZippyDSMlee]

Give me a break! He runs down all the reasons HL:E2 sucks (short, took too long to deliver, doesn't tell any real story, linear, repetitive, boring) and then says it's amazing? Talk about biased. After I killed my 1000th green bug I was done. And the story is so clunky - you can't open this door, but you can get in through the roof! You can't get out through the door, but you can get out through this convenient floor hole! Now the door is open!!!!

And Portal is so fucking lame. So lame. Boring, empty rooms with simple puzzles that a halfwit could solve. The 'humor' is transparent, repetitive, and boring.

Maybe that's the problem. You're all stupid. Congratulations, Valve, you succeeded in making a game stupid enough that your average consumer thinks it's brilliant, just like "Crash" and "The Heartbreak Kid". Go watch some more Dane Cook, you idiots.

Dear Ken Levine,

Yahtzee liked BioShock too.

Regards,

- UnSub

great? no..passable barely maybe kinda yes....

its late and I can't drown otu the vocies, I guess he liked it but he cosntanly mentions the watering down of it, I gues I like it as well but its hell weak compared to the true potential it could have had...Dark messiah is still the last most innovative FPS RPG....

 

[kanetsb]

One thing I don't agree with - otherwise - dead on as usual...

TF2 - the roles... Well the spy is kinda the guy that usually dies first. I mean - dressing up as the oposing team is cool but since there is no friendly fire in this game - a control shot to the head of every teammate seems to handle this guy pretty well.

Flamethrower - also messed up a bit - the range is pretty bad on him...

Otherwise - Portal forever! I think the collection of maps for this is going to get really damn impressive over time!

 

[Aihal]

Great review as usual, I really look forward to these on Wednesday afternoons now.

@kanetsb

The spy is very powerful in the right hands, I've played games where the spy has been right up the top of the scoreboard. The pyro is very powerful as well: if you can get up close you can easily take on 2-3 enemy and win.

I think that's the point of TF2, each class has strengths and weaknesses and you have to learn to play to them.

 

[Cybergangster]

Yahtzee you charasmatic bastard! You're the last person I expected to convince me to buy this package!!! (I was boycotting on account of paying for 2 games I already own)

 

[Jejoma122]

overrated, predictable, repetitious/10

 

[Kadayi]

TF2 - the roles... Well the spy is kinda the guy that usually dies first. I mean - dressing up as the oposing team is cool but since there is no friendly fire in this game - a control shot to the head of every teammate seems to handle this guy pretty well.

Use the cloak effect to get behind the opposition, then uncloak discretely to mingle. Also note you can plant saps whilst cloaked, so a typical tactic is to cloak, plant saps on a turret then whilst the turret is disabled and the engineer occupied removing, them uncloak and backstab him, then recloak, redisguise, uncloak and go about your day. Easier to type than to achieve, but a tried and tested tactic.

Also for all the detractors of either HL2/EP2, Portal or TF2 any chance you can actually outline what games are better out there and why. It's all very well going 'this sucks!!!' but it's not particularly informative.

 

[Spinwhiz]

Do you ever feel like you are on the top of the world when you read these posts Yahtzee? Great review, yet again.

 

[rewolf31 [deprecated]]

omfg best review ever

 

[Katana314]

I don't get some of the classes. I kind of think the pyro is weak and will usually die soon after his first kill. Other people say he's completely overpowered. Some people think the demoman is defenseless. I get major killing sprees with him. Snipers are supposed to be wicked good against heavys...I get so much recoil from getting hit, I can't line up my shot.

 

[fladvad]

I have to second NinjaPengui, man this is always full of laughts. I have to remember to come back here each week.

-Great songs
-Great animations
-Great plugs

And a big cheer to wmcduff for doing the painstakingly accurate transcript.

 

[Zera]

good stuff as usual. Now I wish he would review something i have actually played...

 

[Russ Pitts]

Maybe that's the problem. You're all stupid.

In case there's any doubt, this is unacceptable.

 

[tiw [deprecated]]

I'm not so sure newage_lightbulb has a leg to stand on considering he tries to defend terrible movies like Transformers and plays the part of the "oppressed straight white male" on internet forums.