BDSM and You!

[Kae]

I thought BDSM was an anacronym for a game not a sex thing... Damn it then I agreed to O.O, OH CRAP! I gotta go clear that out!

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

I don't get it, and am not sure how people find it arousing.

Just like every single fetish I don't have.

 

[jimClassic]

Whatever floats your boat.

I personally find the idea of harming my significant other abhorrent.

Myself, I think it's pretty messed up.

But two adults can do whatever they want, As long as they agree, I don't really care.

I agree with these. I don't like the idea, I don't really get why that would be appealing, I especially don't think it can really be healthy, and I would be concerned that such a thing could drift into other parts of the relationship.
That last part is my biggest concern, so as long as someone is not being actually abusive I guess he/she can do whatever. I prefer a bit more of a loving relationship in and out of the bedroom.

My opinion is about the same for "open relationships".

Well I think the point that you missed was BDSM can be a loving relationship too. I love my gf, and I'd anything for her.
She also loves pain, and she loves to be dominated, and I love being the one who gets to do it.
For us the BDSM is what we do before the sex, and it's helped strength our bond. Plus for my gf and I sex needs to be fun, and bdsm enhances that fun.
To say BDSM isn't a loving a relationship; that's simply the ignorance talking. It might not be how you express it, but it's just as loving as old, boring vanilla sex.

 

[AndyFromMonday]

If there's consent then I don't give a flying fuck if the only way you can get off is by sticking a lead pipe up your ass and burning your nipples.

 

[Dr. Crawver]

my girlfriend actually likes it, so I do it with her a bit, but she is major masochistic, like she actually wants me to cut her. That's where it gets really scary for me. I always refuse by that point

 

[orangeban]

Whatever floats your boat.

I personally find the idea of harming my significant other abhorrent.

Myself, I think it's pretty messed up.

But two adults can do whatever they want, As long as they agree, I don't really care.

I agree with these. I don't like the idea, I don't really get why that would be appealing, I especially don't think it can really be healthy, and I would be concerned that such a thing could drift into other parts of the relationship.
That last part is my biggest concern, so as long as someone is not being actually abusive I guess he/she can do whatever. I prefer a bit more of a loving relationship in and out of the bedroom.

My opinion is about the same for "open relationships".

I'd argue that a BDSM relationship is about as loving as you get. Its a complete expression of trust, saying to someone "I trust you enough to let you tie me up and whip me" which is a hell of a thing to trust someone with.

And what do you mean about drifting into other parts of the relationship? Are we talking about out of the bedroom? Because that happens and it's exactly what floats a lot of peoples boats.

 

[Blackmagic1515]

It doesn't bother me in the slightest. True I only engage in the lighter side of it myself (being tied up, blindfolded, gagged) as I am super submissive but I don't like pain so i don't think my boyfriend and I will take it any futher then that. It works for him too as he likes to be dominant.

But yeah, people who go the whole hog don't bother me. It's just not my personal cup of tea.

 

[Wicky_42]

It also gets mildly sexist as apparently BDSM is just a bunch of dudes into rape.

To be fair, I went to the London Alternative Market and it was 80% dudes, and the few women there were 90% wives and partners. The bulk of the people were overweight, straggly-haired blokes lurking in the bar area. A most sad affair, and not an introduction to the London scene.

It's a shame, really - I know there are awesome, fun people with similar interests out there but I have no idea how to go about finding them :/

 

[Treblaine]

Can't speak much on the relationship front, but I'm open to anything on the "gentlemen's reading material" side of things.

Though maybe too open, I've found some things that... well, makes you wish you could unsee things. Things you couldn't even conceive and certainly couldn't describe on a respectable site like this.

All I can say is I will never be able to watch Ridley Scott's "Alien" in quite the same way.

 

[Housebroken Lunatic]

And I am one of the kinds of people who views chains and knives with an almost unhealthy glee.

I'll second this, and add guns to that list.

Although I'm a man and a dominant one.

 

[FrostyChick]

I'll second this, and add guns to that list.

Although I'm a man and a dominant one.

I tend to be a bit more reserved around firearms. I enjoy shooting, but guns have to be treated with respect. There's too much that can go wrong with a gun if you're not careful.

 

[SckizoBoy]

I quite like it. Although it has to be kept to the bedroom.

I'm dominant, I absolutely can't stand being submissive.

And I am one of the kinds of people who views chains and knives with an almost unhealthy glee.

*sigh* If only you were hetero...

Let alone that common misconception clouds the biggest truth of BDSM. The submissive has all the power. They give the dominants the illusion of control and power when it could honestly be taken away at any time and they could just walk away.

See, I get that (one relationship had quite a bit of BDSM going on, and both of us fought to be the more submissive... rather perversely, we're both switches). Anyway, almost regardless of how you try to explain that, 'normal people' either can't get it, or refuse to, which is most infuriating... *guh*

snip

Tie me up!

I agree with these. I don't like the idea, I don't really get why that would be appealing, I especially don't think it can really be healthy, and I would be concerned that such a thing could drift into other parts of the relationship.
That last part is my biggest concern, so as long as someone is not being actually abusive I guess he/she can do whatever. I prefer a bit more of a loving relationship in and out of the bedroom.

See, you're knocking it without really understanding the level of trust between two partners who engage in BDSM. BDSM is a roleplay on a power struggle where one seemingly has it all, and the other seemingly has none of it. The sub is in a position of great influence over his/her partner because it is he/she who makes that often non-verbal communication of 'I am giving you this power over me' and the basically unconscious communication of 'I trust you enough to do so'. Every proper BDSM exchange is built on a set of absolute rules, most of which are blindly obvious, and yet 'normal relationships' often don't adhere to.

Fairly sure that most abusive relationships have little, if anything, to do with BDSM, and those couples that do indulge are often very very close and loving in their 'normal' guise for the simple reason that they are able to remove themselves from the ordinary world and all its travailles and express everything they want to express in what is ultimately a controlled environment. One word can end it... and if it doesn't, then the trust was never there to begin with, so that's hardly different from someone cheating on their partner.

OT: At last...

Anyway, as already mentioned, I'm a switch, though perhaps a slightly more dominant one, my ex-girlfriend was always turned on by me sneering, though I did that whether she was flogging me or I was choking her. *shrug* Still, to go with the majority: consent; establish rules; establish safeword; establish limits from the off; keep it away from prying eyes etc. etc. and blah blah... blah...

So, uh, yay for hogties!

EDIT:

switch

Yay... another one!

 

[Housebroken Lunatic]

I tend to be a bit more reserved around firearms. I enjoy shooting, but guns have to be treated with respect. There's too much that can go wrong with a gun if you're not careful.

And you shouldn't treat them in any other way.

That said, while I might be entirely professional when handling firearms, im far from reserved around them.

Don't know if that actually came across in my post but, the "unhealthy obsession" with chaisn/knives/firearms in my case isn't a strictly "outside of the bedroom" phenomenon. Was it the same with you?

 

[Gunner 51]

I think I'd probably like it if I tried. But good luck trying to find a girl I like who'd be my Dom. Especially one who lives in my neck of the woods.

I think it's the leather that primarily gets me going, but it's probably every bit as intimate as vanilla sex - after all, the Sub does place an awful lot of faith in his Dom.

 

[superbatranger]

Hey, if everyone involved agrees to it, then I see nothing wrong with it.

 

[FrostyChick]

I tend to be a bit more reserved around firearms. I enjoy shooting, but guns have to be treated with respect. There's too much that can go wrong with a gun if you're not careful.

And you shouldn't treat them in any other way.

That said, while I might be entirely professional when handling firearms, im far from reserved around them.

Don't know if that actually came across in my post but, the "unhealthy obsession" with chaisn/knives/firearms in my case isn't a strictly "outside of the bedroom" phenomenon. Was it the same with you?

Certain aspects of it are and some aren't. For instance I rather like knives, I would quite like to own some, but have never had the cash. So for those it's a 50/50 split. As for other things like chains, that's bedroom stuff only.

Guns I quite like because as a child I was in the army cadets, I got to do a bit of range shooting at about 12/13. It was pretty cool. But being in a pseudo military environment meant everything was strict and by the book. Hence why I'm more reserved and more inclined to rage at people who disobey even simple safety precautions.

 

[Hitokiri_Gensai]

I quite like it. Although it has to be kept to the bedroom.

I'm dominant, I absolutely can't stand being submissive.

And I am one of the kinds of people who views chains and knives with an almost unhealthy glee.

i can attest to that ask me how

 

[AnkaraTheFallen]

I am in a D/s relationship (Part of BDSM)

Neither me or my Gf enjoy the pain side of things, so we don't go into that side of it.

Just to dispel the common misconceptions about the relationships for people who don't understand them: (I'm aware most here are probably fine with it and don't think it wrong, but I always hope that anyone who does, who reads my post will understand it better.)

1. Being part of BDSM is not a mental problem, it is a lifestyle choice that people enjoy and does NOT mean there is anything wrong with them.

2. A very important point is everything done in BDSM should be safe, sane and consensual. Anyone involved must be aware and agree to what they want to happen and must be safe about how they go about it.

3. It is not only about pain, the letters stand for (Bondage and Discipline) (Domination and Submission) (Sadism) and (Masochism), while some may enjoy pain, this is only part of BDSM and is not done by all, from most I know, those that do enjoy pleasure through pain is actually the minority of the group.

And as others have said, it's not immediately apparent, but the sub really has all the power, they choose who to give up control too, and can choose to take it back.

 

[Blow_Pop]

Personally as a switch(being neither fully dom or sub) I love the lifestyle. People tend to be close minded and dismissive of things that they don't understand and unfortunately with BDSM there do tend to be a lot of abusive arses(both male and female though from my experience more so male than female)that use it as an excuse/reason to beat the shit out of someone else to the point where it stops being pleasurable and becomes pure pain/torture. Luckily, they are very easy to spot and avoid. I have my list of websites for people to read if they want to learn more about it. I personally love being in master/slave relationships. Especially if they are a healthy relationship because you learn and grow from each other and it tends to be a very positive relationship and because of it cannae be in a normal relationship. I have to have that dynamic or it doesnae work and not just in the bedroom.

As long as the BDSM (whatever part of it is being used) scene is used whether just in the bedroom or lived as part of your particular lifestyle and is consensual on both parties then I don't tend to worry about it. I might inquire as to specifics as to what your relationship consists of but that's more the inquisitive side of me that likes to learn things about others and occasionally learns more about herself.

 

[MysticToast]

It's freaking weird.... that's about all I have to say on it