Age gaps in relationships, how much is too much?

[Sunrider]

A 20-year-old dating a 16-year-old is creepy? I guess I was a creep when I met my ex then. Funny, no one I know said anything about that, and her mom was totally okay with it, seeing as she thought I treated her daughter in a good way.

All this time and I never knew...

 

[standokan]

Yeah, it's pretty creapy alright but it's like, not your business, if they're both okay with it then it's okay.

 

[Radelaide]

I'm 20 (turning 21 this year), my boyfriend is 24 (turning 25 this year) and we're okay with that. So are my parents and my friends. Here's some context though: His brother is 20 (turned 20 this year) and his ex was 16 (turned 16 this year) which, IMO is a little weird. YES SHE IS THE LEGAL AGE OF CONSENT but jeez.

 

[Always_Remain]

I don't really care about other people and their age differences. I'm not into getting intimate with others but if I was, I wouldn't mind dating a girl a bit younger then me. Maybe a year or two. (I'm 17 for the record)

 

[Agayek]

There's this guy in my DnD group who is a bit older than me (I'm 19 he's almost 20), his girlfriend just turned 16, which to me is really creepy. He doesn't seem to get it because he seems to think that because he is still in high school it's ok (He should have graduated two years ago, I graduated last year).

So do you think? is it creepy or am I just being a little oversensitive? Also, what do you see as an acceptable age difference in a relationship, keeping in minde that different age difference are appropriate at different age.

Standard rule of thumb is age/2 + 7 for the minimum "creepy" relationship.

That said, the specific instance you mention is mildly creepy. And illegal. If she's comfortable with it, it's nobody else's business, but I personally find the thought of 18+ dating high schoolers to be over the line.

 

[Yureina]

Arbitrary rules mean nothing to me. I think that if people love eachother, then let it happen. That is not an endorsement of underage sex, but rather that there should not be some "rule" that dictates who I can't and cannot be with. I don't ever accept such things.

 

[WolfThomas]

>18 and capable of giving informed consent, is all that's important, honestly. Some stuff may seem strange, but hey who am I to judge?

 

[Julianking93]

Does it really matter? If two people love one another, then age shouldn't matter.
Sure, when a 90 year old is dating a teen, there's obviously something more to that but if it's, say, a 17 year old to a 19 year old, or even someone in their teens dating another in their 20s.
If they love each other, it shouldn't matter.
Of course, that's not to endorse paedophillia, by any means but when two consenting and mature people are in love, who cares about age?

 

[Voration]

Yes it definitely seems a little wrong, but if it all works out for the next few years, it won't seem bad when an 18 year old is with a 22 year old and so on.

Once you're of an adult age, its more personal choice than anything. Personally I've gone out with someone just over double my age, and the biggest issue was that we had completely different priorities in life, I wanted to enjoy my youth while my partner wanted to settle down.

It didn't work out

So from personal experience, I think anything more than a ten year age gap is pushing it, not from 'wrongness' but from the difference in values and priorities in life at different ages.

 

[Moonlight Butterfly]

Like the guy with the comic strip says its: Age/2 +7 thats the lowest age you can date without being creepy.

I was 24 ish in my old wow guild and there was a 16 year old who said he was in love with me. I just thought it was cute. Waaaaaay too young lol. Maybe its different for guys.

 

[Frozen Donkey Wheel2]

1. Really? "I'm 19 and he's almost 20"? 19 IS almost 20. You're the same age.
2. Yeah, that's kinda creepy. And the law agrees with me, if they have sex it's statutory rape. You should probably let him know.

 

[callmegreen]

The WHole high school thing is diffrent in canada cuz we start highschool at 8th grade so its no really Okay to date a senior Just because you goto school together because we start at 13 and leave at like 17/18/19 soo its... uhh yeah

EDIT: Also this Reminds me of scott pilgrim LOL

 

[Baradiel]

Theres a girl at school living with a guy who is between 30 and 40. She's 17. He looks like her Dad, grey hair etc.

Thats... a bit extreme.

 

[Lenvoran]

Depending on where you are it's different. Age of consent in Washington (State) is 16. If you're in Washington or anywhere else that has a similar (or maybe even lower ) age of consent, it's perfectly legal.

As for creepiness factor, my parents have a 6 year age difference, got married within a month of meeting one another, all while my father was 19 years of age. They've been happily married for 21 years now. I don't really think age difference matters as much as compatibility. I've always gotten along far better with those significantly my senior than people of my own age.

They're all just numbers to me.

 

[Devious Boomer]

I could care less about an age gap. As long as both parties are completely content with each other, are open and honest with their intentions, then it's all fair in my eyes. I just don't think it's fair to judge people without getting to know them well first.
I've heard people say, "Geez, what a friggin' creep. She's three grades lower than him." or "He's just taking advantage of her. She's going to regret it." or "He's just immature and can't handle women his age."
Whilst there might be some merit to their statements due to past observations (especially during the hormonal teenage years), it is still only a value judgment and a preconception and people really should not judge until they have concrete evidence to their suspicions. Perhaps why some guys choose girls about 3-5 years their junior is that these girls remind them of a carefree youth they barely had or have since left behind. Perhaps it's just the shallowness of capturing fleeting youthful beauty. Who knows?

As for me, my bottom limit is 14-15 years old. No lower. Some younger girls are very easy on the eyes, but there is no lasting attraction. Why I prefer girls of around 20-something? Larger chance that they'll know themselves better, are less shy and thereby easier and more interesting to talk to.

 

[The Unworthy Gentleman]

Always follow the rule, it will never do you wrong.

([Your age]/2)+7

If you get .5 on the end then you can round up or round down, depending on the girl. He is not within the rule and is therefore too old. It's irrelevant really though, if they like each other then let them be.

 

[Gralian]

On paper, it's a little bit creepy. Though honestly as a 20 year old male myself i don't really feel mentally that much different to how i was 4 or 5 years ago. I didn't suddenly pop a magic pill and go 'woah. I'm suddenly a sophisticated and completely mature adult with a superior mind to my later teenage years'. That's not to say i'm a mentally incapable child; just that i haven't had some life changing epiphany that's suddenly made me different or worldly. So in that sense, if i was the guy dating the 16 year old girl, i wouldn't feel that weird about it. (The age of consent in the UK is 16) I think young people are more aware of their actions and impact of their decisions than we give them credit for and we shouldn't dismiss their wishes as frivolous and without thought.

 

[Gigano]

Don't see much wrong with a 19 year old and a 16 year old dating if that's their thing.

Girl should probably do better than someone who's two years behind graduation schedule though, even if she likes older guys. And there's actually a physiological reason [http://www.education.com/reference/article/Ref_Boys_Girls/] this relationship age gap between young couples isn't entirely uncommon; in general, when under age 30 young men of equal age simply aren't as mentally developed, due to slower brain development, and understandably some young women just can't be bothered.

 

[El Poncho]

Half your age plus 7, it's what I go by.

 

[GrimTuesday]

Depending on where you are it's different. Age of consent in Washington (State) is 16. If you're in Washington or anywhere else that has a similar (or maybe even lower ) age of consent, it's perfectly legal.

As for creepiness factor, my parents have a 6 year age difference, got married within a month of meeting one another, all while my father was 19 years of age. They've been happily married for 21 years now. I don't really think age difference matters as much as compatibility. I've always gotten along far better with those significantly my senior than people of my own age.

They're all just numbers to me.

Alright I don't normally bring threads back after a couple of hours but I just have to for this cause it was so perfect. I am from Washington too XD. While them dating is legal, if they were to have sex it would be illegal, as she is still considered a minor. Age of consent means that it is now their decision, not their parents, but because the age difference is 3, almost 4 years, its considered statutory rape.