Am I still normal?

[Kadoodle]

I'm losing my grip on reality. The physical world is having less and less meaning to me, and my interests, passions, relationships, and sanity are all slipping away. My once perfect grades are slipping. I have no friends (partially due to my unintentionally abrasive personality) and I feel bored with life. I can't tell if I'm feeling depressed; hell, I don't even know what I feel anymore, feelings have lost meaning. I insult people more and more, and I have started to troll people over the internet as well as in real life for some sort of amusement which never comes. I can't feel empathy anymore, emotions I used to understand no longer make sense to me. I see myself becoming a complete sociopath. I do obnoxious things just to test reactions, just to see what might happen. I'm angry. I hate everybody I meet, I want to see them suffer. I don't even know who I am, or who I was, or why I even exist anymore. I'm not a user of drugs, but I want to more and more to escape this weird melancholy state of existence.

And the odd thing is, for the first time, I feel like I truly have free will. I could kill somebody, and I wouldn't care. I could rob, steal, cheat, and I would even care if I was caught. I don't fear death anymore. The world feels like a sandbox...



Please, help me, I want to feel human again.

 

[thejdcole]

I think that this is quite a deep problem you have, and maybe an internet forum isn't the best place to be asking advice for it.

This will sound stupid but, get out into the countryside, and go for a long walk or bike ride. Get some air, and some time to think to yourself, take in the scenery and reflect.

But don't take my advice to help you completely, I think you should probably see someone about it.

 

[Konaerix]

Don't worry man, It'll pass. Just hang on it there until it does.
I went through the worst of that a while ago and I still feel a little like now from time to time...I think it's a powerful form of depression that really makes you think about what you're doing and who you are on this little rock of a planet.(But hopefully a non-permanent form)

My advice is that you sould continue to do something that made you happy in the past, even when you feel as if it has no meaning now. It really is just something to keep your mind occupied for a while and might make you start giving a shit about things again. If that doesn't work, start trying new hobbies, you might just find one that means something to you and will give you a new lease on life...It did for me.

 

[mireko]

Seeking help is probably the best course of action.

I don't think you'll get much psychiatric advice on this site.

 

[Cheesepower5]

You sure as hell aren't normal by the ideals spread through our culture and media, but as long as you never harm someone in any meaningful way, I don't think that that's a bad thing. At worst you're, well, abrasive or whatever you want to call it. How old are you, anyway? A lot of people start to get like this around high-school or just after. Hell, I'm pretty sure I'm around this phase. As long as the "sanity slipping" thing isn't hyperbole/melodrama.

Just doing something helps, the less time to think, the less time to brood.

 

[Sikachu]

How old are you? I don't mean to disparage but any useful answer is going to need to take that into account.

 

[SilentCom]

There seems to be somewhat of trend regarding feelings and behaviors of young adults and adolescents. Just as the OP, I also have gone through periods of depression and confusion with my life. Life can get difficult and sometimes it is hard to find a reason to go on. I myself haven't completely found my calling so in the meanwhile I'll just have to say that my meaning in life is to find a meaning. I find that the best way to feel human again is to talk to people and pursue your passions. Even if you don't want to engage in a dialogue with random people, try talking to friends and acquantences. The more you open up about how you are feeling and the more you engage yourself in life the better you'll feel. Depression, at least for me, seems to come when I've been alone for a long while and haven't done anything to warrant a meaningful life. I hope you "feel human again".

 

[bdcjacko]

Man up, son.

No seriously I read on depression and stuff and I know it is more than just getting out and doing something, but in the very next paragraph of the book I was reading was about the best thing you can do is forcing yourself to go out and try to have fun and maybe you mingut just have some fun. So I am not just being flippant, but man up.

 

[Kiramoto]

You need to watch My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. No, I am not trolling. I am now feeling things I never knew existed. The show is amazing and whatever amount of distress you are going through at the moment for me, was fairly normal. Obviously it is not the same for everyone else, but I knew I felt that way for awhile around the age of 18-19. Seriously, watch that show. My innocence is restored, and I feel great.

 

[Chromanin]

Hey, TC! Welcome to the club. Well, I can't tell you exactly what is wrong with you. I can assure you that you are human, though. It sounds like you're going through something I went through for a couple years.

I think you're trying to find out who you really are. To do that, you're becoming the lowest form of yourself. When you've been a certain person all your life, you wonder if maybe you could be someone else. Me, I got sick of just treading water. I was bouncing around jobs, not sure what the hell I wanted to do. Wasn't even sure if I wanted to live much longer. All I did was work jobs I hated to try to get enough money to live and play video games. I would hit the gym to vent my aggression and break my own physical records to prove I was making some kind of progress in my life.

As life became more and more odious, I started snapping at people and starting fights. Everyone annoyed me, too. I felt like no one but I saw how pointless and predictable life was. Not only that, it was like they rejoiced in how routine and monotonous their lives were. It pissed me off. So I started getting if everyone's face.

After I got fired from my latest job for, yep, fighting, I moved out of state to live with my brother in MA. I won't go into details as this is getting long already, but that experience of just picking up and leaving, the freedom of doing something like that made me feel stronger. That, and life in MA sucked way more than it ever did in NJ, and I moved back, but I had a new outlook on life. I found freedom without having to be a prick to everyone. I didn't have to prove I was better or more enlightened than anyone anymore.

This is a very brief summation of my experience. I could not possibly explain every detail. What I'm getting at is, what you're doing may be just what the doctor ordered. Sometimes things need to go to shit before they can get better. So don't be yourself for awhile. Move out of state, out of the country if you want. Meet some new people and see how they live their lives. You may just need to indulge your intelectual curiousity.

 

[fulano]

You may have a chemical imbalance. Man up and go to a doctor. Other than that, keep in mind that there are people in the world that have it way, way worse than you do and if they can make it so can you.

Don't be a dick. As mr. Dalton put it: Be nice.

Peace out.

 

[jawakiller]

... Sex? No, never mind. Um, have you tried doing stuff that is out of the ordinary? Like dangerous (but fun) activities? That'll snap you out. Screw medicine and all that bullshit, you don't need a doctor you need to live life. And find some crazy-ass friends. Like the ones that are too awesome to get mad at.

 

[Drakmeire]

Deep down I'm like that as well, mostly due to my belief that all behavior is purely scientific with no deeper meaning. Just shut off your brain and have fun, don't get amusement from the alienation of others. find a hobby, I design replicas and review movies/video games.
if you want to feel human again just think deeply about the consequences of doing those things... if that doesn't install a little bit of fear into you than you've lost touch.
EDIT: I've checked your recent posts to see if you are being sincere. Most of them are amused reactions to other posts, humorous quips, or showing a genuine reaction to something, either this is a recent feeling or you are seeing what kind of reactions this post will get.

 

[triggahappyhaza]

I'm losing my grip on reality. The physical world is having less and less meaning to me, and my interests, passions, relationships, and sanity are all slipping away. My once perfect grades are slipping. I have no friends (partially due to my unintentionally abrasive personality) and I feel bored with life. I can't tell if I'm feeling depressed; hell, I don't even know what I feel anymore, feelings have lost meaning. I insult people more and more, and I have started to troll people over the internet as well as in real life for some sort of amusement which never comes. I can't feel empathy anymore, emotions I used to understand no longer make sense to me. I see myself becoming a complete sociopath. I do obnoxious things just to test reactions, just to see what might happen. I'm angry. I hate everybody I meet, I want to see them suffer. I don't even know who I am, or who I was, or why I even exist anymore. I'm not a user of drugs, but I want to more and more to escape this weird melancholy state of existence.

And the odd thing is, for the first time, I feel like I truly have free will. I could kill somebody, and I wouldn't care. I could rob, steal, cheat, and I would even care if I was caught. I don't fear death anymore. The world feels like a sandbox...



Please, help me, I want to feel human again.

Man i know how you feel, i'm exactly the same and have been like this for a year or so. It's fucking awful i know, my advice is just don't get to the "I'd be better off dead" moment as that's where i hit absolute rock bottom and am still at rock bottom.

 

[2xDouble]

You may or may not need medication. Best to seek professional help.

You are feeling trapped in your own life. Best to shed it (metaphorically) and start anew. Do something you've never done, go somewhere you've never been, walk up and say hi to someone completely out of the blue and watch their reaction. (If you live in a "bad neighborhood", don't do that last one. Instead, chat people up on the internet or join a dating site.) Above all, when building your new self, respect the law. Overly rash actions can and will ruin both and any other lives you choose to build. Believe me, I know. One stupid drug possession charge and stuck jobless 12-18 years later because no-one will hire you... Take risks, but don't be reckless. Trust your judgment, you know what is and is not a stupid idea.

You feel abnormal and ostracized. There is no such thing as "normal". Being abnormal IS normal. You can use that to build relationships with people in your school. Most of them are feeling the same things as you (and the ones that aren't are fkn weird; usually unworthy of adoration or attention anyway).

If you need more advice (aside from the aforementioned psychological help), read this [http://www.davidpbrown.co.uk/poetry/mary-schmich.html]. That's more or less everything you need to know.
She was right about the sunscreen.

 

[Irony's Acolyte]

Seems like you're disillusioned with your existence. Now I'm not a doctor or psychologist or priest or anything, just some random guy off the internet, but I'd say you should probably find something to focus on for your life. Figure out what you want to do in life and work on doing that.

Or you can just accept the fact that life may be totally random and that the only reason why you've lived with any thoughts of rhyme or reason beyond the simple facts of life is only a construct of our current society. 'S what I do. Of course I still don't haven't really figured out a purpose so I'm still just drifting through life right now.

 

[EcHoFiiVe]

Find something as trivial as possible that you are really really good at. Once you have found that thing, just do it. Non stop. Constantly. For me that thing is photo doctoring and digital design in photoshop and if I feel at all similar to the way you feel I put on music that relaxes me and I just do that for hours. Helps to ground my mind.

 

[Digital_Hero]

Do you have a job, or are you in any school of sorts?
I ask this because more people than you would think (myself included) get a lot like how you are feeling now if they have nothing to spend their time on, nothing they need to "wake up and get out of bed for", or nowhere to go during the daytime.

You may also want to see a psychologist or w.e, but do not take drugs for this, it NEVER works out in the end, trust me on that. >__> but I think the best thing for you is (of course if you are already, my point is moot) to go out and do things.

Oh, and if the world feels like a sandbox to you, go play in it and make friends

 

[SiskoBlue]

My best guess. You're stressed and suffering from anxiety. Have a look at Generalised Anxiety Disorder. The reason you feel depressed is because you feel you can't do anything to resolve your anxieties so feel helpless and depressed.

Feeling hostile towards people, the world seeming unreal and somehow separate from you. Having violent fantasies (and this includes "noble" violent fantasies like imagining you caught some guys attacking a girl and then beat the living sh&t out of them), pushing people to get a response. They all tell me you feel backed in to a corner. You're under stress. It may not be obvious stress. It could just be that nagging feeling that you should be doing something with your life but don't know what. The stress that although you have friends and family you feel you can't rely on them 100%. The stress that things you wanted or thought would happen may not and you're doomed to a pitiful life. These are common fears and anxieties.

So you're under pressure but expected to maintain a normal appearance in society. This feels incongruous (like a lie) and you feel resentful and angry. You lash out.

Talk to someone? Find a way to calm done? As people said changing your situation might change how you feel. People don't realise how much their environment and situation makes them feel the way they do, they see it as background noise when it might be really affecting their day-to-day thoughts.

Good luck.

 

[Kadoodle]

I'm losing my grip on reality. The physical world is having less and less meaning to me, and my interests, passions, relationships, and sanity are all slipping away. My once perfect grades are slipping. I have no friends (partially due to my unintentionally abrasive personality) and I feel bored with life. I can't tell if I'm feeling depressed; hell, I don't even know what I feel anymore, feelings have lost meaning. I insult people more and more, and I have started to troll people over the internet as well as in real life for some sort of amusement which never comes. I can't feel empathy anymore, emotions I used to understand no longer make sense to me. I see myself becoming a complete sociopath. I do obnoxious things just to test reactions, just to see what might happen. I'm angry. I hate everybody I meet, I want to see them suffer. I don't even know who I am, or who I was, or why I even exist anymore. I'm not a user of drugs, but I want to more and more to escape this weird melancholy state of existence.

And the odd thing is, for the first time, I feel like I truly have free will. I could kill somebody, and I wouldn't care. I could rob, steal, cheat, and I would even care if I was caught. I don't fear death anymore. The world feels like a sandbox...



Please, help me, I want to feel human again.

Man i know how you feel, i'm exactly the same and have been like this for a year or so. It's fucking awful i know, my advice is just don't get to the "I'd be better off dead" moment as that's where i hit absolute rock bottom and am still at rock bottom.

Feels better to know I'm not the only one. Thanks.

After some thought, I realized I started feeling this way after I transferred from private school to a public school...

Another thing worth noting is that while I almost always feel this way, I'm not always depressed. When I'm not depressed, I'm just sort of detached, or aware of everything in my original post but indifferent. Thats generally the time when I act like a dick (and regret it later.)

At this moment, I feel slightly better (mostly due to the posts and advice, which have helped), but now I wonder if it has anything to do with the ritalin I take.