Awkward and Useless Superpowers

[JEBWrench]

Here's one for you: the ability to know exactly how many jellybeans/jolly ranchers are in the jar, thus winning you the jar of candy. :I

Wait, what about the ones that offer a cash prize for the counting?

 

[Anarchemitis]

I already have the superpower of being able to be content in any circumstance.

 

[renegade7]

You have the ability to memorize vast amounts of information, but you forget it on exam day.

That being said, FUCK YOU ADVANCED PLACEMENT US GOVERNMENT EXAM!!!

 

[Smithburg]

You have the ability to memorize vast amounts of information, but you forget it on exam day.

That being said, FUCK YOU ADVANCED PLACEMENT US GOVERNMENT EXAM!!!

I HAVE THAT POWER

 

[The Thinker]

turning into a bear.And not the animal kind either.

Looking at dictionary.com, I find these other definitions:

A gruff, burly, clumsy, bad-mannered, or rude person.

A person who believes that market prices, especially of stocks, will decline (opposed to bull).

(Informal) A person who shows great ability, enthusiasm, stamina, etc.: a bear for physics.

Three seems cool. Two seems okay. I assume you mean number one?

 

[SD-Fiend]

turning into a bear.And not the animal kind either.

Looking at dictionary.com, I find these other definitions:

A gruff, burly, clumsy, bad-mannered, or rude person.

A person who believes that market prices, especially of stocks, will decline (opposed to bull).

(Informal) A person who shows great ability, enthusiasm, stamina, etc.: a bear for physics.

Three seems cool. Two seems okay. I assume you mean number one?

The kind of bear I was was talking about is of the *ahem* homosexual kind. but know that I think of it it's both that and the first one combined

 

[Vegosiux]

Any superpower if you don't have the secondary abilities required for them.

So you can lift a building? You'll still end up buried underground because unless you can somehow give the super pressure resistance superpower to the ground under your feet, it's still going to give way.

You can run at the speed of sound? Uh; good luck breathing, not catching on fire, or keeping any clothes on.

And so on.

 

[The Thinker]

The kind of bear I was was talking about is of the *ahem* homosexual kind. but know that I think of it it's both that and the first one combined

(One wikipedia later)

Oh.

Still, that wouldn't necessarily be bad/useless... unless you combined it with one, yeah.

 

[mooncalf]

The Ability to predict the past! now thats pointless

...Think that through, dude.
In fact that would be in my top 5 BEST superpowers...

Awkward and useless would be the power to straighten bent spoons, but not bend them in the first place.

 

[TheVioletBandit]

and more

Dogwelder

Arm Fall Off Boy

Arm Fall Off Boy has the ability to detach his own limbs, which he can then use as blunt weapons.

you think aquaman is useless, meet Aqualad!

he is worse

Bouncing Boy

crush your enemies.... fuck! they have got a needle!

The comic book geek in me has to say this: Aquaman is not useless. He has tons of kick-ass powers, so I don't know how the "lame Aquaman jokes" got started. Nevertheless, here is a list of some of his powers.

1. He has the telepathic ability to communicate with marine life, which he can summon from great distances and then control

2. He has the ability to breathe underwater

3. He possesses superhuman durability high enough to remain unaffected by the immense pressure and the cold temperature
of the ocean depths, this also makes him tough enough to be invulnerable to machine gun fire.

4. He possesses superhuman strength.

5. He can swim at very high speeds, capable of reaching speeds of 10,000 feet per second, he can even swim up Niagara Falls.

6. He can see in near total darkness and has enhanced hearing granting limited sonar.

The best powers are here in number 7.

7. a magical hand made out of water given to him by the Lady of the Lake, which grants Aquaman numerous abilities, including
but not limited to: the ability to dehydrate anyone he touches with it, killing them instantly; the ability to change the shape
and density of the hand; the ability to shoot jets of scalding water; healing abilities;
the ability to create portals into mystical dimensions; the ability to communicate with the Lady of the Lake through the
waterbearer hand; and the ability to nullify magic. Aquaman also has the ability to control water
and make it any shape with his own will.

 

[TheVioletBandit]

The ability to shit huge chunks of gold....fools gold.

 

[TheVioletBandit]

The power of flight coupled with an extreme fear of heights.

Super speed, but slow reflexes and incredibly clumsy/trip-prone.

Super strength, but paralyzed from the neck down.

Mental control over insects, but only up to five at a time.

Shrinking power, not reversible.

Thought projection, one way reverse telepathy. Cannot turn off.

The ability to emit a high pitched sonic screech, cannot damage ear human ear drums nor shatter glass, no capability beyond mild annoyance.

I could do this all day.

I would take the power of flight coupled with an extreme fear of heights, and just fly low to the ground until I had gone to enough therapy to cure my phobia.

I would also take the mental control over insects and the shrinking power. Having five killer bees as body guards sounds pretty good to me, and I have always wanted to be a little shorter.

 

[SilverBullets000]

Super regeneration abilities...that only work after your heart has stopped beating.

The power to read minds...but instantly forgetting what the person's thoughts were after doing so.

Super strength...but only during sex.

Knowing everything...but not having the cranial capacity to contain your gigantic brain.

Heat ray eyes...that burn your eyelids off.

X-Ray vision...that only works when you're taking a dump.

The ability to defecate jelly beans...just defecating jelly beans.

The ability to shapeshift...but only into a turkey...and only on thanksgiving...

Acidic blood...that your veins can't handle.

The ability to stretch your body...but the blood being unable to pump through the stretched parts of the body.

Ivisibility...but only if you're in a bright yellow suit. No, the suit stays visible.

So on and so on.

 

[Seydaman]

The ability to turn into a lamp, but only once, and you can't change back.

Are you conscious as a lamp?

 

[TheUsername0131]

The power to change both butt cheeks into an extra pair of arms.

Change large bills into pennies (or lowest form of currency) by touching them.

Simply issue a fiat currency with "large bills" as large bills, and the lowest form of currency within that system being defined as "whatever you want."

The ability to fly, but only when making noises like an emperor penguin.

Change large bills into pennies (or lowest form of currency) by touching them.

Emperor penguins imitation is entirely plausible.

 

[Zoe Castillo]

--

 

[Shocksplicer]

the ability to know whether or not something is poisonous, but only after consuming a lethal amount of it.

The abillity to be absolutely amazing in bed, but you have absolutely no sex drive.

The ability to come up with the best "Yo Mama" jokes imaginable, but only in the presence of the subjects' mother.

The ability to be incredibly charasmatic and well spoken, but you have no tongue.

 

[manic_depressive13]

The EU is an awkward and useless Superpower.

This was absolutely brilliant. Well done!

 

[Sablestick]

Now this thread says AWKWARD and USELESS powers, not harmful to the user, or at least that's my take on it, anyway, the ability to detect the presence of ice cream vendors, but only while you have a lactose intolerant friend with you.

 

[TheVioletBandit]

you think aquaman is useless, meet Aqualad!

The comic book geek in me has to say this: Aquaman is not useless. He has tons of kick-ass powers, so I don't know how the "lame Aquaman jokes" got started. Nevertheless, here is a list of some of his powers.

1. He has the telepathic ability to communicate with marine life, which he can summon from great distances and then control

2. He has the ability to breathe underwater

3. He possesses superhuman durability high enough to remain unaffected by the immense pressure and the cold temperature
of the ocean depths, this also makes him tough enough to be invulnerable to machine gun fire.

4. He possesses superhuman strength.

5. He can swim at very high speeds, capable of reaching speeds of 10,000 feet per second, he can even swim up Niagara Falls.

6. He can see in near total darkness and has enhanced hearing granting limited sonar.

The best powers are here in number 7.

7. a magical hand made out of water given to him by the Lady of the Lake, which grants Aquaman numerous abilities, including
but not limited to: the ability to dehydrate anyone he touches with it, killing them instantly; the ability to change the shape
and density of the hand; the ability to shoot jets of scalding water; healing abilities;
the ability to create portals into mystical dimensions; the ability to communicate with the Lady of the Lake through the
waterbearer hand; and the ability to nullify magic. Aquaman also has the ability to control water
and make it any shape with his own will.

Don't get upset, old chum!

in the silver age aquaman had to come into contact with water at least once per hour, or he would die but people remember that he had to be constantly in water to have his powers or to even be alive.

the he is useless part came when he joined in the justice league of america.

most of their adventures took place on land or in space which you can imagine is not the 'perfect' enviroment for him to show his abilities.

i think they changed the water part with Heat that would weaken him quickly.(not sure anymore)

all the cool superpowers came much later on.
and the hand was granted after he lost his hand and replaced it with a grapling hook.

but the point is that people got stuck with who he was in the 50s:

the hero who could only exist in water and could launch dolphins against submarines.

but you are right, he will never be as useless as Squirrel Girl

Powers, abilities, and equipment

Squirrel Girl is a mutant, and evinces a variety of mutations which align with the squirrel theme. During her first encounter with Iron Man, she provided a detailed demonstration of her powers and abilities: a furry, prehensile tail roughly 3?4 feet in length; sizable buck teeth, which are strong enough to chew through wood; and enhanced agility and strength, enabling her to jump between trees with ease. Her fingers have sharp claws on them, assisting her with climbing, and she possesses retractable "knuckle spikes" roughly 2-3 inches in length on each hand. Most importantly, she is capable of communicating with and understanding squirrels.

Squirrel Girl does not communicate with squirrels telepathically, instead she has an understanding of their language, and the ability to speak it. Squirrels have also been depicted as understanding her when she speaks in English.

Later appearances have revealed additional abilities possessed by Squirrel Girl including heightened reflexes (which she dubs as 'squirrel agility') and vision (her eyes have been seen to glow red in low-light situations) and she has also at times displayed an enhanced sense of smell. Squirrel Girl has also revealed that her lips taste like hazelnuts

and the Color Kid

Color Kid has the ability to change the color of an object at will.
The exact limits of this ability are unknown as is the permanency of the effect.

and Madame Fatal

Powers and abilities

Although Stanton had no actual super powers to speak of, he was a strong, agile and athletic man at his physical peak and a skilled fighter with a powerful punch, and had a high level of intelligence and intuition which aided his investigative abilities and locating criminals.

Madame Fatal often came up against criminal masterminds and supervillains such as Doctor Prowl (a black-masked, hat-wearing gentlemanly murderer with metal claws) and The Jester (a violent clown-themed thief who laughs at death) and their henchmen;[3] however Madame Fatal's disguise gave him an edge in physical combat as his foes would underestimate his strength and speed. Madame Fatal's red walking cane was also a formidable weapon in Stanton's hands as he adept at using the cane as a weapon.

The old woman disguise was aided strongly by his expert acting skills, being a former professional actor and female impersonator. This same disguise also often raised Stanton above suspicion, and made him an expert in confidence trickery, inflitration, stealth, information gathering, and melting anonymously into crowds. Madame Fatal was also aided on occasion by his pet parrot, Hamlet, his only connection to his previous life.

Hamlet was named so because he was intelligent enough to recite Shakespeare, and would inspire Stanton and help Stanton remember important information.

I don't really care about Color Kid or Madame Fatal, but Squirrel Girl needs some respect. here's a list of characters she has defeated:

1. Doctor Doom
2. Mandarin
3. Giganto
4. MODOK
5. Thanos
6. Terrax
7. Bug-Eyed Voice
8. Bi-Beast
9. Deadpool
10. Pluto
11. Fin Fang Foom
12. Baron Mordo
13. Korvac
14. Ego the Living Planet
15. Wolverine

And here's a better picture of her: