Gaming Parents
- Thread starter Mark J Kline
- Start date
See, this is why i won´t have children. Those little brats take up to much of my time.
For me, life when i´m not working and/or helping out around the house is time that should be spent on me, and me only. Because noone is more important in the world then yourself.
For me, life when i´m not working and/or helping out around the house is time that should be spent on me, and me only. Because noone is more important in the world then yourself.
A great article and one that speaks to me.
I've recently had to shoulder the weight of the new hat called "Dad". I remember when my little girl first came into this world; I responded very poorly.
I was slowly realizing this change in my life's focus that you mentioned. The being put down to Number 3, the extra pressure on career, the life that is completely dependent on my wife and I.
I actually had a very negative physical response to this realization. I felt ill, fatigued, and scared as I was slowly coming to terms with these new facts about my life. At moments, I even grew resentful towards my little girl. I couldn't be myself anymore, I couldn't do the things I love.
Luckily, during this process, I was very aware of myself and was able to transition through the thick of it with my wife's aid. It was a huge hurdle for me and one that I did not foresee.
Today, I don't game as often as I'd like but I would never want to face the cost of having that time again.
Thank you Dr. Mark and the topic contributor.
I've recently had to shoulder the weight of the new hat called "Dad". I remember when my little girl first came into this world; I responded very poorly.
I was slowly realizing this change in my life's focus that you mentioned. The being put down to Number 3, the extra pressure on career, the life that is completely dependent on my wife and I.
I actually had a very negative physical response to this realization. I felt ill, fatigued, and scared as I was slowly coming to terms with these new facts about my life. At moments, I even grew resentful towards my little girl. I couldn't be myself anymore, I couldn't do the things I love.
Luckily, during this process, I was very aware of myself and was able to transition through the thick of it with my wife's aid. It was a huge hurdle for me and one that I did not foresee.
Today, I don't game as often as I'd like but I would never want to face the cost of having that time again.
Thank you Dr. Mark and the topic contributor.
Yeah... after moving in with my girlfriend, my gaming hours have plumetted. She still can get annoyed at me for gaming, but I feel I'm doing a good job with taking care of responsibilities first (cooking, cleaning, couple time etc). But anyway, I think it's pretty immature for the husband to have tantrums about not gaming... I mean maybe he has some psycological issue here but really, if I'm too busy with life to game for a day or two I just think, no worries, I'll treat myself to an afternoon of gaming this weekend or whatever (and maybe let my gf know haha!)
My wife and I would never have made through my nine-year-old early years without Diablo II. No, a baby does not require constant attention. I think availability is the better word. Mostly, a baby just sleeps, making him perfect for Diablo II 
Of course, once he started scooting about, that was a different story. My gaming suffered seriously between the ages of 1 and 5, but once 5 hit, we had a new player . . . although we never could get him into Diablo II
Of course, once he started scooting about, that was a different story. My gaming suffered seriously between the ages of 1 and 5, but once 5 hit, we had a new player . . . although we never could get him into Diablo II 
Interesting article, this adds up with Dr. Mark's other articles about growing up.
I don't have a child and I even don't have a girlfriend right now, but reading this is very interesting.
I don't have a child and I even don't have a girlfriend right now, but reading this is very interesting.
I have a bit of a problem with the woman who wrote in here. While I agree that the husband here is acting like an immature child, with the way the wife said "My husband and I grew up with video games. It was alright until both of us needed to grow up for real. He joined the air force, and we had a baby" She was saying that the only people who play games are those that haven't "grown up for real". It seems that she is implying that games are strictly for children, and those adults that enjoy the hobby are immature. Maybe i'm wrong here, but tghat's what it seems like she's saying at the beginning.
"His needs becoming number three on the priority list, or lower if you have a pet"?
Is this a joke?
One more reason why i will never, ever want or have kids. Aside from the fact i just don't like children anyway - honestly, i will never see the appeal to "raising a family". Maybe i'm just hedonistic and selfish, but that's my life choice.
Honestly, it's articles like these that make me glad to be single. Companionship is nice, but i'm not willing to become some kind of zombified slave for it. Fuck that.
I thought the article itself was good, though. Dr. Mark is quite insightful and never seems to swing the blame either way. It's good to see he acknowledges that "growing up" can be hard for a lot of new fathers and that the addiction to gaming may be covering up some kind of mental disorder that would be best examined by a professional. I think a lot of people dismiss this when it's brought up, but i can speak from (relative) experience that this can genuinely be the case at times. I suffer from an anxiety disorder, and video games are the primary way in which i deal with it or hide it. As a side note, i have been seeing a therapist and working with CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) for about a year now. Honestly, i don't feel it's working and that leaves me a little scared - and dare i say, makes me recede further into my fantasy worlds. I think people need to be more brave in seeing if there is a mental issue behind it and try to deal with it as best they can. On the flip-side, people can over-react or expect too much from their partners "Oh my god, he plays that thing 4 to 5 hours a day, it's out of control" and try to change that about them or complain about it, which only makes the person in question more hostile.
I hope that woman's husband is able to deal with his addiction to video games in a healthy way and keeps that family together.
Is this a joke?
One more reason why i will never, ever want or have kids. Aside from the fact i just don't like children anyway - honestly, i will never see the appeal to "raising a family". Maybe i'm just hedonistic and selfish, but that's my life choice.
Honestly, it's articles like these that make me glad to be single. Companionship is nice, but i'm not willing to become some kind of zombified slave for it. Fuck that.
I thought the article itself was good, though. Dr. Mark is quite insightful and never seems to swing the blame either way. It's good to see he acknowledges that "growing up" can be hard for a lot of new fathers and that the addiction to gaming may be covering up some kind of mental disorder that would be best examined by a professional. I think a lot of people dismiss this when it's brought up, but i can speak from (relative) experience that this can genuinely be the case at times. I suffer from an anxiety disorder, and video games are the primary way in which i deal with it or hide it. As a side note, i have been seeing a therapist and working with CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) for about a year now. Honestly, i don't feel it's working and that leaves me a little scared - and dare i say, makes me recede further into my fantasy worlds. I think people need to be more brave in seeing if there is a mental issue behind it and try to deal with it as best they can. On the flip-side, people can over-react or expect too much from their partners "Oh my god, he plays that thing 4 to 5 hours a day, it's out of control" and try to change that about them or complain about it, which only makes the person in question more hostile.
I hope that woman's husband is able to deal with his addiction to video games in a healthy way and keeps that family together.
This. Modern parents often pay too much attention to their babies/children. Babies want to be with you while you do what you do, not to be fussed over constantly.Jacob.pederson said:
It's hard to explain to brand new first time parents that they are only babies for a short while. I just had a baby in December, and my gaming has taken a hit, but I am slowly recovering. There are several games that I can play one-handed while holding my little one, and I can sometimes get both hands free if I use a carrier or when I put baby down for naps.
My husband's gaming took a hit, too. Anyone who has a hobby is going to find that having a child takes up some of the time one might want to spend on it; are they immature if they don't give it up completely? No. Maturity suggests finding ways to incorporate all the things you enjoy into your life while still taking responsibility for the things that must be done.
I totally agree. It's about balance, which is why I'm so discouraged by people who think putting yourself second (or even third) is so supremely negative. It's natural to feel resentful when you're not first, but the desire to always keep yourself ahead of the happiness and comfort of others is an immature and unhealthy philosophy. The flaw in it is made clear when the cynics say, "I don't want selfish kids because I'm just too selfish." They might as well say, "I would hate to be responsible for someone like myself." It's just as insufferable as people who only live for their children (or spouse, etc.)skyfire_freckles said:
That said, being a parent isn't for everyone, and I applaud anyone who decides it isn't right for them or their circumstances. Even so, that's not the situation for the subject of this particular letter.
Yeah I don?t want to be a parent either. It?s not really about the games it?s about the time to myself in general, I need it and I seek it out quite a bit. I like spending time with people but I need to be able to control it. Well that?s one of my reasons aside from the general lack of interest.
Also being number three on the list? That?s disheartening, really disheartening even more so if your number 4 because of a pet.
Also being number three on the list? That?s disheartening, really disheartening even more so if your number 4 because of a pet.
By the way, getting a puppy while raising a 1 year old is very much like suddenly having twins, except the puppy gets potty trained a whole lot faster. Not doing that again.mkline said:
Anyway, having gone/still going through this I found some portable gaming during nap time worked good for me. Of course I put a lot of my gaming habit on the back burner, dropped WoW, only played a couple of hours a night after everyone else went to bed, (making Dead Space even creepier), just had to make do.
I think everyone is missing what is actually the most important detail in this article.
-- mentioning ice station zebra and not listing Patrick Mcgoohan amongst the cast. --
I mean, I know you were seven and all, but still that is an almost inexcusable oversight.
OT - everyone needs to balance their lives with their responsibilities, I don't know what is expected from the father or what he is not providing (according to the mother) but it seems to be an issue of adjusting thier life structures to fit their new (child) situation.
-- mentioning ice station zebra and not listing Patrick Mcgoohan amongst the cast. --
I mean, I know you were seven and all, but still that is an almost inexcusable oversight.
OT - everyone needs to balance their lives with their responsibilities, I don't know what is expected from the father or what he is not providing (according to the mother) but it seems to be an issue of adjusting thier life structures to fit their new (child) situation.
I agree with feeling like we need to delve deeper into the situation. She says that the husband throws a tantrum if he doesn't get five hours in. What exactly constitutes "tantrum" to the wife? I've seen reactions misinterpreted and blown out of proportion. There's always the possibility that she's reading too much into his reactions. Understandably, she now has a huge burden to take care of and wants as much support from her husband as well. Feeling left out by the husband as well as lack of sleep and energy from taking care of the baby can easily cloud responses to people's reactions.Sutter Cane said:
She also states that they were both "addicted", but is this really the case? 5 hours may sound like addiction to one person and perfectly normal time to dedicate to a hobby to the next person. Again, we're not getting the full story.
I don't want to say that the husband's definitely wrong or that the wife's totally wrong. It's just that there needs to be more here than what we've been given, since it's only one side to the story. I totally agree with Dr. Mark that there needs to be open discussion between the two parties, but I just don't want to immediately brand the father as a "bad dad" without further investigation.
Well, having a child is the biggest responsibility a couple will ever have. I think there's a bit of a mix of HIM being a bit selfish/thoughtless about his gaming time allocation (is he using it to avoid the realities of parenting a newborn?), and HER emotional focus has just being severely and hormonally kicked into a maternal direction in a much stronger way than he could ever comprehend (imho), and now she's just 'not getting' his desire to shirk being a parent in favour of playing a dumb arse game ... (my interpretation of her thoughts, not my own). Definitely resenting him escaping into gameland and leaving her as a 'single' parent.
It's a balancing act, they need to communicate about how much game time is acceptable to both, bearing in mind if the child wakes up and goes nuts over something, as they tend to, the game time allocation has to be moved. Plus, 5 hours in one hit is pretty extreme with a baby that's probably going through a couple of feed/crap/sleep cycles in that time span.
It's interesting, being an old codger with grandkids, and having a mum who's in her 80's with 3 game consoles connected to the tele. I have to say that since console games arrived on the scene our family has had them and given them a fair hiding. However, the babies -> kids -> grandkids -> (GREAT grandkids in mums case) have and do come first. You can always turn a game off and come back later.
It's a balancing act, they need to communicate about how much game time is acceptable to both, bearing in mind if the child wakes up and goes nuts over something, as they tend to, the game time allocation has to be moved. Plus, 5 hours in one hit is pretty extreme with a baby that's probably going through a couple of feed/crap/sleep cycles in that time span.
It's interesting, being an old codger with grandkids, and having a mum who's in her 80's with 3 game consoles connected to the tele. I have to say that since console games arrived on the scene our family has had them and given them a fair hiding. However, the babies -> kids -> grandkids -> (GREAT grandkids in mums case) have and do come first. You can always turn a game off and come back later.
I snuggest hand-held games, he sould be able to keep an eye on the kid and still play. But on the main problem, the guy is use to having "His" time, and he become a problem when he doesn't come around. I think this is an old problem, just now that men are expected to join in with actually raising a child, this problem has now surfaced. Combine with that modern women work just as much as men, but little change in the income coming into the home, you have a witches brew of a problem in raising a child.
To say it simply; nether parent has been instructed how to balance them selves, then when they become adults they are expected to drop their old habits, and find themselves criticized for being in a position they don't know how to deal with.
To say it simply; nether parent has been instructed how to balance them selves, then when they become adults they are expected to drop their old habits, and find themselves criticized for being in a position they don't know how to deal with.