Accepting Nerds/Geeks/Dorks that do not look Stereotypical

[Aeonknight]

If other geeks are scrutinizing you just to be sure you're not one of "them", then there's a good chance they're not the type of people that are worth hanging around anyway. This is coming from someone who's laid back enough to mingle between all the social clique's at will.

 

[arnoldthebird]

I'm 6'6, sporty and some what approachable...
And when someone speaks to me for a long time they realise I am in fact a huge nerd, my close friend's don't know how I manage to get along with everyone. I haven't ever had the problem, most people I know don't judge a book by it's cover so to speak

 

[dex-dex]

I am a lady with blonde hair and supposedly looks like a hipster(according to friends,so-workers etc).
all the freakin time.
and when they do, they are shocked that the only thing hipsters and I have in common is our odd choice in clothing. which I take comfort in.
but you should know that looks are not everything, a guy I work with who is the same height as me(5'7") and is pretty thin use to be a bouncer about a year and a half ago.
so it is really one of those things that you never know until you get to know the person.

 

[alandavidson]

Yeah, people get really weirded out when they find out that I'm a nerd. I work out, shoot guns, and don't dress the "nerd" part at all. But I just have fun with my life. Just relax and let the good times roll OP.

 

[SciMal]

So, I'd like to hear from both parties. To my other non stereotypical looking geeks, do you find that you have a hard time fitting in at first? Do you get confusion from both sides of the fence: Geeky and non Geeky? Have you had to do anything extreme to eventually gain trust?

My knowledge base automatically excludes most of the Geek/Nerd population. It's hard to find people willing to talk about Chemokine Receptor characteristics, or the Hapten-Carrier effect in detail.

Instead of the physically intimidating Nerd/Geek, I'm the intellectually intimidating Nerd/Geek. I'm avoided because people think I know more about their topic than they do. Sometimes it happens, sure, but I'm more than happy to indulge or have fun. So I end up pushed to the peripheries of parties because it's difficult to find people who will interact with me.

It's not too long into the conversation where people learn I love to cook, love stage musicals, and have a love-affair with Impressionism. Then it's usually smooth sailing. Getting over that initial "Jeebus he knows more about my reproductive system than I do" thing is difficult, though.

 

[Zack Alklazaris]

Ok, so this is a problem that a few of us have, but no one seems to really talk about. Probably because it's a problem few of us have.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am a geek. I've been one since I can remember. However, I never looked the part. Not really. My core group of friends known me forever, and seemingly 'overlook my condition'. But when I'm introduced to their geek friends... those other friends seem to take forever to accept that I'm really who I say I am. They treat me like some type of undercover agent trying to weaken their defenses or something.

Ever since high school, when I first really embraced what I was, I was always met with incredulous distrust. When I say I was actually subjected to literal exams on geek culture, I mean it. It was explained to me months after they finally realized I was who I said I am, that a friend told me that because of how I look, they weren't sure that I wasn't some jock who was trying to lure them to an ambush or something.

I get it. I'm a 6'2 black guy whose source of income is personal training. I also devour Warhammer Lore, I will put my trivia of Red Dwarf against anyone, 'I liked video games before they were cool', and I probably watch more cartoons than is recommended by the Surgeon General.

So, I'd like to hear from both parties. To my other non stereotypical looking geeks, do you find that you have a hard time fitting in at first? Do you get confusion from both sides of the fence: Geeky and non Geeky? Have you had to do anything extreme to eventually gain trust?

And those who are the stereotypical geeks, do you find that you have a hard time accepting those who do not fit the stereotype? If so, is there a reason?

Captcha: Watch me.

Seriously, people, Captcha is sentient and toying with us! Why do my warnings go unheeded?!

No I would find it unnerving because how you described your looks and occupation closely resemble the same people that tortured me into depression in school. But I would warm up to you once you seem nice.

I think the whole stereotypical geek is evolving. Especially in the media. What once was the thick glasses or the fat slob

has now turned into hot boyishness

that has actually become a fantasy for some people.

Its insane how much the drastic change is. I think it has helped credit us with having a much wider circle of who is a "true geek". No longer are people afraid to call themselves geeks. Still its a rather new thing so many of us still are not use to people who seem normal are actually geeks. Also you don't see many people like you who are geeks in the media. That is something that could make people suspicious of you since your form is more of a walking hulk and most of us geeks are more like a basket of puppies. Also remember we have our impostors. The woman who plays The Sims or the guy who plays Call of Duty and nothing else does not make them geeks.

It also doesn't help that some geeks have create niches. Clicks that other geeks are not welcomed. We have the Star Wars Geeks, the Star Trek Geeks, The Anime Geeks, The Movie Geeks, etc... we don't always get along. Its sad in a way given our common life experience among our "normal" peers.

In the end though someone who doesn't accept you simplly because of the way you look is just a smeg head.

yea I did it.

 

[hazabaza1]

I'm short, skinny, with medium long hair, glasses and somewhat large teeth for my face and I don't talk much.
I don't have this problem very often.

 

[EeveeElectro]

I've seen some gorgeous geeks. A few of the people on here are very sexy too and I wouldn't think they were into geeky stuff by looking at them.
It just goes to show you can't really judge a book by it's cover.

Would you say I'm one of those? ;D

You are a very handsome man, Trivun!

...How can you tell what people look like?

By... looking at them? >_>
Whenever we've had one of those picture threads on here (haven't had one in a while though...) a lot of the people posing are very good looking.

 

[oktalist]

Captcha: Watch me.

Seriously, people, Captcha is sentient and toying with us! Why do my warnings go unheeded?!

Your horoscopes are not coming true, they are just written in such a way as to be applicable to most eventualities!

 

[Dreiko_v1legacy]

I look like a metal fan, probably due to my epic long hair. People never "doubt" me, since I exude anime-fan in some mysterious way and I'm Greek, not as in my parents were from Greece, I actually lived the first 17 years of my life there, so combining my appearance with the identity of "the foreign guy with the dual citizenship" somehow is outlandish enough to allow people to see me in any light possible, including that of the greeky gamer anime fan who speaks Japanese.



Sometimes, I do make it easy on them though:

Spoiler

While other times I get random people on the street asking me to join their bands:

Spoiler

 

[The Ubermensch]

Me=Commando/Geek/Brony

I feel your pain, Though i kind of, dislike people who fit into the stereotype of "looks like a geek"

 

[madster11]

Well i'm a pretty big nerd - to the point where seeing how far i can push my air-cooled 2500K is a fun night for me (5.2ghz with a $20 cooler - awesome), but i hit the gym once or twice a week and do pushups and walk a fair distance every day.
This goes with my 6'1 and bulky frame to make me seem more like the football or boxer type, and considering i can deadlift the back of a small car (450lbs ish) i'd say i don't fit into the normal 'nerd' look, unless i forget to shave my neckbeard and wear crap clothes.

 

[Sparrow]

I'm a moderately good looking (I stress the moderate part) 18 year old with a decent physique and my friends basically make up the entire school rugby team, of which I am a part of.

So yeah, I get where you're coming from in that sense. I doubt many would consider me a "hardcore" geek/nerd/whatever, but I could still throw down with the best of them trivia-wise. I just remember that one time when I told a friend I was excited about 2012's line-up of games, and one of the "geek" guys turned to me and scoffed "Call of Duty and Battlefield are already out." What a dick that guy was.

 

[Phasmal]

Well, I'm a girl. So there's that.
But also, I sometimes like surprising people. And staff in game shops are usually really nice to me.

Ha, I wish that was the case. I walked into the local Games Workshop a year ago, thinking about picking up a starter's kit (always wanted to, but they are so pricey). The guy running the table game looked at me and asked if I was lost, or if I was looking for modell's.

I told him I was now. Glad he lost his store some business.

Oh, yeah, I've had the `Are you lost?` line too. It happens, I just smile and say no.
Its quite funny the difference when I go in alone or with my boyfriend though.
We were necro'ing our PS2 so I went in to get a memory card, the dude fell over himself to be nice to me and gave me a selection of colours for my memory card (I chose the red one).

When we went in to get another one, (I was hovering around the new releases while my boyfriend went to get the card) dude just smacked a black one on the counter and that was it.

(I dont see this in a `har har people flirting with me` way, I think its genuinely sweet).

 

[Dreiko_v1legacy]

Oh, yeah, I've had the `Are you lost?` line too. It happens, I just smile and say no.
Its quite funny the difference when I go in alone or with my boyfriend though.
We were necro'ing our PS2 so I went in to get a memory card, the dude fell over himself to be nice to me and gave me a selection of colours for my memory card (I chose the red one).

When we went in to get another one, (I was hovering around the new releases while my boyfriend went to get the card) dude just smacked a black one on the counter and that was it.

(I dont see this in a `har har people flirting with me` way, I think its genuinely sweet).

It's not really flirting, yeah, but guys always think they have a chance, always, no matter how crazy it is. "Maybe if I give her the right memory card she'll give me her number!!!" is probably what went through the guy's head. We can't really help it...>_>.

 

[Phasmal]

It's not really flirting, yeah, but guys always think they have a chance, always, no matter how crazy it is. "Maybe if I give her the right memory card she'll give me her number!!!" is probably what went through the guy's head. We can't really help it...>_>.

I thought being nice to someone with the intent of trying to get their number was flirting.
But, whatever it is, its sweet. (As long as it's not done in a creepy way, but its usually nice in my experience).

 

[ObsidianJones_v1legacy]

I agree with you, often it's difficult for me to make friends with similar interests because of the way I look. IE... they don't believe that I'm into geeky stuff genuinely, until they hear me speak I guess. A lot of my college experience was being forced into friendships with vapid people because none of the nerds at my school felt comfortable around me.

Making friends on the web helps, they have no choice but to take your mind into account. That's why I love MMOs!

 

[Dreiko_v1legacy]

I thought being nice to someone with the intent of trying to get their number was flirting.
But, whatever it is, its sweet. (As long as it's not done in a creepy way, but its usually nice in my experience).

Not quite, flirting is much more aimed, controlled and, well, active. This is not so much being nice with the intent to get the number but more hoping that by being nice you'll be rewarded by it. It's like helping a girl with a flat tire or jump-starting her car with yours. You don't really flirt with her when you do that, even when you wouldn't do it for a guy. The thing that propels your action is a tiny flicker of hope in the back of your mind that she'll somehow be captivated by your jump-starting-prowess and jump you.


Flirting is much more interactive and relies on seduction and humor and a bunch of other stuff, not on pure illogical faith.


Notice, he wasn't actually going to ever try and get your number, these situations are always passive. He just hoped you'd be grateful enough that you'd offer it! That's the key difference which makes this not-flirting.