300 Ninjas RPG

[SpaceSpork]

This is an awesome forum RPG that is awesome. Reply to do something. Duh.

You are walking into a cave (No real reason, just caves are cool) when you are jumped by 300 ninjas. These ninjas are all carrying Katanas and are prepared to kill you if it's the last thing they do. You are armed with a 2 ft. stick and a small can of tuna. What do you do?

HINT: The key to get much WIN in this game is to think of the second least logical thing to do, and do it.

 

[darkenergy134]

Open the can of tuna, throw the stick at the Ninjas, and yell "Fetch", causing the Tuna to jump out of the can and start attacking the ninjas.

 

[ravensshade]

Do a slapstick routine with the stick and randomly throw Tuna at the ninja's

 

[Sam G]

Spear a ninja through the eye with the stick and wield him as a ninja-stick-spear.
Also, throw the tuna into the middle of the crowd to distract them with the promise of delicious fish.

 

[SpaceSpork]

Open the can of tuna, throw the stick at the Ninjas, and yell "Fetch", causing the Tuna to jump out of the can and start attacking the ninjas.

Your tuna army attacks the Ninjas with all their tuna-y might, but the number of Ninjas simply overwhelms the tuna army. There are now only 150 Ninjas.
What do you do?

 

[SpaceSpork]

Do a slapstick routine with the stick and randomly throw Tuna at the ninja's

All the Ninjas are surprised because of this tuna throwage, and are instantly defeated. Suddenly, Roger Ebert comes out of nowhere and says, "The slapstick routine was okay. I give it 3.5 stars out of 5."
What do you do?

 

[SpaceSpork]

Spear a ninja through the eye with the stick and wield him as a ninja-stick-spear.
Also, throw the tuna into the middle of the crowd to distract them with the promise of delicious fish.

The Ninja drops his Katana, and you see a map fall out of his pocket. The Ninjas, upon seeing the delicious tuna, go into a delicious-seizure and die instantly.
What do you do?

 

[SpaceSpork]

I get my army of pirates to kill them.

Your pirates aren't as cool as Ninjas, so the Ninjas kill you.
YOU LOSE
TRY AGAIN

 

[darkenergy134]

Now, I run and grab the stick, and furiously rub it against cave wall. With a spark, it ignites the stick. I raise it high in the air and say "Look, I have discovered fire!", hoping to inspire the ninjas.

 

[SpaceSpork]

Spoiler: Basically, this:

Suddenly, all the Ninjas disappear in a puff of smoke and Darth Nihilus appears in their place. "Ha ha!"
It shouts. "I got a 8.8 on my Gamestop review, while YOU only got an 8.0! I challenge you to a Pokemon battle!" He sends out Mr. T, while you have out Cthulu. Your Cthulu can use Doom and Kxnoxoph'thlnox. Which one do you use?

 

[SpaceSpork]

Now, I run and grab the stick, and furiously rub it against cave wall. With a spark, it ignites the stick. I raise it high in the air and say "Look, I have discovered fire!", hoping to inspire the ninjas.

The Ninjas stare unflinchingly into the fire.
What do you do?

 

[SpaceSpork]

I get my army of pirates to kill them.

Your pirates aren't as cool as Ninjas.

I dare you to say that to Jack Sparrow.

I dare you to say that to a Ninja.

 

[darkenergy134]

"Oh well, then," I say, before performing an intense juggling routine with the torch. I then take the can of tuna, and pour the oil onto my mouth. With that, I breath into the torch, causing a stream of fire to emerge.

 

[lodo_bear]

Oh boy!

You are walking into a cave (No real reason, just caves are cool) when you are jumped by 300 ninjas. These ninjas are all carrying Katanas and are prepared to kill you if it's the last thing they do. You are armed with a 2 ft. stick and a small can of tuna. What do you do?

First, I carve a bokken out of the stick. Holding it in my right hand, I pick up the can of tuna with my left hand and, turning to face the ninja (I prefer to pluralize it without adding an "s"), I speak in my loudest and most inspiring voice:
"Ninja! Free men! Behold this tuna! It once was free, as you are! Free to roam the ocean, to eat and to sleep, to live and to love! See how it is now! A helpless prisoner of an aluminum cage, deprived of its native water and the light of our blessed sun! And worse, this innocent tuna is not alone. The corporations, that we have made our masters, send out their cursed fleets daily, stealing tuna from their homes in great swathes using their terrible nets. They entomb their victims within cans and barter them for the amusement and consumption of soulless consumer drones in exchange for filthy lucre!"
I raise my bokken high. "For too long, good men have done nothing as innocent fish have been sealed away in metal jails! No more! This canned tuna shall be the last! Join me, ninja! Aid me in my quest to liberate the tuna! We shall destroy their captors and save their kind! This is our cause! This is our mission! THIS! IS! TUNA!"

 

[Sam G]

Spear a ninja through the eye with the stick and wield him as a ninja-stick-spear.
Also, throw the tuna into the middle of the crowd to distract them with the promise of delicious fish.

The Ninja drops his Katana, and you see a map fall out of his pocket. The Ninjas, upon seeing the delicious tuna, go into a delicious-seizure and die instantly.
What do you do?

I'll create a spark using the katana and empty tuna tin, ignite the map, and use that flame to cremate all the ninjas.

 

[SpaceSpork]

Oh boy!

You are walking into a cave (No real reason, just caves are cool) when you are jumped by 300 ninjas. These ninjas are all carrying Katanas and are prepared to kill you if it's the last thing they do. You are armed with a 2 ft. stick and a small can of tuna. What do you do?

First, I carve a bokken out of the stick. Holding it in my right hand, I pick up the can of tuna with my left hand and, turning to face the ninja (I prefer to pluralize it without adding an "s"), I speak in my loudest and most inspiring voice:
"Ninja! Free men! Behold this tuna! It once was free, as you are! Free to roam the ocean, to eat and to sleep, to live and to love! See how it is now! A helpless prisoner of an aluminum cage, deprived of its native water and the light of our blessed sun! And worse, this innocent tuna is not alone. The corporations, that we have made our masters, send out their cursed fleets daily, stealing tuna from their homes in great swathes using their terrible nets. They entomb their victims within cans and barter them for the amusement and consumption of soulless consumer drones in exchange for filthy lucre!"
I raise my bokken high. "For too long, good men have done nothing as innocent fish have been sealed away in metal jails! No more! This canned tuna shall be the last! Join me, ninja! Aid me in my quest to liberate the tuna! We shall destroy their captors and save their kind! This is our cause! This is our mission! THIS! IS! TUNA!"

The Ninjas shout "Tally-Ho!", run off, and destroy Wal-Mart. You are a bit sad, because that's where you get your DVDs. Oh well. One of the Ninjas seems to have dropped a pocketbook out of their pocket, though. . . .
The 300 Ninjas RPG Walkthrough. . . .
What do you do?

 

[SpaceSpork]

Spear a ninja through the eye with the stick and wield him as a ninja-stick-spear.
Also, throw the tuna into the middle of the crowd to distract them with the promise of delicious fish.

The Ninja drops his Katana, and you see a map fall out of his pocket. The Ninjas, upon seeing the delicious tuna, go into a delicious-seizure and die instantly.
What do you do?

I'll create a spark using the katana and empty tuna tin, ignite the map, and use that flame to cremate all the ninjas.

It seems that the Ninjas have fire-proof Ninja suits.
Suddenly, an AK-47 appears in your hand. (Thanks to the wonders of random matter generation.)
What do you do?

 

[SpaceSpork]

"Oh well, then," I say, before performing an intense juggling routine with the torch. I then take the can of tuna, and pour the oil onto my mouth. With that, I breath into the torch, causing a stream of fire to emerge.

The Ninjas quickly run away.
What do you do?

 

[lodo_bear]

The Ninjas shout "Tally-Ho!", run off, and destroy Wal-Mart. You are a bit sad, because that's where you get your DVDs. Oh well. One of the Ninjas seems to have dropped a pocketbook out of their pocket, though. . . .
The 300 Ninjas RPG Walkthrough. . . .
What do you do?

I pick up the RPG Walkthrough and stare at it intently. What can it mean? Wait...it means the reality I'm in now must be an RPG!
"Aha!" I declare. "I shall enter the Konami Code [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Konami_Code]!"
I jump twice, duck twice, step left, then right, then left and right again, then shout "B! A!" at the top of my lungs.

 

[ravensshade]

Do a slapstick routine with the stick and randomly throw Tuna at the ninja's

All the Ninjas are surprised because of this tuna throwage, and are instantly defeated. Suddenly, Roger Ebert comes out of nowhere and says, "The slapstick routine was okay. I give it 3.5 stars out of 5."
What do you do?

i thank him for the reasonable score then walk past him.