Bitchy parents help.

[lizards]

All right, I recently asked my parents for a copy of Assassian's Creed 1 and Batman: Arkham Asylum and a $300 PS3. My parents were very hesitant for AC, noticing the M rating. I explained to them that, 'You do more stealth and unraviling the plot more then you do the killings." to which they completely agreed to try and get for me. They completely understood, and my dad said he'd like to play which never happens. Last time he played a videogame, it was my N64 in 1999!

Today I woke up, showered, got all gussied up for church, and went out for breakfast only to have my parents sitting sternly at the table with a Kmart newspaper ad in front of them. They immediatly bombarded me, accusing me of wanting a M rated game and how I should be ashamed as a Christian. I quickly flipped into the ad and saw a offer for AC2, which cost $60 or $70 or so. I told them directly that AC1 was only $20 right now, this was the second one. They called BS on me, saying they would'nt even consider it now. I remember losing my cool, towering over my dad screaming " YOU HAVE MOVIES THAT CURSE MORE THEN THE FUDGIN' GAME! AND YOU ARE CALLING ME A WORSE CHRISTIAN?!?" My dad promptly yelled back at me, saying that I was going to be punshied for even saying that sentance, and I wasant going to get any food for the day and not get any presents. Not even caring, I stormed to my room and cried. Now they are treating me worse then they normally do, glaring at me and calling me it or thing. So as a logical Escapest member to another, is there any advice one can give me for this? It'll be a great help if you can.

EDIT: I'm sorry, I should have cleared some things up. They had asked me specifically what I wanted for Christmas, and I have no ways of collecting money. No allowence, no job because I'm too young, and I've been around my neighbour hood. Nobody wants me to clean their lawns or anything.

tl;dr at the bottom...

Being a Christian myself and a parent of two 10 and 12 year old boys, I think I have a bit of experience in this department. What many here have said about your parents only needing to give you the bare minimum legally is 100% completely true. Everything else that they give you is out of their own benevolence and because they want to give those things to you.

My boys know the limits and boundaries that they're allowed to have because I've clearly laid it out for them. They know that they have a bed time and that they are responsible for going to bed at that time themselves. They know what is expected of them with school, that they should strive to achieve certain grades. They know that talking in a certain manner is unnacceptable, especially when it comes to disrespect, to myself, my wife or each other.

Now, it unfortunately sounds like your parents are being a bit unreasonable with this, but one thing that I've learned, is that one persons's side is never enough to truly make any judgement. I always try very hard to be fair when I discipline my boys, but quite often, especially in the heat of anger, they feel I'm being unjust. I always tell them why they are being punished, reminding them of the expected behavior, the reasons why the behavior is expected and why the behavior that they showed was unacceptable.

Your parents may have been caught by surprise when they actually did some research on the game or the like and found something they don't like. Once they found that information, they may have felt mislead by your "toning down" of the description. Now, one thing I find interesting, is that on your profile it says that you are around 19 years old. That's quite a stretch to say that, if you are in fact 19, that you can't get a job yourself. I moved out when I was 17 from the same kind of parents you are describing. (they wouldn't let me play Diablo 2 because there were demons and sorcery, :cough: besides the fact that you were FIGHTING AGAINST DIABLO THE LORD OF DESTRUCTION, anyway) You should count yourself lucky that your parents even allow you to have access to the internet, as my boys are very limited in their social networking. (especially because of their age) The online games they play are limited to pre-selected chat, they are not allowed to post on forums and they have very limited use of their cell phone. They have rules, and they obey them or deal with the consequences.

One thing that raises my hackles with my boys above all else is when they lie to me. If I catch them in a lie, which is quite easy to do as they aren't very experienced in it, they bring down much more punishment upon themselves then if they had told the truth to begin with. At times I've even let them off the hook entirely with just a 30 second lecture about what they did and why they shouldn't have, sending them on their merry way when they've flat out told me the truth.

If you parents feel the same way, and felt that they were in essence lied to, if not only mislead, then that could be a big reason why they are acting the way that they are. Now, I don't condone what they're doing with calling you names, completely ignoring you, turning up the TV to quiet you and tearing up your attempts to communicate through other means. That is completely and totally wrong in every way shape and form. Unfortunately, people do stupid things when they are angry or disappointed in someone. I always try my hardest to wait until I've cooled down when my boys have done either of those things to me to assign punishments so that my emotion isn't clouding my judgement.

I would also like to bring to your attention, being a Christian myself, is that the Escapist is not exactly the most reasonable place to bring this kind of situation, especially when religion is involved considering the number of anti-theists here. I'm not surprised with many of the responses you've gotten here, being jaded and cynical as they are. Do you have a youth pastor that you could speak to? Perhaps a peer in the church that you can confide in? Mainly, your parents may just need time to calm down as the feeling of misleading and disappointment is probably just too much right now. It could also depend on what denomination you and your parents are. Some denominations are much more legalistic in their thinking and base their religion on the "rules" of Christianity instead of the love of Christ.

Also, please don't try to take the loss of a "thing" so hard. There will always be other "things" in this life. My youngest is very frugal with his money (they only get allowance for good grades which they get every trimester and instead do chores to earn game time during the week and weekends on their Wii and computer) and can throw quite the tantrum if he doesn't get what he wants. Unfortunately, that selfishness is something my wife and I are trying to break him of. Granted he's only 10 years old and has a lot to learn about life and disappointment, but it's never too young to introduce ways of coping with disappointment to an individual.

All in all, it sounds like both you and your parents are wrong in your own way. Your parents shouldn't be treating you as they are, but I understand that they are probably frustrated, disappointed and flat out angry with you. Though that doesn't justify their actions, it does give some credence to why they feel as they do. You on the other hand, are right that AC isn't that big of a deal, that is of course if you're 19 as your profile says. Heck even if your were a bit younger, I wouldn't really care myself. My kids though, aren't allowed to watch certain things or play certain things. Granted they're quite young and I don't want to have some little punk 10 or 12 year old XBL loudmouth being one of my sons.

Though they have an understanding of fake violence and the like, they still aren't mature enough to really deal with it, and I don't need them being completely desensatized to it by the time they're in their teens. Heck, their grandmother let them watch Child's Play once and the damn movie terrorized my younger for years to where he now sleeps with the covers over his head even though it doesn't scare him anymore. It's become a learned behavior.

Anyway, enough ramblings of an old fart of a gamer. Just know that this isn't the end of the world and though your parents are being unreasonable, give them some time. Also, stop trying to mislead them to further your gains. Flat out tell them next time, it's an assassination game. Yes, there's quite a bit of killing. You actually stalk your prey for quite some time before completing the kill. This is probably where thier disappointment has stemed from. I can see both your points as I've been in both places. (a child who has overbearing parents who blow a "videogame" out of proportion, and a parent who has their child's best interests in mind and wants to protect them and help guide their decisions, as any good parent would)

tl;dr

Both you and your parents have points. Try to be more thorough with your explinations of the game later so that they don't feel mislead. Let your parents cool off so that their reaction to you isn't fueled by disappointment and anger. Responding to your parents in a disrespectful tone will do nothing to help further your argument and will cause them to shut down and enter "I'M THE PARENT AND YOU'RE THE CHILD" mode. Try to find an outside source that doesn't sway one way or the other or get opinions from both viewpoints at least. Lastly, know that it's a video game. More will come. More have gone. You won't die if you don't get to play it, especially since you'll eventually be able to get it with enough time. Lastly, if you really are 19 (as your profile says) you are not too young to go get a job. My first job was at the ripe old age of 14.

(the first thing I did when I moved out was go buy Diablo 2 and play the crap out of it, HA! Take that Mom and Dad! errr...)

well put very well put in fact and let me thank you for being one of the few parents to not let there kid be one of those xbox live gangstas that want to cap some bitches and generally being fair and level headed to them

i was raised on the premise of free thinking and being treated as an adult my parents treated me like they would somebody staying at the house as long as i acted like it

they would let me pretty much watch what i wanted to and do what i wanted as long as i gave them respect back and my grades stayed good

they also encouraged me to think freely which they tried with my older brother but it didnt work to well but with me as my mom said "i took the idea of free thinking and ran with it" and to question them if i feel they were wrong and get answers as to why they are right or to change the way they thought about something and adding my own perspective

while this style would only work on 1/1000000 kids and would need all the variables that i had (my parents were rich, fun, people who were intelligent and usally didnt pass judgement on things unless they knew a little bit on both sides) it worked well on me and i was lucky to have them

while i suffered a couple years of existential depression life was good and i stayed out of trouble despite being friends with the dope fiends and such

hell im problay more immature now then i saw then but thats just due to my personality and i believe that some people are immature because society disagrees with them

so thank you for being a good parent and somebody the world needs more of today

edit: sorry people pissed because i quoted the whole thing, the quote thing was being a ***** so i just did the whole thing instead of snipping it

 

[Dys]

snip.

Forgive me for not reinforcing

Calling that "not reinforcing" is like calling the chopping off of a limb with a minor infection "making sure your survived your wound."

Alright fine, probably a fair comment. Perhaps 'Shooting down a stupid beleif' would've been better wording. This sense of entitlement the youth of today have goes far beyond my tolerance levels, and you can be damn sure that no child of mine will be rewarded for having a tuntrum when I refuse to buy them a game (or film, book, television show etc) that I deem inappropriate. That's what parenting is. Your child is your child, not your friend...

 

[Borrowed Time]

I would also like to bring to your attention, being a Christian myself, is that the Escapist is not exactly the most reasonable place to bring this kind of situation, especially when religion is involved considering the number of anti-theists here. I'm not surprised with many of the responses you've gotten here, being jaded and cynical as they are. Do you have a youth pastor that you could speak to? Perhaps a peer in the church that you can confide in? Mainly, your parents may just need time to calm down as the feeling of misleading and disappointment is probably just too much right now. It could also depend on what denomination you and your parents are. Some denominations are much more legalistic in their thinking and base their religion on the "rules" of Christianity instead of the love of Christ.

Complaining about anti-theists while making derogatory comments about other Christians in the same paragraph. Fantastic.

Edit - Bah hit post instead of preview... Anyway

How is saying that I disagree with a very legalistic way of looking at the Bible instead of putting all emphasis on Christ's love being derogatory, pray tell?

Being anti-theistic, as in making comments such as "you should stop being a Christian just to piss your parents off" or completely attacking religion in general is completely different from disagreeing with an interpretation. I in no way, shape or form attacked their denomination. All I stated was that it could play a key role in their way of thinking because of the exact reason I stated. They put more emphasis on the "rules" (put in quotes for those of you who believe that religion does not = morality) then on Christ's love.

 

[Fire Daemon]

I heard that in Juvenile Detention you can play games if you're good so...

Nah, I jest, I jest. What you're parents are doing to you is rather cruel. Not the gaming part, but their attitudes to you. If they are seriously calling you 'thing' and 'it' and not allowing you to apologize or even defend yourself than they have problems. You may well have insulted or upset them in some way however if you're tale is true than I do not see how you have. Even if you had insulted them or majorly let them down in some way a normal person, nah a normal parent, would not treat you that way. Not all parents can forgive all things, but getting you're panties in a twist over what amounts to 'I want this game' and 'you own movies that say fuck' shows some problems. Obviously the yelling might have hurt, but as parents I would be shocked if they didn't expect teenage problems such as this.

Urm, I think that there is more to this that you tell. Your parents perspectives, for example. Having an age which I think is false doesn't really help me believe your story, at least not the finer points. Think on it from their perspective, how they feel about the situation. If you still don't understand why they are treating you like this, leave them alone. Be distant and in time they will come back. When they do, ask yourself if you want to be with them. I know that I would not want to spend time with people who treat me like that, but then again they are not my family.

This is flawed advice though, you know. A lot of Internet advice is. It would be better if you do what you feel is right for the situation.

 

[Space Spoons]

The only real advice I can offer is to grin and bear it. They're your parents, and as long as you're dependent on them, they set the rules and guidelines. I would suggest you do whatever's asked of you, don't speak up if you disagree, and when the time comes, move out as quickly as you can.

 

[Erana]

snip.

Forgive me for not reinforcing the fantasy that a a clearly underage kid, who lives and relies on his parents is entitled to mature content that contradicts his parents wishes. If you want to go against your parents wishes, especially if it's while you still live with them and rely entirely upon them, then you can pay for it yourself or better yet, respect their wishes.

If the OP posts some selfish rant about how they feel they are entitled to a videogame that is far too old for them, they should do so expecting the majority of the community to be dismissive. He's too young to get a job for gods sake, what business does he have playing a mature rated game? What possible discussion does some angsty teenage rant add to the forum anyway? I've no doubt if the mods were to see the thread they would more likely than not dismiss it much in the same way many of the users have. Regardless of how dismissive the early posts were, how is "If it's that bad living with your parents, quit your bitching and move out" anything but solid advice? It's what any mature person would do.

The line between "angsty teenage rant" and "conflict with parents" can easily be found by what sort of response they want to receive. An angsty teen wants people to tell them, "Yeah, your parents are terrible people. You're right, and your parents are wrong."

The OP says, word-for-word, " So as a logical Escapest member to another, is there any advice one can give me for this? It'll be a great help if you can."

That is not "angsty teen." Not all problems you encounter at a young age are a child getting too big for their britches.

 

[Drolly The Escapist Monster]

Are you seriously 19? I would expect this from a 11 year old.

 

[Mozared]

And the Escapist Community is already bitching on page 1, no surprise.

*snip*

Fucking pricks.

"If I say 'fuck', two more times
There's forty-six fucks in this fucked up rhyme"

Basically, what you're trying to say, is that we have too little info to give a clear reply. Which is what I edited into my first post earlier on too.

That said, I have to agree with you that I've seen better reactions on the Escapist than the ones given here.

 

[razer17]

Pay for your own stuff, you spoiled little child.

"Not even caring, I stormed to my room and cried."
I'm sorry, but you're pathetic. Pay for your own damn stuff.

Yes, because you always paid for your own stuff as a child... Oh wait no, she's 19, and how thats too young for a job i dont know...

Advice: Get a job, stop relying on your family to give you presents at age 19, and grow the fuck up.
Also christmas isnt about getting gifts. I know that and im not even a christian.

 

[lykopis783]

You still have internet to post this. You can't be that badly off. And really, from what your profile says I'm only about a year older than you and I've been working for six years (and for five of those years I had no license, went to school out of district which meant no bus, and lived in the middle of absolute no where) if lazy me can work that out to buy my own yay me goth pants, you can prolly find some kinna job and buy your own crap. You're parents aren't obligated to buy you anything.

 

[Blatherscythe]

Man, asking for help here is like going to church for an abortion!

 

[Pimppeter2]

Appologise, I'm sure your tone ment more than your message

 

[nicholaxxx]

why exactly were they pissed? and WHY exactly are you a bad christian? you kind of left those parts out... Also, you lost a TON of credability when you said you cried about it.

 

[Klepa]

Let me give you another point of view.

Assassin's Creed is a game where you are an assassin, who mercilessly feeds christian crusaders tens of inches of metal through the jugular. When you're not killing the godly men who are trying to save the holy land, you're watching weird occultist writings on the wall, written in blood.

Now imagine yourself playing Assassin's Creed in front of your devout christian father.
Now imagine the shitstorm that you're going to be in the middle of, when your pious father realizes what kind of a game you are playing.

I'm not bashing on christians, not this time around anyway. I'm just saying that you might be in for an even worse surprise, if one of your parents misinterpret the game you're playing.

So how about getting.. GTAIV instead?

 

[Blackvegie]

So are they mad at you because they confused AC 1 with AC 2 and thought you were lying about the price or did they decide that you shouldn't have an M rated game?

Also he didn't really ask for help, he mentioned help in the title but his post doesn't really encourage any solutions.

 

[jboking]

snip

Your parents may have been caught by surprise when they actually did some research on the game or the like and found something they don't like. Once they found that information, they may have felt mislead by your "toning down" of the description.

While this fellows entire post oozes of wisdom that you likely should heed, I believe this one comment gets at the real crux of the problem. Let's be honest, we both know what occurs in assassins creed. It's in the games title, you assassinate people. Yes, you gather information and do other things leading up to the assassination, but along the way you are likely killing any number of guards. Your parents were worried about you getting a glorified view of what it is to be an assassin, and this game could easily provide it. They were worried about you, try and remember that.

Speaking from the perspective of someone who was in a similar situation with his parents(though we are apparently the same age), the best thing you can do is let them cool down from this(it could take quite some time, try to be a good kid until then) and have a real discussion about this game and games that contain a bit of mature content in general. I had to do this with my parents and afterwords my restrictions were nuzzled down to, "If you can't feel right about playing it in front of me, which you will be doing, then you don't play it."

Most importantly, never lie to them. They will find out.

Now, while you didn't directly lie, you toned down what occurs in the game. They feel hurt and betrayed, that is something you have to understand in order to advance the situation in a positive direction. In the future, be 100% honest about what occurs in the game. Is there a lot of killing involved? Yes, then tell them so. Is there going to be blood? Yes, then tell them so. The first step to them giving you more freedom is showing them that you can act like an adult about it(even if they are not acting like adults themselves).

Finally, as someone of the same age as you I have a bit of advice. You need to get a job. Not just for this situation either. Remember video games are an expensive hobby, and you can't expect your parents to fund the whole thing. It's your hobby and they are allowing you to have it because they want you to be happy, but you can't call foul when they decide they aren't going to pay for something. You'll find it a lot easier to get the games you want when it is your money you are using(of course, you may run into some other problems: "I only have money for one game this month. It's October...*sad face*"). Oh, and it is really hard to get a decent job later on if you don't have job experience. Just get your first, and likely shittiest, job out of the way as fast as you can.

 

[Dys]

snip.

Forgive me for not reinforcing the fantasy that a a clearly underage kid, who lives and relies on his parents is entitled to mature content that contradicts his parents wishes. If you want to go against your parents wishes, especially if it's while you still live with them and rely entirely upon them, then you can pay for it yourself or better yet, respect their wishes.

If the OP posts some selfish rant about how they feel they are entitled to a videogame that is far too old for them, they should do so expecting the majority of the community to be dismissive. He's too young to get a job for gods sake, what business does he have playing a mature rated game? What possible discussion does some angsty teenage rant add to the forum anyway? I've no doubt if the mods were to see the thread they would more likely than not dismiss it much in the same way many of the users have. Regardless of how dismissive the early posts were, how is "If it's that bad living with your parents, quit your bitching and move out" anything but solid advice? It's what any mature person would do.

The line between "angsty teenage rant" and "conflict with parents" can easily be found by what sort of response they want to receive. An angsty teen wants people to tell them, "Yeah, your parents are terrible people. You're right, and your parents are wrong."

The OP says, word-for-word, " So as a logical Escapest member to another, is there any advice one can give me for this? It'll be a great help if you can."

That is not "angsty teen." Not all problems you encounter at a young age are a child getting too big for their britches.

I accept that not all teen parent problems should be dismissed, but given the OPs age and attitude I'm inclined to think his creating a lot from very little.

We're only getting his side of this story. You mean to tell me you beleive for a second that he has free acess to the internet yet his parents are rampant control freaks? That he's been banished to his room with no food, but he has acess to a computer with full internet acess? They are clearly more liberal than a responsible parent should be (given the age I'm assuming him to be). He's being dramatic, everything from his word choice to the obvious exageration suggests he wants our sympathy. Simply put, he isn't getting any sympathy from me.

snip.

Forgive me for not reinforcing

Calling that "not reinforcing" is like calling the chopping off of a limb with a minor infection "making sure your survived your wound."

Alright fine, probably a fair comment.

I just don't understand why you people are so quick to turn nasty when it's clearly not called for. Why are you all such Internet Tough Guys? There was a time when this did not happen on The Escapist.

Perhaps 'Shooting down a stupid beleif' would've been better wording. This sense of entitlement the youth of today have goes far beyond my tolerance levels,

What are you talking about entitlement? The kid asked for the game that has sunk down into the bargain bin rather than the latest installment of the game: doesn't sound much like entitlement to me.

The kid is angry that he asked for something, his parents said yes, and now his parents are breaking their promise for no good reason. Having a 'sense of entitlement' doesn't mean 'eating shit and liking it'. It's entitlement now to expect people to live up to their promises?

On top of that, they're saying he should be ashamed to be a Christian: that's spiritual abuse--they agreed to an M rated game and now are breaking their promise and shaming him so they don't have to face up to their dishonesty? Are you kidding me?

and you can be damn sure that no child of mine will be rewarded for having a tuntrum when I refuse to buy them a game (or film, book, television show etc) that I deem inappropriate. That's what parenting is. Your child is your child, not your friend...

Um, they didn't refuse: they agreed and then broke their promise. That's what you think parenting is: making promises to your children and then breaking them, and shaming them on top of it for believing you?

Your child is your child, not your friend...

Exactly--you owe WAY more to your child than you do to just a friend. Your authority flows from your commitment to being the best parent you can be, which means when you don't act out of concern for your child's well-being, you have no authority.

You're right, there was a time when people weren't such assholes on the escapist. Though if I recall the many months of my lurking the userbase was also far older and there were a whole lot less "girlfriend help" and "daddy doesn't love me" threads.

He mislead his parents. At the absolute most they promised to get him a game where 'You do more stealth and unraviling the plot more then you do the killings", not a game where you go around stalking people so you can later put them down, though what's far more likely was they agreed to consider it not realizing the full impact of the game. Your parents asking you what you want for your birthday and agreeing that it sounds reasonable does not entitle you to that gift, especially when they are misinformed. And where are you going saying that he doesn't expect much, sure the AC title is cheap, but the $300 PS3 and new release title sure as hell are't. Sure some parents buy their kids that much shit, but just because they can doesn't mean they should (in fact, I'd argue that less is more as it motivates them to get a job and have some semblance of independance though that's starting to stray to far from the topic at hand).

At least we agree about the nature of a relationship between parent and child, though in this case with what's been presented I'm inclined to side with the parents than you.

 

[feather240]

Are you seriously 19? I would expect this from a 11 year old.

The game isn't the point and I'm getting really tired of everyone who thinks it is.

Sorry but the OP apparently is 19. More than enough age to have a part time job at least.

Unless the Op lied on her profile if...

I'm just going to guess that she lied. It really isn't that hard. The escapist is the only site where I use my real birthday, because it is the only site where I don't get benefits for being over 18. You do possibly have a point. Maybe I did jump the gun in assuming that she lied about her age.

Or, you're right, she needs to get a job, get an apartment and get a life. If you're 19 and you still live with your parents like this, you are a fucking loser. However I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt right now and just assuming that she is lying about her age.

Maybe she thought the sign-up would lock her out if she was under 18.

Man, asking for help here is like going to church for an abortion!

I laugh inside my head every time I see the flowers near the abortion grave at my families church. If you know about plant biology you'll get it.

 

[MrNixon21]

It is at this moment I'd like to joyfully remind everyone the crusader of Christian values in video games, Jack Thompson, was disbarred in Florida because he's a scare-mongering idiot. Please remind your parents, OP, that if JT is any indication of the movement saying video games are a poison to your mind, the argument itself lacks any real or serious credibility.

 

[matsugawa]

Okay, so they knew it was an M-rated game. You explained to them how it's not just mindless violence. They were convinced and agreed to getting it. Suddenly, they see the ad for the game's sequel, apparently get sticker shock, and suddenly not only change their mind despite explanations of the real price, but try to play the shame-game with you. You get a little rebellious, and they, by all objective measure, overreact. Parents need to set examples for their kids, and clearly they're not doing that.

There's nothing cool about parents starving their kids, and if they're going to kill Christmas just because you called them out on their double-standards, that's just wrong on their part. I mean, I don't have kids, and I'm not a Catholic anymore, but even if I did and was, I would never do that to them.

As for what to do, I have no idea. I'm chicken-livered now, and I was even worse when I was living with my parents, so I don't have a willful source to draw upon. So, the best I can give is, "endure it now, make plans to get out of there soon."