Well 5000 posts later and here I am, a simple pants lover to a God. On a less silly note this is a significant thing for me and I would like to thank the people who make this site enjoyable to go on day and night, thank you, you guys know who you are. For everybody here I say thank you and enjoy this story I made for you all.
[sub]Be warned I worked hard on this and it is quite long.[/sub]
[sub]Be warned I worked hard on this and it is quite long.[/sub]
Hello, and welcome. As you all should know I am the God of Pants. Nothing new, nothing old, but I was not always this way, no. Don't worry I'll tell you the story.
It all started out on a Monday... or was it a Tuesday? I cannot recall, and it does not matter! Because it was after I had publicized my findings on pants that I was approached by a hooded man who gave me a note and continued to walk normally. The note contained this :
"You know too much, come to the Warehouse lest everybody you know be in danger."
I thought to myself.
"Damn trousers are out to get me, alright, I can use some Pants magic, that should at least allow me an escape attempt if they get me."
So I went and found that the entire place was filled with eyes. I had not known that pants could have such glares with them, but it pierced my very soul! I felt like I was being examined, from atom to atom. After a moment I gathered the strength to speak
"Why have you called me here?"
The response was sharp and clear "Watch your tone boy, you are being graced with an unusual opportunity." He looked to the others who all gave a nod. "It seems that your heart is pure enough for it to go through, too. You are to be introduced into the Church ofthe Dicelord Harkthresh, the God of Pants."
I had to do my best to keep my pants from being defiled right then and there. My heart skipped a beat and I could feel all of the pairs smiling on me.
"Come, come to the world you have heard so much about."
In front of me appeared a large pair of pants, the fly opened and a gateway appeared. Without a second thought I charged into it. Headstrong, if you half ass things it will turn out badly, I know that much. And so I was transported, it hurt like hell all over, felt like I was being forcibly ripped apart and thrown in another direction in a million pieces everywhere... except for my legs... my pants felt no pain, it was a piece of solace in a sea of shit. So I focused on that to keep the pain to get to me and then without warning, it was over. I was in the desired location, the fabled Pantsland. I was taken aback for a moment, the sheer glory of this place made me nearly burst into tears; the long landscape of sheer grass, the tranquility that the air made, the bright blue sky, inviting everything that had eyes to star into it for eternity. But something was amiss; when I looked to the west I saw a forest. Usually, as a lover of nature forests appeal to me, but this one...seemed like a mockery of everything natural, the aura around it made step back and fall down, my first encounter with the Forest of Trousers.
"You must be the newcomer..." said a warm voice. I turned around to see three odd figures. One clearly insane long brown haired, Irishmen? I think he was Irish, really wish he would have had a pint of ale to confirm that. With him, I suppose the less odd of the two companions was a girl with... cat ears? She kept meowing non-stop! I looked at the long haired one and he sighed.
"Would you keep it down! We have company you know!"
"Oh I know, I'm just happy to see a new face is all. Hi there, I'm the 93rd King of Julians, you can call me... pft what do names matter anyway?" Then the strange creature did to me what anime fangirls do to other human beings; we call this "the glomp".
"Yeah, uh thanks." I said while separating myself from the cateared one. I kneeled down to see a tiny creature, it appeared to be a mudkip. I like mudkipz! "Why hello, little fella shouldn't you be in a poke-" I didn't have time to respond before the little brat used water gun on my face.
"Don't you dare touch the enlightened mukip!" He exclaimed.
"You can...talk?"
"I can do more than talk, I can preach the ideals of communism! My revelations will revolutionize mudkip society, as we know it! I'll be in the history books! Just you wait!" His speech may have held more ground if he weren?t on top of the crazyman's head.
"Well we best be going, if you ever need any help just call for us, cya."
...
"But I don't know their names..."
Fresh from that odd encounter I left that area, the early base of the now prominent "PRIATE": Pants Related In Tastes and Enterpriszes. So I walked and walked, for hours, heading towards the church that seemed to call out to me. Surprisingly with the lack of cardio in my body I did not tire. I only focused on the destination. My pants seemed to be giving me strength I thought; I breathed a word of thank you. To my surprise I got a very quick reply, an increase in speed, I was tearing through that grass at the speed of light. A little goes a long way now, doesn't it?
On my way to the church I encountered something odd, how new eh? But anyways it was a... pair of socks.
"Greetings, you are the unusual one accepted into the order of Pantians right?"
I felt the pressure hit me like a rock to a lake, who was this thing? This was my first experience with the divine.
"I.... I think....?"
"You think? No buddy, you got to be sure of yourself, the socks got closer and the image of a man appeared. "I am Otteni, the God of Socks, pleased to meet you Asturiel."
"Pl-pleased to meet you too!" I said in the most high-pitched voice that ever escaped my lips.
"I read your work, I must say I am quite the fan of your style young man. I can see why they allowed an outsider into this sanctum, anywho. Pleasure meeting you, if you need anything just call." On this note he left. I had gained my first ally.
I suddenly felt a jerk come from my legs and I was thrown up into the air, the wind surging against me for a few seconds then pushing me down as I crashed into the church.
"You're late, PENALTY!" Screamed the high priest.
I turned to find an odd British man, his looked pierced right through to my core, high anger filled the air, his rage was felt continents away. I was boned.
"Um.... I'm sorry? Uh...."
A lower standing adept pulled me to him and told me "Thats High priest Amnestic, he goes on tangents, enjoy", he then scuttled off before the high priest cut into him too. Can't say I blamed him.
"Are you ready yet?" said his shrill voice that struck hearts and killed puppies.
"Yes High Priest Amnestic, I'm sorry."
"As you should be. Now, you are to be accepted into the Order of Free Pants, the Church of the God of Pants. By the powers vested in me by my god you are now a member of his collective."
I felt a sudden surge of light envelop me, caress me, comfort me, it coursed through my entire body, I felt the particles in the air open up to me, allowing me to see their true selves. I suddenly understood why this place felt so tranquil compared to the area near the forest; the concentration of Pants in the air was greater. I had read of such a thing but I dismissed it as simple folklore, but this, this is the face of the divine. And then it ended. I was.... content, for the time being. I convinced myself another blessing was on the way in the near future... yes... that must be it.
"Welcome brother Asturiel, go and pray, our Lord will guide you in what you need do."
And he did, the next few months were great, I was eating better, sleeping better, breathing better, everything was coming up "Milhouse" as they say. But throughout my time there, something didn't quite work, I was just during those months, I stayed away from Irridium and his gang of "disco" dancers. I remained pure so that my god could see so and bless me...
But such a blessing never came, after that I began to fantasize frantically about it, it driving me mad until one man ended up calling me in to speak with him. An Unusual fellow, a complete Stranger yet he still talked as if he knew me my entire life. "Asturiel right? The new guy?"
"Yes, what is it you need brother?"
"Listen, it's becoming painfully obvious for those who have eyes that your dissatisfied with what your getting. Now let me tel-"
"That's a damned lie! I love my god and this is all I want to do. I am absolutely sure that..." I trailed off, not able to answer him.
"That what? That you're going to get your precious "blessing" again? HAH. How naive of you, well we all were. This is a big scam they got going here kid, they sucker you in with the best experience possible then rob you of it your entire life." He said with a smirk.
"What are you trying to say?" I found myself saying with a cry.
"I'm saying that in order to get anything out of this church you need to be ambitious, and I know a few ways you can get there. For in-"
"WHAT? WHAT CAN I DO" I kept getting antsier as this man spoke; he spoke of things that tickled the very edge of my soul. His talks of power were so tempting that I wanted to reach out and eat the apples of this forbidden tree.
"Easy sparky, I can get rid of certain "threats" to your development as a priest here, as well you're going to need some support from the less civilized part of this organization. You're going to have to get the aid of Irridium. After that, all the power and "blessings" you want can be yours."
I salivated at the thought. I cannot remember the rest of the conversation after this very well. The entire thing was a blur of ecstasy and greed. My entire world, torn upside down, but not by anybody but myself, I had to remind myself. This man gave me an opportunity, I was the one getting worked up about it. So I resolved myself and went to the underground, to Irridiums headquarters.
When I got lower and lower the air got thinner and thinner, less pants throughout the air did not sit well with me, but alas I had to go with it. The screams of battle got louder and louder until I arrived, seeing a dark cavern with a... disco ball.
"Alright yall now is time for the thunder round!" Irridium said while being showered by applause. "Remember the rules 1- Oh, is that the High Priests pet? Little Asturiel?"
Once he said that I was reminded of how I felt at the warehouse, but these eyes did not waver, they stayed on me, uncompromising.
"I wish to speak with you.? I said in a calm voice I was surprised to find.
"Heh, OK. Take 5 all." He then strode towards me with such rhythm, such grace. "Now what do you want? Here to try to bring us to your fabled "justice" don?t make me laugh. This is what keeps the world turning kid, don't try to bring your ideals here, this is just how it is."
"Oh I know." I said in a chilling voice. "And I want your help in my rise in this church."
"Perhaps we can arrange some sort of deal-"
"No deal, you're going to help and your going to like it." I was frustrated right now; I didn't have time for his games.
"I don't think you understan-" He couldn't finish his sentence before he hit the ground. The concentration of pants in the air may have been dismal here but it would still do. I reached out to all the energy I could to pin him to the earth, several little pants holding him down, I was glad they answered my call. This was all right, Irridium was a criminal, leader of a syndicate... it was justified. So I pummeled him. I beat him to a pulp until I heard the magic words.
"I surrender, you win, my men will get you to where you want to go." With that I left, I would be back soon to reclaim my debt. Still I could not help but have a giant smirk on my face.
This was only the beginning.
The pieces started to fall into place; the stranger was able to take care of the more "key" figures, while Irridium and his gang was able to keep the "lowers" from getting in the way. There was only one thing left, the High Priest, Amnestic needed to go. I mean, I haven't gotten any blessings and seeing as he was the High Priest he must be hoarding them... yes that is it! He is taking them all for himself, I will be a liberator! A savior! The light of Pants will shine through me.
So I went to his office, at the top of the spiral tower that was said to pierce the heavens, to keep in closer contact with the gods of course. Once I arrived in the office Amnestic gave me a glare; he knew what was happening. He didn't try his precious "arguments" or "diplomacy" he immediately shot a bolt of raw power right into my gut. I staggered; he smiled briefly before he noticed me get up, unscathed. Before I knew it there was a grin on my face, so devilish that it would have made anybody think I was crazy
"Did you think that would be enough? This power, such a place AND YOU CAN'T EVEN HARNESS IT?" He attempted to shield himself but it was too late, the Pants in the air was too much for me to control, and instead of a fine needle going through his skull it turned into a great explosion, destroying everything in his direction.
The towers roof in ruins, the only thing left was the weak floorboard, I went towards Amnestic's corpse because he still had something of value. When I knelt there was no way he was alive, I ripped the sigil of Harkthresh from his hands. How pitiful, he attempted to block my assault with it. With his use gone I tossed him from the tower, no need for his corpse to ruin my victory. (Later I would find out that Amnestic did indeed survive, his new God saved him, the over being known as "Haruhi".) With that I felt the light... I felt it! I embraced the glow of my god; only to realize it stop, sooner than before, as if my god had...shunned me.... but that can't be! I am the greatest of his followers; he should be greeting me with open arms. That bastard! How dare he ignore me! He is denying me his grace, he will learn the price of this, and if I can topple his church then I can topple him. This god is going down.
But this was a god we were talking about, I needed aid, I didn't know where to begin. Could PRIATE help? Likely not, dammit. Then it struck me; I have a god on my side, the God of Socks! I contacted him. I wasn't sure if my telekinetic energies of pants was strong enough but he got the message and before I knew it he was before me.
"Seems like you had some fun." His presence didn't faze me nearly as much as before, this gave me confidence.
"Yes, yes I did, I have come to ask a favor."
"Let me guess, your going to ask my help in killing the God of Pants."
"It's nice when everybody is on the same page isn't it?"
He breathed a heavy sigh, "Listen, you can cause as much disorder you want amongst the gods but I cannot aid you. I have since been banished from their sanctum so I cannot bring you to his domain. My apologies." And with that he vanished.
Shit... I had nowhere to go now, nothing could be accomplished by just sitting there, breathing the pants, so I thought who I could call out to. I had contacts in other clothing groups but I wasn't sure if I wanted to use them. After deliberation I decided to try one of my friends, who I had heard managed to get into a similar church as me, the cult of skirts.
HailFire was easy to find, up here my power over Pants was magnified to the greatest point I ever had it, I reached out to his mind and spoke. He responded in a grumpy manner as usual, apparently I just caused some woman to find out he's insane when he responded. Precious.
"Anyway Hail, I need your help."
"You do remember you owe me money right?"
I chuckled, it was the first time I was able to release myself from the severity of my situation for a brief moment. "It is not about that, I need you to appeal to your God."
"What do you want with the Mistress of Skirts?" He response felt like a dagger being pressed at my throat, Hail was apparently quite the pious one.
"I need her help to enter the divine sanctum. I need a little, heh, one on one with my God." The tone of my voice suddenly changed, the words got colder, and more sinister, and apparently I wasn't the only one to notice.
"Why? Listen, you?re changed bro, my Mistress cannot help you, end of story. Goodbye." With that he ended the communication, further attempts were met with only failure, the pants concentration was weak there, and my power could not stretch far enough.
Time for another approach I thought. If I cannot gather significant enough allies within the lower cloth faiths, perhaps I could get help from the upper cloth religions. So I reached out to any who would hear me, desperately trying to reach somebody. Apparently I was not entirely unsuccessful since I was responded to by a high-ranking priest of the Jackets, a man who called himself: Aby of the Z.
"You have my attention, what is it you want high priest Asturiel?" He said in a flat tone, he was hard to read, telekinetic communication was difficult, but I did manage to get a general idea of what they were thinking by their responses and tones. However this man read nothing, a clean book, from what I guessed he was wearing aneon pink robe with a black leather jacket on top a business suit. He felt in every way like an assassin. I pondered briefly about how he rose to such a position, but then I was reminded to how I got so far.
"Yes, I have come to request the aid of your God."
"You wish the help of the Protector? Listen boy, perhaps your insolence is more tolerated in the cesspool you call Lower Cloth, but up here we respect our gods. Now leave this place lest your thoughts corrupt its divine beauty." Damn, well that didn't work...
With no help from either of the two continents, no support at all, I looked into myself, looked hard, looked at what I had become... What was I doing to myself? How could I justify doing anything of the dirty deeds I had done? Why had I hurt friends, killed allies? Thrown away lives so easily! How? How? How...
"My my, your really a wreck aren't ya?" I turned up to see an... Odd figure. I know I have said this before but this man was especially weird. He appeared to be a perfect Snooty Englishmen, however he was wearing hundred of hats, none of them looked anywhere close to being wearable, all way too odd and comical. "I am Sir Snooty, the God of Silly Hats, and it appears you need my help."
All pretence of doubting myself had left; this man had saved me, the only thing that remained was determination now. "Why yes I am, I need you to take me to the sanctum of Harkthresh, the home of the God of Pants."
A mischievous grin enveloped onto his face, "But Asturiel, we?re already there." Before I even noticed a change in environment I heard the sound, the chorus... the angels. They were all singing "Ode to Pants" I thought this was merely legend, but I had been taken to the actual Domain of Pantsland. The sun shone brighter here, the air was clearer, the music sung more beautifully here... YES this will be my new home. "Ahh this won't do" said the crazy hat god. So he threw down a hat upside down on the ground and shoved me inside, this was the kind of teleportation I had gotten used to.
There I was, in front of a bedroom, then Snooty pointed, "What you want is in there boy, go and seize it." Without a moments hesitation I opened the door and found a bedroom. One in complete disarray, the veil covered the bed but I could tell who was there, it was my prize, the bastard who had ignored me, the bastard who had denied me the ultimate grace, the man who was going to pay was here. I charged through, not thinking about the implications of a god to mortal fight, blinded by pure hatred I pulled open the veil to find something utterly surprising.
I found an old man, an old sickly man. He had clearly passed his prime and was suffering from a sickness I could only guess was not helping his condition. "Hello my child, your the new high priest aren't you?" He said, barely buffering the terrible hack he called a cough.
Completely shocked I did not respond... there was no way this was real. "I understand your here to kill me, HAH! You came to kill the thing responsible for your anger, what will you do if it is merely an old man who could not do any more?"
I stepped back, thought for a moment, then grinned "I will do what I came here to do, only easier."
With that I stabbed him right in the throat with my hand, sharpened with the pants in the air. With that I looked at the blood, the crimson gold in my hands, and suddenly three white orbs were thrust into my chest. My heart and lungs burned with raw power, soon my stomach followed, until my entire body felt the sensation. I felt like I was going to burn from the inside out my entire body changed, transformed, into something more. I had become a God.
"Enjoying it?" Said a smug man in the back of the room. "The power feel good? I bet it does, just hope you will be more useful to us than these old deadbeat was."
"Useful to whom?" I said with sudden clarity.
"To the Silly Pantheon of course." I didn't quite understand what he meant until a flying pair of pants dropped an envelope into my hand. "Well I best be going, it seems that your people need you." With that he dropped a hat onto the ground and vanished.
I surveyed this piece for just a moment, looked at what I had just gotten, I mean I had just become a God! I took my time and savored it then read the message:
"Skinny Jeans have gone rogue"... interesting.
Fin.
It all started out on a Monday... or was it a Tuesday? I cannot recall, and it does not matter! Because it was after I had publicized my findings on pants that I was approached by a hooded man who gave me a note and continued to walk normally. The note contained this :
"You know too much, come to the Warehouse lest everybody you know be in danger."
I thought to myself.
"Damn trousers are out to get me, alright, I can use some Pants magic, that should at least allow me an escape attempt if they get me."
So I went and found that the entire place was filled with eyes. I had not known that pants could have such glares with them, but it pierced my very soul! I felt like I was being examined, from atom to atom. After a moment I gathered the strength to speak
"Why have you called me here?"
The response was sharp and clear "Watch your tone boy, you are being graced with an unusual opportunity." He looked to the others who all gave a nod. "It seems that your heart is pure enough for it to go through, too. You are to be introduced into the Church of
I had to do my best to keep my pants from being defiled right then and there. My heart skipped a beat and I could feel all of the pairs smiling on me.
"Come, come to the world you have heard so much about."
In front of me appeared a large pair of pants, the fly opened and a gateway appeared. Without a second thought I charged into it. Headstrong, if you half ass things it will turn out badly, I know that much. And so I was transported, it hurt like hell all over, felt like I was being forcibly ripped apart and thrown in another direction in a million pieces everywhere... except for my legs... my pants felt no pain, it was a piece of solace in a sea of shit. So I focused on that to keep the pain to get to me and then without warning, it was over. I was in the desired location, the fabled Pantsland. I was taken aback for a moment, the sheer glory of this place made me nearly burst into tears; the long landscape of sheer grass, the tranquility that the air made, the bright blue sky, inviting everything that had eyes to star into it for eternity. But something was amiss; when I looked to the west I saw a forest. Usually, as a lover of nature forests appeal to me, but this one...seemed like a mockery of everything natural, the aura around it made step back and fall down, my first encounter with the Forest of Trousers.
"You must be the newcomer..." said a warm voice. I turned around to see three odd figures. One clearly insane long brown haired, Irishmen? I think he was Irish, really wish he would have had a pint of ale to confirm that. With him, I suppose the less odd of the two companions was a girl with... cat ears? She kept meowing non-stop! I looked at the long haired one and he sighed.
"Would you keep it down! We have company you know!"
"Oh I know, I'm just happy to see a new face is all. Hi there, I'm the 93rd King of Julians, you can call me... pft what do names matter anyway?" Then the strange creature did to me what anime fangirls do to other human beings; we call this "the glomp".
"Yeah, uh thanks." I said while separating myself from the cateared one. I kneeled down to see a tiny creature, it appeared to be a mudkip. I like mudkipz! "Why hello, little fella shouldn't you be in a poke-" I didn't have time to respond before the little brat used water gun on my face.
"Don't you dare touch the enlightened mukip!" He exclaimed.
"You can...talk?"
"I can do more than talk, I can preach the ideals of communism! My revelations will revolutionize mudkip society, as we know it! I'll be in the history books! Just you wait!" His speech may have held more ground if he weren?t on top of the crazyman's head.
"Well we best be going, if you ever need any help just call for us, cya."
...
"But I don't know their names..."
Fresh from that odd encounter I left that area, the early base of the now prominent "PRIATE": Pants Related In Tastes and Enterpriszes. So I walked and walked, for hours, heading towards the church that seemed to call out to me. Surprisingly with the lack of cardio in my body I did not tire. I only focused on the destination. My pants seemed to be giving me strength I thought; I breathed a word of thank you. To my surprise I got a very quick reply, an increase in speed, I was tearing through that grass at the speed of light. A little goes a long way now, doesn't it?
On my way to the church I encountered something odd, how new eh? But anyways it was a... pair of socks.
"Greetings, you are the unusual one accepted into the order of Pantians right?"
I felt the pressure hit me like a rock to a lake, who was this thing? This was my first experience with the divine.
"I.... I think....?"
"You think? No buddy, you got to be sure of yourself, the socks got closer and the image of a man appeared. "I am Otteni, the God of Socks, pleased to meet you Asturiel."
"Pl-pleased to meet you too!" I said in the most high-pitched voice that ever escaped my lips.
"I read your work, I must say I am quite the fan of your style young man. I can see why they allowed an outsider into this sanctum, anywho. Pleasure meeting you, if you need anything just call." On this note he left. I had gained my first ally.
I suddenly felt a jerk come from my legs and I was thrown up into the air, the wind surging against me for a few seconds then pushing me down as I crashed into the church.
"You're late, PENALTY!" Screamed the high priest.
I turned to find an odd British man, his looked pierced right through to my core, high anger filled the air, his rage was felt continents away. I was boned.
"Um.... I'm sorry? Uh...."
A lower standing adept pulled me to him and told me "Thats High priest Amnestic, he goes on tangents, enjoy", he then scuttled off before the high priest cut into him too. Can't say I blamed him.
"Are you ready yet?" said his shrill voice that struck hearts and killed puppies.
"Yes High Priest Amnestic, I'm sorry."
"As you should be. Now, you are to be accepted into the Order of Free Pants, the Church of the God of Pants. By the powers vested in me by my god you are now a member of his collective."
I felt a sudden surge of light envelop me, caress me, comfort me, it coursed through my entire body, I felt the particles in the air open up to me, allowing me to see their true selves. I suddenly understood why this place felt so tranquil compared to the area near the forest; the concentration of Pants in the air was greater. I had read of such a thing but I dismissed it as simple folklore, but this, this is the face of the divine. And then it ended. I was.... content, for the time being. I convinced myself another blessing was on the way in the near future... yes... that must be it.
"Welcome brother Asturiel, go and pray, our Lord will guide you in what you need do."
And he did, the next few months were great, I was eating better, sleeping better, breathing better, everything was coming up "Milhouse" as they say. But throughout my time there, something didn't quite work, I was just during those months, I stayed away from Irridium and his gang of "disco" dancers. I remained pure so that my god could see so and bless me...
But such a blessing never came, after that I began to fantasize frantically about it, it driving me mad until one man ended up calling me in to speak with him. An Unusual fellow, a complete Stranger yet he still talked as if he knew me my entire life. "Asturiel right? The new guy?"
"Yes, what is it you need brother?"
"Listen, it's becoming painfully obvious for those who have eyes that your dissatisfied with what your getting. Now let me tel-"
"That's a damned lie! I love my god and this is all I want to do. I am absolutely sure that..." I trailed off, not able to answer him.
"That what? That you're going to get your precious "blessing" again? HAH. How naive of you, well we all were. This is a big scam they got going here kid, they sucker you in with the best experience possible then rob you of it your entire life." He said with a smirk.
"What are you trying to say?" I found myself saying with a cry.
"I'm saying that in order to get anything out of this church you need to be ambitious, and I know a few ways you can get there. For in-"
"WHAT? WHAT CAN I DO" I kept getting antsier as this man spoke; he spoke of things that tickled the very edge of my soul. His talks of power were so tempting that I wanted to reach out and eat the apples of this forbidden tree.
"Easy sparky, I can get rid of certain "threats" to your development as a priest here, as well you're going to need some support from the less civilized part of this organization. You're going to have to get the aid of Irridium. After that, all the power and "blessings" you want can be yours."
I salivated at the thought. I cannot remember the rest of the conversation after this very well. The entire thing was a blur of ecstasy and greed. My entire world, torn upside down, but not by anybody but myself, I had to remind myself. This man gave me an opportunity, I was the one getting worked up about it. So I resolved myself and went to the underground, to Irridiums headquarters.
When I got lower and lower the air got thinner and thinner, less pants throughout the air did not sit well with me, but alas I had to go with it. The screams of battle got louder and louder until I arrived, seeing a dark cavern with a... disco ball.
"Alright yall now is time for the thunder round!" Irridium said while being showered by applause. "Remember the rules 1- Oh, is that the High Priests pet? Little Asturiel?"
Once he said that I was reminded of how I felt at the warehouse, but these eyes did not waver, they stayed on me, uncompromising.
"I wish to speak with you.? I said in a calm voice I was surprised to find.
"Heh, OK. Take 5 all." He then strode towards me with such rhythm, such grace. "Now what do you want? Here to try to bring us to your fabled "justice" don?t make me laugh. This is what keeps the world turning kid, don't try to bring your ideals here, this is just how it is."
"Oh I know." I said in a chilling voice. "And I want your help in my rise in this church."
"Perhaps we can arrange some sort of deal-"
"No deal, you're going to help and your going to like it." I was frustrated right now; I didn't have time for his games.
"I don't think you understan-" He couldn't finish his sentence before he hit the ground. The concentration of pants in the air may have been dismal here but it would still do. I reached out to all the energy I could to pin him to the earth, several little pants holding him down, I was glad they answered my call. This was all right, Irridium was a criminal, leader of a syndicate... it was justified. So I pummeled him. I beat him to a pulp until I heard the magic words.
"I surrender, you win, my men will get you to where you want to go." With that I left, I would be back soon to reclaim my debt. Still I could not help but have a giant smirk on my face.
This was only the beginning.
The pieces started to fall into place; the stranger was able to take care of the more "key" figures, while Irridium and his gang was able to keep the "lowers" from getting in the way. There was only one thing left, the High Priest, Amnestic needed to go. I mean, I haven't gotten any blessings and seeing as he was the High Priest he must be hoarding them... yes that is it! He is taking them all for himself, I will be a liberator! A savior! The light of Pants will shine through me.
So I went to his office, at the top of the spiral tower that was said to pierce the heavens, to keep in closer contact with the gods of course. Once I arrived in the office Amnestic gave me a glare; he knew what was happening. He didn't try his precious "arguments" or "diplomacy" he immediately shot a bolt of raw power right into my gut. I staggered; he smiled briefly before he noticed me get up, unscathed. Before I knew it there was a grin on my face, so devilish that it would have made anybody think I was crazy
"Did you think that would be enough? This power, such a place AND YOU CAN'T EVEN HARNESS IT?" He attempted to shield himself but it was too late, the Pants in the air was too much for me to control, and instead of a fine needle going through his skull it turned into a great explosion, destroying everything in his direction.
The towers roof in ruins, the only thing left was the weak floorboard, I went towards Amnestic's corpse because he still had something of value. When I knelt there was no way he was alive, I ripped the sigil of Harkthresh from his hands. How pitiful, he attempted to block my assault with it. With his use gone I tossed him from the tower, no need for his corpse to ruin my victory. (Later I would find out that Amnestic did indeed survive, his new God saved him, the over being known as "Haruhi".) With that I felt the light... I felt it! I embraced the glow of my god; only to realize it stop, sooner than before, as if my god had...shunned me.... but that can't be! I am the greatest of his followers; he should be greeting me with open arms. That bastard! How dare he ignore me! He is denying me his grace, he will learn the price of this, and if I can topple his church then I can topple him. This god is going down.
But this was a god we were talking about, I needed aid, I didn't know where to begin. Could PRIATE help? Likely not, dammit. Then it struck me; I have a god on my side, the God of Socks! I contacted him. I wasn't sure if my telekinetic energies of pants was strong enough but he got the message and before I knew it he was before me.
"Seems like you had some fun." His presence didn't faze me nearly as much as before, this gave me confidence.
"Yes, yes I did, I have come to ask a favor."
"Let me guess, your going to ask my help in killing the God of Pants."
"It's nice when everybody is on the same page isn't it?"
He breathed a heavy sigh, "Listen, you can cause as much disorder you want amongst the gods but I cannot aid you. I have since been banished from their sanctum so I cannot bring you to his domain. My apologies." And with that he vanished.
Shit... I had nowhere to go now, nothing could be accomplished by just sitting there, breathing the pants, so I thought who I could call out to. I had contacts in other clothing groups but I wasn't sure if I wanted to use them. After deliberation I decided to try one of my friends, who I had heard managed to get into a similar church as me, the cult of skirts.
HailFire was easy to find, up here my power over Pants was magnified to the greatest point I ever had it, I reached out to his mind and spoke. He responded in a grumpy manner as usual, apparently I just caused some woman to find out he's insane when he responded. Precious.
"Anyway Hail, I need your help."
"You do remember you owe me money right?"
I chuckled, it was the first time I was able to release myself from the severity of my situation for a brief moment. "It is not about that, I need you to appeal to your God."
"What do you want with the Mistress of Skirts?" He response felt like a dagger being pressed at my throat, Hail was apparently quite the pious one.
"I need her help to enter the divine sanctum. I need a little, heh, one on one with my God." The tone of my voice suddenly changed, the words got colder, and more sinister, and apparently I wasn't the only one to notice.
"Why? Listen, you?re changed bro, my Mistress cannot help you, end of story. Goodbye." With that he ended the communication, further attempts were met with only failure, the pants concentration was weak there, and my power could not stretch far enough.
Time for another approach I thought. If I cannot gather significant enough allies within the lower cloth faiths, perhaps I could get help from the upper cloth religions. So I reached out to any who would hear me, desperately trying to reach somebody. Apparently I was not entirely unsuccessful since I was responded to by a high-ranking priest of the Jackets, a man who called himself: Aby of the Z.
"You have my attention, what is it you want high priest Asturiel?" He said in a flat tone, he was hard to read, telekinetic communication was difficult, but I did manage to get a general idea of what they were thinking by their responses and tones. However this man read nothing, a clean book, from what I guessed he was wearing a
"Yes, I have come to request the aid of your God."
"You wish the help of the Protector? Listen boy, perhaps your insolence is more tolerated in the cesspool you call Lower Cloth, but up here we respect our gods. Now leave this place lest your thoughts corrupt its divine beauty." Damn, well that didn't work...
With no help from either of the two continents, no support at all, I looked into myself, looked hard, looked at what I had become... What was I doing to myself? How could I justify doing anything of the dirty deeds I had done? Why had I hurt friends, killed allies? Thrown away lives so easily! How? How? How...
"My my, your really a wreck aren't ya?" I turned up to see an... Odd figure. I know I have said this before but this man was especially weird. He appeared to be a perfect Snooty Englishmen, however he was wearing hundred of hats, none of them looked anywhere close to being wearable, all way too odd and comical. "I am Sir Snooty, the God of Silly Hats, and it appears you need my help."
All pretence of doubting myself had left; this man had saved me, the only thing that remained was determination now. "Why yes I am, I need you to take me to the sanctum of Harkthresh, the home of the God of Pants."
A mischievous grin enveloped onto his face, "But Asturiel, we?re already there." Before I even noticed a change in environment I heard the sound, the chorus... the angels. They were all singing "Ode to Pants" I thought this was merely legend, but I had been taken to the actual Domain of Pantsland. The sun shone brighter here, the air was clearer, the music sung more beautifully here... YES this will be my new home. "Ahh this won't do" said the crazy hat god. So he threw down a hat upside down on the ground and shoved me inside, this was the kind of teleportation I had gotten used to.
There I was, in front of a bedroom, then Snooty pointed, "What you want is in there boy, go and seize it." Without a moments hesitation I opened the door and found a bedroom. One in complete disarray, the veil covered the bed but I could tell who was there, it was my prize, the bastard who had ignored me, the bastard who had denied me the ultimate grace, the man who was going to pay was here. I charged through, not thinking about the implications of a god to mortal fight, blinded by pure hatred I pulled open the veil to find something utterly surprising.
I found an old man, an old sickly man. He had clearly passed his prime and was suffering from a sickness I could only guess was not helping his condition. "Hello my child, your the new high priest aren't you?" He said, barely buffering the terrible hack he called a cough.
Completely shocked I did not respond... there was no way this was real. "I understand your here to kill me, HAH! You came to kill the thing responsible for your anger, what will you do if it is merely an old man who could not do any more?"
I stepped back, thought for a moment, then grinned "I will do what I came here to do, only easier."
With that I stabbed him right in the throat with my hand, sharpened with the pants in the air. With that I looked at the blood, the crimson gold in my hands, and suddenly three white orbs were thrust into my chest. My heart and lungs burned with raw power, soon my stomach followed, until my entire body felt the sensation. I felt like I was going to burn from the inside out my entire body changed, transformed, into something more. I had become a God.
"Enjoying it?" Said a smug man in the back of the room. "The power feel good? I bet it does, just hope you will be more useful to us than these old deadbeat was."
"Useful to whom?" I said with sudden clarity.
"To the Silly Pantheon of course." I didn't quite understand what he meant until a flying pair of pants dropped an envelope into my hand. "Well I best be going, it seems that your people need you." With that he dropped a hat onto the ground and vanished.
I surveyed this piece for just a moment, looked at what I had just gotten, I mean I had just become a God! I took my time and savored it then read the message:
"Skinny Jeans have gone rogue"... interesting.
Fin.
