15 Things i learned from videogames (1985-95)

[jim_doki]

If you collect 100 of anything, you become born again

Hedgehogs are the fastest creatures in the world

Strange mushrooms and bottles filled with red liquid will make you feel better most of the time

Many bushes can be cut down with a single sword stroke

Shouting moves as you do them makes them more effective

Anything that moves can potentially kill you, more often than not just by touching you

Whips are just as good as stakes on vampires

The better you can swim, the less likely it is you will drown

You can fall from any height, as long as you can see the ground

It?s an awesome idea to spin around with an extended sword

Turtles=weapons

Raccoons, foxes and Tanooki?s can fly, Echidnas can glide

If you are in perfect health, you can use a sword as a firearm

Ducking before delivering is simply the best way to execute an uppercut

There are precious few problems that can?t be solved by jumping on somebody

Add your own!

 

[Gavaroc]

If somebody kills you in the heat of battle, just use a rather oddly-named item and you'll be fine. If however someone with a reeeeeeally long sword stabs you through the chest unexpectedly, you're stuffed.

If you fall asleep on a staircase, you learn how to levitate.

Killing things makes you strong.

 

[krashdummy]

There's no point in hanging around in a city that doesn't have an auction house.

Claiming to have found somebody's dog is a perfectly legitimate reason for breaking into their house.

In case you die, you either
- Enter Free View mode.
- Need to corpserun from the nearest graveyard.
- Start from the latest checkpoint you visited.

Anything that doesn't look like it's glued to the background can, and will, break. And it'll always be awesome.

You can always exit to the character selection screen and create a new character if you're not satisfied with this one.

 

[Sexual Harassment Panda]

If ninjas kidnapped the president, only I would be a bad enough dude to save him.

 

[Markness]

Maybe we should write the game we learnt them from in brackets.

Doing the same thing over and over again will gain you sometimes completely unrelated skills and abilities, decided by God. (most rpg's)

No matter how many people you kill in a town, In about 30 minutes time they will welcome you back with open arms. (Fable)

No matter the wound, you will retain complete mobility, not suffer from bleeding etc, and white boxes instantly heal you. Or after about 5 seconds you will heal yourself (most shooters)

 

[Sexual Harassment Panda]

Maybe we should write the game we learnt them from in brackets.

Doing the same thing over and over again will gain you sometimes completely unrelated skills and abilities, decided by God. (most rpg's)

No matter how many people you kill in a town, In about 30 minutes time they will welcome you back with open arms. (Fable)

No matter the wound, you will retain complete mobility, not suffer from bleeding etc, and white boxes instantly heal you. Or after about 5 seconds you will heal yourself (most shooters)

Well apparently noone reads the in bracket parts anyway..."1985-95"

 

[Seldon2639]

The flimsiest of explanations is enough to justify massive amounts of violence (Moral Kombat, Streets of Rage), especially if you're anthropomorphic amphibians (TMNT games, Battletoads)

No matter what my background, I will be a fantastic pugilist, able to use everyday items (like crowbars and lead pipes) to beat people to death skillfully and swiftly (Streets of Rage)

These items will always be fragile enough to break after enough exposure to human skulls (Streets of Rage)

At a certain level of strength, I can talk to a priest, who will be able to change my clothes, and make me stronger (Shining Force II)

When you board an enemy ship, the only person you need to kill is the captain (Sid Meier's Pirates)

No matter what size shell it is, Mario can kick it with enough force to kill things (Super Mario RPG)

There are open pits of pure energy (which is apparently a liquid). If you fall into one, you will relive your past. Except maybe it isn't your past. (FFVII)

You should try to remember who you were in the orphanage with, it may later become exceptionally imporant (FFVIII)

Inbreeding makes the creatures you raise in videogames stronger (FFVII, Sonic Adventure)

If you talk to people, they will give you items (seemingly randomly) which will become extraordinarily important (Zelda)

No matter how fast you run into a wall, you'll be fine (Zelda). But, if you get hit by a considerably slower-moving rock shot by an enemy, you can still die.

 

[monodiabloloco]

SNES RPG Edition!:
Phoenix (or Fenix) lose feathers often yet are never seen. These feathers can bring your fallen friends back to life and can be purchased from most stores in the world.

Unless specifically directed, your companions will consistenly get caught behind stairways or statues and unable to catch up unless you go get them and hand hold them the whole way.

If you catch a fairy in a bottle, they will be grateful and later bring you back to life or heal you all the way if you release them.

Teleportation machines can be converted to time travel devices.

Dragoons can really, really jump.

 

[Spinwhiz]

There can only be fire under water if it's on a rotating stick (Mario Bros)

All enemies have a weakness, but if you don't have the right weapon to exploit it, you are screwed (Mega Man).

Getting shot you can recover from, but spikes are automatic death (Mega Man)

Screen panning = erased from existence... regardless of the platform JUST being there. Jumping down to find this platform results in more death. (Kid Icarus)

Much like a stock portfolio, it's good to have a diverse group (Final Fantasy 1)

Girls are always finding a way to get you into trouble (pick any game)...unless you are Samus...who causes trouble.

There can always be multiple endings...which makes life fun (Phantasy Star 2 and 3)

If you wake up as a Belmont, your day cannot possibly get any worse.

 

[AngryMan]

Dogs have a sadistic sense of humour (Duck Hunt)

Lemmings are humanoid, green-haired, and explosive (do I REALLY need to say which game this is from?)

One super-powerful prototype spaceship against a fleet of millions is NO PROBLEM.

all the super-powerful plasma-spitting uberguns of the future will still be less useful than an antique pump-action shotgun.

 

[Omnidum]

Fat people in red clothes are evil geniuses. (Sonic)

 

[Sib]

No matter what there will always be strange orbs littering the landscape, collection of which will make you better in some obscure way or another, they were possibly left by a demented monk (some examples from any genre)

 

[WeevilStew]

Take anything not nailed down.

Your enemies always have a weak spot. A big red weak spot.

If you screw up, you can always reload.

The best music is made on a 20 dollar casio keyboard.

Dolphins can and will save the world.

You can't spend gold coins on anything except another life.

Be in it to win it because chances are, your team mates suck.

Jump on anything that looks at you funny.

Spaceships will only attack you from the front or the back. Never from the side.

Tiny square controllers build nasty calluses on your thumbs.

You can fix something just by blowing the dust out of it.

Your parents have ceased to understand you.

The Konami code doesn't work in real life.

 

[The Franco]

Toads are flimsy creatures, despite their muscular physique. That is, unless they have ninja masks. (Battletoads and Ninja Turtles, respectively).

Casinos are mean, evil places that are impossible to navigate. (That's right, fuck you Casino Zone from Sonic 3)

Apparently a fox can pilot a spaceship against a giant monkey robot thing. (StarFox).

Farming is easy and fun! (Harvest Moon)

A bee can cast spells to protect your team from a giant alien robot, then procede to cast meteor and nuke the shit out of said alien robot. But your mom can kill the god-bee in one hit with a flyswatter. (Earthbound, particularly Buzz-Buzz)

Cultism is hilarious! (Earthbound)

Japanese people have no idea that having the default name of a character being "Poo" is completely hilarious in English to anyone of any age. (Earthbound, seriously, I can go on for ages just on that game...if I can remember the last half of it)

Princess Peach's castle has no bathrooms. (Super Mario 64)

and finally, totally serious at this time:
How to solve logic puzzles in a timely fashion. (Zelda)
I wouldn't be where I am now if I had never fallen in love with the simple puzzle solving in Link's Awakening as a kid.

 

[Iceman23]

If your loved one dies, make a pact with a shadowy god thing to kill 16 giants, and they will bring that person back, good as new. (Shadow of the Colossus)

All people, no matter how far they are from the United States, have an American accent (EDIT: Metal Gear Solid 3)

Guards will not suspect you of being a murder so long as you look like you are praying (Assassin's Creed)

It is possible to lose the police by merely having your car sprayed painted a different color (Grand Theft Auto Series)

 

[Sexual Harassment Panda]

I learnt that Mario has the patience of a saint. Seriously, I would have stopped saving Peach ages ago.

 

[smallharmlesskitten]

LAWS OF PHYSICS DO NOT EXIST (most ff series)

you can drive a car into a wall at 300 kilometres/hr and only suffer mild damage (need for speed pro street)

if you give someone emo hair and pretend that they are actually a boy when it seems like they arent they will be knee deep in girl. (againf FF series)

your enemy killing thousands of people summons a giant beast thing and turns you into a flying devil with the most kick ass gun in existance that will kill anything except slightly bigger boss monsters in one hit (final fantasy7: Dirge of Cerberus

 

[wilsonscrazybed]

Moved to the correct forum.

 

[meatloaf231]

No matter how dire the wound, anyone can recover instantly by simply getting a friend to come help them up and say something encouraging. While waiting for said friend, the person is nigh-invincible. (Co-op shooters)