Aversion to Sex

[Paragon Fury]

So there is a long and a short version of this post. For tonight I'll keep to the short version tonight because I don't feel up to typing the whole long version (and Battlefield 4 is calling my name). And since real therapy is freaking expensive (hey, those small country bankrupting tuition bills have to get paid somehow!)

So I've been thinking about it some recently and I've been stuck on something; is something actually wrong with me?

Allow me to explain. Its a bit of a two part issue.

The first is that I've never been that attracted to real women. When asked to think of someone or something hot or attractive I didn't/don't think of real women. I think of things like this:

(Slightly NSFW)

Spoiler

Most NSFW
http://cyberunique.deviantart.com/art/House-Keeper-Girls-288131002

If I do think of a "real" woman.....its usually someone like this:

Spoiler

Yeah. A Cosplay/Glamour Model.

The second half of the problem is that I can't really think about two real people having sex, or doing sexual things without getting grossed out (and I'm in my 20's here). Romantic things? Fine. Things like snuggling and cuddling? Okay. But actually naked or doing anything? Nope. Icky an gross. I don't really have trouble imaging, say, those characters from above doing such things; but make it real people and I react in a similar way that people react to Hollywood gore in a movie; ick.

Obviously its not a life-debilitating issue; but I get a feeling it might be just a little bit of why I stuff like the thought and lack of relationships gets to me sometimes. It would certainly make any relationship I ever had with a girlfriend.....difficult, to say the least.

 

[Thaluikhain]

Eh, not that unusual.

Also...well, there are things about sex that is icky. Bits you don't normally display in public go together, and sweat and other fluids ends up being produced.

Having said that...well, it might seem different in practice rather than in theory.

 

[TakerFoxx]

I'm in a sort of similar boat, though for different reasons. I'm what you would call aromantic (complete disinterest in getting into a relationship), but not asexual. So the parts still work, and to be honest, I kinda find that annoying. Really don't want to get with anyone, kind of bothered by the idea of casual sex, and the mechanics are kinda...squicky (hey, it involves people mashing their genitals together), so while the urges are still there, there's no real desire to act on them. I'd honestly rather not have a sex drive at all, as it gets a little distracting at times.

 

[Elfgore]

I'm the same as TakerFoxx right now. I have zero urge to have sex, but am still attracted to the opposite sex and still do what boys do a couple times times a day week. (Masturbate if you didn't get that.) Am I against sex in the future, no and I also don't find it icky. But I'm not one of those artsy people who say "Sex is the most beautiful, natural thing a human can do." It's certainly not beautiful.

Also I love that you have A girl from Sekerei as an example. I freckin' love that manga.

 

[Lynx]

Are you in any way hurting yourself or anybody else by feeling this way? If not, then no, there's nothing wrong with you.

Like everything else, some people love it and some people don't care for it. I hate avocados. They're squishy and taste funny. Can't for the life of me understand why people put it on sushi. Does that mean there's something wrong with me? (Actually, don't answer that, I bet there are people who would say yes.)

My point is - if you don't wanna have sex, then don't! In fact, sex is one of those things you should only do when you really, really want to. Don't worry about it. There are plenty of ladies who just wanna snuggle too, if that's what you'd prefer.

 

[Programmed_For_Damage]

You guys are certainly not unusual. While I'm totally pro-sex I can understand the way you feel and I think we are beginning to see the elastic band effect of the over-sexualisation of Western culture. Given that sex is almost literally everywhere in the media and it has gone from "the most beautiful, natural thing a human can do" to more of a passtime it seems more and more people are becoming blasée about it and even totally not interested. Sex has lost virtually all it's mystique. It's like anything that's been shoved in our face long enough.

 

[Kuilui]

I think your right Programmed. Kind of like anything else in life, if you see anything no matter how glorious it is at first if you see it constantly on a daily basis it just stops being that interesting. Like a magic trick that you learn how it's done and your imagination stops seeing all these fascinating possibilities you can create in your head. It just becomes mundane or at the best a mild interest. Of course I've never had much interest in relationships at all but do that whole "the grass is always greener" crap to myself and think about them of course but when everything is so often thrown in your face it becomes one of those things you half want but never find the passion to go for because all the passion was stripped out of you by the world you live in. You don't have it but your surrounded by it so it's like you have it but you don't lol.

 

[Chemical Alia]

The second part doesn't sound that uncommon. The first part, kind of weirder.

Do you see yourself only dating anime characters in the future? Is this a problem for you? Because if anime/games is actually starting to warp your sense of reality, maybe you need to take a break for a while.

Like, I see teenage kids who are pretty awkward and have some wacky ideas about what guys/girls are supposed to be like because their only experience with the opposite sex is Sonic the Hedghog fanfiction or whatever, but that's not too surprising with kids. If it's bleeding into your adult life, and you don't think that's where you want to be in another ten years, you might want to consider doing some serious thinking about that.

 

[The Lunatic]

No interest in sex, no interest in romance.

Done both in the past.

Was okay, no complaints, but, nothing I'd go out of my way for.


I'm pretty sure it's a very broken way of thinking about things, but, that's just my mentality on it. Doesn't seem like there's much I can do about it. Can't say I really care to.


There's probably something wrong with me on at least some level.

I don't really seem to feel much empathy for things, quite a level of indifference towards a lot of things.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

Any bodily function becomes icky if you give it too much thought. We're made of water and padded with meat. Our life is one interminable chain of eating and excreting. We ooze blood, saliva, pus, bile. Some parts of our body grow back, others don't. The very thing that keeps us alive - oxygen - is the one thing that deteriorates our bodies over time. And did you know that the maggots that will eat our dead bodies from the inside out are already harvesting inside of us? Did you know this? THERE ARE MAGGOTS INSIDE ALL OF US. We're carrying the creatures that will consume us INSIDE OF US.

But I love sex. There's nothing going inside my mind while I'm doing it. It's pure pleasure. You lose yourself in it.

About the anime/cosplay thing, so what? Anybody can like anything, and so long as you don't act against the consent of another, feel free to jerk off to anime and date hot cosplayers.

 

[Ihateregistering1]

You can do whatever you like, and you're not hurting anyone, the real question is if you are actually genuinely interested in a relationship with a woman at some point.

If you are interested in that, then, to be blunt, if your requirements are that she must have 36DD boobs and a 22 inch waist and like to dress up as comic book and video game characters (and actually know something about said characters) well, your pickings are going to be extremely slim.

I'd suggest laying off the anime and video games for a while and spend more time outside and out and about. As you get exposed to a lot more flesh and blood women, you may suddenly find yourself attracted to women who don't match that video game ideal.

As for the sexual desire part, you may actually have low testosterone, as a male in your 20's your sex drive is usually off the charts. Work out more (especially legs) and go see a Doctor if it doesn't help.

Like I said, you're not hurting anyone so if you're happy how things are then cool beans, but if you are looking to change those would be my suggestions.

 

[Redlin5_v1legacy]

Are you in any way hurting yourself or anybody else by feeling this way? If not, then no, there's nothing wrong with you.

Pretty much this when it comes to understanding your sexuality. Sometimes people, possibly the OP here, find themselves finding the difference between sex in media and the reality of real sweaty human sex to be too far a gap for them to be turned on.

That's fine.

Some people get around that with roleplaying and others don't even feel the need.

I know I can never be as aroused by fiction the way a real world girl can make me feel. That's how I'm wired and I love it. I don't need anyone else to be like me if that's not how they are.

 

[Malconvoker]

Ehh, theres nothing wrong with you. If you are going to college, I'd say go and get in contact with any campus LGBT(etc.) organizations since what you are describing sounds a lot like asexuality and those people would most likely know what it is and try to help you understand yourself better. Asexuality is a bit harder to see so you may have to explain your feelings to them but of anyone, I'm pretty sure people in LGBT groups would probably understand.

Also, you have got to be prepared if you do ever want a relationship. Talk it out with whoever you start a relationship and get your feelings about sex out so they don't overstep any boundaries accidentally.

I've given these things a lot of thought over the years as an asexual myself, so I hope I'm helping.

 

[Andy of Comix Inc]

The best part of sex is all of the pain, grunting, squeezing, dripping, leaking, embarrassment, and general lack of assuredness and confidence. I definitely recommend it. It is pretty much two (or more) human beings trying to express themselves with instruments designed to spurt things into other things, and getting frustrated and lying down in a combination of success and defeat. And then they watch Spongebob. Or at least that's how I've always done it...

 

[ZZoMBiE13]

I hate avocados.

I'm with you on that one for sure. They literally make me gag. It's like licking tree bark.

My girlfriend loves them though. So when we go out for Mexican dining, I always get the guac on the side so I can give it to her. And she's sweet enough that she'll brush her teeth when we get home so there's no risk of me having to taste avocado when we kiss.

On Topic: I'm going to agree that so long as you're not hurting anyone then there's really nothing all that bad going on. But as with all things, you should always try to keep an open mind. Let yourself be capable of allowing nature to take its course, so to speak. But if you aren't into it, you aren't into it. No one says you have to form some official pair bond with your life. Especially in today's more open and tolerant society. Just be you and try to be happy.

 

[Jusey1]

I'm some-what in the same boat... And I'm gonna hide my post for safe reasons. (Due to my Aspergers Syndrome, I might go too much into detail without realizing that I am).

Spoiler

In the roleplaying world, I do get into sexual stuff all the time but truthfully... I don't want to have sex for real. It doesn't interest me at all... The only reason I can think of doing it for would be to have children of my own and be a father... That's about it.

Heck, I'm rarely sexual aroused... Maybe once a month when I'm truly am in the mood... Normally when I am stressed, I'll just well masturbate to release stress and that's why I do roleplays (Either roleplays or reading erotic text)... I honestly have no interest in even seeing sexual related pictures or videos! (And obviously, the times which I'm truly in the mood I'll be quite busy that night).

(Also quick note... I, for one, hate the idea of touching myself and normally "push down" pleasurable on my groin area while still wearing all my clothes).

Though I'm a HUGE romantic type and love to simply just go out for dinner or just relax, talking with them... OR simply just cuddle + snuggle... That's the kind of stuff I would love to do with my girlfriend/boyfriend (Note: I'm Bisexual cause I believe I can fall in love with anybody).

 

[DalekJaas]

Until you've actually done it sex is a difficult thing to try and understand, sure it might seem gross but when its happening it is a fantastic experience.

I'm a strong believer in not trying to force your first time, that it will happen when its meant to happen. And I've noticed that until someone actually has sex they have much higher standards than after they do.

So you may think you only love cartoons at the moment, but I guarantee you, when the right girl comes along and blows your mind you will think about it differently, just don't let your preconceptions of things close you off to the real experience.

 

[Kopikatsu]

The second part doesn't sound that uncommon. The first part, kind of weirder.

Do you see yourself only dating anime characters in the future? Is this a problem for you? Because if anime/games is actually starting to warp your sense of reality, maybe you need to take a break for a while.

Like, I see teenage kids who are pretty awkward and have some wacky ideas about what guys/girls are supposed to be like because their only experience with the opposite sex is Sonic the Hedghog fanfiction or whatever, but that's not too surprising with kids. If it's bleeding into your adult life, and you don't think that's where you want to be in another ten years, you might want to consider doing some serious thinking about that.

I don't see much of a difference. Virtual girls are inexpensive, don't argue, don't do...other things. In short, the only thing they lack is a sense of physical companionship, but, you know, you could just get a positive-minded dog for that. It's loving, always happy to see you, and it'll probably never hurt you (intentionally or unintentionally). The good ones even like to sit beside you and watch TV during relaxation hour.

 

[manic_depressive13]

I used to think sex was gross until I started having it. Also I think everyone has pretty unrealistic expectations when they're inexperienced. You get over it pretty quickly and adjust to more realistic standards, learning to find normal bodies attractive through a combination of loving the person attached to that body and having your happy parts rubbed.