A question for Girl gamers

[The Josh]

I find playing as a female character in an MMORPG, people are FAR more willing to help you out with quests, answer questions, and give you free stuff. Even when you dodge the question of "are you really a girl?"

... It's about the strategic advantage! Don't judge me!

 

[Usagi Vindaloo]

Also, if you don't know what to say to women, try the classic "tell me more about yourself/subject you just raised" line. It takes the pressure off you to say just the right thing and makes you seem interested in her

As a guy who's friends with a lot of girl gamers, I vote this.

Most girl gamers I know won't start a conversation with a stranger who knows they're a girl, unless some variation on this theme happens.

Beyond that, you'd need to meet them through a clan or a mutual friend or something. In which case, you're better off meeting them in person rather than just in game.

Once you're past the initial meeting stage though, be yourself, and don't push for love. That goes for offline and online. If you're obviously after a relationship and nothing else, you'll either look desperate or a misogynist. Aim for friendship, anything else that happens should just be an extension of that anyway, if you're doing it right.

I don't think that word means what you think it means. I see people misusing it all the time.

How does "I want to be in a relationship with a woman" make a person look like they really mean "I hate women."

It doesn't, because it makes no sense. Because a guy wants to be in relationship with a girl, doesn't mean he hates her or wants to rule her. I think it is views like this that wrongly turn people away from long term relationships or marriage. Those things are not about controlling people, if done the right way, they are about partnership and cooperation to live life together, so each person has someone by their side.

The problem is that a lot of the (stereotypical) guys who are obsessed with finding a relationship aren't doing it because they want an equal partner to cooperate with, live life together, etc. They're doing it because they want a girl. The girl herself is almost an afterthought, it's what she represents that they focus on. In other words, it means that the woman is being treated like a MUST HAVE accessory rather than another living, breathing human being with her own desires, interests etc. That's why it's misogynist.

(Again, speaking specifically of the sort that are obsessive about hitting on girls etc; it's quite possible to be seeking a genuine connection with someone. But we're talking more about the people who are pushing for the relationship just for a relationship's sake)

As for the advice, I think everyone's pointed out what I would say, but I'll add one more: for the love of everything holy, do NOT bring physical attractiveness (or lack thereof) into it! Part of the great thing about the Internet is that you can connect with each other and share your interests without getting bogged down in what you/he/she looks like. Do not break out the, "So, are you hot?", do not run screaming if you find out she's uglier/heavier/whatever than you'd imagined, and don't suddenly get all fanboy if you find out she's a hottie. It's just annoying, and it's shallow. Because you know, it doesn't matter whether she's 100 pounds or 300 if she still loves the same games you do, has interesting and thought-provoking conversations and makes you laugh. Even if you find that you're not physically attracted to her for whatever reason, she's still a friend worth having.

 

[EeveeElectro]

If you want to find a girlfriend online, prepare to be scoffed at.
I met my fella online and when people ask how we met, they give me the oddest look. They always assume I met him on Match.com, although it was on the Roosterteeth website.
There was once a guy on PS home who approached me with, "OMG, you're a girl who plays games? Marry me lol." then said that to about 5 other gals.
There's no point pointing out the fact she's a gamer. That's like mentioning she has brown eyes or black hair, it's a part of her that she has realised and doesn't need pointing out.
Alternatively, you might be able to find a local girl who happens to be into gaming.

 

[The Lawn]

I've been a gamer all my life, and as a guy I have nothing but the utmost respect for my fellow female gamers who have to put up with the crap other guys spew out.

But these days I mostly play with people from my TF2 community, with a significant number of female members, on servers we own and any male asshattery is quickly dealt with since I think all but 2 are admins.
Hell 1/3rd of my ETFL2 Highlander team are girls.

Since I don't own an xbox and played about 2 hours of CoD4 on my PS3 before it exploded I don't know what the console scene is like, but from the comments above I can assume the PC side is more civilized.

Girl gamer, guy gamer. Don't matter to me as long as fun is had and no one walks away feeling bitter.

 

[expwnit]

It's been awhile, but I used to make friends through gaming quite frequently. A fellow I met on Counterstrike is still one of my best friends today. It's possible to meet someone special through gaming, but it's just unlikely. Any internet LTR has you wearing the same rose-coloured glasses. Your best approach is a friendly one, and if something should evolve from that, then that's good.

 

[Elurindel]

I found my fiancee on Gaia. It took us about 3 years and some broken hearts to realise we should get together, but by the gods we're glad we did.

 

[Gethsemani_v1legacy]

I've only once in my 16 years of gaming been "harassed" because I was a girl playing a game. The same goes for my sister who has been gaming about as long as I have. Perhaps we've been spared, but I also get this feeling that there are quite a few stereotypes being passed around about how "guys" behave in games.

As an interesting aside, why even disclose your gender in your average FPS? I know how it eventually gets brought up if you play a MMO or similar game with persistent characters and where you'll end up co-operating with a few people you get along with.

 

[katsabas]

Haven't hit on a girl online mostly cause I DO NOT KNOW WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE. I had my fair share of unpleasant surprises in the past and I try to keep it on a friendly level. If we get to learn more about each other, that's good. If not, just play on, girly. I booted up my console to shoot someone's head to next week, not to see what my chances are with someone I do not even know.

 

[expwnit]

By the by, most actual female gamers are very reluctant to self-identify, for reasons being pointed out above. Any comments of "omg a girl?" and such are met with eyerolls and withdrawl. Sure there are some girls on games (I see this a lot in FPS) that make a big deal of pointing out their gender, but these are usually the types that picked up a game 'cause their boyfriend was into it. I would recommend avoiding these for courtship.

 

[Legendairy314]

I think it's mostly the fact that since girls are PLAYING games that other guys automatically think of them as having SO much in common. A girl who plays Halo is basically unheard of in most middle/high schools so you can see why it's an exciting prospect for girlfriend craving teenagers. Most people that use the old sammiches/boobs jokes aren't serious and just feel like unsuccessfully trolling a girl in a video game(which, again, is a rare experience for them).

Those that are looking for love through the internet aren't misguided. Hell, it's how my parents met in the first place. But being selective is important where you have no idea who you're talking too. I've talked too many a guys who can change their voice to sound like an attractive girl and have done terrible things to sex craving kids over xbox live. Taking interest in the first girl you HEAR however, is misguided.

I've got a few girls on my friends list (one being a mother of another one) and they tend to stick to certain groups of friends so they can just focus on playing the game and not worry about normal voice chat. Internet communities tend to be pretty terrible. Gaming communities tend to be even worse. For those that do actually meet someone over a game, kudos to you. I'll continue looking outside a TV screen for the time being.

 

[no oneder]

Here's an advice for all female gamers: throw your mic to the garbage bin, because as soon as you start talking, everything goes to hell.

 

[Folio]

Don't hit on Girls on Xbox Live. Try Steam, it's much better.

JUST KIDDING! Sjeesh!

Dating someone from another country is not something I'd do (again). I think it has to do with communication (terms and phrases you need to know besides the language he/she speaks) and facial expressions (emoticons are so limited).

Besides, cybersex is awkward when you're still living with your parents. It stops when one of you hears a noise.

Spoiler: Last note. To quote Linkara the comic reviewer

I am a MAN!

 

[AstylahAthrys]

Though I have met a lot of jerks online, I have met a few really nice dudes before, some of which (when I saw them on a site like Facebook or RoosterTeeth) turned out to be cute so, yeah, I have met some genuinely attractive and nice guys via games. And, yes, I am a girl.

 

[Yureina]

I pretty much am in "stealth mode" in every online setting that I involve myself with, including this forum. I do have a working microphone attached to this headset, but I never use it. Even then... I have run into a few awkward situations where I found some guy who I really wanted to get away from. I mostly stick to specific FPS servers or respectable WoW guilds though, so me running into the "desperate types" is actually quite rare.

I guess the only thing I can really say in this thread about this topic, at least when it comes to me, is this: don't act like a jackass when you first meet. You won't get a second chance.

 

[archvile93]

Why would you want a girlfriend at all? I never understood that.

 

[Zing]

People actually hit on women online? I really don't see the point. I mean don't get me wrong, I like talking to girls, I probably hit on most attractive girls I get a chance to talk to, but hitting on people online is not worth the effort, and the consequences could never be the same.. :x

 

[Last Valiance]

Not Xbox Live related, but I was reminded of this troll on TF2:

Spoiler

...at least...I hope it's actually a troll.
Some of his creepy "omg it's a girl!" stuff starts at about 1:30, but the whole thing is hilarious.

I'm a dude, so I have no answer.

That was literally the most awesome thing in the entire world ever. Truly cringe worthy.

 

[LightOfDarkness]

The internet should be a common point for both of you. Not where you met.

On the internet you have a lot of anonymity, so there isn't much someone can do to prove that you aren't who you say you are.

 

[Korten12]

Sadily were I am as a guy, I wish for their to be some atractive girls who play games, I know there are some, but for where I am, all of girls who play video games are ugly and wierd/goth. >.>

 

[sogortheogre]

Okay, so we all know the the reactions girls have to go through whenever they reveal thier female status in online games, usually ranging from OMG, to being told to make sammiches.

I would like to point out that I don't really act any differently than normal if I run into a girl online. They are just other people to me; not sure why guys make such a big deal about it when you hear a girl over voice chat (I also know a few female gamers IRL, so this may have something to do with it.).