Awesome one liners

[Thijsterhaar]

'The cake is a lie' - exTestSubject from Portal

 

[Trilby]

"Speak softly and carry a big gun"

Or, my favourite variation of that:

"Speak softly and employ a huge man with a crowbar." Cookie to whoever gets it.

 

[Conveant0]

"Speak softly and carry a big gun"

Or, my favourite variation of that:

"Speak softly and employ a huge man with a crowbar." Cookie to whoever gets it.

Terry Pratchett, Going Postal

"Don't shake the lightbulb" Bungie, only one I can think of shamefully

 

[Wilfy]

If the next two words out of your mouth aren't "see ya", the next words will be "My crotch, you punched me in the crotch." - Cookie for anyone who knows where that's from.

I'm gonna 1-up everybody so far:

It's from Scrubs Season 2 Episode 22, entitled "My Dream Job."
Dr Cox says it after JD and Turk's college friend Spence uh... "accidentally" let him know that Cox is the father of Jordan's child.

(sorry, just watched it on DVD)

cookie?

You get a super cookie for being specific

 

[j1nx]

See your friends standing in a group at the bar.
Walk up to them, look everyone in the eye while going into your inner pocket.
Pull out classic silver cigarette case.
make sure everyone is looking at you.

"Gentlemen."

Light up cigarette.

(about 15 mins later)

Have sex with 5 women at once.

Works every time.

 

[Zayren]

"I hate vans/stairs/train yards/small towns/etc." ~ Francis

I also like to shout,"EAT SHIT AND DIE!" when pissed off, and I think that's from Gears of War?

I ALSO like,"Ambition is not a good enough excuse to not have enough common sense to be lazy." by some guy.

 

[DoctorWhat]

If the next two words out of your mouth aren't "see ya", the next words will be "My crotch, you punched me in the crotch." - Cookie for anyone who knows where that's from.

I'm gonna 1-up everybody so far:

It's from Scrubs Season 2 Episode 22, entitled "My Dream Job."
Dr Cox says it after JD and Turk's college friend Spence uh... "accidentally" let him know that Cox is the father of Jordan's child.

(sorry, just watched it on DVD)

cookie?

You get a super cookie for being specific

YAY!!! *crunch*

 

[Jade Rotaski]

"I spy...uh I do not think we brought enough body bags"-Medic

i do belive it's "eins, vie, drie, i dont zink we bought enough body bags"

LMAO Okay so I got it wrong I dont play the medic much XD

 

[S-Unleashed]

"See you in Hell suckers!"

Sir Schoompy

 

[mshcherbatskaya]

I was wearing my full motorcycle gear, about to get on my bike, and a drunk guy came up to me:

Him: Nice bike!
Me: Thanks.
Him: Hey! You're a girl!
Me: That's what my gynecologist keeps telling me.

 

[mshcherbatskaya]

whenever someone calls me a fag for having long hair i just say

in 5 minutes your going to know what it feels like to get your ass kicked by a fag

Or you could try this one:

"Are you a fag?"
"I dunno. Why don't you bend over and we'll see?"

 

[DinosaurSnack]

(A little context) Me and my friends were playing CoH and we absolutely demolishing the allies. They were backed into their base when they started whining 'overpowered German tanks blah blah blah' so I then took out a 3 Hummels and bombared them as my friend called in a V1. One guy on the other team said "overkill much?" I then followed up with this reply that I had heard quite recently.

Their is no 'overkill' only 'open FIRE!' and 'reload'.

They then quit the game and my friend and I cracked up.

 

[Blanks]

"Zach your a sexual walrus!"

~me, i yelled it in the middle of math class

 

[Altorin]

"And somewhere, in a far away magical land, the Large Hadron Collider is trying to kill us all"

 

[supaorange]

"I'm not going to fight you, I'm going to kick your ass."
Duke Nukem, because every other one liner is not as good as this.
I mean he has balls of steel.

and arms of iron

NO im not doing this again NO

also
"Groovy"
cookie for reference :}

I don't have time to bleed

 

[supaorange]

I would buy you a drink but I would be too jealous of the straw,
oh wait were not talking pick up lines?

want to go halves in a baby?

 

[Altorin]

I would buy you a drink but I would be too jealous of the straw,
oh wait were not talking pick up lines?

want to go halves in a baby?

that could be taken very very wrong.

 

[Disaster Button]

"I'll be back"

Anybody?

 

[ssgt splatter]

Ive come to destroy you-Space Marine dreadnought

[Off topic] What is your avatar picture?

[On topic] I'm at the top of the scoreboard and some kid at the bottom is trash-talking and I say, "I can't understand you from up here, speak up."

 

[fulano]

"It is my duty to please that booty"

EDIT: Forgot to say that the line is from Shaft.