Be a douche!

[Troublesome Lagomorph]

Good! You deserve to freeze your ass off!

I can't find my car.

 

[Nouw]

That's because it's in the bottom of a river!

I can't find my Mum! :'(

 

[Daffy F]

Find his mum, and then burn her in front of him.

I have a Girlfriend who's name is easily made fun of!

 

[Troublesome Lagomorph]

Laugh at your girlfriend to your face.
The shoot you so you can't do anything about it.

My cat got shot!

 

[i don't know]

*hides gun* OH, that was your cat...HAHA!

I broke my elbow.

 

[Troublesome Lagomorph]

Cut the arm off. You didn't need it anyway, you useless lump of fat!

I got hit but a bus!

 

[i don't know]

Ok, now that your brain dead...want to play basketball?

Someone stole my kidney!

 

[superbatranger]

No worries, it sold for a high price.

Why is my internet so slow?

 

[Troublesome Lagomorph]

Cause you're living in Africa, you damn buffalo humper!

My plane crashed!