Advice for broken hearts

[DoctorObviously]

A thread not just for me, but for anyone who -for any reason or story whatsoever- has had his or her heart broken to use as a bit of a guide or a simple page full of advice from Escapists, and not some nameless faceless website listing advice that's just very context-sensitive.

I have found out that playing video games, and A LOT of sleep can help put your mind off of the person you love. Anything to keep your mind busy, really.

What's the advice you'd give to you and other Escapists?

 

[Kged]

Just don't expect your life to be happy. We've been sold a Hollywood lie that life is supposed to be a near-endless stream of happy times; it's not.

 

[Thaluikhain]

Just don't expect your life to be happy. We've been sold a Hollywood lie that life is supposed to be a near-endless stream of happy times; it's not.

Very much this. Fairy tale poisoning is a very serious problem in our society.

Things will go wrong. This does not mean it's the end of the world. You are not guaranteed a magical happy ending by virtue of turning up.

 

[Caiphus]

Along with the tough love posted by the lads above me, I would suggest exercise. Any kind, really, doesn't need to be strenuous. A good, long walk can work wonders for clearing your mind. Not only does it also help you sleep at night, but it lets you work out any latent frustration that you might have worked up.

 

[Weaver]

Really, get a lot of physical exercise (this helped me personally) and try to listen to lots of upbeat music.

Having your heart broken hurts for everyone. The only thing that permanently helps is time.

 

[Multi-Hobbyist]

Anti-depressants. That's what I've resorted to anyway. They help place a much welcome fog/barrier over the thoughts that previously plagued me. Though, there's been all sorts of wrong with me even before the heart break, so meh.

 

[Flutterguy]

Truth, time, deduction, perception and hobbies.

Don't lie to yourself. Much harder to fix an ignored problem. It may seem depressing to realize your faults at first, however they become easier to fix every day you work at them. Finding yourself 10-30 minutes to meditate once or twice a week is very helpful. Meditation was actually prescribed by my doctor just over a year ago, something I had never taken seriously, however it is stress-releasing and dare i say enlightening. (Although the first couple times were just awkward)

Exercise and healthy eating are both great. Cannot be said enough. Seriously jog to the grocery store and pick up some fresh veggies and hummus right now.

 

[Elfgore]

Just listen to this song a couple times


and realize that you'll get over it eventually and find someone or something else to fill the hole that person left.

 

[drummond13]

Wow. There's a lot of cynicism on this forum right now. I didn't realize just how happy my life truly is until I read some of these posts.


I've had my share of heartbreak, but you push through it. A lot of it comes down to attitude. If you walk around thinking everyone who seems happy is just living a "Hollywood Lie" then guess what, you'll never be happy. It's not something that happens automatically.

 

[Little Woodsman]

It will vary enormously depending on the specific people and the specific situations. There's a lot of generally useful advice in the posts that have already been put here, to that I will add:

Escapism in any legal/non-self-destructive form. Just keep your mind off of the situation to help give yourself time to heal.

Understanding why the break-up/rejection that caused your broken heart took place.

Talking with friends. Oftentimes a friend has a perspective that is just different enough to help you get perspective on the situation yourself.

 

[Lynx]

Me and my boyfriend of three years broke up last night. It sucked. It sucks. More than anything, it sucks that he's my home, my best friend, he's the number one guy I call when I feel like shit, and now when I indeed feel very shitty, he's the one person I can't call.

But all wounds close up eventually. Let yourself grieve, but don't get stuck. If you feel like crying or yelling in the middle of the day; take a time out, let it out, then go back to shool or work or whatever it is you do the rest of the day. Keep busy, meet friends, and be kind to yourself. Wait it out and don't forget that you've come out on the other side before, and you will again.

 

[EvilMaggot]

What i do mostly to get through heartbreaks.. listen to music, play games.. and then listen to music

first i go with this kind..
(omfg quality is not great..)

and then this kind of music..
this kinda music works for me.. gets the aggression out for whatever reason that breakup might have been.

and with a good amount of music therapy. Its all much better ^^ but .. as you experience heartbreaks more and more.. your heart (atleast in my case) starts to harden... She has to be really special for me to feel anything.. it sucks.. majorly. A girl in my past wrecked my mind.. and now i have huge trust issues with girls because of it... sucks.. But .. music. ****ing works.

 

[Crepsley]

I'm going to have to disagree with the "don't expect your life to be happy" club above, because whether your life will be happy or not is in your hands. The difference between Hollywood fairy tales and real life is that most things require work, and they're not always handed to you. Sometimes they are, and then you just have to enjoy it. Don't do what I did and worry there's a catch and stress over it.(Also, just as a side note: happiness can be anything. It doesn't have to be something earth shattering.)

As for advice, it's mainly time. I know, it's a cliché, but it helps. Pack up everything that reminds you of the person and put them somewhere where you won't see them every day. Don't blame yourself, the other person, or anyone else. That will lead you down spite avenue and just make things worse. Things happened, they can't be changed, so what good will pointing fingers do? Sleep a lot, eat a lot, jog a lot, whatever that distracts you.

 

[EeveeElectro]

Me and my boyfriend of three years broke up last night. It sucked. It sucks. More than anything, it sucks that he's my home, my best friend, he's the number one guy I call when I feel like shit, and now when I indeed feel very shitty, he's the one person I can't call.

But all wounds close up eventually. Let yourself grieve, but don't get stuck. If you feel like crying or yelling in the middle of the day; take a time out, let it out, then go back to shool or work or whatever it is you do the rest of the day. Keep busy, meet friends, and be kind to yourself. Wait it out and don't forget that you've come out on the other side before, and you will again.

Oh no, lovely *hugs* I'm always just a PM away if you need to talk

OT: Very good advice just above actually. It sounds cliché but time is a healer. Distance yourself from the one who broke your heart and you'll be able to pull through eventually.

It'll take time, and how much time it will take is dependant on the individual.

It fucking sucks and the first heartbreak is the worst because it's a million new feelings you don't know how to deal with or you don't know how much pain you can potentially handle emotionally.
It doesn't get easier as you get older, but the healing process does because you know you've come out of getting your heart kicked in the arse a better person and you will do again.

If you have to take a day out where you want to sob uncontrollably and stuff ice cream into your mouth, then go for it. Getting your emotions and frustrations out is a good thing.
Take up a new hobby, try your hand at a few things until you find something that feels right.
Exercise. Dance. Go for walks and clear your mind. Put music and belt out a tune. Take up a martial art.
Use your feelings to progress, if your emotionas are bottled up, release them when you exercise. You'll look and feel better too.

Avoid crappy, sugary foods. They make you feel worse and make you bloated which will affect your confidence.

Listen to your favourite bands. Take time out with your friends, just take your mind off it. Start dating again, even if you're not 100% ready, just get to know some more people and see what it can develop into.

Everyone's go their own ways to deal with it, but that's what I find helps.
Keep yourself surrounded by people who love you. It's easy to sink in depression, unbeknown to yourself and stay there. Friends and family will be able to help you out of it and get you some help.

There's always someone you can turn to and you'll come out of it a stronger person.

 

[Ashhearth]

Find ways to keep yourself active be it games or exercise. Make plans to spend time with people and just overall keep yourself busy. Over time you will realize things got better on their own and you will have grown up a bit too.

 

[Daystar Clarion]

I'm not going into detail, but I will use the words a wise man once told me.


'When I'm sad, I stop being sad, and be awesome instead.'



Life is only as happy as you want it to be.

Make the effort, and it's yours for the taking.

 

[Saltyk]

Me and my boyfriend of three years broke up last night. It sucked. It sucks. More than anything, it sucks that he's my home, my best friend, he's the number one guy I call when I feel like shit, and now when I indeed feel very shitty, he's the one person I can't call.

But all wounds close up eventually. Let yourself grieve, but don't get stuck. If you feel like crying or yelling in the middle of the day; take a time out, let it out, then go back to shool or work or whatever it is you do the rest of the day. Keep busy, meet friends, and be kind to yourself. Wait it out and don't forget that you've come out on the other side before, and you will again.

I'm sorry to hear that. I think we've all felt something like that, at some point. There's not much worse, I think.

I'm not really sure what to say. You seem to have a pretty good head on your shoulders from the looks of your post. Now, could be a good time to watch a dumb action movie, like the Avengers, or play a simple but fun game. Even better with some good friends. Good luck, Lynx! [sub]If that is indeed your real name, which it probably isn't.[/sub]

The same applies to the OP. Try not to wallow in it. Take one step at a time.

 

[thejackyl]

Here's what I did.

Hang out with friends, have a good time. Go about your life as you would have if you hadn't met them. When I broke up with my last girlfriend, I practically lived at my best friend's place for a few weeks. All we did was talk and play video games, but it was enough to keep my mind off of her to see the real story. And sometimes that's enough to make you realize you're better off without them. Which, at least in my case, was true.

As the person above me said. Don't forget, but don't dwell. Dwelling on something is never good, it had me pining after my high school girlfriend (we broke up around my birthday the year after I graduated) for about 2 years. All because I couldn't let go and I thought for some reason that she would come back. It was mainly because we constantly broke up and got back together over the years we were together. Usually, it was over something stupid or trivial.

 

[VincentMm]

Delete the photos, delete the texts, all of that.
Clear them out of your life and it's a lot easier to clear them out of your mind.

 

[Fox12]

Just don't expect your life to be happy. We've been sold a Hollywood lie that life is supposed to be a near-endless stream of happy times; it's not.

I would offer an edited version of this. Don't expect your life to be PERFECT. Love at first sight doesn't exist. Love is a messy business, but like my friend told me, you only have to get it right once. Just find somebody who is as messes up as you are. My advice is to listen to a few sad songs, like I did, and then move on. Get involved with sports, join a club, start a hobby. Anything to give your life momentum.



I don't know about you, but I can't listen to happy music right after a breakup. Feels to disingenuous.