Zombie Conversations

[xitel]

Hypotheticals are fun folks. I would wonder if they ever question why they can't jump.

Joe: "Hey Bill, look! There's a guy over there on the other side of that low wall!"

Bill: "Damn. If only we could reach him!"

Joe: "The wall's only like, 2 feet high. We can just jump over it..."

Bill: "Jump!? Are you MAD man!?"

In the traditional zombie view: Their legs are rotten and decomposing, presumably thats why they all shuffle too. Some of the more traditional climb ladders though. (Original DoTD).

I still posit that my hypothetical conversation was hilarious. And they could stumble over the wall.

 

[ZombieFace]

Zombies don't stop eating. They're always hungry. They're meant to be mindless monsters, bent on eating any non-zombies that come into range. The eternal hunger helps with that.

Also, their conversations end in aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains...

Correct, couldn't of said it better myself.

I mean, I think I would know...I do have a ZOMBIE face XD

 

[Lord_Of_Plum]

After they finished eating a clown, one would say to the other;
"Does this taste funny to you?"
Ba-dum pish!

 

[Bored Tomatoe]

Zombie 1: Why do we do this Ted?
Zombie 2: What?
Zombie 1: Hunt people down relentlessly, only to unmercifully devour them alive.
Zombie 2:...
Zombie 1: Well, what are your philosophical views on this Ted?
Zombie 2: BRAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNSSSSSSSSSS!!!!
Zombie 1:...I need new friends...

 

[Anarchemitis]

[img_inline caption=Copyright Bill Watterson, Universal Press Syndicate.]http://calvinandhobbes.freehostia.com/oldsite/images/zombie.gif[/img_inline]

 

[Vivaldi]

Zombies don't stop eating. They're always hungry. They're meant to be mindless monsters, bent on eating any non-zombies that come into range. The eternal hunger helps with that.

Also, their conversations end in aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains...

Exactly, example:

Zombie 1: "EW! What's that on your braaaaaaaaaaaaaains?"
Zombie 2: "Oh, that. While eating a human I got some blood staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains."
Zombie 1: "On your braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains?"
Zombie 2: "yes."
Zombie 1: "....."
Zombie 2: "Oh, sorry. I meant to say, 'Yesaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains'."

That has to be one of the funniest thing I have read on these forums to date.

Why you could say I am getting paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains from laughing! Even though I have nothing to gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains from it.

Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains!

Okay, I am done.


On Topic: I really dont think Zombies would have anything to talk about, I mean all they do is:

Eat
Wander
Moan(aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains) (Okay NOW I am done)
Eat
Scare Humans
Eat

Repeat ad nauseum.

In that order mind you.

 

[FalloutJack]

Zombie conversation, eh? Well, here. Let's try one for good ole' Pittsburgh.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

ME: Braaaiiinnnsss...

Person: Agh! A zombie!

ME: Well, what did you expect? Zombie Capital, USA. There's even a T-shirt.

Person: Seriously? Wait... How come you're able to talk?

ME: How do you think, genius? From all the brains I eat! Keeps my faculties going!

Person: What? Uh no! Are you gonna eat mine too?

ME: Pffft... Hell no. You're an idiot.

Person: I'll show you!

*Unnamed person kicks Zombie-Me in the crotch...but to no avail!*

ME: To quote Rusty, "No pain receptors!"

Person: Who?

ME: Oh, for the love of-

*Unnamed person gets their neck snapped*

ME: Much better. Now, to go much some mindless minions.

 

[ZombieFace]

Zombie 1 "braiiii-"
*BOOM*
Zombie 2 "uggghhhhrrr-"
*Splat*
Zombie 3 "arrrghhhhughhhhh"
*Click* *click click* *Clickclickclick*
Me "*gulp*"
*succeeds in catching up to me and proceeding to eat me*

 

[Silver]

"Give me the brain, my heart is getting lonely... "

 

[AwesomeHat]

Hypotheticals are fun folks. I would wonder if they ever question why they can't jump.

Joe: "Hey Bill, look! There's a guy over there on the other side of that low wall!"

Bill: "Damn. If only we could reach him!"

Joe: "The wall's only like, 2 feet high. We can just jump over it..."

Bill: "Jump!? Are you MAD man!?"

In the traditional zombie view: Their legs are rotten and decomposing, presumably thats why they all shuffle too. Some of the more traditional climb ladders though. (Original DoTD).

I still posit that my hypothetical conversation was hilarious. And they could stumble over the wall.

I'm not saying it's not funny

Tell you what, if I ever make a zombie film, I'll have them all trip over the walls.

 

[xitel]

Hypotheticals are fun folks. I would wonder if they ever question why they can't jump.

Joe: "Hey Bill, look! There's a guy over there on the other side of that low wall!"

Bill: "Damn. If only we could reach him!"

Joe: "The wall's only like, 2 feet high. We can just jump over it..."

Bill: "Jump!? Are you MAD man!?"

In the traditional zombie view: Their legs are rotten and decomposing, presumably thats why they all shuffle too. Some of the more traditional climb ladders though. (Original DoTD).

I still posit that my hypothetical conversation was hilarious. And they could stumble over the wall.

I'm not saying it's not funny

Tell you what, if I ever make a zombie film, I'll have them all trip over the walls.

That would be epic. Epic fail, in fact.

 

[Captain Wes]

Zombie 1: Why didn't you put the new cover sheet on your T.P.S. Report?
Zombie 2: I just forgot about it
Z1: Did you get the memo?
Z2: yeah, it's right here on my desk I just forgot about it
Z1: oh, ok, well i'm just gonna go ahead and get you a copy of that memo
Z2: No, i have the memo, i just forgot to put the new cover sheet on
Z1: *walks away

(hooray for social commentary and Office Space)

 

[sidhe3141]

Urg, Arg, Ugh, Blerg.

The most conversation yer gonna get from a zombie is stomach noises pouring out of the throat. They're dead. Not like they could form a coherent sentence, let alone a conversation, or even a full word for that matter

That never stops vampires.
Of course, vamps are free-willed undead, wheras a zombie's will is ususally overridden by that of the bokor who brought the thing out of the grave in the first place. Still, zombies under the control of different bokors could still communicate, and the bokors would instantly know what was being said... OMG the followers of Voudun invented IM!

 

[Blair Bennett]

I wonder what the ones stuck in cars when they reanimated would be thinking.
since it's likely they were backed up on the highway and such, imagine if they retained the constant emotion of being stuck in traffic.

... God that would suck

What about the zombies stuck in line at the post office? Or the zombies stuck in line at the Wal'mart Customer Service desk after Christmas. Or even worst then both of them, the zombies stuck in were about to have some wild animal sex, and are tied to the bedpost?!

WWZJD?

One question remains: what happens to the unfortunate beings, now known as evil incarnate, who were, and forever will be, trapped at...*GASP* the DMV!?! May God have mercy on their souls...


*EDIT*

Semi-nerdy zombie knowledge-ENGAGE!!

Ok so first of all, zombies don't actually ever stop being hungry, there is never enough for a zombie, the thing about them eating until their stomachs burst isn't just sarcasm (or whatever).

Two, them being undead is good enough reason to not have sufficient intellect to hold a conversation, mainly because there is no intellect to speak of. The zombie mind is capable of two things, identifying its own basic instincts, and acting on them. This includes feeding, and nothing else. There is no strategy involved in zombie outbreaks, at least not for the opposition, there is only human (or...well, live being) stupidity.

Three, even if sufficient intellect was available, the being in question would still be completely unable to form words, sentences, etc. This is because the being's vocal cords and such would be rendered useless due to decomposition.

There are a few holes in the question, as well as some of the responses, but it's an interesting question all the same.

/nerdy zombie rant

Wow, you really hit me off with some zombie related knowledge, but this is purely hypothetical, along the lines of "Toy Story"

Zombies need to have their voices heard, unless you're content with Hannibal Lecter's story of "Fa-va beans!" I'd much rather hear what a zombie would say than have Hannibal do that weird Sucking noise at me.

*Does weird sucking noise at no one in particular*

True, true. I would rather listen to a zombie that the occasional sucking noise as well. And since this is a hypothetical question, a kin to "Toy Story", I think it's only fair that the people, and zombies in question get to be:

A. Animated
B. Scripted
and C. They get to engage themselves in fun for the whole family, comedic antics.

Actually, I have a feeling this is going to be a really fun thread.

 

[FalloutJack]

Alright, new conversation.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Zombie1: But when you get down to it, what is the real motivation in life? Why are we here? What is our purpose?

Zombie2: Yes, I see your point. It's very enigmatic, isn't it? Being thrown to this god's Earth with nothing more than the skin of you back to keep you warm.

Zombie1: I know. It's a real puzzler. You know, Nietzsche said- Hang on, I smell humans.

*Survivors round the corner and stop dead in their tracks*

Zombie1: Braaaiiinnnsss...

Zombie2: Brian...

Survivor: Agh! More zombies! Run away!

*Survivors run off*

Zombie1: You know, at this point, I'd say Darwinism is a load of crap.

Zombie2: I hear ya.