Vader Wants You to Know: Obi-Wan is Dead

vansau

Mortician of Love
May 25, 2010
6,107
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Vader Wants You to Know: Obi-Wan is Dead



This is a major victory against the Rebel Alliance, but the Dark Lord of the Sith won't release photos of the body ...

The news of Osama Bin Laden's death has been met with wide variety of reactions, including parodies and <a href=http://www.escapistmagazine.com/news/view/109860-Game-Lets-You-Kill-Bin-Laden-Again-and-Again-and-Again>videogame send-ups. However, a new satire on the Web shows how the news would've been broken if it had been Darth Vader addressing the death of another dangerous terrorist: Obi-Wan Kenobi.

A fake version of the New York Times website -dubbed the "Galactic Empire Times"- is running a front-page story (accompanied by the picture of Vader at a pulpit) that talks about how Galactic Empire forces were able to kill its number one enemy. According to the story:

"For over two decades, Kenobi has been the Jedi rebellion's leader and symbol," the Lord of the Sith said in a statement broadcast across the galaxy via HoloNet. "The death of Kenobi marks the most significant achievement to date in our empire's effort to defeat the rebel alliance. But his death does not mark the end of our effort. There's no doubt that the rebellion will continue to pursue attacks against us. We must and we will remain vigilant at home and abroad."

The story also features various multi-media tie-ins (which link to a Star Wars wiki site), as well as a link to the original story shown on the New York Times official site.

The site is a pretty clever piece of satire, apparently created by Robert Scott [http://robertscottart.com/] in New York. Hopefully he'll do a follow-up piece where Vader addresses conspiracy theories about the news; you know, the ones where people say the story was made up to distract from his fake birth certificate.

Source: Galactic Empire Times Online





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Kuchinawa212

New member
Apr 23, 2009
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Tch.
Coverup. They didn't nab all of Obi's cohorts. I bet they'll have some guy as bad, or worse come up and want to avenge him or something.
 

Smeagol150

Emperor of the Moon
Oct 20, 2008
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Sure, Vader will claim all the credit, but we all know that the last Sith Lord did all the work. Vader will just use this in his reelection campaign.
 

GrimTuesday

New member
May 21, 2009
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Just fucking brilliant, I'm glad to see that such a vile monster has been brought to justice.
 

Quaxar

New member
Sep 21, 2009
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I believe this is the proper time to talk with people about joining the forces.

Have you considered coming to the Navy yet? Think about it, think about the possibilities! The freedom! The adventures!
http://www.pbh2.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/explore-the-galaxy2.jpg
 

manythings

New member
Nov 7, 2009
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HankMan said:
Jamboxdotcom said:
Bullshit! Where's the frakkin' body?!

[small]seriously, how did no one beat me to that joke?[/small]
I'ma still waiting on that birth certificate
he can't even tell us who his father was.

It's because I wasn't online when they posted this
Would you want people to know your father was a retarded plot device?

EDIT: Read the comments below, some are amazing like the Gear Hutt spam bot.
 

Reed Spacer

That guy with the thing.
Jan 11, 2011
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Lord Vader has denied requests to present photographs of the body, describing them as "too gruesome" for the general public.
This coming from a guy who has a face like a half-eaten albino prune...
 

LongAndShort

I'm pretty good. Yourself?
May 11, 2009
2,376
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Jamboxdotcom said:
Bullshit! Where's the frakkin' body?!

[small]seriously, how did no one beat me to that joke?[/small]
The same reason why I'm the first to say:

Your lack of faith disturbs me.