Awkward and Useless Superpowers

[Smithburg]

What awkward and useless superpowers can you think of?

You have the power of Cyclops Eye Blasts, but only when you are looking into the eyes of someone you love...

You can have control over someones mind, but only when your finger is up their ass...

You can talk to animals, but they can only respond in a language you dont speak.

 

[ThePenguinKnight]

You piss out your nipples and shit out your ears.

 

[Shuguard]

you can solve any school-related problem, but you must wear underwear on your head.

 

[Sizzle Montyjing]

You can have control over someones mind, but only when your finger is up their ass...

'They call me... ZE PUPPETEER!!! Muahahahahaha!!'
Heh, but yeah...
Um...
Probably the power to know every fact there is about anything, but only when it's completely irrelevant.
That and Batfink.
Oooohhh Batfink. How we laugh at you.

 

[White Lightning]

You can have control over someones mind, but only when your finger is up their ass...

'They call me... ZE PUPPETEER!!! Muahahahahaha!!'
Heh, but yeah...
Um...
Probably the power to know every fact there is about anything, but only when it's completely irrelevant.

Oh god I laughed way too hard at that.

The power to read someones mind but only while you're masturbating.

The power to talk to fish but only when you're on land.

 

[Wayne Insane]

The power to define the complete origin of any kind of paint by it's taste

 

[averydeeadaccount]

your nails grow super-fast, like 10cm an hour.
you can eat food by shoving it up your ass.
you are invisible, but only when noone is looking for you.
you can turn into the hulk, but only when very bored.
you can teleport, to a maximum distance of 3 feet.
you can burst into flames at will, but it still burns you.

 

[Alternative]

the power of random teleportation, that only activates while you're havign sex

you can become the hulk, but only when constapated

the power of being invisible to mirrors

cylope's laser eyes, however it only activates during orgasm

the power to learn everything about someone, by consuming their excrement

 

[VonKlaw]

You have a metal exoskeleton, but have to wear a metal detector suit.

 

[Me55enger]

The EU is an awkward and useless Superpower.

 

[DeepComet5581]

The EU is an awkward and useless Superpower.

Quite so. They also detrimentally affect a lot more people, too, sooo...

/thread

 

[rosac]

The ability to move the moon with your mind. But only when you are in contact with it.

Captcha: Good Job. Thanks Captcha

 

[StormShaun]

You can have control over someones mind, but only when your finger is up their ass...

'They call me... ZE PUPPETEER!!! Muahahahahaha!!'
Heh, but yeah...
Um...
Probably the power to know every fact there is about anything, but only when it's completely irrelevant.
That and Batfink.
Oooohhh Batfink. How we laugh at you.

Dear God Sizzle that was disturbing, but funny. xD

OT: I would think the power to get an erection at will...it can be given to both genders...wait...what?

They call me...the WOOD MAN!
Look at my pitched tent!

 

[Hemlet]

The power of having indestructible armpit hair.
The power to see into the future, but only when you're too drunk to comprehend anything at all.
The power of having an unstoppable and untameable stink cloud surrounding you at all times.
The power to manipulate objects with your mind, but only while naked.

 

[Dumbfish1]

Being very good at shoveling.

Also, just general invisibility, since light is focused by the lenses in our eyes, and when invisible it passes right through them meaning we can't see anything.

 

[malestrithe]

Balloon animal control. Includes instinctive ability to create balloon animals

 

[Cheesus333]

My liver glows blue in the presence of Orcs.

[sub]There is technically no existing proof that this isn't true...[/sub]

You can have control over someones mind, but only when your finger is up their ass...

My career as The Puppetmaster, anally-intrusive supervillain extraordinaire, will leave no rectum unsullied.

 

[Lunatic High]

running at the speed of sound, but only whilst shitting
Having brass testicles...literally
the ability to fly but only if you quadrapalegic.