Be a douche!

[Yumi_and_Erea]

I burn down every four-leaved clover on the planet.

I got a new keyboard last week!

 

[Jamiemitsu]

I break into you house at night, steal the keyboard, take a dump on it, and mail it back to you. Then steal it back.

I just had a £50 haircut.

 

[Troublesome Lagomorph]

You look like a fag!

I found that needle you asked me to find.

 

[Jamiemitsu]

Stick it up yo' ass!

Mmm... I sure am thirsty...

 

[PurpleSky]

Too easy.Not participating.



I sure love seamen.

 

[wolfy098]

I always suspected...

High-five!

 

[GodofDisaster]

Piss off. *Stabs a pin into your hand.*

I'm hungry.

 

[squidbuddy99]

Here, have a bleach sandwich!

I have a tummy ache.

 

[SoloStoffe]

I heard this helps. *Cuts up your tummy and pours salt in it*

My head is cracked in half.

 

[Conman94]

That's because I hit it with my axe.

I just got out of a long-term relationship.

 

[superbatranger]

So she's free game, right?

I need help paying off a loan.

 

[Baby Eater]

You can donate blood for money! *Stab stab stab stab stab stab stab stab*

I broke my bike! D:

 

[Sethzard]

I put the stone in the way, and sorry about your hips

I killed someone

 

[Troublesome Lagomorph]

Shame you didn't kill yourself.

I baked a pie, but don't know what to do with it.

 

[Robert632]

Burn it. It will make it taste better.

I have cancer.

 

[NeoAC]

Ah but do you have SARS? Now you do, thanks to me.

I'm shipping out a new truckful of Canadian bacon.

 

[superbatranger]

That's not bacon...you don't want to know.

I lost my job.

 

[Troublesome Lagomorph]

Good because you were a friggin slacker!

I can't find my house.

 

[AstylahAthrys]

That's because I burnt it down.

I've fallen and I can't get up!

 

[Troublesome Lagomorph]

I hope you get run over by that oncoming train!

My car got stolen.