Anyone got any funny D&D stories?

[Swny Nerdgasm]

I've actually got a few stories about weird shit that has happened at my table, but I don't have time to post them out right now, how about so I remember to do it after work, someone quote this so I'll have a message waiting for me later, also, would you rather stories that are in character or stories about weird people I've gamed with?

 

[_tinned_magpie_]

In my game, we've got this guy who is incapable of keeping his mouth shut. He plays a lawful good cleric in a party of chaotic or neutral characters, so that's annoying enough, but he likes yelling a lot. As in, every single time he takes a swing, he'll come out with some long-winded and dramatic speech denouncing their ways and shouting about how awesome he is. This isn't every fight, it's every damn turn, and some of them are long. This got really old really fast, so the DM decided to put hints in the game that he could maybe tone it down a bit...

The first time included placing archers out of sight. When our paladin raised his sword to yell at the bandits they were fighting, both promptly shot him, knocking him down to zero hit points and taking him out for the rest of the fight.

The second time, since he didn't learn a thing the first time, we were in a dungeon that was pitch dark, and we could hear something moving. Enter paladin. He started screeching about 'vile fiends' and telling them to 'come and face me with honour' at which point he was immediately blindsided by something we couldn't see. The rest of us worked out quite quickly that the monsters were big cats that tracked us by sound, so while we kept our mouths shut and never got hit (apart from the cleric, who clanked a lot) he kept on yelling and ended up at zero hit points again. We call them the STFU Cats now.

I guess we'll find out next session whether or not he learned his lesson.

 

[kingcom]

I've actually got a few stories about weird shit that has happened at my table, but I don't have time to post them out right now, how about so I remember to do it after work, someone quote this so I'll have a message waiting for me later, also, would you rather stories that are in character or stories about weird people I've gamed with?

I would like both.

 

[VoidWanderer]

Does it just have to be D&D Games or just pen and paper games in general?

 

[JMeganSnow]

I could (literally) write a book of funny gaming stories. I'll try a few here:

DM: "This is the Keeper of the Book of the Dead. In order to pass into the realm of Orcus, you must convince the Keeper that you are of the nature of the dead."
Me (playing two halflings): "My sorcerer says: I am the undead! Feel my horrific aura of fear!" (rolls intimidate)
DM: "The Keeper consults his books, shrugs, and gestures for you to pass. What does (your second character) do?"
Me (jerks thumb to the side) "Oh, I'm with her."
DM: "Roll bluff."
Me: "53."
DM: "Um."
Me: "I totally just made that roll, didn't I?"
DM: "Yes."

In one of the first games I played with a real group, we were tasked by a local church with transporting some kind of magical rug/tapestry for study. The first night out, we made camp in a forest clearing. Around midnight, we were attacked by 10 skeletons with shortswords. We fought them off, picked up camp, moved about 50', and went back to sleep. In the morning, we set off.

The following night, we made camp. Around midnight, we were attacked. By 10 skeletons. With short swords. We fought them off, picked up camp etc. etc. etc. The DM said "these skeletons seem a bit battered and damaged."

This same sequence repeated for the next 5 nights. On the sixth night, when we were almost to our goal a necromancer showed up with 2 shadows and kicked the crap out of us, partly because we hadn't had a decent night's sleep in a week. When the adventure was over, one of us asked the DM, what the hell was the deal with those skeletons. He said: "You guys never did anything with the bones after you whacked them enough that they fell over, so when you left in the morning the necromancer raised them again and sent them after you. He wasn't going to risk his own life when he could just keep spamming you with the same ten skeletons until you wore down."


1. Party confronted with two rickety platforms dangling near a slippery ledge circumventing a chasm.
2. Party consults balance scores. Balance scores are found to be lacking. Extremely.
3. Elaborate plan emerges involving at least 5 ropes, pitons, and swinging on the platforms in order to cross the chasm.
4. During step 4 of this plan, in which the entire party is clinging desperately to a wildly swinging platform, we swing straight up into the grell that was hiding in the shadows the entire time.
5. The DM, at this point, decides to illuminate the grell's state of mind for us: "It's my birthday!"

My group can be pretty well depended upon to either a.) take no precautions of any kind whatsoever or b.) take absolutely ridiculously elaborate and completely misplaced precautions that wind up producing more danger than existed before they were taken. Also, any time the DM in our group says "roll X" meaning "This is an incredibly stupid plan with no chance of working but I'm going to let you roll anyway because I don't feel like arguing", that's the time when the person who's invested a ton of skill points and a stack of magic items in that skill, buffing it to absurd proportions, will proceed to roll a 20 and get some result like "you can sell clearly yellow snow to the tormented souls in the frozen depths of Cania" or "You jump so high you exceed orbital velocity".

 

[slackbheep]

A couple nights into the first campaign I DMed my party was to fight their way through a submerged and flooded temple to a necrotic god. I being lazy and thirteen at the time had given them a bag of holding with a free pass on following it's capacity rules. After a brief struggle with the initial encounter, the parties rogue got it in mind to simply drain the entire place into their Bag of Holding. Infact: Why not simply strip everything that wasn't explicitly nailed down and had ANY value whatsoever? Entire Sarcophagi (including the mummy inside), most of the lake the temple had been sitting in, you get the idea.

The next night I decided that I couldn't just take the bag from them without a riot, but I could at least limit the size of it to about what was in there now by stressing it was reaching its limit. I hadn't considered that water was fairly dense all things considered, leaving them with a truly massive bag once most the water was emptied out. They would continue their process of absolutely field stripping their encounter areas to the point that I eventually began to run outdoor areas, before we jumped ship for a Shadowrun campaign I could keep a tighter lid on. Eventually a player spilled the beans that he had read about a similiar idea in a tabletop gaming comic called Knights of the Dinner table where the party acquires a similiarly large bag and ends up using it as a NPC holding pen, leading to "The Bag Wars". It's a fantastic comic if you've not read it. Their forums also have a collection of we truly evil older GMs and players, for those who could use tutoring in the art of crushing your enemy, whichever side of the screen you happen to be on.

 

[JMeganSnow]

Infact: Why not simply strip everything that wasn't explicitly nailed down and had ANY value whatsoever? Entire Sarcophagi (including the mummy inside), most of the lake the temple had been sitting in, you get the idea.

In the first 3rd edition game we played, we did a very low-level, low-magic campaign, and at the beginning we were so broke that it actually seemed attractive for us to pick up a horde of over 90,000 copper pieces, i.e. about 900 gp., or also i.e. less than half of a +1 sword. We did actually have a bag of holding (sort of--it was a crappy bag and also our most expensive magic item at the time), but the weight and mass of that much copper taxed it to the limit.

The problem was, since we were also at a remote military outpost, we had NO WAY to dispose of the copper. The quartermaster wouldn't take it. The local villagers wouldn't take it (they couldn't transport it without the bag, and we wanted to keep the bag). So our 90,000 copper pieces found a variety of uses throughout the campaign, such as:

1. Rust monster bait.
2. Ballast.
3. Being upended down the stairs onto some charging fighters. (the DM ruled it took us 2 hours to get all the copper back in the bag after that fight, and NO WAY was our rogue going to leave it behind.)
4. Commemorative coins.
5. Being used to "prove" we were solvent.
6. Hansel and Gretel style "breadcrumbs".
7. Kobold/Goblin lure.
8. Doorstop
9. Cover

Finally, in the end, we managed to convince the quartermaster that our outpost was now big enough to need a big honking warning bell, so he took it off of us and melted it down. It was so loud that after the first time we were attacked, the outpost commander ordered that it NEVER BE USED AGAIN.

Note for those not familiar with D&D: It is generally assumed that 50 coins weigh 1 lb. So 90,000 coins = 1800 lbs, or nearly a *ton* of copper (about 3 cubic feet as near as we could figure).

 

[napmil]

I've never played D&D, but I've had a lot of fun with the swedish fantasy game Eon in which I've acted as a GM for about 6-7 campaigns.

One of my favourite moments was when the players were given a book that they had to read. Half the party had no points in Language however, so half the group couldn't read it. Those who could were trying to cross-reference the information in it with their skills in Geography, Cultural Knowledge, Occultism, Theoretical Magic, Philosophy and History... they failed every throw, meaning they had nothing to go on when interpreting the text. They realised they had to get someone from the White Library to help them - only problem was that it was located on the other side of the country. We laughed pretty hard at their failed throws.

In another campaign that I was GMing we were trying out a science-fiction game called Coriolis. One of the players had the Character Flaw Impulsive, meaning if he said he did something he couldn't take it back. (Usually you can take it back as long as you haven't rolled the die).
This player always forgot he had the Flaw Impulsive, which led to a number of funny moments, but none quite as this:
The group met up with this great war hero who tell them of his plan to overthrow another dude (won't get into specifics). The Impulsive player suddenly bursts out: "I poke him in the eye!" The entire room grew quiet and we all stared at him until he realised what he'd done. We laughed. A lot.

 

[Plinglebob]

We had 2 running jokes in our group. The first was the no matter what the campaign was, someone would buy a 10ft pole in their starting equipment. No particular reason for this other then to keep it going and no-ones sure how it started.

The other was no matter the game, no matter the system, I would die within 3 sessions. Sometimes it was me being an idiot (like moving to the front of a group as a level 1 wizard to cast burning hands), sometimes it was lucky DM roles (dont worry, he can't he you under a 19 *roll* Shit!), sometimes it was random roles (DM chose who got attacked using a random roll) and sometimes it was a bad roll on my part (yay, a 1 on an extended roll 50ft down a 100ft cliff). I think the record from a characters introduction to death (slipped off a log and felling 20ft into a crocodile infested river) was 37 minutes.

 

[JMeganSnow]

We had 2 running jokes in our group. The first was the no matter what the campaign was, someone would buy a 10ft pole in their starting equipment. No particular reason for this other then to keep it going and no-ones sure how it started.

The 10' pole was part of the 1st edition "standard starting equipment". No joke.

The other was no matter the game, no matter the system, I would die within 3 sessions. Sometimes it was me being an idiot (like moving to the front of a group as a level 1 wizard to cast burning hands), sometimes it was lucky DM roles (dont worry, he can't he you under a 19 *roll* Shit!), sometimes it was random roles (DM chose who got attacked using a random roll) and sometimes it was a bad roll on my part (yay, a 1 on an extended roll 50ft down a 100ft cliff). I think the record from a characters introduction to death (slipped off a log and felling 20ft into a crocodile infested river) was 37 minutes.

I have a friend with this same malady. The funny part is that when he manages to keep characters alive, he winds up getting bored with them and makes a new one anyway.

 

[thenumberthirteen]

Sadly I've never had the group of friends who play the game that I'd require to get involved (I'm not going to play with some group of randoms) so no funny stories of my own

I will, however, post this video about a funny ass story from the RPG "Shadowrun" simply titled "The Squirt Gun Wars"

<bliptv=hIVVgte1SgI>

 

[Mister Swift]

I had my first game of DnD a couple weeks back. I played a high CHA Bard. When the mayor of the town gave my party our quest, I immediately rolled a diplomacy check and got a 20, doubling the reward.

It was then I realised I would fall in love with DnD.

 

[BaronOfStuff]

Not D&D as such because we were just inept at keeping track of too much, but during a drunken 'making=up-the-rules-as-we-go-along' game of Warhammer Quest we started picking on the Dwarf in our party, casting bottomless pits in front of him and running away to leave him in the dark (in WHQ, one player is a designated 'lantern-carrier' -- this is usually a character of average speed as to not rush on ahead or slow everyone down; anyone who does get left in the dark for something like three turns is killed off by unseen monsters and whatnot).

Then there was the time that in order to cross a bridge, you had to roll higher than a total of 4 with two dice. Dwarf rolled 'snake eyes' and fell to his death.

 

[darthotaku]

I was Dming a game in a dungeon called "The temple of seven sins" the first room had a huge pit in the center full of treasure. my friend didn't take the hint and jumped in. he fell through the gold and diamonds into the acid they were floating on top of. I seriously didn't think he was that stupid.

 

[Macgyvercas]

Well, anytime my players go to a brothel is always fun.

And there was one time where they were in the Mournland (Eberron), and they had just fought a corpse crab (and the group barbarian had taken 4 points of dexterity damage):

Fighter: Hey guys, let's rest for the night and regain our hit points.
ME: Okay, you guys rest, but in the morning you don't feel any different.
Fighter: What's that mean?
ME: You don't regain any hit points
Cleric: I'll use my healing spells then.
ME: You feel the familiar wash of positive energy, but it feels less strong than normal.
Fighter: And that means?
ME: Magical healing is reduced by half.
Fighter: *cue long tirade of cursing*

I though that was hilarious.

 

[Death Wolf113]

had a buddy who just created his charecter to join our party he was in the game for no longer then 2 rounds. a gint eagle came swooping down and he failed his check tooking him 20 feet faild another check 40 feet failed a nother check 60 released him fell to his death. also first game i ever played in i only lasted 6 hours befor my charecter was beheaded

 

[VoidWanderer]

I remember playing a game of Mage the Awakening where the party consisted of an ex-cop turned Private Eye, a Catholic Priest, a Desk Jockey for the City of Chicago Mayoral Office, an obscure bookstore owner and an underboss of the Mafia, who has stated his businesses (nightclubs) were for Money laundering.

We were tasked to figure out if a person found dead under suspicious circumstances was a vampire attack or something else. The party split up following various leads and I asked the Underboss to go to the Cafe and find out if there was anyone hanging around there. So he walks in and makes up a story how he was related to the victim and after several minutes of cringe-worthy conversation, two federal agents walk in. The Underboss recognizes them as being a part of the Organized Crimes Unit. So he walks over and introduces himself using his actual name.

At that point I'm not sure who was more stunned, the players listening to this, the DM or how the Fed's would've felt. They ask if he would wait while they get their boss down there to which he agreed. So while the Head of the OCU heads down I am face-palming the entire time muttering that if this guy ever has to do talk to someone I will give him flashcards.

The OCU boss arrives and asks if the Underboss if he would accompany him to the OCU HQ. I'll give you one guess what the 'genius' said. Fortunately the mob were keeping an eye on him and sent the lawyer down to meet them there. Which the guy refused. They asked if they could check the accounts for his business to which he happily agreed.

And this was the better of his role-playing abilities...

 

[Fbuh]

Many of our campaigns took place during scout camp.

DM: "So in the chest is a small statue of a gryphon. Using your Lore skill, you discover that it is magical, and must be activated witha magic word."

Player: "So what's the word?"

The DM hesitates and looks at teh crowded picnic table, searching for anything that might help.

DM: "...Tetley."

Player: "Tetley? As in iced tea?"

DM: "Yes."

 

[Plinglebob]

I have a friend with this same malady. The funny part is that when he manages to keep characters alive, he winds up getting bored with them and makes a new one anyway.

*Checks JMS's Profile" nope, you don't know me I think the problem he had (and I did as well in the end) is by about number 5 you start to just give up. My group frowned upon me using the "Twin Brother" trick and after the first 5 characters you want to play gets killed you end up just making a character so you can keep playing. This means the one that does survive is probably one you didn't really want to play so get bored with them as you think up a character you cuold get interested in. Also, producing a new character sheet every 3 weeks or so gets habit forming