A question to the grown adult men of the Escapist

[intheweeds]

Here is the situation. First of all, notice that I am female so this is most definitely not me we are talking about and the situation didn't happen to me, but never the less affects me deeply. Anyway here is the scenario:

A girl is very drunk. An 8-9 on the 1-10 scale of sober to passed out drooling. You know her, you know she has a serious partner and would never entertain you sober. You come on to her asking if you can touch her. she agrees. she seems into it. She asks you several times if you have a condom and you say no, but have sex with her anyway. She doesn't stop you.

I know scales suck, please explain yourself if you reply. On a scale of 1 to 10 where 1 is 'extremely sweet and respectful towards women' and 10 is 'this guy would have fucked her if she was passed out', how bad and/or normal is this guys mindset?

I obviously don't understand male sexuality at all and in my eyes this is extremely disgusting. Like, devastatingly disgusting. I have been in a situation where a girl was naked and begging for it and i left. She was so drunk and horny she was actually pissed at me at the time. But I couldn't have lived with myself the next day, I knew she would never have been there if she wasn't beyond capacity hammered.

What do you think?

Edit: She didn't come on to him, he came on to her and she didn't stop it or say no specifically. I hope that clears that up.

Edit 2: Yes he had also been drinking, but I am of the type that believes, like some posters that being drunk doesn't excuse behavior. In the example I gave of myself in the same situation, I was not only wasted, i was also (for better or worse) super high on coke (it was a long time ago). This means that, yes, she has some blame here for her own actions. She knows that and hates herself, but putting that aside, it's the guys side of this i'm interested in really just now.

Edit 3: I really wanted to try and keep it very impersonal so as to respect the situation and the fact that i have turned to the internet to understand it. I am the 'bloke' she 'cheated' on, so i am very much involved. It is an awkward situation and i love her very much, we have been together for four years and just moved in together. I wish to respect her here - she is absolutely disgusted with herself and can't stop crying. She knows she is wrong as well and neither of us are unclear about that fact, I'm just very curious about men's thoughts about this. Understand I'm not trying to hate on men. My experience with them sexually is limited I just wanted a gauge of your thoughts.

Edit 4: Setting is important here it seems. This was a work party at a farm out of town. She had worked there for the summer and this was the last night party. She was already hammered and stuck there having planned to stay before he arrived. He was the bosses wife's brother. He apparently came on to her after she had gone to the farmhouse to bed.

 

[Squarez]

Well all guys are different for a start. And when you add alcohol into the mix you fuck up the scale even more.

So basically, there is no answer. It's like asking 'On a scale of 1-10 how likely is a girl at a club DTF?' Everyone's different.

Edit: Personally if I was sober and sensible I obviously wouldn't go for it if she had a boyfriend/girlfriend. Even if she was single I wouldn't exactly leap into the opportunity (taking advantage of extremely drunk girls for sex = not cool). But as I mentioned before, who knows what anyone could end up doing if they're pissed off their head.

 

[Craorach]

I find it extremely disgusting, however.... it is 100% not all the male's fault.

She is responsible for her own actions. Coming onto someone and consenting is her own fault, no matter how drunk she is. If she knew she would get like that around someone while drunk, she should have restricted her drinking to only with her partner.

If she didn't know how she would react when drunk, she should have restricted her drinking to around people she trusts until she did know.

People seem to think being drunk is an excuse for poor behaviour, or absolves them of their guilt in it. It doesn't. Nobody forces alcohol down your throat when you don't want it.

Edit I would put it at 5.. she came onto him, and didn't have the self control to stop it when she wanted, that is her fault.. he is not a gentleman, but he is certainly not some kind of monstrous rapist.

 

[ZeroMachine]

I could never have sex with a drunk girl unless I was both in a relationship with her and also drunk.

I'd just feel too disgusting.

 

[smearyllama]

I'd say that's about a nine.
That's pretty dickish, if you ask me, and that's probably an understatement.

 

[intheweeds]

Well all guys are different for a start. And when you add alcohol into the mix you fuck up the scale even more.

So basically, there is no answer. It's like asking 'on a scale of 1-10 how likely is an average girl at a club DTF?' Everyone's different.

What is DTF, first of all?

I know all men are different, that's why I'm asking what you think of this guy in this situation. I would like to get a gauge of what men think of this. I already know what women think. What do you think of this guy? Is he an ass if so why? If not, why?

 

[Svenparty]

1 it's a definitive 1. I mean she really looked like she was okay with it then it's her responsibility too. I doubt anyone would be outraged if the foot was on the other shoe and she began touching him.

If she was Down To Fuck then that is her responsibility too.

 

[Togs]

Neither party is particularly classy in that situation, the fault lies squarely with both of them.

 

[intheweeds]

1 it's a definitive 1. I mean she really looked like she was okay with it then it's her responsibility too. I doubt anyone would be outraged if the foot was on the other shoe and she began touching him.

What about the fact that you knew damn well she wouldn't do it otherwise? And MOST importantly, she has a partner and you don't have a condom? This doesn't factor?

 

[Von Strimmer]

I find it extremely disgusting, however.... it is 100% not all the male's fault.

She is responsible for her own actions. Coming onto someone and consenting is her own fault, no matter how drunk she is. If she knew she would get like that around someone while drunk, she should have restricted her drinking to only with her partner.

If she didn't know how she would react when drunk, she should have restricted her drinking to around people she trusts until she did know.

People seem to think being drunk is an excuse for poor behaviour, or absolves them of their guilt in it. It doesn't. Nobody forces alcohol down your throat when you don't want it.

Edit I would put it at 5.. she came onto him, and didn't have the self control to stop it when she wanted, that is her fault.. he is not a gentleman, but he is certainly not some kind of monstrous rapist.

The law would disagree with you in certain circumstances. 50-50 each. He is disgusting and should be ashamed for the rest of his life. Stuff like this gets my bloody boiling and ridiculously enraged. Still she deserves to be dumped as she went into it. It's a 2 way street. Also why did none of her friends stop her???

Edit: Good sir/madam I am extremely sorry for jumping the gun there. You are right on pretty much all accounts. So yeah basically what this person above me said.

Goddamnit edit 2: even though he came onto her if he didnt know her before hand then nothing really changes. Even though it's still ashamedly awful behaviour it's still that 2 way street. Although I have to ask where were her friends? and what was her bf's reaction?

 

[b3nn3tt]

Well, has the guy been drinking at all? You don't mention that in the original post, and clearly alcohol can affect judgement. I think it also depends how close friends the two are. If they are very close I think that makes it worse.

I would say that it is pretty bad on the whole, even if the guy is also drunk. From the original post, it sounds like the guy made the move and the girl went along with it. So knowing that she has a boyfriend and wouldn't normally entertain his advances, the guy is in the wrong. But, the girl is also in the wrong, as she is perfectly happy to cheat on her boyfriend, and alcohol doesn't absolve someone of that.

Overall, I think I'd rate them both at about a 6-7. I feel bad for the girl's boyfriend in all of this.

 

[spartan231490]

Tough to say. Depending on how drunk he was at the time, what his feelings or lack thereof for this girl are, how he feels about her significant other, I don't have enough information to give an accurate number. But I'd say it's somewhere between a 5 and a 10, probably a 7/8.

 

[DeathWyrmNexus]

I find it extremely disgusting, however.... it is 100% not all the male's fault.

She is responsible for her own actions. Coming onto someone and consenting is her own fault, no matter how drunk she is. If she knew she would get like that around someone while drunk, she should have restricted her drinking to only with her partner.

If she didn't know how she would react when drunk, she should have restricted her drinking to around people she trusts until she did know.

People seem to think being drunk is an excuse for poor behaviour, or absolves them of their guilt in it. It doesn't. Nobody forces alcohol down your throat when you don't want it.

Edit I would put it at 5.. she came onto him, and didn't have the self control to stop it when she wanted, that is her fault.. he is not a gentleman, but he is certainly not some kind of monstrous rapist.

I'm about here, myself. I wouldn't fuck her, even if I was single and interested. Then again, I tend to find the smell of alcohol offputting as well as drunken behavior. However, I don't begrudge a man for low standards nor do I begrudge a girl for making a stupid choice. I'd only begrudge one of them if they decided to put all the blame on one person.

He should know better but so should she. So yea, I'm with Croarach. He's a creep but she isn't a saint either.

 

[Svenparty]

1 it's a definitive 1. I mean she really looked like she was okay with it then it's her responsibility too. I doubt anyone would be outraged if the foot was on the other shoe and she began touching him.

What about the fact that you knew damn well she wouldn't do it otherwise? And MOST importantly, she has a partner and you don't have a condom? This doesn't factor?

Perhaps she changed her mind? Have I known the guy years or is he just a spectre of a man? Is there visible signs of STD? Is she still wanting it without?

I'm really getting into this...

 

[intheweeds]

Coming onto someone and consenting is her own fault, no matter how drunk she is. If she knew she would get like that around someone while drunk, she should have restricted her drinking to only with her partner.

I agree with you that she should have restricted her drinking, but I never said she came on to him, in fact he came on to her and she didn't explicitly say no or try to stop it other than ask if he had a condom. I don't know how forceful the situation was beyond that. Does that change anything about your opinion?

 

[Squarez]

Well all guys are different for a start. And when you add alcohol into the mix you fuck up the scale even more.

So basically, there is no answer. It's like asking 'on a scale of 1-10 how likely is an average girl at a club DTF?' Everyone's different.

What is DTF, first of all?

I know all men are different, that's why I'm asking what you think of this guy in this situation. I would like to get a gauge of what men think of this. I already know what women think. What do you think of this guy? Is he an ass if so why? If not, why?

DTF? Look it up on Urban Dictionary. It's a pretty common expression.

As I said in my edit of my previous post. Taking advantage of drunk girls for sex is not cool, especially if they've got a partner. But I reserve judgement because I don't know how drunk the other guy was in this situation. We all make mistakes when we've drank too much alcohol, that includes both the guys and ladies.

 

[Marik2]

Well I never been to a party where there was alcohol, but no I would never take advantage over a women who is clearly drunk.

Besides Im not into girls who drink like that.

Also this vid is relevant.

 

[Emperor Platypus]

I heard the argument that alcohol or not, people always remain responsible for their own arguments. So to apply those rules she can't hide behind the: "Being completely wasted argument" and just suck it up I guess.


Personally I feel like anything you do with a girl who's wasted and you?re not in a relationship with said girl as just plain wrong. I wouldn't exactly call it rape because there are too many nuances and factors involved but yea, you won't see me doing it anytime. So um 9-10 pretty dickish behavior.

 

[Craorach]

Well, has the guy been drinking at all? You don't mention that in the original post, and clearly alcohol can affect judgement. I think it also depends how close friends the two are. If they are very close I think that makes it worse.

I would say that it is pretty bad on the whole, even if the guy is also drunk. From the original post, it sounds like the guy made the move and the girl went along with it. So knowing that she has a boyfriend and wouldn't normally entertain his advances, the guy is in the wrong. But, the girl is also in the wrong, as she is perfectly happy to cheat on her boyfriend, and alcohol doesn't absolve someone of that.

Overall, I think I'd rate them both at about a 6-7. I feel bad for the girl's boyfriend in all of this.

I feel bad for the boyfriend, emotionally.. however, logically, he now hopefully knows exactly the type of person his girlfriend is. If he can't trust her while impaired, unless she decides to teetotal, he should probably drop her.