North Korean Scientists Confirm That Unicorns Are Real

Andy Chalk

One Flag, One Fleet, One Cat
Nov 12, 2002
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North Korean Scientists Confirm That Unicorns Are Real


Archaeologists from the Democratic People's Republic of Korea have discovered the lair of a unicorn ridden by the founder of the ancient Koguryo Kingdom.

Koguryo (also Goguryeo [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Koguryo_Kingdom#Fall] or Kokuryo) was an ancient Korean kingdom that spanned the northern and central Korean Peninsula, as well as parts of China and Russia, until its fall in 668 CE. It was founded, according to the Korean Central News Agency of DPRK, in 277 BC by King Tongmyong. And it turns out that King Tongmyong was a serious, certifiable badass - because King Tongmyong rode a unicorn.

Archaeologists from the History Institute of the DPRK Academy of Social Sciences have "reconfirmed" the discovery of a lair of the unicorn ridden by the ancient king, which is located 200 meters from the Yongmyong Temple in Moran Hill, Pyongyang City. They know it's a unicorn lair because a rectangular rock with the words "Unicorn Lair" carved into it stands out front. The scientists believe the words date back to the Koryo Kingdom, which existed from 918 to 1392 CE.

"Korea's history books deal with the unicorn, considered to be ridden by King Tongmyong, and its lair," History Institute Director Jo Hui Sung said in a statement. "The Sogyong (Pyongyang) chapter of the old book Koryo History, said, 'Ulmil Pavilion is on the top of Mt. Kumsu, with Yongmyong Temple, one of Pyongyang's eight scenic spots, beneath it. The temple served as a relief palace for King Tongmyong, in which there is the lair of his unicorn.' The old book Sinjungdonggukyojisungnam (Revised Handbook of Korean Geography) complied in the 16th century wrote that there is a lair west of Pubyok Pavilion in Mt. Kumsu."

The discovery of the lair, he added, "proves that [North Korean capital] Pyongyang was a capital city of Ancient Korea as well as Koguryo Kingdom." That, of course, is the point: demonstrating some ancient, handed-down-from-the-gods claim of legitimacy on the Korean "kingdom." And you know what? That's good enough for me. I love science!

Source: Korean News [http://www.kcna.co.jp/item/2012/201211/news29/20121129-20ee.html]

(horn [http://psauburnchick12.deviantart.com/art/Wooden-Unicorn-Horn-PNG-100653600])


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Kopikatsu

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May 27, 2010
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Sinjungdonggukyojisungnam?

Sinjungdonggukyojisungnam?

How the hell do you even pronounce that? It looks like someone let the cat walk across their keyboard.
 

DrRockor

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Jun 24, 2008
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I told them! I told them all but they all said I was crazy. Now I have scientific proof!
 

Coach Morrison

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Jun 8, 2009
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TizzytheTormentor said:
That is all well and good, but what about Rainicorns?!
Plain unicorns are so last year...like totally!
I think the ancient mongol empire rode them into battle.
 

Burst6

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Mar 16, 2009
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I'm surprised the head of this so called group of scientists isn't actually Eric Idle. I'm expecting them to play the liberty bell march at the formal announcement.
 

KeyMaster45

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Jun 16, 2008
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TizzytheTormentor said:
That is all well and good, but what about Rainicorns?!
Plain unicorns are so last year...like totally!
Well Lady Rainicorn does speak Korean I think, so this is totally plausible. I mean it was labeled "Unicorn Lair" after all.


(This is getting kind of pathetic though, mostly because I think they actually expect people to believe their bullshit.)
 

Andy Shandy

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Jun 7, 2010
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CJ1145 said:
Can't argue with that logic.

All hail Kim Jong-Unicorn!
I'm so glad that the pun I was thinking of was used in the first reply :D

So, yes, praise be to the Glorious Leader, Kim Jong-Unicorn!
 

kommando367

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Oct 9, 2008
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That's what I kept telling 'em. Unicorns were real and they were ridden by badasses. Now who's the crazy one?

Also, I agree with Kopikatsu; how the hell do you pronounce Sinjungdonggukyojisungnam?
 

Daverson

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Nov 17, 2009
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So, wait, let me get this straight, Communists, who strongly believe that Religion is the Opiate of the masses and strongly believe that monarchy is a terrible idea, are trying to claim they're right about... something... by claiming they're... somehow connected... to a Monarchy which claimed it had the consent of God? Through Unicorns?

Well, I guess it isn't out of character, anyhow. Good to see Lil' Kim's living up to Daddy's legacy.
 

Neverhoodian

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Apr 2, 2008
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DVS BSTrD said:
So THAT's why everything is so grey and bleak over in North Korea: they're in the Twilight Zone!
Now don't overdo it with your Fancy Pants puns. The Rarity of them is what keeps them funny.

You gotta love the logic (or lack thereof) behind this:

"Oh hey, I found a sign that references unicorns! That must mean they exist!"

It's like an archeologist from the far future believing Xenomorphs are real after unearthing an old DVD of Alien.
 

MiskWisk

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Mar 17, 2012
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Uh... I am really left speechless by this
I seriously don't know what to make of it.
 

Screamarie

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Mar 16, 2008
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Well...I...suppose that the absence of evidence isn't necessarily proof that they're wrong...sort of.

Besides Lady Rainicorn and all her little "corndog" puppies exist so sure, the North Koreans had unicorns, I'll buy it.
 

Gilhelmi

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Oct 22, 2009
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zdog jr said:
TizzytheTormentor said:
That is all well and good, but what about Rainicorns?!
Plain unicorns are so last year...like totally!
I think the ancient mongol empire rode them into battle.
Well of course, that is what the mongol ghost king told me.

ALL HAIL THE GHOST KING!!!