Anyone got any funny D&D stories?

[Laser Priest]

Mostly only tragic ones.

For one, I was going to investigate what appeared to be a corpse on a stone slab. I was told to roll to investigate it. I rolled a 20.

Apparently that means I rubbed my face all over it, because rolling a 20 gave it control over me.

 

[GrayJester]

It was stupid, but memorable, since it was my very first expirience as a DM
1-lvl party explores dungeon. Magical trap hypnotizes party's sorceress for a moment, she drops torch.

DM: Torch extinguishes. You find yourself in total darkness. What do you do?
Player1: I search floor around me for my torch.
DM: Make a Search check.
Player1: (rolls 1)
DM: You blindly move you hands around, but the only thing you manage to find is your own leg.
Player1: Ok, I put it in my backpack. (writes down "My own Leg" in his Inventory)
DM: (facepalm)
Player2: (facepalm)
Player3: (facepalm)
Player1: How much it weights?

 

[Humanity1]

I think my favourite was when my party was raiding a pirate ship and after obtaining what we came for we were detected and ran off the ship as fast as we could. There was a smallish gap between the ship and the dock so before jumping over it the DM insisted we all perform a check to get over it. It was an easy jump so we all did. The pirates on the other hand weren't so lucky. We insisted they all had to perform a check to clear the gap and every single pirate except one failed and fell in the water. There was only one ladder out so while the rest of the party fought off the one who got over, one of us stayed by the ladder and sliced off the hands of each pirate as they came up and when we'd fought off the one who got up we came over to help. Without hands the pirates were unable to climb up and all drowned. Thus we received far too much experience, a heap of gold and a pirate ship.

 

[Benni88]

Nothing too specific, I was almost always the DM in our circle. I do however, reminisce fondly on teaching my friends a lesson when they were getting over confident because of the loot and experience I was dolling out.

One such occasion had a particular friend swollowed whole by a roc and pooped out infront of the rest of the party to serve as a warning.

 

[Benni88]

Nothing too specific, I was almost always the DM in our circle. I do however, reminisce fondly on teaching my friends a lesson when they were getting over confident because of the loot and experience I was dolling out.

One such occasion had a particular friend swollowed whole by a roc and pooped out infront of the rest of the party to serve as a warning.

 

[saphirekosmos]

Hmmm God I have so many. XD There was the time my ranger got dragged into the 5th level of hell and the party went in after him to save him. Did I mention we were level 5? Yea that game didn't get any farther than that.

Then there was the time my sorcerer pissed off a pit fiend by summoning him too many times at which point he killed me and almost killed the rest of the party.

Though one of the best is the current game I am in. I am playing a high Con fighter. We are going through the Temple of Elemental Evil using Pathfinder's rules. My DM has a special crit chart. I may have 39 health and 18 Con at lvl 3 and an AC of 25 normally. Which is great and all. Until I get critted on. And when you have 10-15guys shooting bolts at you you take a crit or two. DX So he doesn't get hit often, but he does ge thit hard. XD So here is the current list of major injuries I have gotten thus far:

1st or 2nd session
- got shot in the throat and nearly killed. I figured this left him with a more gravelly/raspy voice and a nasty scar.

- Got shot in the kidney shortly after getting shot in the throat. Didn't come as close to death that time.

- The other fighter fumbled and slashed me in the back. Left a nasty scar. Nearly died again.

Next Session

- Got sliced in the stomach

- all of my left toes were eaten off by ghouls.

- got shot in the throat. again. Didn't nearly die this time, just lost the ability to speak words. Permanently. Keeping the bolt in my throat for the hell of it.

I love this guy so much now. XD

 

[Omegatronacles]

Not really funny in the traditional "ha ha" sense, but many years ago My friends and I had a DM who was very bad at his job. As in he couldn't deal with it well when players didn't follow the story the way he thought we should.

He was also really bad at keeping things in check, allowing us to make rolls on things that he probably should have just said were impossible.

So we are walking through the dungeon of grimdark on our way to kill the slavering beast of madeupia.

Along the way we find a blue potion in a bottle. The label says potion of freezing. In the DM's own words, this potion is 100% guaranteed to freeze anything.

Later on, we come to a room full of lava. Apparently, we were supposed to use the potion of freeze anything to freeze the lava. We didn't do that. Instead, we manage to jury rig a rope bridge across this pit of lava, using stone pillars and stalactites to secure our ropes. (See what I mean about rolls we shouldn't have been allowed to make?)

The DM gets very upset and we don't meet for 2 weeks after that. We forget all about the potion.

When we do reconvene, we continue to hunt for the slavering beast of madeupia. Eventually we find the beast and kill it, and then proceed into the final room which presumably held the exit. The reason I say presumably is because we never got out of that room.

The room was described as having a roof approximately 8 times the height of the Sistine chapel, being supported by several rock pillars. As we walk into the centre of the room, one of the pillars comes to life. It's a rock golem, roughly 20 stories tall. We attack the rock golem.

After several rounds of combat, our warrior has broken his sword due to a critical failure, our paladin is dead due to being stepped on repeatedly, our wizard has exhausted his spell repertoire to no effect and our ranger has been knocked unconcious by falling rocks.

Our rogue searches desperately for something to help us defeat this monster, when he double checks his inventory and finds the potion of freeze anything. He throws the potion at the golem.

The conversation goes as follows.

DM - The potion hits the golem on the right leg. The golem freezes in an instant, completely imobilised.

Rogue - Oh yeah, who saves the day? It's me. I'm so claiming a tithe of your rewards for saving all of y..

DM - It falls on you. You all die.

Rogue - What? Bullshit! I make a dodge roll.

DM - It's 20 stories high. It's to big to dodge. You're dead.

Rogue - But..

DM - Dead. All of you. Forever.

Turns out there was an elaborate Rube Goldberg machine waiting in the wings for us to use to defeat the golem. Apparently the first step to kicking off this machine was to pull a lever hidden in shadows on the far wall of the cave. Where none of us could see it. On account of us being distracted by the freaking huge rock golem in the way.

Suffice to say, we don't play with that DM anymore

 

[WaffleCopters]

So, one of my friends got in jail. then rolled 4 natural 20s in a row and shiv'd the entire prison. then he got outside and the guards of the town attacked him, where he rolled another 4 natural 20s and shiv'd the rest of the town...

DM was like "wtf how are you rolling those 20s?!" and rolls himself with the same die only getting like 15 at max.

 

[Ranorak]

Well, not so much a funny story as in outsmarting the GM or thinking of a awesome trick.
But last night we had 4 natural 20 attack rolls, three of those were in a row.

So that big boss creature we were fighting got a few nasty crits.

...after that, we lost our luck and rolled extremely poor.

Edit.
I've been ninja'd!
With a totally unrelated story?!
Awesome.

 

[Hanzo Hattori]

This may be one of the newbiest questions ever but what actually is D&D?

I mean I know it's a kind of RPG, that's kinda obvious. But well there's this board game and a couple of games for the PC too. I've read quite many posts in this thread, now I'm curious to know more about the game .

Where can I play it? Could anyone be so kind and give me further information? hehe

 

[Ranorak]

This may be one of the newbiest questions ever but what actually is D&D?

I mean I know it's a kind of RPG, that's kinda obvious. But well there's this board game and a couple of games for the PC too. I've read quite many posts in this thread, now I'm curious to know more about the game .

Where can I play it? Could anyone be so kind and give me further information? hehe

DnD is the mother of all RPG's.
If you ever played Neverwinter Nights, Baldurs Gate or Knights of the Old Republic.
You have played a computerized version of DnD.

The table top game uses dice to represent the "random" hit/miss chance.
And instead of a computer program, a person at the table controls all of the NPC's.

It's a little hard to explain quickly in details.
But it's basicly a multiplayer RPG without the use of a pc.

 

[Wilbot666]

In my group's current campaign we were a short one of our normal players, so the DM subbed in an NPC level 1 fighter named Logan. At one point he picked my Wizard's pocket but our thief caught him with a spot check and told me about it.

I patiently bided my time until an opportunity came later during combat with a Wyvern. The beast streaked down out of the air and snatched him 60 feet into the air. I immediately (and defensively, never forget to cast defensively kids) cast Ray of Enfeeblement on the Wyvern, lowering it's strength enough that it couldn't carry him anymore and dropped him. Poor Logan splattered into the ground from a decent enough height to smoosh him instantly. I thought this was hilarious, but our DM was not so impressed.

Even funnier though was when our Druid tried to raise Logan from the dead and stuffed up the spell, accidentally transforming him into a kobold. He currently resides at The Grove, our home base. Miserably.

This still makes me smile.

I may post another one soon if I can be bothered.

 

[WaffleCopters]

This may be one of the newbiest questions ever but what actually is D&D?

I mean I know it's a kind of RPG, that's kinda obvious. But well there's this board game and a couple of games for the PC too. I've read quite many posts in this thread, now I'm curious to know more about the game .

Where can I play it? Could anyone be so kind and give me further information? hehe

DnD is the mother of all RPG's.
If you ever played Neverwinter Nights, Baldurs Gate or Knights of the Old Republic.
You have played a computerized version of DnD.

The table top game uses dice to represent the "random" hit/miss chance.
And instead of a computer program, a person at the table controls all of the NPC's.

It's a little hard to explain quickly in details.
But it's basicly a multiplayer RPG without the use of a pc.

I think itd be easier just to say

"if youve played ANY GAME ENTIRELY REVOLVING AROUND NUMERICAL VALUES FOR MECHANICS. Eg. WoW, Neverwinter, Dragon age, KOTOR, etc..."

pretty much any game which has any sort of "this item gives you +5 evasion", or ANYTHING like that. is really a spawnling of D&Ds mechanics...

 

[Hanzo Hattori]

This may be one of the newbiest questions ever but what actually is D&D?

I mean I know it's a kind of RPG, that's kinda obvious. But well there's this board game and a couple of games for the PC too. I've read quite many posts in this thread, now I'm curious to know more about the game .

Where can I play it? Could anyone be so kind and give me further information? hehe

DnD is the mother of all RPG's.
If you ever played Neverwinter Nights, Baldurs Gate or Knights of the Old Republic.
You have played a computerized version of DnD.

The table top game uses dice to represent the "random" hit/miss chance.
And instead of a computer program, a person at the table controls all of the NPC's.

It's a little hard to explain quickly in details.
But it's basicly a multiplayer RPG without the use of a pc.

Nice! I never knew the tabletop game was still so popular. I've heard about it ages ago, I'd never played it though. Seems I need to give it a shot!

 

[similar.squirrel]

Having played Dungeons & Dragons could be considered funny in itself, albeit in a slightly embarrassing, virgin-ey way. But I digress..

Way back when, a friend of mine set up an instance in a town called 'Tweenie', his reasoning being that said town was located 'between' all the other ones.
That story makes me want to shove myself into a locker more than anything else, so perhaps it's not that amusing.

 

[Lunar Shadow]

At the end of a pathfinder campaingn, where the party was pretty much motivated by reimbursment for some gnomish slaves that the Big Bad stole from us, the Cleric confronts him as the door of his champer is opened.

Cleric/PArty Face: Good day sir, we are here to see you about some money owed to us. Given the intrest and the expenses accrued on our journey here, as well as the death of a comrade (my dwarf barb) you owe us (insert ridculously large amount of gold)
Necro: Ah, but you destroyed my slaving operation and have destroyed half my town.....
Alchemist (me) who roided out on a strength mutagen: RAAAAARGH!
*Alchemist zooms past the cleric and bull rushes the necormancer out the giant plate glass window he was standing in front of.*
DM:..... I hate you
Theif: Wasn't there a couple carts worth of explosives at teh base of this wall? and wasn't he holding a torch
Alch: Whoops
The castle then proceeds to collapse as the explosives my Alchemist had whipped up before hand lit off.

 

[Hazzaslagga]

My first combat contribution in a pathfinder game was to throw a dagger neatly into another party members back. Said companion was also ridiculously unlucky.

 

[Benni88]

This may be one of the newbiest questions ever but what actually is D&D?

I mean I know it's a kind of RPG, that's kinda obvious. But well there's this board game and a couple of games for the PC too. I've read quite many posts in this thread, now I'm curious to know more about the game .

Where can I play it? Could anyone be so kind and give me further information? hehe

DnD is the mother of all RPG's.
If you ever played Neverwinter Nights, Baldurs Gate or Knights of the Old Republic.
You have played a computerized version of DnD.

The table top game uses dice to represent the "random" hit/miss chance.
And instead of a computer program, a person at the table controls all of the NPC's.

It's a little hard to explain quickly in details.
But it's basicly a multiplayer RPG without the use of a pc.

Nice! I never knew the tabletop game was still so popular. I've heard about it ages ago, I'd never played it though. Seems I need to give it a shot!

Thing about D&D, and i love it by the way, is that it's a time investment. Whether its the DM producing a campaign or making new characters or bringing new players up to speed with the rules, it all takes time i dont really have anymore.

If you want to play, try and do it with some close friends who you know will have to patience to commit for a while. You'll get much more out of it that way.

 

[Hanzo Hattori]

This may be one of the newbiest questions ever but what actually is D&D?

I mean I know it's a kind of RPG, that's kinda obvious. But well there's this board game and a couple of games for the PC too. I've read quite many posts in this thread, now I'm curious to know more about the game .

Where can I play it? Could anyone be so kind and give me further information? hehe

DnD is the mother of all RPG's.
If you ever played Neverwinter Nights, Baldurs Gate or Knights of the Old Republic.
You have played a computerized version of DnD.

The table top game uses dice to represent the "random" hit/miss chance.
And instead of a computer program, a person at the table controls all of the NPC's.

It's a little hard to explain quickly in details.
But it's basicly a multiplayer RPG without the use of a pc.

Nice! I never knew the tabletop game was still so popular. I've heard about it ages ago, I'd never played it though. Seems I need to give it a shot!

Thing about D&D, and i love it by the way, is that it's a time investment. Whether its the DM producing a campaign or making new characters or bringing new players up to speed with the rules, it all takes time i dont really have anymore.

If you want to play, try and do it with some close friends who you know will have to patience to commit for a while. You'll get much more out of it that way.

Well thanks for the advice, I'll see whether I'm going to play or not. Pretty much depends on my friends, as you say!

 

[kingcom]

I've got plenty of roleplaying stories, not many D&D ones however. For example in one Dark Heresy game I had the honour of running.

The acolytes having split (so its already a bad sign) with one group staying at a noble dinner party and the others running back to base hoping to get a message to the Imperial Navy in orbit to warn them about the impending attack while the players at the party stalled for time. The team on their way back were tracked by the heavily modified servitors (think cyborgs with a focus on the robot side) operating with holofield generators (stealth fields). Their weapons were all sitting in their apartments so they had to make it there and out of the heavily crowded hive city before they were caught by the servitors. They made it into their apartment and had just enough time to grab some of their equipment before they spotted the things climbing the walls of the hive spire (think gigantic towers similiar to Coruscant from star wars). So an apartment on the 200th floor is blown open and this assault begins. There is an Arbitrator and 2 Techpriests holding off this swarm of machines coming from all sides. Theres an NPC adept there who informs them of the potential escape route. The nearby tower they can shoot a grapnel to. So one techpriests takes a krak grenade (anti-tank focused charge effectively) and blows a whole in the wall. The second fires the grapnel and secures an access to the otherside. The arbitrator. Well the Arbite, she just loots the Noble player's room and takes out a Vanaheim. A shotgun designed for the tech guard capable of firing on full-auto. The first servitor makes it to her, she doesn't get a good look but the movement itself is enough to make her realise its nearby, so she sprays and prays.

Result in righteous fury (critical hit) which results in another and another (they continue on rolling damage until you stop rolling a 10 in this system) meaning that the single slug that hit, blows the entire locamotion system right out of its chest, disabling the power supply and leaving a mess of metal on the other side of the room.

The next round one of the techpriests uses the grapnel as a zip-line to the other building, recognising the 200 storey fall. The second techpriest decides to provide some fire support for the arbitrator and fires off at one climbing the window. He misses and the thing pounches on him, impaling him with its arm (which is essentially a blade thrower and itself a giant blade). The arbitrator runs to the fallen techpriest and......does the same thing again, 3 righteous fury's in a row by simply spraying at the area covered in the techpriest's blood. The thing is blown out the window and goes flying out the window dropping below. She then grabs the techpriest and jumps onto the grapnel, sliding down but dropping the techpriest while doing so.

Fortunately the techpriest grabs onto the ledge and gets to the rope....just in time for the remaining servitor to cut the rope. Resulting the techpriest flying some 20 odd metres across the gap between the two buildings, slamming into the wall and clinging to this rope as best he can with a big hole in his gut. Thats when they start seeing more servitors jumping the gap and landing jsut below the techpriest resulting in schrieks of "PULL ME UP! PULL ME UP! PULL ME UP!".

tl;dr. Give arbitrators shotguns, they are the law after all.