Angry mom sends letter to family of autistic child telling them to have him euthanized.

[Lilani]

The amount of hollier-than-thou attitudes in this thread is amusing . Either that or the escapist is the home of saints . While i disagree with HOW she said it , i understand WHY, and i agree . However , this wasn't a one time thing , and keeping shit bottled up for a periode of time makes matters worst . And that's most likely what happened . She just had enough .

I would have got with polite condescension , rather than angry rant , because that tends to get better results AND inflict more damage.

Telling parents to euthanize their child is not, in any context, an appropriate response to being annoyed. Bottling up feelings is unhealthy, but there are ways to let out the feelings that are even more damaging than if she'd kept them in. This is one of those cases.

If the woman had chosen to approach the family civilly, she could have worked something out. Perhaps work out when they spend time outside so she can plan to be somewhere else at that time. But no, she had to write an angry and hateful letter which at best not going to change anything, and at worst will earn her the ire of her entire community if they figure out who she is.

 

[littlealicewhite]

People with special needs children are acutely aware of how their child's presence affects the rest of the world around them, and more than even that they know what the children do well with and what they don't do well with. If the child's discontentment was increased from being outside, you can sure as hell bet they wouldn't take them outside so often. Believe it or not, they don't like to hear their children scream either.

Also, you don't just sit and "have a little talk" with autistic children prone to screaming. There's nothing to talk about. They have no control over it. And restraining them only makes it worse. If there is anything to do about it the parents would know, but often times there isn't anything that can be done.

Maybe that's why the kid is always outside, the parent is aware of the screaming and it annoys them, so they find it more peaceful if the kid is outside while they're inside. It's just a guess but the article doesn't exactly give us a reason why they're outside so much anyway. The point is they're outside a lot and making a lot of noise while they're out there.

Also I didn't mean restrain as in bind him up with rope and toss him in a corner. Just discipline him a bit, maybe take away his candy if they're too loud or stand in a corner for a bit. You can't just let the kid run rampant and declare "welp disciplining just makes things worse may as well do nothing".

'Disciplining' an autistic child for behavior that is inherent to their condition won't do jack shit. They aren't doing it to act out, or draw attention, or just to be little dicks. They're doing it because they don't know how else to express themselves.

 

[krazykidd]

The amount of hollier-than-thou attitudes in this thread is amusing . Either that or the escapist is the home of saints . While i disagree with HOW she said it , i understand WHY, and i agree . However , this wasn't a one time thing , and keeping shit bottled up for a periode of time makes matters worst . And that's most likely what happened . She just had enough .

I would have got with polite condescension , rather than angry rant , because that tends to get better results AND inflict more damage.

Telling parents to euthanize their child is not, in any context, an appropriate response to being annoyed. Bottling up feelings is unhealthy, but there are ways to let out the feelings that are even more damaging than if she'd kept them in. This is one of those cases.

If the woman had chosen to approach the family civilly, she could have worked something out. Perhaps work out when they spend time outside so she can plan to be somewhere else at that time. But no, she had to write an angry and hateful letter which at best not going to change anything, and at worst will earn her the ire of her entire community if they figure out who she is.

No , but people are known to be irrational when they are angry . A lot of murders happen just because someone lost their temper ( big time ) and killed people . It is entirely possible , that instead of this story , we could have gotten " Angry ontario women , loses temper and murder autistic child". Like i said it's not the best way to handled the situation , but i can see where she is coming from .

 

[littlealicewhite]

Of course it comes off disgusting. We have morals of 'the right to live'. Without natural selection we're progressively making our gene pool worse and worse, because we never let anyone die with science and medicine. That also goes for the fact we keep treating minor diseases with AB's so we're forcing them to become drug resistant. I'm not saying you don't deserve to have kids, but it's better for the humans as a species. Life isn't fair, some people are rolled unlucky lives. All I can say if you want to have kids, but have a genetic disability is to adopt. There's thousands and thousands of kids suffering with no parent. No one to care for them. Adopt them, show love to them. They're suffering, and compared to making other people suffer with giving birth to someone with a disability, adopting is so much better.
POST SCRIPT: Also due note, that many people diagnosed with autism/ADHD/many other disabilities actually do not have them. Our current society(Atleast in America. Yay America) has a HUGE habbit of over diagnoses. In America 80% of males are diagnosed with ADHD, but only ten percent of them actually have it.(I don't actually have a citation to it. It was a factoid that I remember in one of my classes)

snip

As a person with asperger's, I have decided to have 4 children purely in spite of you.

I also have aspergers, and I've personally chosen to never have kids. But that is my personal choice, and if someone else with a similar condition decides to have children then more power to them.

 

[krazykidd]

The amount of hollier-than-thou attitudes in this thread is amusing . Either that or the escapist is the home of saints . While i disagree with HOW she said it , i understand WHY, and i agree . However , this wasn't a one time thing , and keeping shit bottled up for a periode of time makes matters worst . And that's most likely what happened . She just had enough .

I would have got with polite condescension , rather than angry rant , because that tends to get better results AND inflict more damage.

Inflict more damage? What do you mean?

Psychologically , for the parents . The way the letter was written , it's easy for the parents of the child to get angry and say the women is a crazy , inconsiderate ***** . It will have a smaller impact on the parents ( if any at all ) and they will get more sympathy .

However , if the letter was written , in a polite , yet condescending way , it would have a bigger impact making the parents feel guilty . They would feel less like the victimes and more as the cause of the problem.

 

[wulf3n]

it would have a bigger impact making the parents feel guilty . They would feel less like the victimes and more as the cause of the problem.

It depends on the parents. Maybe they're terrible parents and the woman who wrote the letter is in the right, or maybe they're doing everything they can, and the phrase "Get over it" applies to the woman who wrote the letter.

It has been my experience that those who complain about other disturbing their peace are generally the most loud and obnoxious people in the area.

 

[Muspelheim]

The amount of hollier-than-thou attitudes in this thread is amusing . Either that or the escapist is the home of saints . While i disagree with HOW she said it , i understand WHY, and i agree . However , this wasn't a one time thing , and keeping shit bottled up for a periode of time makes matters worst . And that's most likely what happened . She just had enough .

I would have got with polite condescension , rather than angry rant , because that tends to get better results AND inflict more damage.

Inflict more damage? What do you mean?

Psychologically , for the parents . The way the letter was written , it's easy for the parents of the child to get angry and say the women is a crazy , inconsiderate ***** . It will have a smaller impact on the parents ( if any at all ) and they will get more sympathy .

However , if the letter was written , in a polite , yet condescending way , it would have a bigger impact making the parents feel guilty . They would feel less like the victimes and more as the cause of the problem.

Well, you don't need to be either condescending or specifically try to cause harm to get a situation you are unhappy with resolved. Like asking politely and working out a good solution for everyone involved. It shouldn't be too hard for adults to do.

 

[VodkaKnight]

She is a GROWN WOMAN, and too self-centered to realize that an autistic child is something you should not criticize, as it's simply insensitive. But comparing a crying child to an ANIMAL is a fucking disgrace, and telling them their kid should be put down like an ANIMAL. How is it selfish to want a child to see the world, and have fresh air? Also, autism and retardation are NOT the same thing. And telling someone their child should die is just a new level of shit.

 

[krazykidd]

The amount of hollier-than-thou attitudes in this thread is amusing . Either that or the escapist is the home of saints . While i disagree with HOW she said it , i understand WHY, and i agree . However , this wasn't a one time thing , and keeping shit bottled up for a periode of time makes matters worst . And that's most likely what happened . She just had enough .

I would have got with polite condescension , rather than angry rant , because that tends to get better results AND inflict more damage.

Inflict more damage? What do you mean?

Psychologically , for the parents . The way the letter was written , it's easy for the parents of the child to get angry and say the women is a crazy , inconsiderate ***** . It will have a smaller impact on the parents ( if any at all ) and they will get more sympathy .

However , if the letter was written , in a polite , yet condescending way , it would have a bigger impact making the parents feel guilty . They would feel less like the victimes and more as the cause of the problem.

Well, you don't need to be either condescending or specifically try to cause harm to get a situation you are unhappy with resolved. Like asking politely and working out a good solution for everyone involved. It shouldn't be too hard for adults to do.

Oh yeah, i agree . This could have been done many differen ( and better ) ways . I was just trying to point out that if the woman who wrote the letter was trying to make the parents feel bad , there are other ways to do it . Like i said in my original post , while i don't condone what she's done and the way she did it , i completly understand where she is coming from .

 

[Muspelheim]

She is a GROWN WOMAN, and too self-centered to realize that an autistic child is something you should not criticize, as it's simply insensitive. But comparing a crying child to an ANIMAL is a fucking disgrace, and telling them their kid should be put down like an ANIMAL. How is it selfish to want a child to see the world, and have fresh air? Also, autism and retardation are NOT the same thing. And telling someone their child should die is just a new level of shit.

Well, in fairness, they can be criticized, it's just that it needs to be done with recognition of their condition and personality. Some things, they may not be able to help, but others they might. It can be done constructively and not insensitively, but it will require insight and experience. Qualities that she certainly doesn't seem to possess.

Raising a complaint and asking the guardian to work out a solution to the problem is what should've been done.

But I do agree, telling parents that they ought to have their own children killed is one of the most shitty thing you could tell them.

The amount of hollier-than-thou attitudes in this thread is amusing . Either that or the escapist is the home of saints . While i disagree with HOW she said it , i understand WHY, and i agree . However , this wasn't a one time thing , and keeping shit bottled up for a periode of time makes matters worst . And that's most likely what happened . She just had enough .

I would have got with polite condescension , rather than angry rant , because that tends to get better results AND inflict more damage.

Inflict more damage? What do you mean?

Psychologically , for the parents . The way the letter was written , it's easy for the parents of the child to get angry and say the women is a crazy , inconsiderate ***** . It will have a smaller impact on the parents ( if any at all ) and they will get more sympathy .

However , if the letter was written , in a polite , yet condescending way , it would have a bigger impact making the parents feel guilty . They would feel less like the victimes and more as the cause of the problem.

Well, you don't need to be either condescending or specifically try to cause harm to get a situation you are unhappy with resolved. Like asking politely and working out a good solution for everyone involved. It shouldn't be too hard for adults to do.

Oh yeah, i agree . This could have been done many differen ( and better ) ways . I was just trying to point out that if the woman who wrote the letter was trying to make the parents feel bad , there are other ways to do it . Like i said in my original post , while i don't condone what she's done and the way she did it , i completly understand where she is coming from .

Ah, now I see what you mean! Sorry, I misunderstood you entirely. That's true, I suppose. Everyone gets irritated. It what happens then that means something.

 

[Lilani]

No , but people are known to be irrational when they are angry . A lot of murders happen just because someone lost their temper ( big time ) and killed people . It is entirely possible , that instead of this story , we could have gotten " Angry ontario women , loses temper and murder autistic child". Like i said it's not the best way to handled the situation , but i can see where she is coming from .

Yes, people are irrational when they are angry. And if you're that angry, then you should see a therapist to learn to handle those emotions properly. Her annoyance is an explanation for her behavior, but not an excuse. Anyone who is throwing around death threats needs help, not encouragement to continue to be angry. She has a right to be angry, but also an obligation to learn how to channel that anger in a way that doesn't involve telling people to kill their children.

 

[krazykidd]

it would have a bigger impact making the parents feel guilty . They would feel less like the victimes and more as the cause of the problem.

It depends on the parents. Maybe they're terrible parents and the woman who wrote the letter is in the right, or maybe they're doing everything they can, and the phrase "Get over it" applies to the woman who wrote the letter.

It has been my experience that those who complain about other disturbing their peace are generally the most loud and obnoxious people in the area.

I disagree . She shouldn't have to " get over it " if the child is being AS disruptive as discribed . If i was to be making a shitload of noise in an otherwise quiet neighbordhood , you can bet your ass someone is going to complain and maybe even call the police for disturbing the peace . However , there are better more efficient ways of getting a point across, even if she wantes to rattled and/or pissed the parents off . I personally never liked the " get angry and make a scene" approach . I usually find that being level headed pisses people off more ( if that is your intention ).

 

[wulf3n]

If i was to be making a shitload of noise in an otherwise quiet neighbordhood

Who says it's a quiet neighborhood? How do we know the woman who wrote the letter has any better control over her kids? She told the parents of an autistic child to kill him/her, she can't be that great of a person.

Which was kind of my point. Everyone pisses someone else off. People can complain about how much they deserve peace and quiet until the cows come home but odds are they're just as, if not more annoying to others.

 

[Lilani]

I disagree . She shouldn't have to " get over it " if the child is being AS disruptive as discribed . If i was to be making a shitload of noise in an otherwise quiet neighbordhood , you can bet your ass someone is going to complain and maybe even call the police for disturbing the peace . However , there are better more efficient ways of getting a point across, even if she wantes to rattled and/or pissed the parents off . I personally never liked the " get angry and make a scene" approach . I usually find that being level headed pisses people off more ( if that is your intention ).

Except she didn't call the police, she wrote a threatening letter that as you said yourself only did more damage. Yes she was annoyed, we get that, and nobody is denying that. But no amount of noise makes what she did okay, and it was not in any way the best approach. Yes she had plenty of reason to be angry, but that doesn't excuse what she did. Someone deliberately spilling my drink would make me angry, but that doesn't make it okay for me to walk up and punch them in the face. That isn't how life works, or the legal system. Having cause to be angry ≠ a free pass to be a terrible person.

 

[Muspelheim]

I agree with whoever wrote the letter.

We're not in a situation in our society where we absolutely need everyone to survive. If someone is harboring a child like that at the cost of everyone else and being a drain on society, then it is better to have the kid euthanized.

For everyone's sake.

There are many who are a far worse drain on society than him. If he must die, so ought they. If we must go by that rather insectoid logic.

But then again, they can speak for their defence. It's much less difficult to judge their right to live over their heads if they can do that.

Furthermore, I thought this reguarded the first world, a part of the planet living in the greatest abundance in human history. I really doubt that the average first world country lacks the means to look after the less fortunate members of it.
This could've flown if we'd recently endured an atomic war or a horriphic, global disaster. As it stands, it does not. At all.

 

[Muspelheim]

I agree with whoever wrote the letter.

We're not in a situation in our society where we absolutely need everyone to survive. If someone is harboring a child like that at the cost of everyone else and being a drain on society, then it is better to have the kid euthanized.

For everyone's sake.

There are many who are a far worse drain on society than him. If he must die, so ought they. If we must go by that rather insectoid logic.

But then again, they can speak for their defence. It's much less difficult to judge their right to live over their heads if they can do that.

Furthermore, I thought this reguarded the first world, a part of the planet living in the greatest abundance in human history. I really doubt that the average first world country lacks the means to look after the less fortunate members of it.
This could've flown if we'd recently endured an atomic war or a horriphic, global disaster. As it stands, it does not. At all.

We aren't there yet, but we're heading there. Especially with the impending ecological disaster and the impending ecosystem collapse.

Perhaps we ought to wait until then before we brush off the Aktion T4 programmes, however.

Provided a state with the power to decide which citizens will live or die survive the calamity.

 

[TallanKhan]

As someone who used to live next door to a family who allowed one of their children to stand in the garden for hours making an ungodly amount of noise shouting and screaming, brushing off complaints about this behaviour with "its not our fault, he's 'special' " I have a degree of sympathy. I would also like to make it quite clear that "special" was their word, not mine.

When subjected to that kind of noise disturbance on an ongoing basis it is only natural that sooner or later someone is going to snap, and when that happens the person in question is probably going to do or say something stupid out of anger and frustration.

This is not to suggest that what this woman did was ok, and given the nature of her comments and the focus on his disability rather than his behaviour, it would seem another bias on her part was at least an influence here. In short, I find her opinions quite vulgar and her view of people with disabilities less than palletable but in terms of her core complaint regarding the noise and nuisance, I think she has a legitimate grievance.

 

[Audey_hevey]

What a b****. I don't care how much of a nuisance you think they are, you don't treat them like they were a mistake and like we'd be better off without them. Why don't you teach yourself and your kids some manners and treat this boy with some dignity and respect. While you're at it, take some classes on how to treat people who are slightly different than you (maybe some anger classes as well) and take the things you learn and teach them to your kids. People with disabilities are still people no matter how you see them and deserve to be treated with dignity and respect and not like they are a danger to society.

 

[Warachia]

I agree with whoever wrote the letter.

We're not in a situation in our society where we absolutely need everyone to survive. If someone is harboring a child like that at the cost of everyone else and being a drain on society, then it is better to have the kid euthanized.

For everyone's sake.

So how would you define this? You are spending your time on an internet forum instead of learning something new, that person who wrote that letter certainly wasn't very tolerable to others to begin with seeing as how they identified the kid, and calling their children "normal children" instead of just "children", if we kept only what we needed to survive, you'd be gone, so would everyone on the escapist, so would the person who wrote that letter, so would brilliant scientists since they don't produce what we absolutely need to survive, advocating murder, like you are doing, is not a good thing.

 

[Warachia]

Perhaps we ought to wait until then before we brush off the Aktion T4 programmes, however.

Provided a state with the power to decide which citizens will live or die survive the calamity.

We don't even need a system like that. Whoever works gets food for one person. Children included.

Those unable to work starve.

The entire world would be wiped out within a few years.
You really aren't thinking this through, many mothers are unable to work during and after pregnancy, they'd starve, along with their kids (since they would also be unable to work), even if the kids got free food the education system would cease to exist since they'd be working for the day, and not every job requires daily work, what about the days people have off? How about vacations? You make those impossible and eventually the people working will snap, what about farmers during the winter? You'd starve those who make the fucking food to begin with, there'll be thefts from food storages by people unsatisfied with the current system and if it was possible this system would be destroyed within a month (if not weeks). This is a terrible system, one of the worst I have ever seen, and don't try to salvage it, just abandon it and try to make a better one next time.