Am I still normal?

[sinsfire]

I'm losing my grip on reality. The physical world is having less and less meaning to me, and my interests, passions, relationships, and sanity are all slipping away. My once perfect grades are slipping. I have no friends (partially due to my unintentionally abrasive personality) and I feel bored with life. I can't tell if I'm feeling depressed; hell, I don't even know what I feel anymore, feelings have lost meaning. I insult people more and more, and I have started to troll people over the internet as well as in real life for some sort of amusement which never comes. I can't feel empathy anymore, emotions I used to understand no longer make sense to me. I see myself becoming a complete sociopath. I do obnoxious things just to test reactions, just to see what might happen. I'm angry. I hate everybody I meet, I want to see them suffer. I don't even know who I am, or who I was, or why I even exist anymore. I'm not a user of drugs, but I want to more and more to escape this weird melancholy state of existence.

And the odd thing is, for the first time, I feel like I truly have free will. I could kill somebody, and I wouldn't care. I could rob, steal, cheat, and I would even care if I was caught. I don't fear death anymore. The world feels like a sandbox...



Please, help me, I want to feel human again.

Man i know how you feel, i'm exactly the same and have been like this for a year or so. It's fucking awful i know, my advice is just don't get to the "I'd be better off dead" moment as that's where i hit absolute rock bottom and am still at rock bottom.

Feels better to know I'm not the only one. Thanks.

After some thought, I realized I started feeling this way after I transferred from private school to a public school...

Another thing worth noting is that while I almost always feel this way, I'm not always depressed. When I'm not depressed, I'm just sort of detached, or aware of everything in my original post but indifferent. Thats generally the time when I act like a dick (and regret it later.)

At this moment, I feel slightly better (mostly due to the posts and advice, which have helped), but now I wonder if it has anything to do with the ritalin I take.

This last quote really makes me wonder if you are for real or not. Look either way it sounds like you are a teenager, I did and thought a lot of the same things and while this next piece of advice may sound abrasive and cynical its truth.

Drink some orange juice, go outside, and grow up. Seriously once you hit 25 (approximation) you will just laugh at this time in your life. The world gets better and your outlook will change. Oh and don't let your grades slip. If you want your life to get better fucking up in school is not the way to do it.