Note: This has nothing to do with my other current thread, so please try to refrain from associating the two unless you actually mean to prove something by it. This is a more personal debate, being something directly involving me, not a theory that I am putting forward for discussion.
That being said, I welcome you into my mind. Get comfortable. I have been pondering something today, and I'd like to invite you to have your own imput in on said pondering.
To begin with, I'll give you the memory that lead to this pondering, in order to give you a frame of mind.
I was thinking about a discussion I had while I was at college last semester, before leaving after finals. I was sitting in the common room near the windows at the table, enjoying the warm sunlight (my room,and thus my windows, are on the opposite side of the building, and as such are only good for when the sun is setting, not the morning or mid-day.), when some of the people from my floor sat down around the table I was at. Now, I'm not the most social guy. But this being college, information still gets around. Its pretty much known all around that I spend most of my time playing video games, watching TV (mainly anime), and reading, manga or otherwise, and that I generally avoid social events like parties, etc.
So I wasn't really surprised when Frank, one of the people on my floor, starting talking to me. (Hah! Title wordplay!) After the usual "You ready to go home?" "Got your stuff packed?" Finals over yet?" small talk, he asked me "Hey, how come you never, like, talk to any girls or anything like that?"
The question wasn't that odd - there had been an end of the year party the night before, but I hadn't gone. And the question wasn't a lie - unless it is something for class or business, I rarey do talk to girls. In response, I just kinda shook my shoulders, and said "I guess I just don't really. Never met one I liked that much, I guess."
His buddy, who had been absorbed in the TV, asked "Well, what do you even like in women?"
I told them I didn't feel like talking about it. He again insisted, saying "Aw, come on, you gotta like something in particular. I mean, ya gotta have standards, ya know?" I told him I didn't feel like discussing what my standards were, save that they are quite high in reality.
Frank cut back in "Well, regardless, why don't you talk to any of the girls? I mean, it nevers hurts to try right? Worst they can say is no, right?"
This is the part where I took over the conversation. After explaining that we had skipped over "just friends", and we're heading towards more potenially serious grounds (as his last question would indicate), I took the time to explain why. In short, I said this.
I said that the reasons that I didn't talk to girls was simple - that they simply didn't meet siad standards, or that it was in fact me that didn't meet the standards. I know there are women out there that I would like - it would be foolish of me to think otherwise. However, I am accepting of the fact that I am not particularly high on the "worthiness" charts. I am not fat, but you'd hardly call me an athlete either. I might be smart, but I'm hardly smart enough to make it a quality well enough to trump my weaknesses. I'm certainly not attractive. I don't have money. I'm often stubborn, opinanated, and blunt - certainly not things most girls I would like would be looking for. Accepting this, I don't try because it would be futile - one does not go to the Hummer dealer when they don't even have the credit for 1995 Chevy.
He then said "Well, why don't you lower your standards?". I replied - "Because to me, that would be worse, and more insulting, then trying to adhere to the original standards. Further, to any girl I would potenially go out with, finding out that she isn't what really want, perhaps in one of my more blunt moments, would be far worse then me simply telling her I'm not interested from the get-go. Why should I waste my time then, either searching for something I can't have, or will not make either person happy?"
The conversation went on for a little while longer, but thats the important part.
What the memory made me ponder is this simple list of questions:
Is it really more insulting to lower ones standards just to fufill some cultural goal?
Is having one's standards too high an insult to those around them, even if the standards only affect the person holding them?
Is accepting that one may simply be out of league in regards to something like "mates", simply based on personal observation ood, or wrong even?
Is basing ones interaction's with the opposite sex based on said observations stupid, odd, or even wrong?
Feel free to answer however you feel - just try to keep it semi-civil. And yes, and before the "not your personal blog" comments arrive - the memory is just an example to give context, even though it is my memory. If it bugs you that much, just substitue it wiht one of your own.
That being said, I welcome you into my mind. Get comfortable. I have been pondering something today, and I'd like to invite you to have your own imput in on said pondering.
To begin with, I'll give you the memory that lead to this pondering, in order to give you a frame of mind.
I was thinking about a discussion I had while I was at college last semester, before leaving after finals. I was sitting in the common room near the windows at the table, enjoying the warm sunlight (my room,and thus my windows, are on the opposite side of the building, and as such are only good for when the sun is setting, not the morning or mid-day.), when some of the people from my floor sat down around the table I was at. Now, I'm not the most social guy. But this being college, information still gets around. Its pretty much known all around that I spend most of my time playing video games, watching TV (mainly anime), and reading, manga or otherwise, and that I generally avoid social events like parties, etc.
So I wasn't really surprised when Frank, one of the people on my floor, starting talking to me. (Hah! Title wordplay!) After the usual "You ready to go home?" "Got your stuff packed?" Finals over yet?" small talk, he asked me "Hey, how come you never, like, talk to any girls or anything like that?"
The question wasn't that odd - there had been an end of the year party the night before, but I hadn't gone. And the question wasn't a lie - unless it is something for class or business, I rarey do talk to girls. In response, I just kinda shook my shoulders, and said "I guess I just don't really. Never met one I liked that much, I guess."
His buddy, who had been absorbed in the TV, asked "Well, what do you even like in women?"
I told them I didn't feel like talking about it. He again insisted, saying "Aw, come on, you gotta like something in particular. I mean, ya gotta have standards, ya know?" I told him I didn't feel like discussing what my standards were, save that they are quite high in reality.
Frank cut back in "Well, regardless, why don't you talk to any of the girls? I mean, it nevers hurts to try right? Worst they can say is no, right?"
This is the part where I took over the conversation. After explaining that we had skipped over "just friends", and we're heading towards more potenially serious grounds (as his last question would indicate), I took the time to explain why. In short, I said this.
I said that the reasons that I didn't talk to girls was simple - that they simply didn't meet siad standards, or that it was in fact me that didn't meet the standards. I know there are women out there that I would like - it would be foolish of me to think otherwise. However, I am accepting of the fact that I am not particularly high on the "worthiness" charts. I am not fat, but you'd hardly call me an athlete either. I might be smart, but I'm hardly smart enough to make it a quality well enough to trump my weaknesses. I'm certainly not attractive. I don't have money. I'm often stubborn, opinanated, and blunt - certainly not things most girls I would like would be looking for. Accepting this, I don't try because it would be futile - one does not go to the Hummer dealer when they don't even have the credit for 1995 Chevy.
He then said "Well, why don't you lower your standards?". I replied - "Because to me, that would be worse, and more insulting, then trying to adhere to the original standards. Further, to any girl I would potenially go out with, finding out that she isn't what really want, perhaps in one of my more blunt moments, would be far worse then me simply telling her I'm not interested from the get-go. Why should I waste my time then, either searching for something I can't have, or will not make either person happy?"
The conversation went on for a little while longer, but thats the important part.
What the memory made me ponder is this simple list of questions:
Is it really more insulting to lower ones standards just to fufill some cultural goal?
Is having one's standards too high an insult to those around them, even if the standards only affect the person holding them?
Is accepting that one may simply be out of league in regards to something like "mates", simply based on personal observation ood, or wrong even?
Is basing ones interaction's with the opposite sex based on said observations stupid, odd, or even wrong?
Feel free to answer however you feel - just try to keep it semi-civil. And yes, and before the "not your personal blog" comments arrive - the memory is just an example to give context, even though it is my memory. If it bugs you that much, just substitue it wiht one of your own.
