To answer your question directly, the life part. My therapist has suggested a few things, but he's not someone who works in the field of finding jobs for people, so the stuff he's brought up are just that, suggestions. He acknowledges they may not be for me. But this is partially why I'm bringing my parents into this, so that they can hear it from someone that isn't me, so that we can start working out a battle plan of what to do going forward.Who's telling you that you simply “cannot”, or is that just the “life” part figuratively? Idk, maybe your therapist would be able to recommend different types of fields that introverts excel at. Especially with so much being digital now there has to be something out there. Hope things turn out better for you down the road.
I'm currently on anti-anxiety/depression meds, and they've been helping in making sure I stay level and don't go so close to the deep end like I used to. But I can't keep adding more and more onto the problem without "fixing" the problem first.It ultimately took 60mg of Prozac a day to “fix” my brain to stop getting hung up on thoughts of bs, and letting them control my life.
Look... I'm not saying the things I am because I've done 1, maybe 2 jobs and thrown in the towel saying "it's too hard to do this." I've been working for about half my life now (I'm approaching 30 years of age this year), with nearly 20 different jobs under my belt over that time. I've worked several different fields, all with different workloads, expectations, schedules, and lengths of shifts, ranging from part time to full time, 3 hour to 10 hour days.Well, not with that attitude. "Whether you think you can or think you can't... you're right." You get used to 12 hours pretty quick. Everybody feels pressure from needing to do a job all day 40 hours a week to begin with (I'm talking the first few years), I used to complain to my dad about it all the time about being stressed not feeling like I could keep doing my job for years and years, and he told me about when he used to make the same complaints to his mother. She told him that you need to can't go in to work and say "I hate my job I wish I wasn't here" you need to tell yourself "I love my job, I'm happy I have one" even if it's not true, and to think of all the reasons you need to keep doing it. You need to be tough on yourself and make yourself see things through. You need to make goals and force yourself to stick to them.
I've always done my best to keep a positive attitude going into them, and 9/10 times I did, and I was great at what I did at first. But even as the jobs got easier with experience, the cracks start to form, and the things that I can no longer ignore become bigger and bigger. I have done my damn best to power through each time it happens, but for many different reasons, it becomes overwhelming and starts affecting me more and more severely the longer it goes on.
"You need to be tough on yourself and make yourself see things through. You need to make goals and force yourself to stick to them"? I've done that, many times, and by the end, I don't have the energy to even want to get out of bed, let alone face the world. This isn't a situation where some tough love and a big happy smile with a positive attitude can fix. If it did, I wouldn't be here struggling to deal with it.
Hell, my symptoms got so bad that I was having panic attacks at the thought of going to work that day, which would not only destroy my productivity and ability to function on the job, but it'd leave little after the fact for me to do what I need to do, or do what I love, outside of work. When things got that bad for me, I'd quit, take time away from work until I was ready to go back... and it'd take me a year until I finally felt I had the strength to get back in there.
I've done these year long breaks three times now, and the last one was when I finally said I need extra help, both through medication, and a long term therapist. It's done very well for me so far, but I'm still not in a state where I'm where I'd wanna be functionally.
Trades have been suggested to me before, and I'm keeping them open as a possible option.This is why I still think you should be getting a trade. It has minimal education requirements, and you get payed while you learn it, and it's something that you focus on seeing through.
This past week I unfortunately did call in fake sick one day in the middle, because I seriously needed a mental health day. It was getting bad, and I recognized if it got any worse, I was likely going to want to throw myself into traffic by the end of the week (and I'm not exaggerating with that either. I drive for my work. I would've had many an opportunity). I did what I had to do to make sure I was ok and could get through. It was the right call, as that brief respite was extremely valuable in my ability to get through the rest of the week.The thing is there's a couple pacts I have with myself. You never miss work unless your really sick (like a fever or something). This is important because if I ever let myself skip just because I didn't feel like working that day or that I could stand to deal with it I would never go in again. Once you've broken, it's so much harder to pull yourself back together. So you have to decide that you will uphold your responsibilities no matter what.
I don't entirely agree with this. I have been raised to have another job lined up before quitting, and I've managed to keep that up about 95% of the time, but I've had to quit without a job lined up before for the sake of myself. I don't regret doing so.The other is that you never quit a job unless you have another one lined up. You need to keep working or you are losing that acclimatization to doing stuff that you don't like every day and it will be that much harder do do it all again when you get another job and telling yourself it's ok to quit. No, it's not okay to quit. You need to work as much as anybody else so you don't end up being a burden on the people who love and support you.
I admit I'm a little sick of hearing the "just change your perspective 4head" thing, cause I've gotten it from so many people (many of them from people that don't understand what I'm dealing with, though you seem to have a better handle on it overall) because it gives the impression that all of this I've dealt with over my life is my fault. That I didn't have the right point of view and thus has lead me to face the struggles I do every day.Now, like you've said, you can work. There's nothing wrong with you physically or mentally to prevent you doing a job satisfactorily. You just need to come up with a way of tricking yourself into changing your perspective into a better one. Like put a rubber band on your wrist that you snap every time you catch yourself thinking a way you don't want yourself. Or a mantra or a song that you repeat to force your thoughts on something else. You're only anxious as long as you keep dwelling on the source of your anxiety and it's hard to stop because you aren't in the habit of stopping. I know it feels important to keep thinking about these things and that you need to, but where's it gotten you so far? You need to form a new habit of breaking out of that loop as soon as possible and it gets easier the long you keep it up. That's what I do.
I've been changing my perspective a lot in the past 2 years, and am continuing to learn things that change it. However, changing my perspective isn't going to make my disability go away and stop being a thorn in my side I have to work around. Changing perspective isn't going to make my depression and anxiety up and disappear. Of course, you're not saying changing my perspective has to do those things for myself. But the reality is I have so much I have to deal with in my own head, and changing my perspective is only going to do so much. Even more unfortunate is that one of those things is going to stick with me for the rest of my life, because it's how my brain is functionally wired, and nothing is going to change that.
I've had job after job where I've disliked it or the people in it, but I kept going with it as long as I could handle. But they would only feed my anxiety and depression over time. Changing my perspective doesn't fix the underlining problem there. With my current job, I finally have a boss that is caring and respectful of me and my difficulties in ways I've only dreamed of. But now I'm filled with anxiety and fear that something will happen and the rug will pull out from under me, or maybe that they'll have had enough of me and want to get someone more reliable who doesn't have mental issues that my boss also has to navigate around.
Will it happen? Who knows. Can it happen? Maybe. I'm doing everything in my power to ensure it doesn't, but keeping that hopeful perspective doesn't remove the possibility, and thus doesn't remove the anxiety from inside of me that is scared the world will blind side me yet again.
That's a problem I have right now... When I go into a new job, my excitement and hopefulness for it is strong and lets me see past any issues. But over time, I see the flaws, and while I can deal with them for awhile, over time I no longer can and it's impossible to ignore. Then it starts affecting me mentally as it gets worse, and in the case of my current job, it's something that brings me fear and anxiety every day, which really does a number on me. As I said to Drathnoxis above, I drive for my work. I had my first car accident on this job. It put someone else in the hospital. It was horrifying. Now I can't escape the fear that it'll happen again. "Another accident so soon is unlikely" people say... but all my life, the world has shown me that those rare and odd chances of things happening will happen to me, it's just a matter of when.My OCD would be triggered by thoughts, like not being able to do something until it left my head, or I could think of something else, because I was convinced something bad would happen to me. As a kid growing up, it was a bit of a nightmare, especially when I hit driving age. Like one time I drove around for hours because I couldn't think of something good when I entered the town limits. That's when Prozac really was a godsend. It was somewhat easier to hide/deal with when other people were around, or I had something to do that required critical thinking.
Funny thing was it never bothered me when I played video games either.
Edit: Sorry for the long derailment here everyone!
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