Oh, this will be fun.
I'm smart. Well, I'm not smart. Except, the latter is just what I'm convinced. See, I'm 21st out of over 150 in my class in university, doing one of the hardest courses, I don't even work that hard. Do I think I'm smart? Hell no. I'm not. At all. I know fucking nothing about anything. I know I should try to push myself harder but I can't. I am physically incapable of trying to better myself because I know I'll never be happy with how I turn out.
I guess it's because I was bullied for 12 years, but it was probably 14, I don't remember the first two years of school at all. Maybe because I tried to forget. I can't even remember what my teacher's names were, but oh well. Want to know the worst part about it? I blame myself for being bullied. I blame myself because I don't have any mental disabilities, but I still just didn't want to make friends with anyone. I never have, really. I've always preferred being by myself, and if I could have just acted like I wanted to be around people, they wouldn't have treated me like shit.
Christ. I fucking hate people. They made me think that I'm crap, and I'm worthless, and I keep trying to tell myself that they were wrong, that I'm at least doing ok so far, but I can't believe myself.
I'm ugly, I'm overweight, and I can't even fucking look at myself in the mirror.