Am I justified in being angry about this?

[romxxii]

Yes, he was very much on the testy side. No, you shouldn't let it get to you. Part of being an adult -- as you so want to be treated -- is to react to minor annoyances with civility.

 

[Iron Criterion]

It's his house. Deal with it, or move out: that's what I did.

Edit: If you don't live there, you should stop abusing the laundry room since you're supposed to be independent.

 

[Blood Brain Barrier]

Christ, I'd just move out. I'd rather be homeless than live with that kind of shit.

No offence but that's a pretty silly thing to say.

Having to deal with one person being an ass is not worse than having to live in perpetual poverty, lacking food, shelter, warmth, Being isolated from people, living with the threat of violence and rape, Being more prone to alcohol/drug abuse or even being forgotten or abused by your own government http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2013/08/28/south-carolina-capital-city-forces-its-homeless-out/

I'm just saying what I'd rather do, doesn't have anything to do with you. I bet you've never been homeless before either.

And by the way, homeless and poverty are not the same thing. Mendicants are homeless but not necessarily impoverished. And I'd listen to Shakyamuni over Fox News (or any news).

No, homelessness and poverty are not the same thing but there is an undeniable link. To pretend that monks who deliberately forgo possessions live a life comparable to the average homeless person is pretty disingenuous.

And It's funny you bring up Fox news, I didn't even realise my link was from there, it was just the first thing I came across. If you would dismiss it and any other sources of news that describe homeless people being mistreated (because Buddha says otherwise?.. I don't really follow your logic) then I'd say you're pretty ignorant.

A description of homelessness in Britain:
http://www.theguardian.com/housing-network/2013/oct/29/homeless-sleep-out-charity

All I'm saying is what I would do myself, however ignorant it may be. It's got more to do with my unwillingness to tolerate the situation the OP described. I've never been homeless but I've spent a few nights sleeping rough and not been raped or gone hungry. Not saying I wouldn't get sick of it and run back home again either. Besides, going hungry and cold and all that is bullshit, as you can just get unemployment benefit and buy yourself a burger as well as get yourself into public housing. Where I live anyway.

 

[Jean Chose]

I just love how you go out of your way *not to be pissed off*

Everyone here seems to agree you just want confirmation of your right to be pissed. And yes, you have a right to be pissed. The reaction you talk about is clearly motivated by fear and poor knowledge.

Which makes me wonder : do you want to be offended ? Because all the care you put in making sure your anger isn't illegitimate, well, I find that quite admirable. It'd be so easy and probably fruitless to go and spill truth on that stepdad of yours till it burns him... I know I'd certainly do that, and soon after realize how pointless it all was.

So, for chanelling your anger through noble and logic indignation, I raise a thumb to you, miss.

 

[Smooth Operator]

Well obviously you are justified to be angry at such narrow minded nonsense, just understand that no good will come of pursuing it any further then that with people of that... caliber let's say.

And yes aiming for independence is highly advisable if you intend to lead a normal adult life, parents will forever see their children as children thus will try to manage their life.

 

[Ryan Minns]

When my Step father was being dick I... "calmed him down" though violence is not something I'd suggeast given you're not an actual rent paying resident like I was at the time.

It's not your house so he does have a say on things but if what you say is true with how he acted than he is clearly a dick. My suggestion is to just not step on his toes. Sure it's also YOUR mothers house but sometimes it's best to just make sure not to do anything he can argue with.

 

[LadyLightning]

I'd actually file an assault charge against him for physically blocking you from the computer. it sounds like he shoved you away from his porn.

 

[crazygameguy4ever]

i might have broken something over his head for talking to me like that. what an asshole... i didn't along with my dad either and i wouldn't have hesitated to do something if he did something like that and threatened me... he'd be getting stitches

 

[Neonsilver]

Yes you are justified to be angry.
You are an adult and he doesn't have the authority to punish you for anything you are doing, especially considering that, assuming I understood you correct, you aren't living in his or your mothers house.

In general that sounds like an old guy who has no idea how the internet and computers work and has only heard some horror news stories about cyber mobbing.

 

[Ilikemilkshake]

Christ, I'd just move out. I'd rather be homeless than live with that kind of shit.

No offence but that's a pretty silly thing to say.

Having to deal with one person being an ass is not worse than having to live in perpetual poverty, lacking food, shelter, warmth, Being isolated from people, living with the threat of violence and rape, Being more prone to alcohol/drug abuse or even being forgotten or abused by your own government http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2013/08/28/south-carolina-capital-city-forces-its-homeless-out/

I'm just saying what I'd rather do, doesn't have anything to do with you. I bet you've never been homeless before either.

And by the way, homeless and poverty are not the same thing. Mendicants are homeless but not necessarily impoverished. And I'd listen to Shakyamuni over Fox News (or any news).

No, homelessness and poverty are not the same thing but there is an undeniable link. To pretend that monks who deliberately forgo possessions live a life comparable to the average homeless person is pretty disingenuous.

And It's funny you bring up Fox news, I didn't even realise my link was from there, it was just the first thing I came across. If you would dismiss it and any other sources of news that describe homeless people being mistreated (because Buddha says otherwise?.. I don't really follow your logic) then I'd say you're pretty ignorant.

A description of homelessness in Britain:
http://www.theguardian.com/housing-network/2013/oct/29/homeless-sleep-out-charity

All I'm saying is what I would do myself, however ignorant it may be. It's got more to do with my unwillingness to tolerate the situation the OP described. I've never been homeless but I've spent a few nights sleeping rough and not been raped or gone hungry. Not saying I wouldn't get sick of it and run back home again either. Besides, going hungry and cold and all that is bullshit, as you can just get unemployment benefit and buy yourself a burger as well as get yourself into public housing. Where I live anyway.

Wow. I don't even...
Homelessness isn't a problem because you can just get benefits and buy burgers... Okay I'm glad we've solved the homelessness crisis.

In the UK you have to wait 2 weeks before receiving benefits, even then you're probably not going to get what you need to live properly and you certainly won't be given housing straight away.

Many countries don't even have it as good as this, benefits aren't always an option.

But no, I'm glad Australia has solved its problems with burgers but in the real world it doesn't work like that.

Next time you see a homeless person panhandling with a sign saying they're cold and hungry, tell then they're full of shit cos they can just go buy burgers with their benefit money.

 

[zumbledum]

Am I justified in being angry about this? Or am I taking things too personally?

sure if you want , waste some time and energy on being pissed off at a guy whose opinion you shouldnt give a fuck about over an issue of zero import. its your life use it the best way you can.

 

[TheDoctor455]

Ok Escapists of the world, am I being petty about this?

As a bit of background, my step father and I do not get along. At all. He is just a generally unkind man toward me and I typically try to keep my distance, as does he. It is well established that he and my mother have drastically different experiences in child raising. He has two children who are high-school dropouts, one of whom just had a baby with a teenage ex girlfriend. My step-father does not have a high view of teenagers and the choices they make, which makes sense given his experiences.

So today I'm at his and my mother's home to use their laundry room. I was also watching an Extra Life stream for my favorite Lets Player, who had a facecam on. As I walk away from the computer to get a drink, my stepfather walks by and looks at the screen. He then turns to me and says "what are you doing?" I told him I was watching a videogame commentator. He then asks if the LPer could see his viewers through their webcams too. I said no, the facecam is just for us to see him. He then physically blocked me from the computer and told me "Good. I would have had a serious problem otherwise. You don't want to know what your punishment will be if I find out you're letting guys on the internet see your face. You will not turn on our webcam for any reason" and walks away.

I admit, this comment and the authoritative tone it was spoken in really pissed me off.

Like I said, I understand that he has had issues with teens making stupid decisions, but that's not me. I'm 22. I'm a straight A student and am graduating college this year. I am a pre-law student and am preparing to study abroad in Japan before I go to law school. I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination and have more faults than not, but I like to believe that I have a good head on my shoulders. My mother has also always made it clear to my stepfather that she trusts my judgment and wants me to make my own decisions.

So this reaction to me possibly talking to a man on the internet pisses me off. The facecam could be of a friend or a classmate for all my stepfather knows. And even if it's not, I am a grown woman and I have the sense of judgment to be able to make reasonably good decisions. To speak to me like a child and threaten to punish me without any clue of what is going on doesn't seem reasonable to me.

Am I justified in being angry about this? Or am I taking things too personally?

Yes and no.

Yes, because he's being unreasonable, and making faulty assumptions... some of which, I suspect... are worse than others.
And because, well... are you living under his roof?

Are you even taking any money from them for college?

And no... because well... from the sound of it, you're using his computer... so yeah... it isn't entirely unreasonable for him to be paranoid about how others use it.

Then again, yes...

because he could have simply approached the situation rationally, and calmly asked you what was going on. And when it turned out it wasn't what he thought... I don't think the threat of punishment was necessary.

And then... no...

because again, its his computer and his webcam, right? He can very well tell you not to use his stuff.

And again... yes...

if he seems to think that extends to how you use your computer and your webcams (assuming you have any).

 

[Fox12]

Why are people so afraid to speak their mind? You are 22, you look him straight in the eye , and tell him he has no say in what you do . You are an adult, and worst you are not his child. Yes you have the right to be pissed off, you also have the right to tell him you are pissed off. Although i have a feeling you are afraid of him , in which case if he so much as touches a hair on you head , i would call the authorities.

If you are an adult, act like an adult .

Basically this, I was hoping someone would say it.

Look OP, you don't have to be an asshole when you speak to him, but assuming your a financially independent adult what is he going to do to you? Even if you're not, you have every right to look him full in the face, one adult to another, and calmly tell him that he has no right to speak to you that way. Yes, it's his computer, and yes, he has a right to tell you how to use it. He does not have the right to deliver vague threats to his daughter in law in a desperate attempt to assert his own authority onto other people so that he can achieve self validation. He wants more control over his life because he's clearly fucked it up. I get that. But you're an adult, and his children are (presumably) adults, so he has no right to control any of you in that way. You will succeed or fail on your own (though it sounds like you've got a level head). You can be polite, for your mother more than for him, and still make it clear that he is expected to speak to you in a dignified manner.

 

[Ritualist]

Hit him in the dick with a hammer. He overstepped his boundaries for the sole purpose of attempting to remind you of your "place". A parent doesn't do that. A bully does.

 

[crazyarms33]

Although i have a feeling you are afraid of him , in which case if he so much as touches a hair on you head , i would call the authorities.

If you are an adult, act like an adult .

That's not exactly the adult thing to do. It sounds like you are telling him to try and get a rise out of the stepfather, then when he gets mad and acts on it, he should call the police. If two people, especially adults, can't settle their differences reasonably then they should know not to talk to each other. And if it comes to blows, hit harder and more accurately than the other guy. Just my two cents.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

So today I'm at his and my mother's home to use their laundry room. I was also watching an Extra Life stream for my favorite Lets Player, who had a facecam on. As I walk away from the computer to get a drink, my stepfather walks by and looks at the screen. He then turns to me and says "what are you doing?" I told him I was watching a videogame commentator. He then asks if the LPer could see his viewers through their webcams too. I said no, the facecam is just for us to see him. He then physically blocked me from the computer and told me "Good. I would have had a serious problem otherwise. You don't want to know what your punishment will be if I find out you're letting guys on the internet see your face. You will not turn on our webcam for any reason" and walks away.

I admit, this comment and the authoritative tone it was spoken in really pissed me off.

Am I justified in being angry about this? Or am I taking things too personally?

Who punishes a 22 year old? Seriously?

I don't know if I'd be angry so much as annoyed, bemused, and slightly alarmed at my step-father's bizarre techno-phobia and strange insistence on infantilizing his 22 year old daughter instead of speaking to her like an adult.

it sounds like he shoved you away from his porn.

Oooh, good theory, LadyLightning. Old step-pop might be weirdly territorial about the PC for a reason.

 

[Wackymon]

Ask him why he did so. Evaluate his explanations, then make a judgement. If you view his judgement as wrong, explain why calmly. Don't get mad at him for it, because it sounds like he has a decent reason/paranoia to do so. His threats are uncalled for, that I admit, but you should figure out why first.

 

[Lyri]

Ok Escapists of the world, am I being petty about this?

As a bit of background, my step father and I do not get along. At all. He is just a generally unkind man toward me and I typically try to keep my distance, as does he. It is well established that he and my mother have drastically different experiences in child raising. He has two children who are high-school dropouts, one of whom just had a baby with a teenage ex girlfriend. My step-father does not have a high view of teenagers and the choices they make, which makes sense given his experiences.

So today I'm at his and my mother's home to use their laundry room. I was also watching an Extra Life stream for my favorite Lets Player, who had a facecam on. As I walk away from the computer to get a drink, my stepfather walks by and looks at the screen. He then turns to me and says "what are you doing?" I told him I was watching a videogame commentator. He then asks if the LPer could see his viewers through their webcams too. I said no, the facecam is just for us to see him. He then physically blocked me from the computer and told me "Good. I would have had a serious problem otherwise. You don't want to know what your punishment will be if I find out you're letting guys on the internet see your face. You will not turn on our webcam for any reason" and walks away.

I admit, this comment and the authoritative tone it was spoken in really pissed me off.

Like I said, I understand that he has had issues with teens making stupid decisions, but that's not me. I'm 22. I'm a straight A student and am graduating college this year. I am a pre-law student and am preparing to study abroad in Japan before I go to law school. I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination and have more faults than not, but I like to believe that I have a good head on my shoulders. My mother has also always made it clear to my stepfather that she trusts my judgment and wants me to make my own decisions.

So this reaction to me possibly talking to a man on the internet pisses me off. The facecam could be of a friend or a classmate for all my stepfather knows. And even if it's not, I am a grown woman and I have the sense of judgment to be able to make reasonably good decisions. To speak to me like a child and threaten to punish me without any clue of what is going on doesn't seem reasonable to me.

Am I justified in being angry about this? Or am I taking things too personally?

You're justified but you're also likely taking it a little too personally too.

The comment wasn't that big of a deal, you ARE a grown woman and you can decide to do whatever you want to do. Unless you are living under his roof, then has no authority over you.
You should talk to your mother about the incident and ask about her views on it, he really shouldn't have any control over what you are doing in your own free time.
Even if it is sexting over the interwebz with the camera, you're old enough to do as you please.

 

[CruxisCalling]

You should talk to your mother about the incident and ask about her views on it, he really shouldn't have any control over what you are doing in your own free time.
Even if it is sexting over the interwebz with the camera, you're old enough to do as you please.

The reason I hesitate to discuss it with my mother is that this is not the first time I've had issues with him trying to assert authority over me in this manner. The first few times I did discuss it with her because I think she has a right to know what goes on in her house between her husband and her daughter, at least to an extent. But that always seems to bring up conflict between the two of them, and they end up arguing over child raising and the differences between his children and myself. She tries to stay neutral, but she has her own views on how children and adults should be treated and is an extremely vocal woman, so she does feel the need to get involved. But I don't want their relationship to be stressful just because my relationship with my stepfather is stressful. They're happy together.

That's really why I'm here, I think. I want to share my views with someone and try to get outside opinions because I know that I am clearly biased. But I don't want to discuss it with my mother if it is going to hurt their relationship, even temporarily.

 

[Someone Depressing]

He was being very disrespectul, but his intentions are good, if not a little misguided.

But yet, it's probably justified to be angry at him.