A question for the ladies.

[FuzzyRaccoon]

Being angry is fun. It releases all kinds of good stuff in your brain that make you feel like you're totally justified in everything you do and that you matter.

Basically: indignation. A lovely feeling to have.

It's been used by minorities, majorities, women, men and well... basically everyone.

And indignation is a lot easier to maintain if you allow the other party no opportunity to make amends. They're the bad guys after all! They wronged you! And all the wrongs you did personally pale in comparison to the wrong that was done to you!

It's such a lovely feeling, indignation. And don't lie and say you don't enjoy it yourself and haven't put some effort into maintaining that feeling. Everyone does it.

Now if you want a real mystery of the female gender, here's one. I've observed this over my entire life and it's pretty much a constant among women. If you ask them a question and they answer it wrong they reply with "whoops!".

How does that make sense? Did they accidentally blurt out the wrong answer and actually meant to give the right one, they were about to say it but then their vocal cords had involuntary contractions and they said something else instead? It makes no sense I tell you!

Just because you do it doesn't mean everyone does it. For example, I am the kind of person that cannot handle the thought of others being mad at me, it feels physically painful. I therefore, don't passively get all worked up and do nothing about it like a douchebag.

OT: Sometimes I'll do something like that, except I won't show that I'm pissed off. Generally it's me trying to work out being angry over something I don't feel justified feeling angry for, or something I think is dumb and don't want anyone to worry over. Most people never know when I'm like this, so there is no way for someone to get confused or consider it a mystery. I have learned that talking it out makes me stop being so upset, but it's pretty hard.

Talking about feelings is always hard.
:/

 

[artanis_neravar]

It's just that someone does something he's fully aware of, but is too clueless to realize he pissed me off with it.

Wow, this is hilarious, a small peek into the oh so scary woman logic
You do understand those two states are completely opposite and cannot exist at the same time?

I went through this with every girl I was with, they would come up with ludicrous reasons to get mad and then ofcourse expect me to read their mind...
Do you think I'm asking what's wrong because I already know?!
And then the standard reply: "Well if you haveto ask maybe you don't actually love me", clearly the only logical conclusion to that scenario

I swear you pull these stunts for sheer entertainment value of seeing us squirm under pressure.

And your response should be "if you loved me then you would tell me what's bothering you so I can fix it"

 

[Smooth Operator]

If a girl isn't telling you why she's mad, it's because you should already know. If you don't know, then you problem was likely one of consideration.

If someone isn't telling me why they are mad then they clearly don't want to talk about it, that's how it works with non crazy people atleast.

 

[Vivace-Vivian]

I give my partner a chance to think on what it could be and then eventually let her know, usually within a reasonable time frame. Why do I do it? It would be nice to think that my partner would realise what she has done wrong. If she doesn't know what upsets me by this time in our relationship, it bothers me. I think that's somewhat reasonable.

But this might not count, considering I'm a lesbian and not a part of the apparently somewhat like minded 'straight female' population.

 

[Mariena]

It's just that someone does something he's fully aware of, but is too clueless to realize he pissed me off with it.

Wow, this is hilarious, a small peek into the oh so scary woman logic
You do understand those two states are completely opposite and cannot exist at the same time?

I went through this with every girl I was with, they would come up with ludicrous reasons to get mad and then ofcourse expect me to read their mind...
Do you think I'm asking what's wrong because I already know?!
And then the standard reply: "Well if you haveto ask maybe you don't actually love me", clearly the only logical conclusion to that scenario

I swear you pull these stunts for sheer entertainment value of seeing us squirm under pressure.

Eh, okay, let me rephrase it then if you consider it to be impossible.

He says something without realizing what impact it really has. Refer to that lovely meal/painting scenario.

I just think it's incredible how oblivious guys can be. "Dude, you just totally insulted your girlfriend, and she's upset. Yet you're still wondering what you did wrong? Really?".

And I'm just speaking from my friendships with men and what I've seen with others. I've never been in a relationship with them.

If you have any other questions, refer to lonait's or EvidenceBased's post.

 

[Samurai Silhouette]

You're wasting your time on a girl that clams up and doesn't share her feelings with you. Even more so due to the fact that she's uncomfortable with you because most likely she'll find consolation through another guy. This guy pretends to be the whiteknight because he wants the pussy and this is probably the most attention he's ever gotten from a girl so does his best to try be understanding and deep. Whether you're the good or bad guy here, you lost her when she shuts up about what's going on through her head about the relationship. That, or you have a miserable girlfriend for the rest of the relationship. Don't waste each other's time.

Paranoid much? Your girlfriend being pissed off at you doesn't mean she's cheating on you, dude. (Though if you think the only reason to be nice to a girl is because you want "the pussy" then I don't see you having a lot of girlfriends in the future...)

If you're only way of showing compassion is for someone else's girlfriend going through a tough time, and you're not telling her that maybe she should work things out with her boyfriend, then you're just enabling an emotional affair. You are not a white knight, you're just some sleazebag that doesn't have enough substance to initiate a relationship based on your own merits. Because once that facade runs out and you no longer have an enemy to team up against, you deserve what you get as well.

Also, congratulations on reading one of the multiple situations I've stated.

 

[CurlyHairedDemon]

I honestly do that, but after the fact, when I'm less upset, I think "Why did I do that?" I make an effort to apologize for it, though. I think I do it as a knee-jerk way of saying, "Do you really understand me? Do you really understand our relationship?" That being said, it's deeply childish, and I (and all other women) need go grow out of it.

 

[Ionait]

It's just that someone does something he's fully aware of, but is too clueless to realize he pissed me off with it.

Wow, this is hilarious, a small peek into the oh so scary woman logic
You do understand those two states are completely opposite and cannot exist at the same time?

I went through this with every girl I was with, they would come up with ludicrous reasons to get mad and then ofcourse expect me to read their mind...
Do you think I'm asking what's wrong because I already know?!
And then the standard reply: "Well if you haveto ask maybe you don't actually love me", clearly the only logical conclusion to that scenario

I swear you pull these stunts for sheer entertainment value of seeing us squirm under pressure.

Some girls don't play games. Some do. Ok. A lot do. Quite a few. Probably the majority.

But some girls don't. And it's extremely obvious.

"Maybe you just don't love me enough to understand how I feel." Playing games.
"NOTHING IS WRONG LEAVE ME ALONE *stomp stomp stomp*" Playing games.
"Like you care." Playing games.

Mariena hasn't cited any of that kind of immature bs behavior in any of her arguments, at least not that I've seen.

 

[Shadu]

I typically tell them. If I don't, it's because I've cooled off and realized that it was stupid and not worth bringing it up and staying angry over. I might not tell them right away until I have a chance to get my emotions under control, depending on the situation, but I always end up telling them what made me angry.

 

[Phasmal]

When you are upset with your partner, do you let him know what he has done to put you in that frame of mind, or do you withold that information whilst continuing to be visibly pissed off?

No, I'm too impulsive and dont have enough patience to just fume silently.
I know some people (and I say PEOPLE cause my ex-boyfriend used to do this, so its not just a girl thing) want you to figure it out on your own, but when I'm pissed off I just want to resolve it quickly.

 

[Evidencebased]

You're wasting your time on a girl that clams up and doesn't share her feelings with you. Even more so due to the fact that she's uncomfortable with you because most likely she'll find consolation through another guy. This guy pretends to be the whiteknight because he wants the pussy and this is probably the most attention he's ever gotten from a girl so does his best to try be understanding and deep. Whether you're the good or bad guy here, you lost her when she shuts up about what's going on through her head about the relationship. That, or you have a miserable girlfriend for the rest of the relationship. Don't waste each other's time.

Paranoid much? Your girlfriend being pissed off at you doesn't mean she's cheating on you, dude. (Though if you think the only reason to be nice to a girl is because you want "the pussy" then I don't see you having a lot of girlfriends in the future...)

If you're only way of showing compassion is for someone else's girlfriend going through a tough time, and you're not telling her that maybe she should work things out with her boyfriend, then you're just enabling an emotional affair. You are not a white knight, you're just some sleazebag that doesn't have enough substance to initiate a relationship based on your own merits. Because once that facade runs out and you no longer have an enemy to team up against, you deserve what you get as well.

Also, congratulations on reading one of the multiple situations I've stated.

Men and women can have friendships in which no one is "white knighting" and in which neither party is interested in the other romantically. I do it all the time. And listening to someone who is having problems with her boyfriend is called being a friend, not "enabling an emotional affair."

 

[Hagi]

Just because you do it doesn't mean everyone does it. For example, I am the kind of person that cannot handle the thought of others being mad at me, it feels physically painful. I therefore, don't passively get all worked up and do nothing about it like a douchebag.

OT: Sometimes I'll do something like that, except I won't show that I'm pissed off. Generally it's me trying to work out being angry over something I don't feel justified feeling angry for, or something I think is dumb and don't want anyone to worry over. Most people never know when I'm like this, so there is no way for someone to get confused or consider it a mystery. I have learned that talking it out makes me stop being so upset, but it's pretty hard.

Talking about feelings is always hard.
:/

Actually that's kind of how people work....

Anger causes us to be more optimistic. Risks seem smaller when angry and your actions more likely to succeed. Anger feels good at times and can be very useful.

It's fine to be angry. Completely normal, balanced and healthy. I can assure you that being angry, with moderation, will stop you from being so upset and it will clearly let the other person know they upset you.

And if it upsets you it's not dumb or unjustified. If something upsets you then it's important, it wouldn't have upset you if it wasn't. And if that's someone else's fault you've got a right to be angry at them. Don't go berserk, that's something else. But anger? A great way to deal with it.

Anger is completely normal, healthy and balanced behaviour when done in moderation. There's actually studies who show that people who get angry every now and then have a reduced chance of getting heart disease, compared to more fearful people.

Seriously, get angry sometimes. Curse someone in traffic, tell your friends about this freaking ass-hole you know etc. It'll make you feel much better and give yourself room to deal with it.

As for people being angry at you, it's just emotion. They're upset and they're dealing with it. Listen to it, take the blame you deserve and dismiss the blame you don't. Talk with them and solve the problem.

Anger isn't some vile abhorrent human emotion that's the cause of all misery. Anger is a completely natural, healthy and balanced emotion for when you're upset because of someone (or thing) else. And, as with almost everything, should be moderated.

 

[Smooth Operator]

I just think it's incredible how oblivious guys can be. "Dude, you just totally insulted your girlfriend, and she's upset. Yet you're still wondering what you did wrong? Really?".

I don't remember real life coming with a hint system

Look noone understands a woman's logic, other women don't understand a woman's logic, when they get mad there is no living creature on the planet that knows what's wrong, except for the single solitary girl that got mad.

If you don't tell your partner there is no way in hell they will ever know.

 

[QuantumT]

If I'm mad at someone, I want them to realize themselves what they have done wrong. I mean, surely you're not that clueless?

It's not like I get angry over someone leaving the toilet seat up [lol]. It's just that someone does something he's fully aware of, but is too clueless to realize he pissed me off with it. For example (just an example, doesn't apply to me), you can say that I tried really, really hard on something. I don't know, a meal. A painting. You flatout say to my face that it sucks. I become upset, yet that person is all like "What? What did I do wrong? I only said that it sucked."

As kind of a counter to this particular example, let's say that after you tried really hard, you asked me what I thought. If I thought it was terrible I'll say as much. If you don't want my honest opinion, then you shouldn't be asking me in the first place.

If you just want me to tell you how good I think it is, then say as much. If you ask me in the form of a question though, I'm going to treat it as a question and reply as such.

 

[Ionait]

If I'm mad at someone, I want them to realize themselves what they have done wrong. I mean, surely you're not that clueless?

It's not like I get angry over someone leaving the toilet seat up [lol]. It's just that someone does something he's fully aware of, but is too clueless to realize he pissed me off with it. For example (just an example, doesn't apply to me), you can say that I tried really, really hard on something. I don't know, a meal. A painting. You flatout say to my face that it sucks. I become upset, yet that person is all like "What? What did I do wrong? I only said that it sucked."

As kind of a counter to this particular example, let's say that after you tried really hard, you asked me what I thought. If I thought it was terrible I'll say as much. If you don't want my honest opinion, then you shouldn't be asking me in the first place.

That's very fair actually. My husband and I have a system like that in place haha! Sometimes I'll tell him, this is a new recipe, so be really honest, because if you say you like it but really hate it, I'll probably make it again.

But if I worked really hard on a meal, and have NOT asked for his input, he will hide his disgust. I usually catch him and end up thinking it's very cute of him to try to eat a horrible meal and not tell me.

 

[artanis_neravar]

You're wasting your time on a girl that clams up and doesn't share her feelings with you. Even more so due to the fact that she's uncomfortable with you because most likely she'll find consolation through another guy. This guy pretends to be the whiteknight because he wants the pussy and this is probably the most attention he's ever gotten from a girl so does his best to try be understanding and deep. Whether you're the good or bad guy here, you lost her when she shuts up about what's going on through her head about the relationship. That, or you have a miserable girlfriend for the rest of the relationship. Don't waste each other's time.

Paranoid much? Your girlfriend being pissed off at you doesn't mean she's cheating on you, dude. (Though if you think the only reason to be nice to a girl is because you want "the pussy" then I don't see you having a lot of girlfriends in the future...)

He's not saying that at all, he is saying that if a girl isn't comfortable sharing what she is feeling with you then she will probably find someone she is capable of sharing her feelings with outside of the relationship, and if that someone happens to be a guy, it will most-likely be a guy who sees himself as a "white knight"

 

[Mariena]

If I'm mad at someone, I want them to realize themselves what they have done wrong. I mean, surely you're not that clueless?

It's not like I get angry over someone leaving the toilet seat up [lol]. It's just that someone does something he's fully aware of, but is too clueless to realize he pissed me off with it. For example (just an example, doesn't apply to me), you can say that I tried really, really hard on something. I don't know, a meal. A painting. You flatout say to my face that it sucks. I become upset, yet that person is all like "What? What did I do wrong? I only said that it sucked."

As kind of a counter to this particular example, let's say that after you tried really hard, you asked me what I thought. If I thought it was terrible I'll say as much. If you don't want my honest opinion, then you shouldn't be asking me in the first place.

If you just want me to tell you how good I think it is, then say as much. If you ask me in the form of a question though, I'm going to treat it as a question and reply as such.

For clarification, as it apparently wasn't obvious enough that it was just an example -_-' .. I've edited my post.

 

[Samurai Silhouette]

Spoiler: snip

You're wasting your time on a girl that clams up and doesn't share her feelings with you. Even more so due to the fact that she's uncomfortable with you because most likely she'll find consolation through another guy. This guy pretends to be the whiteknight because he wants the pussy and this is probably the most attention he's ever gotten from a girl so does his best to try be understanding and deep. Whether you're the good or bad guy here, you lost her when she shuts up about what's going on through her head about the relationship. That, or you have a miserable girlfriend for the rest of the relationship. Don't waste each other's time.

Paranoid much? Your girlfriend being pissed off at you doesn't mean she's cheating on you, dude. (Though if you think the only reason to be nice to a girl is because you want "the pussy" then I don't see you having a lot of girlfriends in the future...)

If you're only way of showing compassion is for someone else's girlfriend going through a tough time, and you're not telling her that maybe she should work things out with her boyfriend, then you're just enabling an emotional affair. You are not a white knight, you're just some sleazebag that doesn't have enough substance to initiate a relationship based on your own merits. Because once that facade runs out and you no longer have an enemy to team up against, you deserve what you get as well.

Also, congratulations on reading one of the multiple situations I've stated.

Men and women can have friendships in which no one is "white knighting" and in which neither party is interested in the other romantically. I do it all the time. And listening to someone who is having problems with her boyfriend is called being a friend, not "enabling an emotional affair."

Glad you think the situation's about you. If she only talks to you about their problems, what use are you in their relationship? Are you there to make her feel good and help her ride it out with her abusive boyfriend? The best you can do is help her leave without the ulterior motive of you picking up where he left off. If something happens to spark between you two after the fact is neither here nor there. But the point is, if she refuses to talk about the situation at hand between her boyfriend, their wasting each other's time, regardless whether or not you're in the picture.

 

[Hagi]

As kind of a counter to this particular example, let's say that after you tried really hard, you asked me what I thought. If I thought it was terrible I'll say as much. If you don't want my honest opinion, then you shouldn't be asking me in the first place.

You don't have to lie to be friendly.

- I think that your painting/meal could be better, maybe you could improve *insert whatever here*. Honest and friendly.
- I think that your painting/meal is terrible, it's honestly really, really bad. Honest and unfriendly.
- I think that your painting/meal is great! Dishonest and unfriendly (really... lying is by definition unfriendly).

 

[FuzzyRaccoon]

Actually that's kind of how people work....

Anger causes us to be more optimistic. Risks seem smaller when angry and your actions more likely to succeed. Anger feels good at times and can be very useful.

It's fine to be angry. Completely normal, balanced and healthy. I can assure you that being angry, with moderation, will stop you from being so upset and it will clearly let the other person know they upset you.

And if it upsets you it's not dumb or unjustified. If something upsets you then it's important, it wouldn't have upset you if it wasn't. And if that's someone else's fault you've got a right to be angry at them. Don't go berserk, that's something else. But anger? A great way to deal with it.

Anger is completely normal, healthy and balanced behaviour when done in moderation. There's actually studies who show that people who get angry every now and then have a reduced chance of getting heart disease, compared to more fearful people.

Seriously, get angry sometimes. Curse someone in traffic, tell your friends about this freaking ass-hole you know etc. It'll make you feel much better and give yourself room to deal with it.

As for people being angry at you, it's just emotion. They're upset and they're dealing with it. Listen to it, take the blame you deserve and dismiss the blame you don't. Talk with them and solve the problem.

Anger isn't some vile abhorrent human emotion that's the cause of all misery. Anger is a completely natural, healthy and balanced emotion for when you're upset because of someone (or thing) else. And, as with almost everything, should be moderated.

I agree with you on principle that if something upsets you then it's not irrelevant... but in practice I can't really take that to heart. If I think it's something dumb to be mad over, then I'll feel that regardless of pep-talk. Isn't that how people are, irrational?

However... on the basis of anger I don't really agree with you. I do think it's something healthy to experience. I can also tell you that I don't bottle EVERYTHING up inside. I just tend to favor talking things out logically if at all possible. I can say terrible things in anger, and I don't want to hurt someone I care about, that wouldn't be helpful for either of us. I think you're thinking about this whole anger business in a very lopsided way.