About Valentine's Day

[Schadrach]

And yes, most holidays are completely cynical commercialized and all about kinky sex for guys.

Thanksgiving is about kinky sex? I may not want to eat your turkey. And here I thought it was about feasting until you can't move and being glad you can afford to feast until you can't move.

I'm only interested in the post-holiday candy sales for the most part. And while it would be nice to have someone to celibate the day with, it"d be hard since the day also marks the beginning of the downward spiral of my dental care and it's also a few days off from the day my dad fell down the stairs which pretty much lead to his death. So, in conclusion, Valentines is not a particularly joyous time for me.

"celibate the day"? Now that's a Freudian slip if ever I've seen one.

As for candy sales, I like to think of Valentine's Day as "chocolate eve".

 

[Secondhand Revenant]

I do not like this holiday one bit, I'm very much aware of the possibility that I'm going to be single for the rest of my life and slowly starting to not care about it, but at the same time, I don't need it to be rubbed in my face. Plus, I really can't stand most of the girls in my country since they'll pretty much all the same and by that I mean in terms of both appearance and personality, they're of "low quality" (ie: chavs)

I mean if other pepole having fun is a problem then the problem is yours.

And uh... yeah if you talk like that about most women in your country I'm not really surprised.

 

[Catnip1024]

Well, unlike a lot of major holidays, you can pretty much ignore it if you don't like it. And take advantage of the special offers on chocolate / alcohol / etc.

In terms of the point - like Fathers Day and Mothers Day, it gives people a distinct time in which they can show the usually unspoken feelings / appreciation to the respective people. You can complain about the relatively recent commercialisation, but there is nothing wrong with the intent.

Plus, I really can't stand most of the girls in my country since they'll pretty much all the same and by that I mean in terms of both appearance and personality, they're of "low quality" (ie: chavs)

Whereas you are obviously of a far higher quality and deserve to save yourself for that well brought up Princess who will be coming around the corner any moment now. Any... moment... noooowwww...

 

[Sonmi]

This thread makes me suddenly see a parallel. Complaining about people enjoying Valentine's Day, just because they have a significant other and you don't is a bit like complaining about black history month. You have a whole year to not care whether you're in a relationship, don't rain on the parade when people take one day out of the year to celebrate relationships.

I, for one, just spent all day delivering singing valentines to people who have WAY more relationship success than I ever will.
It was fun to be a part of making their day special, even if I went home to an empty apartment.

I'd say it's a bit the opposite.

Black History Month is meant to correct a lack of focus on a marginalized group that is too often ignored, I don't see how couples are in any way marginalized compared to single individuals, if anything, it's the contrary.

 

[Kitsune Hunter]

I do not like this holiday one bit, I'm very much aware of the possibility that I'm going to be single for the rest of my life and slowly starting to not care about it, but at the same time, I don't need it to be rubbed in my face.

If you choose to separate yourself from the bulk of society, you don't get to complain about the bulk of society not really caring much about your personal preferences. If we're not important to you, then you're not important to us.

Plus, I really can't stand most of the girls in my country since they'll pretty much all the same and by that I mean in terms of both appearance and personality, they're of "low quality" (ie: chavs)

Setting aside the implied misogyny and probably personal problems... Love is first and foremost a sorting problem that is heavily stacked against literally everyone. Looking for a needle in a haystack is IMO a very productive way to view the dating process.

I do not like this holiday one bit, I'm very much aware of the possibility that I'm going to be single for the rest of my life and slowly starting to not care about it, but at the same time, I don't need it to be rubbed in my face. Plus, I really can't stand most of the girls in my country since they'll pretty much all the same and by that I mean in terms of both appearance and personality, they're of "low quality" (ie: chavs)

I mean if other pepole having fun is a problem then the problem is yours.

And uh... yeah if you talk like that about most women in your country I'm not really surprised.

Looking at your profiles and seeing that you're American, I can guess you have never met nor know what a chav is. Trust me, you'd know what I'm talking about if you lived in the UK and considering most of the people around my age in my area are chavs (except for a few, of course) it's downright depressing most of the time.

Well, unlike a lot of major holidays, you can pretty much ignore it if you don't like it. And take advantage of the special offers on chocolate / alcohol / etc.

In terms of the point - like Fathers Day and Mothers Day, it gives people a distinct time in which they can show the usually unspoken feelings / appreciation to the respective people. You can complain about the relatively recent commercialisation, but there is nothing wrong with the intent.

Plus, I really can't stand most of the girls in my country since they'll pretty much all the same and by that I mean in terms of both appearance and personality, they're of "low quality" (ie: chavs)

Whereas you are obviously of a far higher quality and deserve to save yourself for that well brought up Princess who will be coming around the corner any moment now. Any... moment... noooowwww...

Ah yes, I did believe that, once upon a time(pun intended, thanks for the set up), but afterwards, I just gave up and accepted it, plus single life is simpler.

 

[Wintermute_v1legacy]

I guess "bitter people's day" is harder to sell.

 

[Secondhand Revenant]

I do not like this holiday one bit, I'm very much aware of the possibility that I'm going to be single for the rest of my life and slowly starting to not care about it, but at the same time, I don't need it to be rubbed in my face.

If you choose to separate yourself from the bulk of society, you don't get to complain about the bulk of society not really caring much about your personal preferences. If we're not important to you, then you're not important to us.

Plus, I really can't stand most of the girls in my country since they'll pretty much all the same and by that I mean in terms of both appearance and personality, they're of "low quality" (ie: chavs)

Setting aside the implied misogyny and probably personal problems... Love is first and foremost a sorting problem that is heavily stacked against literally everyone. Looking for a needle in a haystack is IMO a very productive way to view the dating process.

I do not like this holiday one bit, I'm very much aware of the possibility that I'm going to be single for the rest of my life and slowly starting to not care about it, but at the same time, I don't need it to be rubbed in my face. Plus, I really can't stand most of the girls in my country since they'll pretty much all the same and by that I mean in terms of both appearance and personality, they're of "low quality" (ie: chavs)

I mean if other pepole having fun is a problem then the problem is yours.

And uh... yeah if you talk like that about most women in your country I'm not really surprised.

Looking at your profiles and seeing that you're American, I can guess you have never met nor know what a chav is. Trust me, you'd know what I'm talking about if you lived in the UK and considering most of the people around my age in my area are chavs (except for a few, of course) it's downright depressing most of the time.

I mean, yes I can look up what a chav is and have in the past. That doesn't make your statement true. I really highly doubt it just turns out that most of the people in the UK are chavs, or that just most of the women in the UK are awful and that's the actual problem for you.

 

[Fijiman]

And yes, most holidays are completely cynical commercialized and all about kinky sex for guys.

Thanksgiving is about kinky sex? I may not want to eat your turkey. And here I thought it was about feasting until you can't move and being glad you can afford to feast until you can't move.

I'm only interested in the post-holiday candy sales for the most part. And while it would be nice to have someone to celibate the day with, it"d be hard since the day also marks the beginning of the downward spiral of my dental care and it's also a few days off from the day my dad fell down the stairs which pretty much lead to his death. So, in conclusion, Valentines is not a particularly joyous time for me.

"celibate the day"? Now that's a Freudian slip if ever I've seen one.

As for candy sales, I like to think of Valentine's Day as "chocolate eve".

To be fair I typed that at three in the morning so I should be glad it made sense at all. And I very much like the sound of Chocolate Eve. Of course that would also apply to any holiday that's known for candy.

 

[BeeGeenie]

This thread makes me suddenly see a parallel. Complaining about people enjoying Valentine's Day, just because they have a significant other and you don't is a bit like complaining about black history month. You have a whole year to not care whether you're in a relationship, don't rain on the parade when people take one day out of the year to celebrate relationships.

I, for one, just spent all day delivering singing valentines to people who have WAY more relationship success than I ever will.
It was fun to be a part of making their day special, even if I went home to an empty apartment.

I'd say it's a bit the opposite.

Black History Month is meant to correct a lack of focus on a marginalized group that is too often ignored, I don't see how couples are in any way marginalized compared to single individuals, if anything, it's the contrary.

You make a fair point. The point that I was trying to make is that in both cases it's the attitude of the complainant that makes the difference.
Single people get mad about Valentines because they're focused on themselves and their own relationship status.
White people get mad about Black History because they're focused on that ONE month, as opposed to the other 11.
It's that self-focused perspective that leads to "Stop liking what I don't like" in both cases. The event itself is kind of incidental. We've probably all been there at some point.

I was also pointing out that in my own case, altruism helps me keep a good attitude about Valentines day.

 

[Gordon_4_v1legacy]

SNIP

I disagree. I think people educated in a uni-sex environment get something priceless over those in a mixed environment. They get an honest look at their gender, that's for lack of a better term, untainted by the other gender.

Put it this way. If you wanted to know what guys talk about when they're alone, who would you go to, the mixed sexed schoolers or the guys-only schoolers? Likewise gals. I know who I'd trust most. The un-filtered view of a gender is priceless compared to the mixed, compromised, edited, censored and judged view you'd get in a mixed school environment.

It may be distastful to know that locker room talk is 99% sexual and 1% sports, but its the truth. Spend 6 years(2 junior + 4 high school) in a guys locker room, and you know more about what guys talk about than any mixed-sexes schooler can ever claim.

So if I have a guy from a mixed gender environment saying Valentine's day is about romance and love and relationships and please don't bad mouth me to my girlfriend and a guy from a single gender school who can honestly admit its all about the sex and getting kinky, I know which one I'd believe.

And yes, most holidays are completely cynical commercialized and all about kinky sex for guys.

Mate, I don't know a thing about American schools, throwing my hands up for total ignorance on that one. That said, it's been my experience which is shared with my brother, that in Australia at least, mixed-gender schools really don't reinforce that. Then again Australians tend to use the word '****' like it's a punctuation mark rather than a word so maybe we're just different.

 

[Baffle]

I really can't stand most of the girls in my country since they'll pretty much all the same and by that I mean in terms of both appearance and personality, they're of "low quality" (ie: chavs)

Yes, the queue of hot chicks knocking down your door will probably be quite short with that attitude, but since they aren't really good enough for you, I don't see what you have to complain about - they're saving you from themselves.

The girls of the UK are not 'pretty much all the same', nor are they all chavs. Try extending your search, there's some awesome hot chicks out there.

 

[Neurotic Void Melody]

Am a bit late jumping on this bandwagon, but oh well. A term I find more endearing is "single's awareness day" or "down-20-units-of-alcohol-and-refuse-to-go-outside day" or "fuck it!...Cheap wine parrrrrtaaay day."
For in sadness and despair, padawan, you'll find strength and character growth. [small]And sweet delicious inebriation from whatever happens to be left under the kitchen sink[/small]

 

[Sonmi]

You make a fair point. The point that I was trying to make is that in both cases it's the attitude of the complainant that makes the difference.
Single people get mad about Valentines because they're focused on themselves and their own relationship status.
White people get mad about Black History because they're focused on that ONE month, as opposed to the other 11.
It's that self-focused perspective that leads to "Stop liking what I don't like" in both cases. The event itself is kind of incidental. We've probably all been there at some point.

I was also pointing out that in my own case, altruism helps me keep a good attitude about Valentines day.

It is, but I still don't think the comparison is fair. It's not as much a reaction of "Stop liking what I don't like" rather than a "Stop reminding me of my pitiful condition, every day of the year is already a celebration of couples". The power dynamics here is simply not the same.

That being said, yes, there are several ways to deal with Valentine's blues. Personally, I visited the family, my father made ribs, my sister baked me a cake in exchange for a math lesson, and we all spent a pleasant evening together. I don't blame people for being sour on that very specific day though, and I don't think shaming them for being envious of other people's happiness is constructive either.

 

[Secondhand Revenant]

I never gave much of a shit about Valentine's Day when I was single.

You weren't single for very long. Maybe after a lifetime it will become a day you'd rather not think about.

How long is 'very long' supposed to be? I was single for 25 years. I didn't care then. People put an obsessive focus on relationships, lot better if you don't.

 

[Secondhand Revenant]

I never gave much of a shit about Valentine's Day when I was single.

You weren't single for very long. Maybe after a lifetime it will become a day you'd rather not think about.

How long is 'very long' supposed to be? I was single for 25 years. I didn't care then. People put an obsessive focus on relationships, lot better if you don't.

I'm older than that. I don't obsess over it, but I think about it sometimes. Having only myself as company gets depressing from time to time. Any friendships I've had ended far too quickly. I regret making even the smallest effort, knowing nothing long-lasting would come from it. So, since I can't even maintain basic relationships, I'm not gonna bother with women. I wouldn't date myself either. I'm skinny, below average height, professionally passionless, cynical and boring.

Now and then, I get so sick of myself and desire more, but the feeling fades and is never strong enough to do anything with. Even if I made up my mind to be more receptive and take the initiative, I'd go back to my hold habits and alienate everyone again. Some people think I'm stuck up. My former supervisor said, "No, he's just shy." But maybe they're right. Sometimes I consider leaving internet forums for good and finally isolating myself completely. I'm not getting much out of them. I feel like I'm kidding myself with this internet social life, trying to express myself with my shitty blog and opinionated responses when almost nobody cares anyway. I'm not meant to be around people.

At least if I were a woman, like Phasmal, I'd get a man eventually, probably. I mean, I'm semi-intelligent and average looking. Almost all the expectations, including making the first move, are on the man. An average woman has so many options that she can even be ridiculously choosy. If you're male and a depressive recluse, you're screwed.

If you take it as doomed to fail in the first place then it's gonna be hard to justify putting in the effort that could change that. If you expect you'll return to old habits and alienate people, is it that you think you can't change that or that you don't find it worth the effort to try to change that?

As for online, if you're generally friendly it's not hard to make friends online I've found. Though doesn't mean they'd necessarily be interested in strong opinions etc. Personally usually separate trying to make friends online from expressing strong opinions online.

As far as romantic relationships go, I think people generally should be picky. As I see it, ideally you find someone worthwhile and go for them. Think people should be satisfied with themselves first. At least, reasonably so.

 

[Baffle]

my sister baked me a cake in exchange for a math lesson

She baked you a cake and you made her do math?!

 

[Baffle]

At least if I were a woman, like Phasmal, I'd get a man eventually, probably. I mean, I'm semi-intelligent and average looking. Almost all the expectations, including making the first move, are on the man. An average woman has so many options that she can even be ridiculously choosy. If you're male and a depressive recluse, you're screwed.

Nonsense, I'm a baldo speccy and a bit of a thicko, been in a relationship for ages. I don't even make her laugh. I don't know what she sees in me to be honest. Oh god, she's going to leave me. I'd best lock the door.

 

[Secondhand Revenant]

my sister baked me a cake in exchange for a math lesson

She baked you a cake and you made her do math?!

Maybe Sonmi made her do math until she offered a cake for her freedom