Police Called After Banana-Man Attacks Gorilla-Man in Ohio

John Funk

U.N. Owen Was Him?
Dec 20, 2005
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Police Called After Banana-Man Attacks Gorilla-Man in Ohio

[mediaite=VYLC9G2YX6728XCD]​
A costumed altercation in Strongsville, Ohio is causing all sorts of havoc in the food chain.

We here on The Escapist have mostly free rein to write about whatever we want as long as it in some way dovetails with videogames and gamer culture - which mostly means that anything sufficiently nerdy is fair game. At other times, however, we're sent stories that for whatever reason, we just can't not write them up. This is one of those times.

Law enforcement officers in the town of Strongsville, OH are looking for a banana on the run. Rather, they're looking for a man in a banana costume, who last week attacked an employee at Wireless Center while the man was outside promoting sales on cell phones. Which ordinarily wouldn't be all that amusing, except that the employee in question was dressed as a gorilla.

The story of a banana attacking a gorilla is pretty funny in itself, but what makes this so surreal - and so hilarious - is the report on it by local news station Fox 8 Cleveland [http://www.fox8.com/news/wjw-strongsville-banana-attacks-gorilla-mascot-mr-txt,0,7580867.story], which you can see here to the right. Seriously, just watch the video. No, watch it right now.

The reporter's insistence on using some truly wretched banana puns is entertaining enough, but it gets all the stranger when the report continually refers to "the gorilla," as if it were a genuine great ape and not just a man in a mascot uniform. But without a doubt, the best part is manager Brandon Parham's description of the attack.

"The kid in mid-air, flying like this ... like a Spartan from [the film] 300, except he was a banana."

That's an amazing mental image and I will treasure it until the day I die. You can't make this stuff up, folks.

Happy Friday.

(Mediaite [http://www.fox8.com/news/wjw-strongsville-banana-attacks-gorilla-mascot-mr-txt,0,7580867.story])

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imnot

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Apr 23, 2010
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Not normal of the food chain eh?

THanks for making my day, which os soemthing considering i've been up for 14 hours now.
THats 14 hours of day you just beat.
 

Sparrow

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Feb 22, 2009
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It's like they designed a story with the idea of creating as many opportunities for puns as possible.

Regardless, I'm happy the guy in the gorilla costume didn't get angry after he was talked. I myself would have gone ape.
 
May 5, 2010
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Actually, one of my friends is planning something...similar. You see, in my area there is a Chick-Fil-A restaurant. As part of their advertising, they have a person in cow costume standing outside urging people to "Eat Mor Chiken". Cute right? Well, my friend just happens to own a chicken costume. And that's all I'm gonna say on the matter.


OT: A banana sprinting towards and then tackling a man in a gorilla suit is indeed a hilarious image, but that guy sounded like a moron. He pronounced "spartan" all weird.
 

Quaxar

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Sep 21, 2009
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Well, obviously that guy was bananas. I just hope not too many idiots see that. You know the old saying: monkey see, monkey do.

I like noticing those stories early so I still have time to make my terrible puns look original enough to be funny...
 

PureIrony

Slightly Sarcastic At All Times
Aug 12, 2010
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Of course he won. The banana was the one using guerrilla tactics. God, that was terrible.

Its times like this I wish Hankman didn't get his ass banned.
 

Blow_Pop

Supreme Evil Overlord
Jan 21, 2009
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and its stories like this that are currently getting me through this hell of babysitting. Thanks for the laugh. And hopefully the guy looks out for bananas in the future.
 

Not G. Ivingname

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Nov 18, 2009
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That was amusing, and this is obviously just an attempt at a joke at who ever was the banana, but this was unexpected.
 

teebeeohh

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Jun 17, 2009
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*blank*
oh man, i had so many puns in my head when i read that article but now they are all gone. damn vodka.
 

Treblaine

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Jul 25, 2008
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Wow In america they pay you to stand around with sign in stupid costume?

The economy is not THAT bad if there are still such superfluous jobs in existence. Go to some Eastern Europe where the best work you'll find is digging ditches for 12 hours a day.
 

Parivir

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Jul 20, 2009
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Treblaine said:
Wow In america they pay you to stand around with sign in stupid costume?

The economy is not THAT bad if there are still such superfluous jobs in existence. Go to some Eastern Europe where the best work you'll find is digging ditches for 12 hours a day.
Your avatar is so very VERY appropriate

But yeah after reading that story my face was frozen in a bwuh?!? position for a good min.
 

FalloutJack

Bah weep grah nah neep ninny bom
Nov 20, 2008
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I believe the following is all that needs to be said...


If that ain't what they're referencing, I don't know what it is.
 

Valagetti

Good Coffee, cheaper than prozac
Aug 20, 2010
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Yeah FOX we are going to start to take you seriuosly now, after attacking POrtal 2 with the weakest of all arguemnts. Oooh anything to rise your viewing!