15 Things i learned from videogames (1985-95)

[Duck Sandwich]

- Bimmy is a friggin' hilarious name (Double Dragon 3).

- God is fickle. If you shoot a gangster, killing him, any sins he has committed will be forgiven, and he will grow angel wings and a halo and float to heaven. If you interrupt his ascension to heaven with a well-placed bullet, he'll fall down (presumably to hell). Apparently, getting shot mid-ascension is a mortal sin. (Gangster Town)

- Karma is a *****. Shooting innocent bystanders hurts YOU. (any rail shooter)

- The human body is incredibly fragile. If you give a guy's arm a good yanking, it'll come clean off. (Mortal Kombat)

 

[arcstone]

If you'r cool, have the ability to take 30 bullets to the chest before dieing and/or tend to squeeze off a few one-liners every now and again, then you can carry as many firearms on your back as you bloody want without getting weighted down.

 

[arcstone]

Also: only blue flames melts red ice.

 

[arcstone]

And all gunshots to your head will ALWAYS make it explode, no mater the caliber. (condemned 2)

 

[DvON]

if theres someone better then you He Hacks

 

[MRMIdAS2k]

Never let a Japanese person with a level editor anywhere NEAR a Mario game of this will happen.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O75a3njbhXg

 

[Shieldsy]

- drinking anything blue will allow you to cast magic (any rpg)
- kill a shop owner and you'll get a cut of his takings when he starts business again (fable)
- pump-action shotgun > everything (any fps)
- kill enough people and you'll grow horns, and a red mist will follow you (fable)
- you can open anything, even a spanner (WoW)
- lizards can breath underwater (Oblivion)
- green mushrooms give you an extra life (Mario)
- toads have limbs that turn into large hammers (Battletoads)
- anyone japanese or chinese knows kung fu (any fighting game)
- i can make a spitfire do a backflip, bail out mid backflip, hop back in and fly away like nothing ever happened (BF1942)
- i can make a apache do a barrel roll and survive to tell the tail
- physics is optional

Cheers

Shieldsy

 

[killhour]

If there's a lever, pull it. If you weren't supposed to pull it, it wouldn't be there.

You can use military weaponry / fly a spaceship / summon creatures from hell, yet you are totally incapable of pressing any button smaller than your head.

Doors are always the same color as their keys. They are also indestructible.

You can only carry 99 of anything - regardless of size or weight.

You are likely to be killed by a grue.

Every family has an evil madman in it. It is most likely your brother or dad. It is up to you to kill him - at least 3 times.

 

[iamnotincompliance]

You are likely to be killed by a grue.

Props to the obscure reference. Am I allowed to give props at only 30 posts? I don't care, props anyway.

 

[Billabong Pobblecock]

1. If I save a girl it is my right to marry her. So I didnt really save her more as just took some ones sex slave and am calling it my own now.
2. No matter how many times i am shot if i duck behind a rock for 30 seconds i will be in perfect health again.
3. I can carry several hundred pounds of magical yard toys in a 3x3x3 backpack.
4. Anyone german deserves to die.
5. One man can win a war.
6. You only die once. Then you load so no big deal.
7. You can jump again in mid air.
8. Eating mushrooms rocks and makes you think you have extra lives.
9. Collect enough money and you can buy another life.(so very true)
10. Everyone speaks enlish. If they dont, shoot them.
11. The forces of hell cant stand up to a shotgun. Who needs to pray when they sell those at Wal-Mart.
12. Rolling is faster than walking or running.
13. You make money by breaking things, not fixing them.
14. Jumping on somethings head will kill it. (which in real life would probably snap its necks so i guess that would be true.)
15. If you stand on a skateboard it will be self-propelled. No need for pushing off.

 

[Billabong Pobblecock]

-throwing balls at random animals will cause them to instantly obey your every command.

If i can hit animals with my balls and they dont bite them then they are obeying me

 

[TheMadDoctorsCat]

As regards the "projectile attacks" thing, don't forget Alex Kidd.

I'd have to go with the old "A raw chicken will completely heal you and poses no thread of salmonella; a raw apple rejuvenates half your health and poses no risk of pesticide poisoning." Yes, even Donald Duck got to eat chicken in one of his less imaginative platformers... God knows what the kids made of that one...?

 

[TheMadDoctorsCat]

Your bullets travel super-fast and sometimes in pretty patterns. Enemy bullets travel slow enough to avoid them but in far greater quantities. (Robocop vs. Terminator and half the other platform-based shoot-em-ups ever created for the Genesis / SNES.)

 

[Anarchemitis]

Just like in Garry's Mod:
Welds are not real welds and the speed of light is 111mph.

Science still never ever works.

 

[DeVoyd]

You can't trust the kilrathi or any of your wingmen, but you never learn (wing commander series)

Rubber Chickens and Pulleys are vital, keep them with you at all times (Monkey Island series)