Accepting Nerds/Geeks/Dorks that do not look Stereotypical

[The Pinray]

I avoid "geek culture" like the plague. The closest I get is this website. But I do a lot of "nerdy" things. I game like there's no tomorrow and know near everything about several fictional universes.

I'm a pretty decent looking guy, well built, and incredibly charming. Every girl I've ever been interested in I've gotten (Nine). Not bragging, just the truth. I can definitely work my way around a conversation. So, I guess I fit into that category.

It's always funny when I start to reveal my geekier side. Takes people back a few steps.

I don't like lumping people into groups, though. But sadly, that is the world we live in.

 

[imperialwar]

yup pretty much in the same boat as OP.
6ft, 220, also a PT by trade.
I also have a long history in Martial Arts and Military tactics, hence my interest in TT wargames.
But as soon as I walk in the room I cant help but notice most "stereotypical geeks" running for the hills.
It has effected me to the point that I just dont bother going to gaming groups anymore.
They either treat me like an idiot as I am the typical "jock" by appearance, or they are intimidated by me as they think I'm going to crush them or something.
I think it may have a lot to do with their own insecurities but it pretty much has ruined the hobby for me. I still collect and paint the models though, trying to teach my wife how to play. She isnt into it really though

 

[Vault101]

You act as if you're coming out of the closet as some flaming homosexual. Alright, you're a geek...nobody cares.

when your a highschooler it definetly feels that way (yeah I game...on wii! haha you know so thats ok...and that batman poster? its for the dark knight....that was a big movie EVERYONE loved it Im not weird or anything)

 

[manic_depressive13]

I'm actually far more surprised when I see gamers and science fiction fans who do fit the nerd stereotype. I don't entirely fit it myself, although I have acne and am socially retarded. I've never encountered those aggressively nerdy types who demand that I PROVE MY WORTH. At least not in real life.

 

[AstylahAthrys]

I have a friend that I love to pieces, but I also hate because she's freaking gorgeous. People are always taken aback that she's a gigantic nerd. People almost never believe her. I mean, I'm okay looking I'd like to think, but people aren't surprised to hear I'm a nerd.

 

[BehattedWanderer]

Spoiler: snip

Ok, so this is a problem that a few of us have, but no one seems to really talk about. Probably because it's a problem few of us have.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am a geek. I've been one since I can remember. However, I never looked the part. Not really. My core group of friends known me forever, and seemingly 'overlook my condition'. But when I'm introduced to their geek friends... those other friends seem to take forever to accept that I'm really who I say I am. They treat me like some type of undercover agent trying to weaken their defenses or something.

Ever since high school, when I first really embraced what I was, I was always met with incredulous distrust. When I say I was actually subjected to literal exams on geek culture, I mean it. It was explained to me months after they finally realized I was who I said I am, that a friend told me that because of how I look, they weren't sure that I wasn't some jock who was trying to lure them to an ambush or something.

I get it. I'm a 6'2 black guy whose source of income is personal training. I also devour Warhammer Lore, I will put my trivia of Red Dwarf against anyone, 'I liked video games before they were cool', and I probably watch more cartoons than is recommended by the Surgeon General.

So, I'd like to hear from both parties. To my other non stereotypical looking geeks, do you find that you have a hard time fitting in at first? Do you get confusion from both sides of the fence: Geeky and non Geeky? Have you had to do anything extreme to eventually gain trust?

And those who are the stereotypical geeks, do you find that you have a hard time accepting those who do not fit the stereotype? If so, is there a reason?

Captcha: Watch me.

Seriously, people, Captcha is sentient and toying with us! Why do my warnings go unheeded?!

First of all, freaking awesome name. That should be a superhero's name, or something.

Second, maybe try wearing a shirt with one of your favorite geek topics? Some hint to people? Dress up as something awesome for a party, something decidedly geek-chic? I don't mean cosplay, I just mean an outfit. Advertise a little. Not a lot, even something small to let others know you're into what they're into. Maybe you're just one of those people that's hard to get a read on, so people get the wrong opinion.

Third, we are listening. Lord Captcha demands it:

 

[Mariakko]

I always think geeks that don't look like geeks are just messing with me. If you don't fit the stereotype i won't believe a thing you say after "I love video games". Girl gamers have to fit the stereotype too, If they aren't wearing a hoodie and trackpants, They're lying.
Most conversations with not-look-like-geek-people go like this:
"What games do you play?"
"Call of Duty: Black Ops"
"Anything else?"
"Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2"
"Portal?"
"What's Portal?"
I don't like people like that.

Captcha: make a bee-line. Is it warning me of impending doom?

 

[broadbandaddict]

snip snip

Is that a Deku Scrub? (http://www.zeldawiki.org/Deku_Scrub)

 

[geK0]

snip snip

Is that a Deku Scrub? (http://www.zeldawiki.org/Deku_Scrub)

yes! yes it is!

 

[Easton Dark]

You act as if you're coming out of the closet as some flaming homosexual. Alright, you're a geek...nobody cares.

when your a highschooler it definetly feels that way

It's great being me then. I can talk about just about anything (mostly Skyrim and ponies) wearing just about anything (mostly Mass Effect hoodie and ponies) and no one bats an eye.

Either they're used to it or they know I can beat them up ^_^

 

[Black Arrow Officer]

I don't fit the description at all. Geeks and nerds are generally considered to be pale and skinny with zits and greasy long hair. I have short hair, dark skin, and a tall and muscular build. I've actually done modeling work for Abercromie and Fitch before.

 

[Vault101]

I have a friend that I love to pieces, but I also hate because she's freaking gorgeous. People are always taken aback that she's a gigantic nerd. People almost never believe her. I mean, I'm okay looking I'd like to think, but people aren't surprised to hear I'm a nerd.

on the flipside mabye you give the impression that your very intelligent?

I would actually be more complimented if somone called me smart than pretty, I mean being pretty is just your genes and some effort/upkeep...being smart is.....probably the same but personally its somthing i value

 

[Dead Seerius]

I'm a bit like you OP, I don't really subscribe to a lot of nerd culture but like a lot of nerd things. In fact, some of the stereotypical nerd types really get on my nerves with their immaturity and social ineptitude. I also find a fair number are often more judgemental than non-nerds, quick to bully and ***** about anything outside their small circle of interests but too meek to say the insults to anyone's face. There is a distinct aura of mental superiority that is not mirrored by their actions.

Don't agree? Have a look at some of the threads on this very website. Heh.

I really couldn't describe it better myself.
The thing is, I'm only a geek in my private life. I enjoy sports and I'm a top runner on my school's cross-country team. Most of my friends are semi-jocks as well. It kinda sucks, though. Living a double identity makes you feel like you don't know where your interests lie. I'd definitely say I enjoy both sports and geeky stuff, but if I ever started up a conversation on a video game outside of the FPS or sports genres, my friends probably wouldn't take me seriously.

 

[A Satanic Panda]

When I was a Freshman, I had some misgivings about a guy that my friends introduced me to online. The guy didn't sound like a nerd and didn't have many nerdy friends. I wasn't sure if he would accept me or make fun of me. Two years later he is one of my best friends. A lot of people are afraid of rejection, that is probably the biggest barrier you are facing right now. To them you don't look like some one who would accept them, but if you can get past that and once they get to know you I'm sure they will become a lot nicer. You just have to change their perseption of you, which is certainly do able.

Shichkin... step away from the Escapist and back away from the computer... [sub]I know you're not him but still it sounds you could be him.[/sub]

And I look pretty regular, just a grey sweat shirt and brown pants. I've only ever played one MMO and never cosplay ever, or go to conventions. So I don't fit the bill at all for a nerd or geek. But I don't really associate myself with the elitist "hardcore" nerd crowd. If you looked at my circle of friends, you would never guess we are all nerds in some sense. Once in a while I'll surprise people with some deep full minded conversation, but sadly that's rare. You guys have no idea how much it makes my day when ever I have an intellectually stimulating conversation with some one.

 

[Clinky]

I'm not entirely sure, but I have some appearances that would line up: I am on the chubby side, I will have the occasional acne flare up, and my daily wardrobe is typically jeans and a t-shirt, either geeky or not. I guess I'm pretty geeky, at least by the stereotype of how a 'girl' is supposed to look. Though it becomes blindingly obvious no matter what I'm wearing when you ask me about video games, animation of just about any region(feel pity for whomever asks me about Genndy Tartakovsky), arts of varying eras and movements, my favorite comics, or plants.

But when it comes down to it I don't think it really matters, while I understand appearances are somewhat of an indicator of who you are I don't think it's right to be too rash about that sort of thing. Never know until you've actually spent time with someone. =)

 

[Aeonknight]

If other geeks are scrutinizing you just to be sure you're not one of "them", then there's a good chance they're not the type of people that are worth hanging around anyway. This is coming from someone who's laid back enough to mingle between all the social clique's at will.

 

[arnoldthebird]

I'm 6'6, sporty and some what approachable...
And when someone speaks to me for a long time they realise I am in fact a huge nerd, my close friend's don't know how I manage to get along with everyone. I haven't ever had the problem, most people I know don't judge a book by it's cover so to speak

 

[dex-dex]

I am a lady with blonde hair and supposedly looks like a hipster(according to friends,so-workers etc).
all the freakin time.
and when they do, they are shocked that the only thing hipsters and I have in common is our odd choice in clothing. which I take comfort in.
but you should know that looks are not everything, a guy I work with who is the same height as me(5'7") and is pretty thin use to be a bouncer about a year and a half ago.
so it is really one of those things that you never know until you get to know the person.

 

[alandavidson]

Yeah, people get really weirded out when they find out that I'm a nerd. I work out, shoot guns, and don't dress the "nerd" part at all. But I just have fun with my life. Just relax and let the good times roll OP.

 

[SciMal]

So, I'd like to hear from both parties. To my other non stereotypical looking geeks, do you find that you have a hard time fitting in at first? Do you get confusion from both sides of the fence: Geeky and non Geeky? Have you had to do anything extreme to eventually gain trust?

My knowledge base automatically excludes most of the Geek/Nerd population. It's hard to find people willing to talk about Chemokine Receptor characteristics, or the Hapten-Carrier effect in detail.

Instead of the physically intimidating Nerd/Geek, I'm the intellectually intimidating Nerd/Geek. I'm avoided because people think I know more about their topic than they do. Sometimes it happens, sure, but I'm more than happy to indulge or have fun. So I end up pushed to the peripheries of parties because it's difficult to find people who will interact with me.

It's not too long into the conversation where people learn I love to cook, love stage musicals, and have a love-affair with Impressionism. Then it's usually smooth sailing. Getting over that initial "Jeebus he knows more about my reproductive system than I do" thing is difficult, though.