Terrifying Kissing Device Enables Long-Distance Love, Sort Of

Hevva

Shipwrecked, comatose, newsie
Aug 2, 2011
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Terrifying Kissing Device Enables Long-Distance Love, Sort Of


Pucker up, baby.

Long-distance relationships, especially the romantic kind, can be tough. Partners miss a million lovely little things while they're apart, with the perennial act of kissing leaving one of the largest and most irritating gaps. But what if you could close that gap with the assistance of a pair of robotic lips stuck to a giant plastic egg? That's right - that thing to the right is a long-distance kiss simulator.

The lip-egg is none other than the "Kissenger," a long-distance kissing solution developed by Singapore-based tech firm right here [http://www.lovotics.com/].

"People have found it a very positive way to improve intimacy in communications with their partners when they are apart," said Lovotics' Hooman Samani, adding that he is not interested in "sexual uses for [the Kissenger]."

Thankfully, Samani also indicated that the device pictured is still just a concept (though whether it stands as an improvement on previous iterations [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oSckuNlzQdM] of the Kissenger, which featured googly eyes and fluffy ears, remains to be seen). According to him, no Kissengers will be unleashed on the public until "all the ethical and technical considerations are covered."

"The main aim is to improve long-distance relationships. We've taken several steps to minimize the creepiness," added Samani.

Whatever you say, dude. While the Kissenger is an admirable concept, it's just...I mean, look at that thing. Although the other most notable attempt [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PspagsTFvlg&feature=player_embedded#!] at designing a long-distance kiss machine wound up looking like a pencil sharpener with a straw shoved in one end, at least it couldn't frown at you. Or who knows - maybe that's a good thing. Maybe once these things hit the market we'll discover that the technology behind them works well enough to genuinely deliver the feeling of a kiss across distance, resulting in improvements in mood across the globe. How could that ever be a bad thing? In that spirit, go kiss someone you love for the fun of it just now if you're able. And when you're done, don't forget to thank whatever spirits or stars you like best that you didn't have to do it using Mr. Potato Head's faceless cousin up there.


Source: New Scientist [http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn22073-kissing-device-lets-you-send-a-longdistance-smooch.html]







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Ed130 The Vanguard

(Insert witty quote here)
Sep 10, 2008
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That image looks like something out of a nightmare I had once.

Which I'm probably going to have again tonight.
 

Vigilantis

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Jan 14, 2010
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Jesus christ, that image is pure nightmare fuel.

You'd have to be pretty desperate to get your face close to that thing, let alone put your lips to it.

Edit: Watched the video explaining the device...do they expect people to carry this thing around as if its a cell phone for on the go kissing? Were I at the cafe that lady was using this thing in I'd swear I was going insane.
 

Ruedyn

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Jun 29, 2011
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... I know it's inappropriate but... Does it do blowjobs? It has the mouth, don't look at me like that!
 

Able Seacat

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Jun 18, 2012
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Reminds me of the big bang theory (the show).

It's just so disturbing looking. I wonder if they'll start work on the rest of the body... ew.
 

SpaceBat

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Jul 9, 2011
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Hevva said:
We've taken several steps to minimize the creepiness," added Samani.
So what they have now is an improved, less creepy version?
Holy shit, what did the prototypes look like? This?
 

incal11

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Oct 24, 2008
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Add randomly placed nose and eyes and this would be a very nice behelit.
http://berserk.wikia.com/wiki/Behelit
 

antipunt

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Jan 3, 2009
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.....

looks like something I created on Spore Creature Creator once

>_>

<_<

(don't judge me)
 

Phasmal

Sailor Jupiter Woman
Jun 10, 2011
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Okay, if I had this I couldn't not put massive hipster glasses on it.
Why does it look so disappointed?
 

tehweave

Gaming Wildlife
Apr 5, 2009
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Um... Ew?

Also... *SHRIEK*

Plus... NOPE.

Altogether we get a big ol' stinking: Don't ever market this. Please.
 

DEAD34345

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Aug 18, 2010
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The only step that could minimise the creepiness of that thing would involve high-yield explosives. What the hell was going through the minds of the beings who thought up such a thing!? They can't seriously be expecting people to buy them, I refuse to accept such a reality.


You've gained a new quality: Nightmares at 7 - THEY ARE COMING THEY ARE COMING THEY ARE COMING!
 

HardRockSamurai

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May 28, 2008
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oh my god..........the Photoshop potential for this thing is through the roof!!!

*a few minutes later*

TAH-DAHHHH!!!

 

Phasmal

Sailor Jupiter Woman
Jun 10, 2011
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HardRockSamurai said:
oh my god..........the Photoshop potential for this thing is through the roof!!!

*a few minutes later*

TAH-DAHHHH!!!
Please put hipster glasses on it.
It must be done.
I wish I still had photoshop, this thing is perfect for it.
Also, that looks awesome.