Science Proves Frank West's Zombie Survival Strategy Correct

John Funk

U.N. Owen Was Him?
Dec 20, 2005
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Science Proves Frank West's Zombie Survival Strategy Correct



A newly published physics paper says that in the event of a zombie outbreak, your best bet for survival is to hide out in a sprawling mall.

Physicist Davide Cassi at the Università di Parma in Italy asked himself the question: If I were being chased by predatory "random walkers," what would be the best hiding place to maximize my chances of survival? For the purpose of the paper, "random walkers" refers to entities that wander without direction or purpose, and who kill any human beings they come across. In other words, zombies.

Cassi used a physics model - called, of course, a "random walking" model - to predict the movement behavior of these not!zombies, and found that the chances of survival were significantly higher for someone hiding (presumably remaining motionless) in a complex structure such as a school or a shopping mall. Basically, the more hallways, stairways, and rooms a given building has, the less likely you are to be surprised by some hungry flesh-eaters.

Of course, this study doesn't take into account the zombies' ability (if any) to track down their prey via, say, sense of smell. On the other hand, nor does it account for the humans' ability to make like Frank West (or Dead Rising 2's Chuck Greene) and grab the nearest lawnmower, either.

So there we have it, folks. In the event of the zombie apocalypse (or, "zombocalypse") head for the nearest major shopping center.

Davide Cassi's paper will be published in Physical Review E [http://pre.aps.org/].

(Capcom-Unity [http://www.livescience.com/strangenews/090928-zombies.html])

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Lord George

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Aug 25, 2008
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See this is what science should be about, researching the important things like how to avoid the impending zombie apocalypse. Or "Random Walkerpocalypse"
 

ae86gamer

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Mar 10, 2009
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Well, if the zombie outbreak does happen I know where I'm going... I'm gonna go to The Mall of America! ^_^
 

Diablini

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May 24, 2009
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No. A mall would be crowded as Max Brooks would tell you. Social conflict may take it's toll and also food may be a problem. My home has a lockable steel door. The building's door is also lockable. The very narrow stairs can be very easily blocked by a few heavy props and zombies can't use the elevator. So we are again invincible but aren't in threat of a social conflict.
 

Jedoro

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Jun 28, 2009
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Just be sure to get everyone strip-searched to make sure no one was bitten
 

LockeDown

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Sep 27, 2009
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I disagree. I think the safest place to go would be Alaska. Everyone knows zombies are not equipped to deal with a snow-and-ice environment.
 

Frank_Sinatra_

Digs Giant Robots
Dec 30, 2008
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ae86gamer said:
Well, if the zombie outbreak does happen I know where I'm going... I'm gonna go to The Mall of America! ^_^
Can I join? I'll bring the C4 and assault rifles. :D
 

plastic_window

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Jun 29, 2008
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Well it's not like Frank West went to the mall in order to escape or hold off the zombies, he just went there on a tip and made the best of the situation.

If Zombie Apocalypse happened one day, I think I'd check out the shopping centre near my house. It's the only place that has any kind of firearms besides the police station - but we all know that you can't trust the authorities when Zombie Apocalypse happens.
 

quiet_samurai

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Apr 24, 2009
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lol, I could have told you this, without a fancy schnamcy degree and a neat little title before my name. It's good we have our priorities straight as far a research goes.

Besides, no one place is safe.... only safer.
 

Treblaine

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Jul 25, 2008
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Hmm, but what if they come to the mall for some other reason?

Stephen: "Some kind of instinct. Memory, of what they used to do. This was an important place in their lives."

Classic Dawn of the Dead FTW!
 

ae86gamer

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Mar 10, 2009
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LockeDown said:
I disagree. I think the safest place to go would be Alaska. Everyone knows zombies are not equipped to deal with a snow-and-ice environment.
RE: Code Veronica. Almost half of it takes place in Antarctica.

Frank_Sinatra_ said:
ae86gamer said:
Well, if the zombie outbreak does happen I know where I'm going... I'm gonna go to The Mall of America! ^_^
Can I join? I'll bring the C4 and assault rifles. :D
Of course you can! The more the merrier! Besides, if you come then there is less chance of me getting eaten alive. :D
 

danosaurus

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Mar 11, 2008
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A mall? How quaint.

Myself, well I'm more of a sit-in-penthouse-and-sniper-from-luxury kinda guy.
.308, Surplus of Vodka, tonne of bacon and eggs and a spa.

I think I've got it sussed pretty good.
 

CaptainCrunch

Imp-imation Department
Jul 21, 2008
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Fanusc101 said:
Well, apparently Mister Cassi hasn't read the Zombie Survival Guide
Apparently Mr. Cassi is too busy conducting actual science (albeit ridiculous) to read a satirical work of fiction, by a former SNL writer.