Be a douche!

[squidbuddy99]

Here's the way it goes. The first post details a problem generally solved with kindness, and the follower replies with the most dickish answer possible.
example:
1:"My cat is stuck in a tree."
2:"Burn it down and haul it's corpse from the ashes."

aaaaand, BEGIN!

I've fallen and I can't get up!

 

[bgg1996]

Ignore it and make a stupid thread about it, that's what you did here.

I have too much money

 

[Fury Is Me.]

I skinned it, that's why you can't find it, it's actually right there on your couch, you probably thought it was a rat which explains the gunshot wound.

I brought you a delicious chocolate cake for your birthday and bought you a $100,000 dollar yacht that made me go bankrupt and lose my house but I still bought it and slaved over the stove to make this cake, which his homeade and all the ingredients came straight from my house, because I love you to death.

 

[Troublesome Lagomorph]

Gimme the goods and GTFO!

I made this batch of cookies for you. They're your favorites.

 

[Fury Is Me.]

*Slaps the cookie tray out of hail's hands.* I HATE PEANUT BUTTER COOKIES! GET IT RIGHT! IT'S CHOCOLATE CHIP!

My dog is missing!

 

[brtshstel]

*points to taxidermist's bill of sale for services rendered*... There he is!

I made you a high quality ceramic dalmatian.

 

[Fury Is Me.]

*Takes Dalmation while smiling, then drops it on the ground while still smiling.* Get...The fuck... out....

I spent 7 years building this exact, scale 1/2 scale replica of the Eiffel tower out of popsicle sticks.

 

[Troublesome Lagomorph]

FUCK FRANCE! *punches*

I found your missing daughter!

 

[Shapsters]

Cool whatever.

Who wants a back massage?

 

[squidbuddy99]

I'll massage your back...with my knife!

I need a band-aid!

 

[Troublesome Lagomorph]

Here! *spits on wound*

I want to make it up to you.

 

[brtshstel]

I'll show you "making up" ::kicks in stomach::

Want to take a boat ride?

 

[Troublesome Lagomorph]

*throws acid in face*

Here are some bandages.

 

[Troublesome Lagomorph]

It hasn't been a problem before.
Look at the previous posts.

Do you know where to find fresh water?

 

[Troublesome Lagomorph]

Find it yourself!

Do you know where we are?

 

[Paksenarrion]

Here you go.

/thread.

 

[Troublesome Lagomorph]

NO! *bites neck even though he's not a vampire*

Would you like an ice pack?

 

[Fury Is Me.]

FUCK YOUR IE PACK! I'm an athelete! Get me a heat pad!

I need a medic!

 

[Troublesome Lagomorph]

Why? Cause your rich? WE SLEEP IN SHACKS HERE. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO SLEEP IN A SHACK GET THE HELL OUT!

Can you help me cross the road, you young wippersnapper?

 

[Resurrectionist]

Just kidding.
Not really.