I went thru this a couple years back. this all sounds eerily familiar. we were both gamers, though of different types. but neither of us had any prior mmo experience. of the two of us I was the only one who had played regular rpgs, and tabletop rpgs too. maybe thats why I Dont like mmos, no story driven by anything I do
anyway
it was somewhat stable, we had compromised on a WoW schedule, but over time she grew dissatisfied with that.
when her professional situation took a downturn she entered the skipping work and forgetting to eat/hygiene stage
watching someone you love completely breakdown like that and not care about it themselves is a horrific thing to experience. Intervention would have been difficult because we were in a new city, she had lost all her friends outside of the game and her family doesnt believe in this sort of thing. I consulted an old rooommates' wife who is a social worker, she said as long as she hadnt yet been fired Intervention was premature. In retrospect the social worker was wrong a) she didnt understand gaming anyway and b) in my ex's line of work, termination was extremely rare and unlikely.
in the end she left, and ended up at her folks house for awhile still putting in 100+hrs of WoW a week. hope they believe in it now.
dunno where she is. wherever she is I hope she's more...balanced.
but I know what it is like to not want to give up, to want to fight for her, fight for US.
but sometimes...it's already too late.
I tried, and I begged, I used math to show how many hours in the week were left for us (less than 5 coutning wow, commute, work if she went, etc), I knew she was unhappy at work and with the situation in general, but she didnt wanna talk about it or do anything. nothing except raid.
I hope you two can find someway to work this out. from my subjective and biased perspective however, it doesnt look good. if she won't listen, if she won't moderate because you asked her too, try to find a marriage counselor who isn't 20 years behind the times, failing that...Bail.
it's not just her life she's wasting, it's yours too. you made a commitment and I respect that but SO DID SHE. and she is NOT respecting that.
any relationship is a two-way street. if you're the only one putting any effort in...then she is already gone.
and if she thinks that her fair amount of effort in the relationship is to put up with you bothering her while she raids...then it's time to go.
sorry I dont have something more positive to say. best of luck.