Taking Fashion Tips from Tim Curry and Other Matters of the Heart
Dating can be a Rocky Horror.
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Dating can be a Rocky Horror.
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Taking Fashion Tips from Tim Curry and Other Matters of the Heart
- Thread starter Lara Crigger
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This was such a sad one!
I can't believe that the first girl has trouble meeting people. She sounds exactly like the sort of girl that I would love to meet. I love women that aren't afraid to be themselves. It sucks that girls like this are extremely rare in my neck of the woods and I would respectfully disagree with Lara on this one. if she's wearing pink hair and corsets at the grocery store then more power to her. She'll find the Brad to her Janet eventually.
EDT: I'm not 100% familiar with the Rocky Horror Picture show in case you couldn't tell. I can timewarp like a ************ though.
I can empathise with the second guy too. I went through a similar situation with a girl. We had an up and down relationship for most of a year and thought moving in together would settle the waters. Man was that a mistake. Took a whole other year to extricate myself from that flat, another few months to finish paying the bills and the flat was in her name so she got the whole deposit back again.
It's horrible. I'd advise him to get the hell out as fast as possible.
The third girl really hurt most of all though, who hasn't been in her shoes when you fall in love with someone who's already dating someone else?
I would be depressed if Lara hadn't given such good advice (even the first bit of advice made sense, even if I personally disagreed). Fun article as always. Keep up the good work!
I can't believe that the first girl has trouble meeting people. She sounds exactly like the sort of girl that I would love to meet. I love women that aren't afraid to be themselves. It sucks that girls like this are extremely rare in my neck of the woods and I would respectfully disagree with Lara on this one. if she's wearing pink hair and corsets at the grocery store then more power to her. She'll find the Brad to her Janet eventually.
EDT: I'm not 100% familiar with the Rocky Horror Picture show in case you couldn't tell. I can timewarp like a ************ though.
I can empathise with the second guy too. I went through a similar situation with a girl. We had an up and down relationship for most of a year and thought moving in together would settle the waters. Man was that a mistake. Took a whole other year to extricate myself from that flat, another few months to finish paying the bills and the flat was in her name so she got the whole deposit back again.
It's horrible. I'd advise him to get the hell out as fast as possible.
The third girl really hurt most of all though, who hasn't been in her shoes when you fall in love with someone who's already dating someone else?
I would be depressed if Lara hadn't given such good advice (even the first bit of advice made sense, even if I personally disagreed). Fun article as always. Keep up the good work!
Just skimmed through, and I have to say the over the topness of FnF actually sounds like a fun person to be around... I personally wouldn't find the attire intimidating, but I realize I'm not everyone. Anyway, interesting as always when I read through it, even if I usually do just skim unless something catches my eye.
I'll just go back to counting my money and being single XD
I'll just go back to counting my money and being single XD
If you want to meet guys, you have to go somewhere that there are guys. When I moved town, I joined a society at the nearest college to me (over here, you don't have to be a student at the college to join - they just like to have people with the same interests involved). I met a lot of guys there and dated a few.
Societies are better than bars as a) no-one's drunk, b) you can hear what the other person has to say and c) you already have a common interest.
Whether it's formula one racing, gaming (and if you send an email to someone working for the escapist, then it's probably gaming) or some other "manly" pursuit find the nearest club/society/group and talk to people.
Societies are better than bars as a) no-one's drunk, b) you can hear what the other person has to say and c) you already have a common interest.
Whether it's formula one racing, gaming (and if you send an email to someone working for the escapist, then it's probably gaming) or some other "manly" pursuit find the nearest club/society/group and talk to people.
And I think I just heard every guy who's written in with a "looking for love" question screaming "WHERE ARE YOU?"
For my part I'm just slightly heartened that it's not ONLY the guys who are having problems.:/
I love my awesome outfits, and I love my awesomely dyed hair, but I do tone it back depending on where I'm going. If I'm going out to the mall to hang out with my boyfriend, I'll pull out the fishnets and the corset tops. If I'm going to class, I'll settle for some skinny jeans and a cardigan. And then other days I just look like a proper girl in a sundress, still with the funky hair though.
Basically, my clothes don't define me. I am fucking awesome, regardless of what I'm wearing, and I definitely don't need the help of bits of cloth to prove that awesomeness. If clothing actually represented who you are as a person, you would cease to be yourself every time you got naked, which is a ridiculous thought. It's important to learn to be yourself no matter what wrapper you're wearing.
Also, what is the deal with people jumping into cohabitation/marriage so quickly anymore? Four months of dating and then moving in? No wonder that's ending up so badly! People really need to slow down with relationships, maybe then they would last longer.
Basically, my clothes don't define me. I am fucking awesome, regardless of what I'm wearing, and I definitely don't need the help of bits of cloth to prove that awesomeness. If clothing actually represented who you are as a person, you would cease to be yourself every time you got naked, which is a ridiculous thought. It's important to learn to be yourself no matter what wrapper you're wearing.
Also, what is the deal with people jumping into cohabitation/marriage so quickly anymore? Four months of dating and then moving in? No wonder that's ending up so badly! People really need to slow down with relationships, maybe then they would last longer.
It cost an unbelievable amount of money to live these days. Most people have most of their paycheque going straight to rent and food with nothing left over. When two people live together they save such a staggering amount of money that it actually makes living and saving money a possibility. People also like being with people they like.daftalchemist said:
Not saying it's a good idea or a bad one, just offering some reasons why people do it.
It's funny cause the time warp, as well as the show, is all about free love (It's the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane)gallaetha_matt said:
It's been said, but responding to the first letter:
Intimidating? Yes.
Hot? Very yes.
I'm a pretty shy guy; I feel very uncomfortable approaching people I don't know (or, really, anyone I'm not close friends with), especially if that person is particularly attractive. However, it'd make my day if such a girl approached me.
To put another spin on the column's response: breaking the ice can be a challenge for anybody. Dressing like that raises an even thicker wall of ice around yourself. However, I'd say it also gives you a bigger hammer for breaking anyone else's. So if you want to keep dressing that way, the path of least resistance has you taking the initiative.
Intimidating? Yes.
Hot? Very yes.
I'm a pretty shy guy; I feel very uncomfortable approaching people I don't know (or, really, anyone I'm not close friends with), especially if that person is particularly attractive. However, it'd make my day if such a girl approached me.
To put another spin on the column's response: breaking the ice can be a challenge for anybody. Dressing like that raises an even thicker wall of ice around yourself. However, I'd say it also gives you a bigger hammer for breaking anyone else's. So if you want to keep dressing that way, the path of least resistance has you taking the initiative.
I think Lara is dead on with the 'Wanting' girl. People really need evaluate what they expect to happen when those feelings are shared. If your love interest is in a happy, committed relationship, what could possibly be gained by confessing your feelings? Best case scenario you might be greeted with indifference. Worst case, they no longer feel comfortable interacting with you and you lose a friend. Unless you honestly expect them to drop everything and return the sentiment, what's the point besides making things awkward?
It's possible that her clothes aren't the only thing turning guys off (or at least guys in bars). All we know from this description is generally how she dresses, so we can only guess how she looks or how she acts around people. I always like to assume the best, but sometimes I think people omit important details in these letters.Formica Archonis said:
I wonder if there might be a little more to say to 'Wanting'. Like, how about just coming out? It doesn't have to be done via, "Hey, neat game tonight! Btw I forgot to mention: I'm super homosexual. I know your boyfriend's the DM but do you want to lez out, dump him, run off to Aruba and get gay married?"
That kind of thing generally freaks anybody out because it's really high pressure. But the sad fact is that a lot of girls who will later realize they were really into other girls date guys for a while too. Probably the best approach is either to just generally let people know you're not heterosexual without specifically directing it at somebody, or get into a low stress situation (say you've both been drinking, you're getting along well and you're fairly isolated) and make a move. Odds are good she'll either be into it or laugh it off. It hurts to get turned down, but at least you'll know then.
It's a hard choice and there are long odds that anybody dating anybody else will spontaneously break up with their SO if you show interest, but you're not doing yourself any favors sexually speaking living in the closet. Who knows? It might turn out somebody you hadn't even thought of will come out of the woodwork who is available and obviously interested.
That kind of thing generally freaks anybody out because it's really high pressure. But the sad fact is that a lot of girls who will later realize they were really into other girls date guys for a while too. Probably the best approach is either to just generally let people know you're not heterosexual without specifically directing it at somebody, or get into a low stress situation (say you've both been drinking, you're getting along well and you're fairly isolated) and make a move. Odds are good she'll either be into it or laugh it off. It hurts to get turned down, but at least you'll know then.
It's a hard choice and there are long odds that anybody dating anybody else will spontaneously break up with their SO if you show interest, but you're not doing yourself any favors sexually speaking living in the closet. Who knows? It might turn out somebody you hadn't even thought of will come out of the woodwork who is available and obviously interested.
Let's just get this one out of the way right now.
Miss Frank-N-Furter,
Call me!
Anyway, It's honestly refreshing to see letters like the last one, as I think the biggest roadblock to gays being accepted 100% open in society is just treating them as NORMAL. None of this "eeeew that's nasty" or even "I totally accept you and your alternative lifestyle". Neither mindsets help. Just don't let it matter to you.
I'd like to say that's already happening, but it ain't...well, at least, not very quickly.
Miss Frank-N-Furter,
Call me!
Anyway, It's honestly refreshing to see letters like the last one, as I think the biggest roadblock to gays being accepted 100% open in society is just treating them as NORMAL. None of this "eeeew that's nasty" or even "I totally accept you and your alternative lifestyle". Neither mindsets help. Just don't let it matter to you.
I'd like to say that's already happening, but it ain't...well, at least, not very quickly.
I think that's the problem: The pervasive romantic ideal where the hero confesses his love to the heroine and she immediately dumps the evil prince to go live with the hero in his kingdom happily ever after. With the standard idea being "love conquers all" and the nature of media to act as if infatuation is the same as love, people sometimes forget that real life is not a romantic fantasy and they're not the hero, particularly if their explicit desire is to break up a seemingly healthy relationship for their own gain.sprout said:
Or they could just plain ol' lie. But that just means they're setting themselves up for getting inapplicable advice and we have no way to prove it. I'm sure a few gems have snuck by every advice columnist, even the ones like Dan Savage who pride themselves on having a bullshit detector.rsvp42 said:
So we might as well take it at face value because it's all we have to go off of. Otherwise every time we see an "I can't find love" question we might as well mentally append the line "Also, I take my dead, stuffed poodle Snuffly with me whenever I go out. I talk to it and buy it drinks." and write them off.
In her defense, she did say "meeting anyone through work isn't an option", which is completely different from not doing it. Where I work it's not an option either, as I work with computers and the employee gender ratio runs four men per woman. And all the women are already married.Kalezian said:
True, but something seems to be missing. Doesn't really matter though because even if she's ugly or obnoxious, learning to dress better is still a step in the right direction. I guess I just chuckle at the thought of users here imagining some perfect, hot girl (with garish clothing) instead of reading between the lines and realizing there's probably more than just her clothing working against her.Formica Archonis said:
Yeah but no one wants to hear that the reason they can't get a guy(or girl) is because they are an uggorsvp42 said:
I'm assuming you disapprove of this practice, in which case I agree with you, there is way to much information left out of that letter to decide whether you would actually want to get to know her.Kalezian said:
I think we could probably go a little easier on U-Haul's girl. These are both two kids that got in way too deep, way too fast. The fact that he is realizing it first doesn't mean she is a nutcase.Lara Crigger said:
1. You mention "you took her virginity." I take this to also mean that you were "experienced" at the time. She has placed a lot of emotional value on that -- it's a huge risk for a young girl to give that away, and she's going to be a little bit paranoid about abandonment. Welcome to the world of young girls inexperienced in sex -- it is a normal and understandable (though unpleasant) reaction.
2. You've been together less than a year, and you've moved in together. An apartment lease is usually at least a year. To say you both rushed this decision is like saying the ocean is "moist." That kind of rushed "commitment" fuels clinginess -- the faster you commit to that, the more noticeable it is when you back up even a little.
3. You are planning to leave her. Doesn't that sort of validate her concern, in a twist of slight irony? She may not be handling it well, but she's not wrong.
4. She's paying rent? And whose name is the lease in? What she does with her money is her business at that point. If she's paying for rent and food for two, then paying rent and food for one won't kill her -- doesn't sound to me like you're "supporting her financially."
Basically, if you want out, just get out. But why so much effort to badmouth the girl while you do it? The more blame you assign to her, the less likely it is that you're actually learning anything from the incredible mistakes you have made.