Aversion to Sex

[Remus]

I'm asexual by virtue of visiting too many broken homes and growing up pre-Age Of Geek. I don't want that in my life, at all, not in this economy, not in this society. So I'm not looking, not fantasizing, not interested, no hope. Be happy you have urges of some sort and found something that interests you. If you dig fantasy, go out and find a hot single cosplayer. This being the age of geekdom, I'm sure there's a few out there. Just don't date a furry. Some of those people have something seriously wrong, and fleas.

 

[frizzlebyte]

You guys are certainly not unusual. While I'm totally pro-sex I can understand the way you feel and I think we are beginning to see the elastic band effect of the over-sexualisation of Western culture. Given that sex is almost literally everywhere in the media and it has gone from "the most beautiful, natural thing a human can do" to more of a passtime it seems more and more people are becoming blasée about it and even totally not interested. Sex has lost virtually all it's mystique. It's like anything that's been shoved in our face long enough.

I agree that the issue (and I would argue that it is a problem for society, too) has arisen mainly due to oversexualization, though I think the basic problem is one of unrealistic expectations than of boredom. Western culture has been so saturated with "photogenic perfection" impossible to obtain in real life (at least without extreme body modification, which does happen) that it's starting to warp what people find attractive, or rather, what people find unattractive.

Like normally-proportioned people.

:-/

 

[Colour Scientist]

I'm curious though, why do you find the pictures you linked more attractive? Or rather, what in particular makes the difference?

If you've ever seen the OP's past threads, it's pretty easy to guess the common denominator in all of the examples.

I don't really get why people are so quick to jump to asexuality, OP has sexual desires and is interested in sex, he just seems to think that bodily fluids are gross.

 

[Bertylicious]

Fuck, I feel the same way but that's because I'm utterly self absorbed. You're clearly well up for the old in-out, in-out so perhaps it is something else?

I dunno mate, and I'm just shooting from the hip here, but maybe it's, like, a real person can reject you, hurt you, be let down by you and be hurt by you. An image is both impervious from harm and incapable of inflicting it so it's safe. The "grossed out" sensation your feeling when you're fantasising might be from the fear of exposing yourself, of being vulnerable, even in an imaginary setting.

Or not. I don't know you. If I am right then I can't help you but maybe someone else here can.

 

[Adeptus Aspartem]

Any bodily function becomes icky if you give it too much thought. We're made of water and padded with meat. Our life is one interminable chain of eating and excreting. We ooze blood, saliva, pus, bile. Some parts of our body grow back, others don't. The very thing that keeps us alive - oxygen - is the one thing that deteriorates our bodies over time. And did you know that the maggots that will eat our dead bodies from the inside out are already harvesting inside of us? Did you know this? THERE ARE MAGGOTS INSIDE ALL OF US. We're carrying the creatures that will consume us INSIDE OF US.

Meh, thanks alot dude >.> I'm certainl well aware of all you wrote, but was it really necessary? Not everything has to be spelled out!

 

[Yuno Gasai]

Two thoughts immediately sprung to mind on reading the OP:

1. Maybe you just haven't found the right person yet.
2. Maybe you're applying unrealistic values to the people you meet.

They both seem equally plausible to me. The first isn't really an issue (though it is easily fixable through networking with your friends and/or various dating sites or events), but the second is definitely more of a problem.

One of the biggest barriers I've noticed when talking to people who are single is that some people seem to have a checklist of traits or qualities that they want in a partner. While it's nice to be aware of what you like, chances are you'll never meet anyone who ticks all of those boxes - and in searching for someone who meets all of your standards, you're excluding people who could still be great for you.

I'm in a rather interesting boat myself, because I've basically lost my sex drive. I'm nowhere near as interested in sex now as I was this time last year. I've no real idea what's causing it, but it's odd. I'm still attracted to people, I just.. don't want to sleep with them. But that's okay.

 

[franticfarken]

Well on the other hand, that kind of look is getting more and more popular. Eg. a friend of mine, she wears a cat bell and miniature cat ears.

Cosplaying females may just be your thing you know, and the way you structured your sentence made me think that you've never had a girlfriend? Maybe never have had sex/romantic moments with the other gender. (I'm in the same boat)

Possibly, when these such things happen your opinion may change But they may not which is also O.K.
I've seen from a VICE documentary about several "interesting", different sexual preference in Japan in which they cater for extremely well considering the obscurity.

 

[omega 616]

The second part doesn't sound that uncommon. The first part, kind of weirder.

Do you see yourself only dating anime characters in the future? Is this a problem for you? Because if anime/games is actually starting to warp your sense of reality, maybe you need to take a break for a while.

Like, I see teenage kids who are pretty awkward and have some wacky ideas about what guys/girls are supposed to be like because their only experience with the opposite sex is Sonic the Hedghog fanfiction or whatever, but that's not too surprising with kids. If it's bleeding into your adult life, and you don't think that's where you want to be in another ten years, you might want to consider doing some serious thinking about that.

Basically this.

If the only thing that's floating your boat is Japanese styled women ... you're going to have bad time. The living breathing person you posted a picture of is all kinds of out of proportion and not many women look like that.

Might want to take the quoted advice and step away from manga/anime and start looking at "lads mags" or something. Try to re-align your perception ... this is going to get a little murky 'cos you can't help who or what you're attracted to but you're obviously attracted to women (you post 3 pictures, all of which women) but it's like all of them don't exist.

I'd post more but I am not sure it's COC approved.

 

[Exterminas]

If you are happy then there is no problem. If however this sort of aversion to sex is an installed self-protection mechanism "I can't get it, so I don't want it!" this might be something you want to tackle.

Usually sex loses the ickiness, when you really like the other person. Our society has a certain love for one-night-stands and stuff like that is especially expected of men. But really, not all men are cut out for spontaneous sex with random strangers.

If you love a person, then their flesh will surely seem less appalling than it might with a complete stranger.

 

[jnixon]

Only 10 year olds say "icky" so you're probably just a bit too young to be interested in anything like that yet

 

[Daystar Clarion]

I'm curious though, why do you find the pictures you linked more attractive? Or rather, what in particular makes the difference?

If you've ever seen the OP's past threads, it's pretty easy to guess the common denominator in all of the examples.

I don't really get why people are so quick to jump to asexuality, OP has sexual desires and is interested in sex, he just seems to think that bodily fluids are gross.

Spoiler: Let me guess, is it their great big stonking...

personalities?

If the only thing that can get your junk a-tinglin', is cartoon girls, then you should probably cut back on that shit and see real women.

Maybe re-evaluate how grossly misrepresented the female form is in those pictures.

 

[EeveeElectro]

I'm curious though, why do you find the pictures you linked more attractive? Or rather, what in particular makes the difference?

If you've ever seen the OP's past threads, it's pretty easy to guess the common denominator in all of the examples.

I don't really get why people are so quick to jump to asexuality, OP has sexual desires and is interested in sex, he just seems to think that bodily fluids are gross.

Asexuality seems to be the correct term. It extends to the lack of interest in sex and the results therein. I did think it was basically "you don't have any sort of love related feelings" but you can have romantic, sexless relationships if you are asexual and still have feelings of love.

For example...

I'm in a rather interesting boat myself, because I've basically lost my sex drive. I'm nowhere near as interested in sex now as I was this time last year. I've no real idea what's causing it, but it's odd. I'm still attracted to people, I just.. don't want to sleep with them. But that's okay.

Sounds like (if not panromantic) demi-sexuality, where sexual attraction occurs after the person has required an emotional bond with another which will take a while to build up. People sometimes don't want to form this bond because they think it's futile if they aren't interested in sex right now.
Certain medications can lower the sex drive too. Cerazette has more or less banished my sex drive, as did my anti-depressants. It's slightly more understandable in women because of our fucked up hormones and the pills we have to take sometimes.


OT: I myself am grossed out by people snogging in public or in movies and sex scenes make me cringe but porn is okay amirite so I can see why OP is grossed out by the thought of real life interaction if all he does is think about fictional/unreachable women.
Anime girls and glamour models aren't even close to what "real" women are supposed to be. They're presented to us without flaws and as the ideal partner for many men. I personally don't know anyone who looks like an anime girl or how a model looks after photoshop. With real people, you have to deal with them burping and using the toilet and picking their nose and the mess that sometimes happens after sex. >_>

OP isn't hurting anyone at least, but I'm not sure if the aversion to real women is what I'd consider healthy. It might be an idea to spend time with women just to get to know them, you'll soon realise they're better than any anime character. Saying that, if they at least try it and it doesn't make them happy then it's clearly not for him.

Asexuality isn't uncommon, some people just don't have any interest in anything and that's fine. I won't assume you'll meet the right person and all of that would change but it's nice to keep your options open. Something more might develop over time.
A life lived without love is a life half lived, but you should live exactly how you want assuming you don't hurt others.
Some people are just like that. It's hard for a lot of us to empathise because there's plenty of people on here who are going through their sexual peak and their hormones going crazy.

 

[Kikosemmek]

I would hesitate to say anything about you possibly being asexual, OP, as you shared a few images of some women you found sexually attractive.

Personally, it looks like you suffer from the same thing I used to suffer from: porn addiction. You see, the images you posted? Super idealized, and super unrealistic.

You kept it short, so I'll keep it short: if you use images like these to get yourself off constantly, you're conditioning yourself to become more attracted to an ideal that doesn't exist in your everyday life. This can become problematic when you consider that you're not attracted to anyone you know, or that you find sex disgusting.

I haven't much to say to the latter point: sex is kinda disgusting, but that's part of the fun of it. I was a lot like you, OP- if you pardon my projection. For a long time, I just never had a girlfriend. I didn't really start having sex until my early twenties, so by the time I first got around to being naked near another person, I had conditioned myself to be turned on by porn. The first time I had sex? I could barely get it up. I was horny up until the part where she took her clothes off. Instead of a rush of intimacy and excitement, I felt apathy and lethargy. It took a little bit to figure out, but let me tell you, go a week or so without porn. Hell, try to go a week or so without spending too much time looking at any sort of model, and concentrate on women you actually meet. My sex life improved immensely once I stopped using porn and started getting off by 1. having sex, or 2. masturbating using imagination only.

You may just need to recalibrate. Give it a try

 

[michael87cn]

I think it's much more unusual to have an unhealthy obsession with sex. Also, sex is pretty gross, actually. The female reproductive organ isn't exactly attractive looking. In fact, in my opinion... its downright disgusting.

However... your outlook on cosplay models being 'real' women does seem to show a slight mental problem...

You probably just need more experience with women. Get some female friends. Also, if you ever do get in a relationship, your lady will probably appreciate that you don't like to have sex (that often....) I say that often, because sex is a necessary part of having relationships. You won't have much luck finding someone who just wants to cuddle for 60 years of marriage.

My advice? Stop worrying about it. Sex will happen when/if it happens, and if its gross, oh well, you might only get to do it once in your entire life. Just go with it when it happens, and just enjoy your normal daily life until then.

Whatever you do, don't be afraid of people or shun them because you're afraid of having sex. It's not really the kind of thing that just happens all the time.

 

[michael87cn]

BusaLova, welcome to the Escapist. Unfortunately for you, we don't just talk about video games here. You could do with losing the nasty attitude, by the way.

 

[Marik2]

Also I love that you have A girl from Sekerei as an example. I freckin' love that manga.

Really hope they make a 3rd season since the manga will probably end in a couple of months

 

[Phasmal]

It really just depends how you want to live your life, I guess.
If you're okay with the way you are, and aren't particularly interested in getting a real life girlfriend, then just continue on the way you are.
(Don't get a girlfriend you aren't attracted to though, that shit's fucked up).

But if you WANT to change....
I dunno what I'd suggest- lay off the anime a bit? Spend time with real women? Cut back on porn?

 

[Killclaw Kilrathi]

I would hesitate to say anything about you possibly being asexual, OP, as you shared a few images of some women you found sexually attractive.

For the record, it is 100% possible to be asexual but still have an interest in things like porn and masturbation. It's a common misconception but an understandable one that asexuals are all Tibetan monks who don't feel biological yearnings. Sexuality is strictly about who one wishes to engage in sexual activities with. Porn and fetishes are another thing entirely.

I've been around the block when it comes to sex, with both men and women and in a variety of roles and positions. I've tried it, but I'm just not buying it. I can satisfy my partner and even myself if I focus, but I find it a dull, chore-like activity and all to take care of an urge that I can deal with much more efficiently on my own.

As for relationships, some asexuals do feel affection and form non-sexual relationships for companionship. Personally I find my friends all the company I need, but maybe I just haven't found the right person for that sort of thing. It does get awkward sometimes, especially in clubs where people proposition me when all I want to do is hang out with my mates.

If this sort of description strikes close to you as well, OP, then you have nothing to worry about. You're slightly unusual, but it's not unheard of or even taboo. Heck, even the deeply religious overbearing types don't have an issue with it.

All of this said however, Kikosemmek has a point about porn addiciton. It's a real thing, and aside from the debilitating effect it can have on your day to day life it can also lead to an objectification of others, whether you have a sexual interest in them or not. So all I can really conclude with is that you should look into your habits and feelings and work out if your aversion is from a genuine dislike of sex or because you're building a perfect image that real women can't live up to.

Oh, and despite the fact that the suggestion came from the less understanding people on this thread, it IS a good idea to try the whole sex thing before deciding what you like or don't like. There's plenty of stuff people think they won't like until they try it, and it's a valuable experience even if you end up not caring for it. Try it with different partners and experiment to whatever limit you're comfortable with. It also has the bonus of shutting up the "you just say you don't like it cause you can't get any" douchebags, which is always a plus.

 

[Johnny Novgorod]

Any bodily function becomes icky if you give it too much thought. We're made of water and padded with meat. Our life is one interminable chain of eating and excreting. We ooze blood, saliva, pus, bile. Some parts of our body grow back, others don't. The very thing that keeps us alive - oxygen - is the one thing that deteriorates our bodies over time. And did you know that the maggots that will eat our dead bodies from the inside out are already harvesting inside of us? Did you know this? THERE ARE MAGGOTS INSIDE ALL OF US. We're carrying the creatures that will consume us INSIDE OF US.

Meh, thanks alot dude >.> I'm certainl well aware of all you wrote, but was it really necessary? Not everything has to be spelled out!

I wanted to illustrate how the human body is disgusting on its own and if we're willing to overlook that, then sex doesn't have to be There's a funny joke about this in Oglaf but NSFW yo.