A question to any females.

[Ver1ty]

First thing I do is to get into a conversation with him, just to have some kind of a quick overview of his verbal skills and intellect. I'm not asking for a super smart guy, but ignorants and hillbillies annoy the hell out of me (and I live in an area which happens to be a nest for that kind of people). I'm cool with scruffy looking guys (especially with beards ), that only counts for the looks. Something like bad a bad hygiene habit or "I-am-constantly-staring-at-your-chest-while-unintentionally-drooling" is definitely an obvious turn-off.

 

[PhiMuLady]

I would say that up close it is face and voice, as a distance the over all body shape.

For me though I like to get to know them a bit before I make the cut. To me it is all about how they act and it they can hold up a conversation with me.

 

[Gekkeiju]

So where would I go to meet girls where they wouldn't feel like I'm just another guy trying to "hook up?"

So essentially, you want to know where you can go to hook up with girls..while pretending that youre not there to hook up with girls?

 

[nodanaonlyzuul]

I'm not sure that I ever think of sex in a direct manner, but I naturally notice if a man is attractive or not. I'm taken now, but when I first saw my fiance I was instantly attracted to him. From there I immediately wanted to strike up a conversation to see if his personality matched up to his attractiveness.

 

[Heartcafe]

To me, it's first how he moves and carries himself. If he's all shrugged over and looks awkward, then i assume he's shy and not really confident in himself. To me, I like guys who show a bit of confidence yet aren't cocky about it. A nice smile always gets to me

 

[Archeopterix]

I actually do better with guys that I have met online than guys I meet in person, the guys I've met in person first have been users and maybe I'm horrible at reading body language but it's never ended well. The guys I've met online, I meet their personality before seeing them and it has sorked out for the better; I know their morals and opinions and value system first, which is something I learn later on with people I meet in person. That having been said, I looke for guys who care about their personal hygene; ie they don't have a scraggley unkempt appearence, no neckbeard (that suggests laziness and there are the obvious stereotypes associated with them- sorry, but I haven't met anyone who has disproven the stereotypes, and clean teeth and no ragged nails. Remember, with dating etc in mind, we are thinking about what it would be like to be touched by or kiss someone with certain features and the bad teeth suggests nasty kissing and ragged nails suggest getting scratched in an unpleasent way.

 

[M4yce]

So where would I go to meet girls where they wouldn't feel like I'm just another guy trying to "hook up?"

So essentially, you want to know where you can go to hook up with girls..while pretending that youre not there to hook up with girls?

Sorry I was gone for a while I haven't been able to find a decent place and time to respond, I really need a laptop...

No, I'm not trying to pretend. It's hard to explain, I don't really have any understanding past my own when it comes to women. I mean I can usually put myself into the situation and make some sense of things but not so much with women. Maybe I'm just not trying hard enough but you girls are confusing, wonderful, but confusing. I don't really understand much of what girls like for the most part, I just try to listen and pay attention.

That being said I don't really know where I could go to just talk to women, I don't like clubs and I don't really like bars. So where could I go where women wouldn't be worried that the only thing I'd be talking to them for are what's in their pants? Or is that more of it doesn't matter where you go it's how you act?

 

[Gekkeiju]

Yes but, as you only want to talk to -women- and not just people in general..then you are only talking to them with the intent of being more than friends..you know what I'm saying?

I dunno, maybe Im not getting you quite clearly xD

 

[Evidencebased]

So where would I go to meet girls where they wouldn't feel like I'm just another guy trying to "hook up?"

So essentially, you want to know where you can go to hook up with girls..while pretending that youre not there to hook up with girls?

Sorry I was gone for a while I haven't been able to find a decent place and time to respond, I really need a laptop...

No, I'm not trying to pretend. It's hard to explain, I don't really have any understanding past my own when it comes to women. I mean I can usually put myself into the situation and make some sense of things but not so much with women. Maybe I'm just not trying hard enough but you girls are confusing, wonderful, but confusing. I don't really understand much of what girls like for the most part, I just try to listen and pay attention.

That being said I don't really know where I could go to just talk to women, I don't like clubs and I don't really like bars. So where could I go where women wouldn't be worried that the only thing I'd be talking to them for are what's in their pants? Or is that more of it doesn't matter where you go it's how you act?

I think everything we've been telling you has been shockingly boring, really. Basic hygiene -- what person doesn't want that in a partner? A little self-confidence, a nice smile.... pretty standard human desires, innit? Girls mostly want the same basic things as everybody else (not that I can truly generalize about an entire 3 billion people) and each individual girl wants a set of unique things, just like individual guys want particular things. When you talk to other guys you have to figure out their personality and quirks from scratch, right? Same with girls. I assume you have the skill set of chat-about-noncontroversial-crap-until-we-find-something-in-common-then-talk-about-that, at least when it comes to friends and random people, you're just uncertain about applying that process to women.

Specifically, I don't know where you would go. Online sounds like a good bet. Or a book club, or some kind of activity or group -- then you have a built in something-in-common-to-talk-about topic ("sooo, Book Club is fun. What kind of books do you like? I love science fiction" or "sooo, Parachuting Onto Sharks Club is fun. What kind of sharks do you like parachuting onto best? I'm particular to hammerheads.")

 

[Evidencebased]

What's nice about the strategy of joining a club is that, even if you don't meet any women you like, you're in a club where you parachute onto sharks. And you are hanging out with people who share your love of landing on aquatic predators, so at least you'll make friends (even if no girlfriends.) That's kind of a no-lose situation!

Which is to say, try to meet and talk to women while still having a life and pursuing your own hobbies. It's a good way to meet women with similar interests, it saves you from wasting your time being bored in clubs, and it makes you a more interesting person if you do meet a woman you like. "Me? Oh, yeah, I parachute onto sharks. Sure I'll get coffee with you; how about this afternoon after I finish landing on that Great White?" is a far better approach than "Me? Oh, I hang out in bars miserably trying to meet girls. I hate bars. My youth is wasted."

 

[Griffolion]

The first attraction in a typical situation is a physical one. Men look at breasts, rear and bodily curves, it's theorised they do this to assess physical health & maturity for child bearing. I'm not sure what women look at, perhaps from a base evolutionary point of view, physical fitness and muscle mass as an assessment of how strong the male is in terms of defending her and children. I'm a guy so I can't say for sure, i am just going off what i learnt in my degree here.

I'm pretty sure in our civilised society, we also look at much more than base physical characteristics.

 

[WingedIncubus]

To me, it's first how he moves and carries himself. If he's all shrugged over and looks awkward, then i assume he's shy and not really confident in himself. To me, I like guys who show a bit of confidence yet aren't cocky about it. A nice smile always gets to me

This, this, this. We have a female winner here.

In my experience as a philanderer, what gets women to open up is confidence, comfort with oneself, and assertiveness in body and speech. Keeping a warm, yet slightly intimidating eye contact (I'd fall in love with my own eye contact, so imagine girls), smile, cocky attitude in the face (they all say they don't like cocky, just like all guys say they don't want a Megan Fox. Yeah right.), torso straight, shoulders back, and lack of hesitation. Being able to make her feel you're dominant, comfortable, daring, fun to be with. A total lack of neediness, that you do not need her approval. That you can make her feel good about a human being, that you can hold a conversation, make her laugh without acting like a clown for her approval, that you are actually interested about her as a person, not as a piece of meat. And, finally, knowing what you want and reach for it without apology or uncertainty.

The bad news is, you have it or you don't. Either girls react, look down, smile, prep themselves, and act open and submissive, or they don't. The good news is, it can be developed, it can be honed, and it can be improved with time, experience, and doing certain things to improve oneself (hitting the gym, changing one's cloth style, standing one's ground, knowing one's core values, practicing eye contact and body language control, and so on). Only one thing is required: balls.

Want to have a coffee? Ask her number if you really need to go want to try later, OR ask her on a date right now, today. Just tell her that you want to have a coffee. If she follows, guess what, it's a date and she's into the idea.

Want to have sex? Touch her, make her feel good, make her go in the mood by dancing, pulling, pushing, teasing, kissing, playing with her. Follow her feedback, go smooth, make her feel a part of this dance. And then, have actually the guts to go for the kill, by asking her to go to your house or to her house and do it. If I start touching her and I don't get a "don't touch me", a slap in the face, or her leaving me, or anything resembling that, it's all a matter of making her comfortable and at ease with the idea.

 

[WingedIncubus]

So essentially, you want to know where you can go to hook up with girls..while pretending that youre not there to hook up with girls?

That's called a bar or a nightclub. Girls are there, and they aren't there to watch the paint.

When you go fishing, go where the fish is.

 

[WingedIncubus]

You don't have to know anything about style, just don't look like shit. A sense of cleanliness is what's more important. And really, a polo shirt and jeans is the go-to outfit with some exceptions on specific types of dates.

Also, to add another of my $0.02, good conversational skills and self-confidence are the only really universal traits I can think of. A lot of people will say sense of humor, and it's true, but everyone's definition of a good sense of humor is different, so it's kind of meaningless to say that trait.

There are a lot more traits that there is no good reason not to reinforce them, but I wouldn't necessarily count them as universal.

Learning about male fashion is a thing all modern men should take the time to invest in. It will never hinder you, it will boost your swagger, and someone improving their good looks will help tip the balance with hotter women. Remember, girls read these stuff all the time, so why shoot yourself in the foot? Brand clothings are available for cheap, either used, from the manufacturer, or on eBay.

Yeah, sense of humor is a tricky one. Most guys confound this with "being a joke monkey to make her laugh and win her approval", but by doing that you actually supplicate for her attention. However, telling a funny story, being witty, teasing her playfully, busting her balls, or showing that you can laugh about yourself and not take yourself too seriously is another story.

Anyway, if she is attracted to you, she'll laugh even if you say the lamest joke and she'll rationalize that you have a good "sense of humor". They all say that the guy needs "a good sense of humor", because most guys they are attracted to will be fun to be around with.

 

[KiraTaureLor]

we are just as superficial as you men are no exceptions, the important part i getting over the wrapper (appearance, looks), and moving on to the personality.

 

[KiraTaureLor]

How about you guys get over the fact that your talking to a girl, and just remember you are talking to a person with as much flaws, and insecurities as you.

 

[gazumped]

For me, I see hair first. I love hair. If I see a guy with lots of hair (so long as it's clean, of course) I just want to bury my face in it. Especially if it's dark hair. Mmmmmm.

But that's just me, of course.

Also...

Ok so what personality traits show up to you then or to all girls/women (not sure if I'm offending anyone here by saying girls over and over again). I'm assuming confidence of course, that seems to be the staple across all women.

DON'T ASSUME ANYTHING IS STAPLE ACROSS ALL WOMEN. I for one love a guy who lacks in self confidence. A guy who's shy, who's quiet, who thinks he'll never get a girlfriend, who thinks he's awkward or ugly. I love guys like that because they remind me of me when I was younger, because I love the idea that I can make them happy by showing them how wrong they are... and because I know they'll appreciate me all the more than a guy who doesn't think that getting girls is such a big deal!

If I were a guy trying to pick up girls, I think my approach would be to just talk to them like you're trying to make friends.
The thing is, unless she's kind of stupid, a girl's going to know that the reason you came up to talk to her is because you found her attractive. Making conversation like you just want to have a conversation and not like you want to have sex with her will make her feel like you're respecting her boundaries until she gives you a sign that you can take it a bit further.
Well, that's how all the guys that got me into bed did so, anyway (and I can count them on one hand, before the phrase 'all the guys' makes me sound horribly slutty ).